Messages By: marseb1

Hi,

I am a 30 year old mother of 4 children whom are my life! For the past 28 years, since I was about 10-11 years old, I have been used and abused by men. From a couple of family members when I was young(now deceased) to my children's biological father in my teenage years to my ex-husband in the present. All my children were conceived from a rape( I do not blame my kids!). I am finding out as I get older that I really do not know who I am anymore or what I am suppose to be doing. I focus my time into my children to avoid my problems. I never know whether I am coming or going these days. It just seems that nothing in my life ever goes right and I have to work so hard to get ahead. I am getting tired and restless. So many things I have done wrong and I can recognize that but setting them right will hurt many people. For example, when I was having problems with my ex-husband(internet cheating) I started having a sexual relationship with my brother-in-law at the time. I was frustrated and angry at the time. I did this for a couple of years and developed feelings for him. Now I live with him and wonder whether I made a mistake moving in. The main reason for moving in was to leave my ex and now I just want my own place that I can call home. It doesn't feel like home at his place. He tries to make it though. There are more small issues I feel contribute to a point but it would take me too long to write them down. What are the things I should be focusing on? How do I get my life back? How do I achieve happiness and contentness again?