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June 14, 2006, 11:22 pm PDT

asexual

What's up Sunnywolf, this ones for you. I am one of those nice guys that always finish last. I wasn't always this way. I've grown up in the past decade a little ahead of my time. Sometimes I wish I would have continued down the road of being a carefree asshole. Life was so much easier like that. There is so little to worry about. There have been countless opportunities for a really good time that I have passed on because I didn't want to compromise my integrity. I look back with semi-regret because now I'm 23 and I'll never have opportunities quite like that again. I realize that life is short and you should enjoy yourself and have fun while you can. It just always seems like I have to loosen my morals to have the kind of fun I'm talking about. I'm just frustrated right now because its been a while since I've had a girl. Well, lately I've started to veer off my path and done some things I'm not proud of, I've messed around here and there, but nothing worthwhile. Lack of sex isn't what bothers me, I think society focuses on that way to much. Sex is everywhere today! I don't usually like casual sex anyway, well "like" isn't the word I'm looking for, I guess prefer would work better. I think way too much. I meet a girl, one thing leads to another, we start messin around, than further it goes I start thinking, "I just met this girl, I don't know a thing about her except for what she's willing to do with a stranger and that turns me off(most of the time). I want a girl that I know that I can have a long term relationship with. The hardest thing for me is finding the right girl. It just seems like so much work and hassle. Why can't I just meet a girl and we instantly fall in love? When I do find a girl, she's always taken or I become her close 'friend" because instead of trying to "sell" myself to her; I let her know I'm interested and just try to get to know her and be as real as I can so she can get to know me. And thats really hard to do. There are so many questions that come up that I want to lie about because I know the truth isn't what they want to hear I mean what they want to hear isn't the truth. If your not concerned about considering other people's feelings or being honest and presenting your true self, of course its easier to pick up women. There are so many disadvantages to being a nice guy its ridiculous. The hardest part is knowing what it would take, but refusing to allow myself to go there because I don't feel like it would be right to. Sometimes I"m okay with being asexual because I know when I find the right girl it will all be worth it. I don't know, its getting late, I just happened to read some of your advice, sunnywolf, and was pretty impressed so I figured I'd throw my story out there.

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turkalurk

Message Emote

June 15, 2006, 2:49 pm PDT

forgiveness

It's easy for me to read these postings and see the need for forgiveness. You have control over your emotions no matter how hard it is to do, sometimes. What good comes from holding hate in your heart? You have the power to control how it affects you. The more you think about the damage its done to you, the more damage it will do to you. The only way to truly heal, you would think would be to let it go. But, I haven't really been there. If I try to put myself in that situation, I think the most devasting thing that it would do to me, would be the fact that I seriously believe that if it happened to me, I would be a murderer. Everyone has to sleep sometime, and as soon as I could, I think I'd slit his throat in his sleep. I know it sounds like I'm just as crazy, and maybe I need some help. So many people have went through that kinda thing and few have done any harm to the abuser about it. I hope nothing like that ever happens to my family. If anyone ever raped my sister or future daughter, It would be hard for me not to want to kill them. So, my point is that you never really know how you'd react unless your in that situation. Its easier to know what the rational thing to do is, the hard part is doing it.

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turkalurk

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June 15, 2006, 3:07 pm PDT

Sex

Quote From: alexias

My boyfriend of 6 months called me by the wrong name after we had sex and I am so crushed I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him but I love him so much that just the thought of not being with him anymore makes me stop breathing, heh. I have known him for 2.5 years and we have dated for 6 months. I pointed it out to him and he said he couldn't have said it, and we argued and we both cried and he begged me to forgive him. Whats funny is I know he loves me and he treats me better than any man ever has. We are very close and comfortable with each other. I would have married him and he did ask me to marry him before he said the 'other name' and we were celebrating our engagement but now I don't know...I said I would forgive him, but honestly I don't think I can ever forget and I don't want that to ruin our relationship if I decide to stay with him. I really need advice before I get to the end of this Rum bottle ;)

I think the most important factor in this situation, is the other name. Was it an x's name, a girl he knows? What was his excuse? Was it somekinda celebrity that he fantasized about? Was he on drugs? No matter what it doesn't seem like a good situation. And why does everyone want to jump into marriage. Marriage can be such a disaster! 6 months of dating and your ready to get married? What's the need for it? Its suspose to be the rest of your life your talkin about. What'sthe rush? Is marriage neccesary to have a commited relationship. I think there should be some kinda 2 year minimum for marriage. Then, maybe there won't be so many divorices.

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turkalurk

Message Emote

June 15, 2006, 4:56 pm PDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: kkatlady

This year I'll be 42. I've never married thou in my pathetic lifetime I've been asked by 5 different men. I always said no because I wanted to be truly in love. Now I can't even get a date, let alone a propsal. Everyone in my office is in a relationship, has the nice house, etc. even the ones half my age. I have nothing but my cats. In the past I placed personal ads and would get 20 plus answers a day but since hitting 40 I don't get that many in a month. The ones who do answer obviously don't read my profile and 90% just want sex.

I've tried taking classes, joining clubs and all that other b.s. that people suggest. All I seem to meet are happily married couples or single women.

One of my ex boyfriends still wants to marry me. He's kind and always treated me well but I don't love him and to be blunt, he's dumb as a stump. I'm afraid if I don't marry him no one will ever want me. I'm starting to think that no matter what I'm going to be miserable so I may as well be miserable with a man who will take care of me.

Are there any other women my age who are single? I often feel like I'm the only old maid left on earth.

I think marrying someone you don't love would be a mistake. Why don't you try eharmony or the Dr. Phil thing? There is someone out there for everyone. You just ain't met him, yet. Don't give up hope, there is still time for ya.

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turkalurk

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June 22, 2006, 1:46 pm PDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: dc2003

Any advice on long distance relationships out there? I think i have met my match (not sure I am his match) but we live 1200 miles from each other. he never calls but reassures me to call him any time any day. I can usually reach him. any advice?

Don't waste your time! 1200 miles is too far! For every 20 I've seen fail, there was 1 I've seen work out. You guys might be like that one, who knows! But I wouldn't hold your breath. Especially if your the one doin all the calling. He knows what he's doing. You should let him know that he can call you any time of any day. Then, stop calling him, and see how long it takes for him to call you.

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turkalurk

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June 25, 2006, 4:33 pm PDT

fanatic

Quote From: namelessss

look i know this is so damn silly but how do i love him ? well he won in star academy . and star academy is a programme where 18 people who have really nice voices lives in an academy together and dnt go out and see their familys or smthg .. so we see them on tv all the day and that's how i felt inlove with him i loved him bcz of his personality and voice and looks ... but u see everytime i see the fans ( girls ) all around him i feel desperate i feel that ther is no way that hes going to be my bf or smthg u know :(

Whoa, girl, you need to slow it down a bit. So you're from Lebanon, does that mean you still live in Lebanon? If so, I hope you realize that most people on these message boards are American. There is such a huge difference in culture, I don't know if this is the best place to seek advice. Especially when it comes to your virginity. That shouldn't even be a question to ask strangers anyway. It shouldn't be about whether or not you should have sex or not, it should be about whether or not you've found a guy that you're in love with, and have been with him long enough that you know its the real thing. As far as this guy that you think you're in love with. Its highly unlikely that something like that would work out. That doesn't mean you shouldn't go for it. I mean, if I knew someone that could introduce me to Jessica Alba or Penelope Cruz, I'd be all over it. I really don't think this is love you're talking about, it seems more like an infatuation.

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turkalurk

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June 25, 2006, 5:36 pm PDT

disaster waiting to happen

Quote From: josigrosi

I have been with m current boyfriend for about a year now. I am completely in love with him. He makes sure I am always taken care of and never lets me down. His family has taken care of me when my family hasn't, and I don't know what I would do without him.

The problem is, Ever since freshman year of highschool, I have had a crush on one of my close guy friends. He's had a crush on me too, but it never really worked out. It was never the right time for either of us, either because of relationships we were already in or personal problems we were dealing with.

The thing is, now its the right time for him, but not the right time for me. I' am completely in love with my current boyfriend, but still find myself having a crush on this guy friend. I would never leave my current boyfriend for him, and I would never cheat on my current boyfriend, but when i'm with my guy friend, hes always flirting with me and I sometimes catch myself flirting back.

I have explained to him that I am in love with my boyfriend and that nothing could ever happen between us. My current boyfriend knows about my guy friend and about everything that has happened in the past, but he still completely trusts me.

Even though I would never let anything happen between me and my guy friend, I still feel completely guilty every time I talk to him or spend time with him. I havn't done anything wrong, and I'm not going too, I just feel guilty about being in love with my current boyfriend and still having a small crush on another guy, even though I don't want to be with the other guy. I don't know what to do and I hate it.

Well, its been like 5 days after you posted this thing, have you worked it out. I doubt it. Try to put yourself in his position, would you like being in it? If you really loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't even be talking to this other guy. Maybe, when the time is right, you'll run into each other again. You probably like the attention too much to let him go, though. I've seen this thing play out too many times. You don't even realize that you're playing games with both of their heads, huh. Well, I'm not even really gonna waste my time with this one, you knew what you need to do before you ever posted this.

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turkalurk

Message Emote

June 26, 2006, 9:55 am PDT

Sex

Quote From: namelessss

look guys i dnt wanna have sex with him . it's just that id like to date him . and today my friend is going to give me his cell numb so id like to send him a msg u know .. and im gunna be like i dnt care about him as a singer maybe hed realize that i dnt like him bcz hes a singer i like him bcz of his personality .. hope this will work out the way i want to .. and i dont wanna have sex untill ill get married dnt worry :P and about the country thing . everything's the same :) tc all of u and bye if u have anthg 2 say id be happy :)

I realize that you don't like him because he's famous, but anyone who has some kind of thing for a celebrity, would say the same. Nobody likes famous people because they are famous. I don't really know how famous this guy is in your country, but if its anything like being famous in our country than he's probably got 1000's of girls that like him the same way you do. So if you get your chance you better give it your best shot. Also, nevermind, your 16 and that explains it all!

GOOD LUCK!!

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turkalurk

Message Emote

June 26, 2006, 9:57 am PDT

trouble

Quote From: skwirl

Woooaaaa dude! You are soooo gonna get in trouble for using Dr. Phil's pic! LOL!!! Yes little one, there must be a difference in cultures, so what you hear here, may not jive with your country's beliefs. But since you are asking, turk said it all. It probably won't work out, but if you are so hell bent on meeting the guy then do it and get it out of your system. But don't feel bad if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings. You got the hots for an "idea" of a guy, that doesn't mean that is actually who he is, and you won't know who he is unless you can actually get to know him. You sooooo should not give up your virginity just to get a guy to like you. He can get that all day long so it doesn't make you anything special. Just respect yourself and your body no matter what you decide to do.

You really think I'll get in trouble for using his picture? What are they gonna do, erase it? I was gettin tired of lookin at the last guy. I like using Dr. Phils picture.

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turkalurk

Message Emote

June 26, 2006, 10:24 am PDT

Communication

Quote From: magenta253

I've been with my boyfriend for four months and I care about him very deeply. The problem is he doesn't share his feelings or emotions with me ever - not even in an awkward manly way when we are alone. He has said he's committed to me and this relationship and that I should know it because he keeps coming over to my house. He pays for everything, phones me every day, arranges times to spend together, asks about my family/girlfriends and is a present companion - but it just seems so hollow. I have solid self esteem but every woman needs some emotional support and reassurance. He never tells me he cares about me, let alone love me. He feels like a buddy.

He is very stressed with work, has no close friends and gets bored easily. When we are together he is quick to anger, often is frustrated and shouts at me when I've asked a question or forgotten his timetable. He binge eats regularly - he'll tell me what he's eaten. Aside from holding hands when we are out, he has stopped all affection, although will still approach me for sex (!).

I talked with him about the importance of communicating and his angry reply was he's not changing and I should just "Suck it up. You're free to leave this relationship at any time". Now he just walks out of the room if I try to talk about anything related to our relationship or his behaviour.

Is he a bully? Is he just a man who does better in life with a woman in it - any woman? Is he physically/fidelity/companionship committed to me but not emotionally committed?

I want this relationship to work but can't seem to do much more than what I've already done - support him and acknowledge his stress, ask him to treat me with respect, negotiate, communicate and ask for what I need. I would appreciate any thoughts here, especially the male perspective...Thanks :)

So you've only been with this man for 4 months, was he ever affectionate? This doesn't sound good. So how come you have left him yet, are you financial dependent on him? This guy sounds like a real asshole, I think the only thing you can do is leave him. I mean, if you really care about him, you can get him back but you can't let him take you for granted. You can't just let him have all the power in the relationship because he's payin for everything. He really told you to "suck it up"! Well, you should of left right then. What kind of future do you see in this man. You've only been with him for 4 months and its already like that. So the best thing would be for you to find a guy that will treat you better. But if you really want to settle for this loser, than you probably need to threaten to leave. Problem is that he might not care if you leave. If that's the case, good for you.

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Messages By: turkalurk

asexual

forgiveness

Sex

Tired of Being Single

Tired of Being Single

fanatic

disaster waiting to happen

Sex

trouble

Communication