Messages By: sinder

Yeah...a few years ago...and now it's gone. Why? Because people had the good sense to put up a stink and not buy it. Things only stay around as long as there is a market for them and someone willing to spend on it.  I mean.....didn't someone make himself a millionairre by marketing a pet rock? lol

Thank you for the warm thoughts...I'm a fervent believer in the human ability to change the world through the power of 'we'.

 

In answer to your prayer: I spent years wandering paths not meant for sensitive souls but oh the things I learned. My peace was only hidden from me but never gone from me completely....time, understanding and forgiveness made it a dweller instead of a guest. Thriving IN spite of it is far more empowering than DEspite it :D

My heart goes out to you. I started dating a single father three years ago...his daughter was 5..but he'd not been able to locate her for almos a year since the mother's family kept moving her around the state as soon as he got close to locating her. The red tape of the court system was insane. Anyway...her mother also had a history of drug and alcohol abuse as well as depression. We got a phone call 18 months ago from her aunt telling us that the mother had died of a drug overdose and that Shelby was crying for her father. We've had her full time ever since though we've had to fight her maternal family tooth and nail along the way. She is 8 now and such an amazing kid. My heart does not know that I did not give birth to her. We are extremely close and she's made comments about how much a better mom I am than her other mom was.  I searched high and low for help in being the stepmother to a child who lost her mother with little to no results. There is one book called "The Forever Loss" which was great; it gives you great insight into how children remember the loss from the adult perspective. The best thing we ever did was put her into a children's art bereavement group - it was amazing for her. She sees a therapist weekly and you almost would not know that she had suffered such a terrible loss so recently.  She still misses her mom and it's ok...she's always going to but it is in no way a reflection on her relationship with me. She has an earth mother and a heaven mother - there is always someone watching over her. We have pictures of her mom up in the house...we talk about her whenever she brings it up...she has some of her things that she can hold and curl up with when she feels the need...she writes letters to her sometimes and we send them up in a balloon...we keep her mother alive in her memory through stories of when she was small and by making sure that she knows what positive traits she got from her so that connection is reinforced...mostly, we have made it ok to miss her even though they were divorced and there was alot of bitterness and anger on the side of the adults.  She knows I love her because I fell in love with her not because I had to and I never stumble whether she introduces me as her mother or her stepmother.  Your daughter will get through it as well but I encourage you to get her into counseling - there is much they cannot articulate at such a young age...much they bury because of the fear that they will be abandoned yet again if they upset you....my heart aches for any child who has to deal with that fear and hurt.  Warm thoughts and wishes to you all.

Never forget that she is part her mother as well; saying negative things about her mother is indirectly saying negative things about her as well. No one wants to believe they are unwanted or unloved by their own parent....can you imagine what that must feel like?

I can't wait to see this show. I have two sons...19 and 22. Both great people....both wicked smart, funny and absolute polar opposites. My oldest son just moved back home because he lost his job, his car is in need of excess repairs and he was unable to afford living on his own. We talked for two hours about him moving back home...I set down guidelines...I explained to him that this is a family home and not a dormitory (we share a home with my fiance, his 8 year old daughter and the 19 year old boy).  He moved in the beginning of December and my nerves have become increasingly frayed since then. No job though he says he's looking for one. No improvement towards getting his car fixed (he has no money because he has no job). He has not paid the minimal amount of money we asked for to offset the food and utilities (because he has no job). He and his brother are both in college but his brother works...he pays his expenses...he has a plan...he helps with chores without throwing attitudes and he doesn't pick fights. He also does not go out 3 or 4 times a week. I am at my wits end. We fight incessently and it's weighing on the entire family. I've spent more time in tears the last two months than I have in the last two years because I can BE assertive but when I get this pissed off and feel taken advantage of, I get aggressive instead. Argh.

 

My fiance is ready to tell him to move out because of the way it is effecting me. I want him to get his act together and be the man that he swears he is. I need help man.