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Messages By: beckyleigh

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confused
June 10, 2006, 12:09 pm CDT

Where do you find a good man???

Quote From: vlinderby

I know im not much help, i once used to wonder the same thing. I had to go all the way to England to meet my special man. I have to tell you also that it was worth every bit. Him and I met on a website and it has been pure heaven ever since. So unless you choose to try online dating im afraid I cant be of much help with the ideas. Good luck and take care.
I am wondering the same thing............I am newly single and don't have a clue where to meet a man.  I am not comfortable going out by myself.  I just go to work and go home.  The phone is not going to be ringing like this.  Any suggestions?  I am attractive, successful, enjoy work.........I just need to develop a social life.  Where do I start?
 
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ecstatic
June 10, 2006, 12:21 pm CDT

go for it!

Quote From: tm81571

hey ladies i need some help on this please!  

 well i was a a store the other day and a female came up to me and started talking to me since i seen her in another place one day. now everytime i go in there she talks to me and i think she is flirting with me because she told me her age and that she does has one kids. i think this lady is interresting and i do want to ask her out but i dont want to make a fool of myself. well ladies if you have a opinion about this please do thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

You should ask her out.  She likes you!  A woman would not approach you if she was not interested  in you.  I am a woman, I know.  Just do it.
 
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blank
June 17, 2006, 6:58 am CDT

I am with you, girl

Quote From: mamaof3kid

I am 22 years old with 3 kids. My fiancee decided to tell me that for the past 6 weeks he has been sleeping with my best friend and fell in love with her. He told me and my whole family that he was going to go out of town for work, but as you can tell that is not what happened. The whole time he was gone he told me he loved me and that he was going to come home soon. He told our kids that he was comng home. He promised my 3 year old that he was coming home, but kept breaking it. He would send me text messages saying he loved me and missed me and could not wait to come home to us. All this stuff that made me think things were ok between us. Then I started to have a feeling that something was going on and I asked them and they both lied to me saying that nothing was going on and to stop blaming them. He kept getting mad at me saying for me to stop being so paranoid and that he only loved me and only wanted me. Well I was right the whole time. I told him I am willing to forgive him and get past this, but he said he doesn't know if he wants to. He told me he is tired of being treated bad and being bad mouthed by me and I told him it will all stop the only reason it all happened was from all the stuff he was saying to his friends, but he doesn't believe me. He took in my oldest daughter as his own which is 3 years old and that is the only dad she knows and she keeps asking me when her daddy is coming home. When I tell her he isn't then she says that he loves her and misses her and will come back. He is giving me no hope right now. I gave him everything and I am willing to work things out because I love him that much. It just seems like he doesn't care about my feelings or our kids. He is more worried about not hurting her. I don't know what to do. I keep asking him if there is hope for us and he keeps saying he doesn't know. If I want to I can still wear my engagment ring if I want to or flush it for all he cares. I told him that something inside of me keeps telling me to not give up every time I pray for it. So I have no clue what to do at all. when he called me today he was actually really nice to me and sounded concerned.
My husband has done me the same way, except not with my best friend.  He has been living away from home with no communication to me.  I have heard plenty about what he has been doing, a stripper he met in a bar!  I have been really sick thinking about this, I have loved this man and devoted my life to him.  It hurts terribly.  Then all of a sudden on Thursday night he just appears at our house and tells me that he is coming home.  He has been gone for 2 months, has not helped pay one bill, and has been involved with a stripper.  I told him that he cannot do me like this, he can't just come home and expect me to be okay with that.  Though I do love and miss him, he has really hurt me.  He is still here, today is Saturday.  He told me that he broke it off with the stripper, that she fell in love with him, but he did not love her.  He is saying that he loves only me.  What do I do?  I feel like he would not have ever been with her if he loved me.  I cannot trust him.  He has just moved back in and resumed like nothing ever happened.  I am going crazy.  He has not appologized. He acts as if there is no problem.  I want my husband, but I can't seem to get over this.  And, when will he do this again?  I have prayed just like you......I just don't know if God sent him home to me or what?  I am so very confused and hurt.  My kids are glad he is home, they don't understand and I cannot tell them everything.  I do not believe him when he says he loves me......I used to feel such comfort and love in his arms, but that is all changed.  My heart goes out to you and your children.  It is so hard.  Why do men have to be dogs?  I have found so much help with this Dr Phil board.  It is good to know that I am not alone.  I will pray for you and your family.  You are a good person filled with love and kindness, that is why you are willing to work things out.  I am hoping that we can too.  Take care.  I am your friend.
 
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upset
March 26, 2007, 6:51 am CDT

The Wicked Enza

If Dr. Phil can do something with Aunt Enza, I think the girl and her mom will be okay.  Enza needs to butt out and stay at her own house.  This woman has gotten this young girl so torn and confused.  I believe that her mother loves her and is trying to help her.  Teens can be very difficult, and being the perfect parent is difficult too.  A mother and daughter can go through struggles together, help each other and survive it....as long as there is not a negative influence like Aunt Enza. 

Good luck Dr. Phil......

 
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anxious
March 29, 2007, 8:52 am CDT

Should I step in?

Quote From: heartbroken2

Embarrass him?  He should of thought of that before his actions.  I call it "owing up to it".  when my hubby says, "I feel bad enough as it is", I say " you owe it, you did this, accept responsibility for it".   That is what he would tell the kids.

You build a beautiful home, it gets completed you feel peaceful and a sense of pride when you move in it...............   You betray people who love you, they find out, they act out emotionally or physically.  You own it, the good or bad.  You bought the dam farm no matter what farm you bought.

I hear you about bringing the other woman to bed with you.  I did that for about a year, would imagine them playing and rolling around together, laughing etc.  Made me want to puke.  I slowly learned to express to my hubby how I felt, and the need to feel that he was in bed with ME and only me.  He would get mad and say things like "of course I'm in bed with you, now you have ruined the feeling of the moment".  "ruined what I say?  My feelings are my feelings not facts, you bought the farm that gave me the insecurities, you should suck it up like a man, your expecting me to make love to you like there's not this image of someone else in our bed, then it's up to you to convince me there is only me and I'm not convinced.  If you want to trust him and move on, you will have to let go of the image, but your hubby has to do his part too.

My husband and I were separated for approximately 6 months.  During this time we had absolutely no contact with each other, not verbal, written or otherwise.  We are now back together and the separation does seem to have done some good.  Seems that he realized what he lost when I was gone, and so far all is well on the homefront.  My dilemma right now is that one of the women that he dated while we were separated has continued to send him text messages and calls his cell phone.  He has been open and honest about this and has even let me read them and check his phone activity.  He has repeatedly told her to leave him alone and stop sending messages.  His replies have read that he loves his wife is back at home and to leave him alone.  I told him to simply stop responding at all and that she would eventually stop.  It has been nearly 3 months now and it is still going on.  Should I respond to her messages now?  I think that because she knows the situation that now it is involving me and I should tell her to back off and be gone.  What do you think?  My husband says to let him handle it and that he does not think I should call her at all.  He thinks she will eventually stop.

 

 
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happy
April 28, 2007, 5:44 pm CDT

Hands off the Married Man

Quote From: swchick

 
Hands off the married man.   It's natural that people of the opposite sex who are thrown together a lot and like each other, would find a spark,  and enjoy the drama of becoming attached to a new, exciting love.   It's an age-old cliche.  

I think you should stay married even if you are not happy.  Marriage is supposed to be a covenant for life unless it is broken through egregious behaviour.  Perhaps you want the adultery so it will give you an excuse to move on from your present domestic boredom.

Marital happiness comes in waves and there are always periods of dissatisfaction, and a warm relationship can usually be restored if you are married to a respectable person and put some effort into it.  You need to identify exactly what is lacking, why exactly you find yourself dissatisfied with your choice of mate.

Tell the married man that you were thrilled by his attentions, but that it's against your character to commit adultery.   If you have to get away from this man to control yourself,  then do it.  Get a new job and focus on the life YOU ALREADY MADE with someone else.




I would like to emphasize the importance of steering clear from the married man.  You will only end up confused, hurt and at a loss.  You are risking your marriage and family as well as the married man's.  Your feelings do indicate that there is a problem at home with your relationship, but you need to focus on working out your problems.  Flirting is very flattering and causes you this rush of a feeling....take it home to your husband.  Really, it is better and will get better if you do that.  The guilt of adultery, and possible destroying two marriages will ruin the rest of your life.  This relationship that has developed with your married co-worker will go nowhere.  Really, it is sinful and only stimulating for the wrong reasons.  I wish you well and hope that you can rekindle the flame in your marriage.  Good luck.
 
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chillin'
June 9, 2007, 9:05 am CDT

Rescue Yourself this time!

Quote From: lauralaschiava

I am in need of some advice and help.. I am going to therapy and I feel like I am living some one elses life, I never thought this would be mine..

 

I was in a relationship since 2000 with the same man, we had our issues, ex's kids.  I left him twice in that time frame and went back twice.  In early 2006 I left for the third time and two months later got married to someone I worked with.  He told me he had been waiting for my ex and I to brake up for the longest time but respected me not to interfer.  I moved out and within one month, the new guy (my current husband)  moved in.  We married in april and I left him in october to go back to my ex.  It is now february 2007 and I left my husband to go to therapy to find out what I really want and who I am.  My husband is in texas and I am in arizona.  He now says he wan'ts to move here and get a job. 

 

I am living in one of  my ex's houses and am in contact with him on a daily basis.  He want's to get back together, I feel totally secure with him.  I don't feel secure with my husband.  He cannot take care of me financially or mentlally, we are not really the same intellictually. 

 

We worked together and he was my knight in shining armour..he called me a princess and tried to rescue me..I felt that I truly loved him and know now that I was trying to resuce him..

 

This story goes on.. I could use any advice or welcome comments good or bad.  thank you

 

 

Focus on yourself.  Really.  Don't let what anyone else wants matter.  You need to really do some deep soul searching and decide what YOU want.  You need to feel secure financially and mentally without the help from either your current husband or your ex.  This is going to have to come from you and you alone. There is a reason that your ex is an ex.  Think about this long and hard before you get back together with him.  It sounds like your current husband was just a rebound guy....and that he is really not your soul mate.  It is easy to get confused in relationships and be with someone just to avoid being alone.  I liked the previous advice that said for you to date yourself.  That is exactly what you need to do!  Good luck. 
 
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chillin'
October 13, 2007, 9:34 am CDT

Sue them!

Go for it.  Sue them for all you can get.  I think that when a partner cheats on you that they should be sued for all you can get.  It is a form of revenge but can sure help to heal the pain.  I have been there before and I know that you have to expose them, and then go for the wallet. 

 
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chillin'
October 21, 2007, 8:56 am CDT

Embarrassed? You are Way Off!

Quote From: pjax69

You should be embarrassed....Apparently he doesnt love you anymore....Thats a part of life and you can't sue for that. She has no responsibility....She doesnt owe you anything
I am shocked that you would tell this woman to be embarrassed when she has done nothing wrong!  She can hold her head high while her exhusband and new mistress look stupid.  He most certainly did love his wife, even begged her to let him come back.  He is only with this other woman because he has no where else to go and she is threatening him with a law suit over her injuries.  I am sure this man regrets his foolish decision to mess around and he realizes now that it was not worth it.  As for the other woman, she is responsible for her part in this devastating triangle and will have to live with knowing that.  You are correct that the "other woman" did not make any committments or take any vows of faithfulness to the wife, but she did cross the lines of simple right and wrong.   She was wrong, she knows that and it can't feel too good.  I would say that this is a win-lose situation.  The winner is the EX-WIFE to be rid of her foosish husband and his wrong mistress, and if she can recover some financially then GO FOR IT!
 

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