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Messages By: sibyllevox
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June 16, 2006, 8:01 am PDT
 Quote From: killdoze1 Well, I've haven't done much of this message board stuff in the past and I'm not quite sure on how to get started, so I'll just throw my question out there. I am currently in a serious, monogomous relationship with someone who couldn't be better for me (let's call him Lou). He has all the qualities I want in a guy (funny, caring, sensitive successful, handsome, just to name a few) and doesn't have any that I don't (he doesn't smoke or drink, isn't religious, feels the same way about children, etc.). I started dating Lou as my first serious relationship was disintigrating; at the time, I thought he would be the "rebound" guy, but I found that we have so much in common, I feel so happy when I think about us being together, and I very much look forward to spending time with him.
My question is this...sometimes I wonder whether or not what I feel is "true love." I've heard some people say that if it's right, you just know it; others say that's a load of bull and that no relationship is like the fairy tales. However, I worry sometimes that because I have to wonder about how I feel, that it's not the right thing after all. On the other hand, the idea of not being with Lou makes me very sad and lonely. We have been touching upon the subject of engagement rings and I worry that we may be jumping into things too fast (our 1 year anniversary is in mid-October). I also worry that if we do get engaged, I would feel like we HAD to stay together. Do you see my dilemma? All this back and forth is driving me crazy!
What I am most wondering is whether or not anyone else has felt/feels this way. If so, how did the relationship turn out? Was/is it successful? I suppose I'm looking for encouragement, but what I really want are people's honest and open opinions and comments about past and/or present relationships. Any advice you could offer is greatly appreciated. I think that going over things in my head is partly contributing to my severe anxiousness and that a different outlook on things will be a huge help. Thanks very much to anyone who replies!! Dear truth seeker, I know that you're letter is from September last year. Nevertheless I felt an urge to say something to the "secret" of perfect love and how to find it.
Most people go out into the world to seek a certain thing by trying to find it in somebody else. If you're lucky to find a person like that, a person fulfilling your desires and expectations, then you question if there is not a better way or somebody else out there who could even love you more.
The question of perfect love turns philosophical at this very point, for who does really know what is better or more? What guidelines do you follow, what benchmarks do exist to prove a relationship "right"? If you look at love from this angle then you can never know what the best thing is.
Important rather is what is the best thing for you? You said "...I feel so happy when I think about us being together, and I very much look forward to spending time with him." To me that sounds like you already deeply know. I once read in a book that relationships are also there to make a statement of who you are. If he's the guy to allow you to be what you truly wish and desire to be then he's the one no matter. And that is perfect love.
You can find it by knowing that love has more to do with yourself rather then expecting to find it in someone else. You are the one holding the key and if you worry about time, let's say if the relationship will be the right one considering if it lasts an eternity :-), then I can only ask you: Does it really matter? Why worry about the future when you can only live in this very moment? And in this very moment being with him is total bliss for you...
I know about this cause I am in a loving relationship for years. My husband and I married after being together for two years and in August our 6th anniversary is coming up. Everyday I wake up and decide anew what it is I really want and it gives me deep fulfillment to see that everything I want is already there. We're still deeply in love and flirtatious in love and I am sincerely grateful.
Well, dear truth seeker, I hope you made the right decision for yourself and that you are happy with how things unfolded. All the best from Austria,
Sibylle |
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June 16, 2006, 9:33 am PDT
Quote From: al143jc two months ago, i smoked weed with my friends, and i got realllly high, to the point where i was seeing things. it was a bad high. i saw my own death and everything i saw while opening my eyes came towards me, and when i touched it, it tore apart as if it was a set up. when i closed my eyes i saw checkered boards, check marks and all these other things so i had to keep one eye open and one eye closed. i really wanted to go to the hospital but my firend told me there was nothing the hospital could do, and i had to wait for the high to be over. i was so paranoid. i didnt know what was going to happen to me. and ever since then before i sleep i'd see things. i'd close my eyes and lay there in bed. i'd see pictures, any random pictures and sometimes even voices. then when i opened my eyes the picture would fade away. sometimes i'd see someone i've never seen before and i'd hear a voice saying their name or something and its the actual PERSON. cause once i was just laying there and i saw a guy sstanding in a parking lot and i heard a name. as soon as i heard the name i opened my eyes and described that person i saw and gave my bestfriend the name and it was the right person. but anyways... every night i'd see things but tonight, it was worst. whatever it was, it wouldnt let me wake up.. i was moving but i couldnt see my actions... i was just in one spot..my teeth was chatting.. it was like ther was another person in me.. i had to use my bed to pull myself apart fromt he bed.. i was trying to reach for the ocmputer. but that one part wouldnt let me. i saw two different things at the same time... my sight was divided into two.. 25% of it, i was able to see what i doing. 75% was just a vision of me laying in bed. i couldnt part from my bed... something was holding me back.. i couldnt open my eyes.. and the harder i pulled awy from my bed. that 25% grew. so i was pulling reallly hard. but then my sight was shaking... i still saw myself on the bed though.. i felt myself moving and stuff but the view was just how it was when i was laying down. just my body. then outta no where. everything stopped.. and i just got up.. im afriad to sleep. when that happened. i wanted to kill myself but i couldnt, cause i couldnt see what i was doing. i felt myself moving but my sight was just that ONE view. i honestly dont know what it is.. and im afriad its gonna get MUCH MORE worst Dear "Scared & Sleepless" Life is much to beautiful to simply go and kill yourself.It is much to beautiful to be scared and worry all the time.Your life is to precious to not be free and feel happy. The first lesson you have to learn is that drugs aren't good for you. Especially not to solve any emotional issues or simply for the fact of entertainment, eg hanging out with your friends. I think that you experienced that, now see that truth and choose another way of life. I can understand that your experience is challenging you tremendously. If you can not see this trough yourself you should consider seeking advice from a doctor, a physiologist, a spiritualist or a dear friend. Someone you feel comfortable with. The first step is to know about the spectrum of your mind. It is an incredible organ with an incredible power. I can assure you that all you experience is only happening within your mind and has no other reality, as well if it feels like that to you. Implement this knowledge for it will help you stand aside from your experience. Seek understanding and educate yourself. Change your lifestyle. Increasing the stability of your nervous system can be of incredible help to you. You know what is good for you, do you? Exercise, eat healthy, go to bed early, take in some fresh air and sun. Yoga and meditation are very good to relax and rebuild the nervous system. Seek help from natural remedies such as valerian drops which calm you slightly and help you sleep better. Rest and try to find a place you can relax. Take everyday a small step towards better physical health and continue gradually. No 3. Try to redefine yourself. Commit yourself to that process entirely. Buy a scribbler and write down short truths about yourself. Do it every day. Don't focus on the past or problem to much. Acknowledge it and move on focusing on your path to a better life. If you truly desire to change your state of mind then you will succeed and your life will change accordingly. You have all the power you need, you just have to realize it. I wish you strength, belief and determination. Those are the ingredients you'll need to make a difference. Love, Sibylle |
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