Messages By: money1

when I was younger I was abused several times.  by a boyfriend, and a husband.  they both drank and beat me till I was blue.  I divorced my husband after a year.  My sister said "you are going to end up like Nicole simpson"  It really hit me.  They were just getting some laws passed on domestic violence.  I thought he really didn't mean it that he choked me, hit me, kicked me, took my money and some other things.  He also didn't want me to prosecute.took me to the district attorneys office. luckly they pressed charges for me.  he got a slap on the hand. community service and a fine.  and he worked for the prison.  I finally got away from him.  It stoped for awhile then I met another man a year or two later.  Same story, but worse.  I always excused it. i was so ashamed to go to work looking like that.  It  really hits you hard when your daddy begs you to come home and get away from guys like that.  I wanted revenge and I got it.  I think he actually thought I was going to kill him.  I just said you will leave first.  I not telling anyone to do these things, it might not work out so well for you.  I just scared him a little.  I turned into a total maniac, i broke things,  tore up pictures, punched walls, fought back just like a man. at the time i was 5/5 130 pounds he was 6/1 over 200.  i also reported every thing to the police took pictures went to the domestic violence shelter for help.  they helped me more than anyone.  He actually left and got charged for domestic violence as well, he moved to another state.  with the domestic violence people helping me though counseling I was able to stop dating and gettting envolved with people like them.  they have a checklist of warning signs of possible abusers run run run if your man is one of them.  It does not get better just worse.  I was lucky.  i only had to go to the hospital a few times.  a man can killl you or you could kill him and go to prison no man has the right to beat a woman it makes me sick and angry etc.  I am fortunate after 12 years of terrible relationships I finally have a man who respects me and would never do that. i could go on and on but i don't think there is enough room! hopefully this will help several people

dr phii, why do we always have to convince women of all ages when a man does not want to get married that is what it means?  I had to learn the hard way several times and am currently married very happy.  I had to wait 12 years for him!  I have friends who constantly talks about their boyfriends who do not want to get married.  they have great excuses, I got hurt, i have been cheated on, used, i have been married before, im not emotionally ready or finanicially ready.  then there is the but i love you! please! they even buy them engagement rings to keep them quiet and keep getting fed, sex, etc. wah wah wah...  when someone puts but in there you should worry.   I keep telling them not to hurt their feelings just like someone told me I wasted problably 3 years HE DOES NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED PERIOD!  no one wants to here the truth and then we are all crying about it several months or years later because we did not listen.  there are plenty of men who want to get married.  leave the ones that don't alone.

I think there is nothing wrong with shannon.  I think she is not getting the attention she use to and her stepmother gets all of it and it makes her mad.  I think her dad is to blame for this and he and his wicked new wife should have to go to some place and be treated just like shannon was I would hate them to if they did those things to me.  example my dad remarried 3 years ago. although I was an older adult living in the house at the time I hated his wife and his stepdaughter.  both of them caused all the problems they were pigs, hogged the tv phone and anything else they could.they came in and treated our home like a  cheap hotel.  the wife took down some of our pictures which made me furious.  she also got my dad in debt with her crap.  and he was dumb enough to fall for it and pay it off.  I hated her for taking advantage of my dad.  I may have lived there but at least I had a job,went to school had a new car and paid my bills.  I am very grateful for my dad and I am very teritorial like a dog would be.  I wanted them to get divorced and I didnt care how I had to do it. I think the stepdaughter hated my dad so she was on my side. she was 16 and I was alot older. she did all kinds of stuff I would have never dreamed of doing to my real mom and my dad.  so again I was pissed off that she got away with everything.  I use to here my dad and his wife argue every morning until I got married and got out of that hellhole.  shannon run, leave she is never going to let you have peace until you do.  she has your dad brainwashed.  I cant say what I really think of her because it is very inappropriate and nasty.  you probably can figure it out. nothing is that good to make you do things you normally would not do.  well, I have seen a new dad and I cant believe he would put up with that! I am so glad I have a new home and do not have all of those problems I figure my dad is a grown man and if she makes him happy fine.  I am trying to cope and find peace of mind and some good in this women.  she has my dad right were she wants him.  she is so sorry her own kids have nothing to do with her.  My sisters and I had a birthday party for her because her kids won't.   I used to feel like i had to do everything for my dad.  do his laundry, wash his towels, make his lunch, buy stuff for his lunch try to clean up and cook and mow the yard.  I finally realize he has a wife that can do that.  I still usually come over once a week and do some laundry and the yard.  I respect my dad and I am trying to respect her but I just have this hate.  we have become closer since I got married.  I can tolerate her for a little while.  most people probably think I am selffish and your right I am.  I hated sharing my dad, we use to do everything together. we usually went to vegas once or twice a year and we had so much fun.  I glad he has someone, I realize he was lonely.  I wish he would have made a better choice.

my dad has been remarried for 4 years. this women is impossible to get along with. I have 2 other sisters who feel the same way. It has got to the point that we do not want to come over anymore because all she wants to do is fight and argue with everyone.This is the real kicker: 2 weeks ago she was arguing in the car with my dad. She caused a real bad wreck. She ran a stop sign and hurt some other people.  My dad was the worse. His neck was broken along with his spine.  He was careflighted to Parkland hospital in Dallas,tx He is now in intensive care on a ventilator,dialysis machine, had to have a blood transfusion and alot of other stuff.  The first night my stepmonster along with her two step-monster daughters got into it. Now everytime I try to go visit my dad she starts an argument and has made it impossible to find out if he is ok due to the HIPPA law. My one sister is getting along with her but she still cant find out much because of hippa and the other sister is like me refusing to be a rat with cheese. Meaning  she will be real nice on the phone and then a real witch when you get to the hospital.  I have tried to apologize,but with no sucess.  I was just really upset about my dad thats all. I feel hopeless because I don;t know if he is going to make it and if I will even be allowed at the funeral.  I have called a few lawyers, but there is not much I can do unless he dies then I can sue her for neglect.  I don't want to get any uglier but I am tired of being a doormat!

sorry about your daughter. don't give up on her. I was in an abusive realtionship in my early twenties.  I married an alcoholic and a wife-beater.  He was arrested 2 or 3 times for assault.  He also ruined my credit for years. thankfully I never got pregnant so it was easier to leave.  He had me move 300 miles away from my friends and family and every gave up on me but my dad.  My sister also gave me good advice.  I will never forget it.  It was when O.J Simpson had murdered or had someone murder Nicole Simpson Brown.  She said I guess you will have to end up like Nicole Simpson before you leave him. Men than abuse women have a control that I can't explain why I let it happen.  He was always sorry that he did it, would never do it again etc. When I left him My dad took me in, let me stay for a long time, pay off my bills, have a nice life,good car to drive a good job and I went to school.  I am so grateful that he believed in me and stood by me.  She will leave.  She will get tired of it.  Especially if you have something to offer her that is better for her and her baby.  I know it is alot to ask of you, but she needs you more than you know. she is alone.  I know it is her choice but she just does not know any better. Help her find a plan when she is ready to leave hopefully before it is to late.  Find out about domestic violence shelters and counseling.  Maybe she would just go and get advice and they will help her leave, find a place to live, a job and away from him. They will also take information about him his drivers license, his social security number, and they will go to court and help prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law.  My abuser got a slap on the hand, but he lost his job,and me, and had to pay a fine,court costs and community service.  Also she does not have to go to court to get him prosocuted in some states. the police and district attorney will do that for her. Hopefully it is a women who has been there and wont be nice.They also have protective orders  but if that doesnot work and he comes around I would shoot that sob!Sorry so long , but hope you get some use out of this.