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Messages By: unclemike

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July 11, 2006, 8:24 am CDT

uncle loosing family

hello i am desperately seeking advice. I am the oldest male of two children - my sister and i have always been at odds and she has dictated the direction of my family ever since she got pregnant in high school.She has always been a screamer and bi-polar - she has carried that thru 3 fatherless children (intentionally and selfishly) for the last 20 years - putting 99.9 percent of the responsibility and duty onto the shoulders of my very giving and tired parents.  Her first two boys dont know their fathers and have taken on her  angry manic  ways in dealing with my parents and any family authority.  I have always been the fun loving "uncle" video game buddy visiting from college and out of state up until the last few years.  Already surviving the first teenage boy rebelling against me as the only male authority and man he could shout"YOUR NOT MY FATHER I DONT HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU" to with angst and resentment when reminded of a wrong doing or rude behavior....there is now the 14 year old who has so much anger and withdrawn behavior to the entire family.  Resentful and combative. Especially to his always giving grandparents. I try to stay out of it but my sister uses this family and my aging parents to the point of exhaustion. She is bi polar and allows the boys to run wild - most of the time passing the teenagers off on any school friends parents that will take them (weeks at a time sleepovers) as she primps and spoils her latest fatherless baby girl. This boy has changed more than just puberty. his anger and withdrawal from the family (enabled by his selfish mother) has turned him into a loveless and hollow shell of a great little boy i just recently knew.  He is out all nite even on school nites and lives in the biggest trash bin of a garbage filled to the ceiling condo when he is home.  The toll it is taking on this family is devastating and to make it worse -  my sister fights all attempts to try and bring about positive change. I assume out of the estrangement of her own illness.   I am asking??? How do i deal with this little monster of a teenage boy who actually has his very unstable mother siding with him and openly fighting against any disciplinary correction while in our home.  It wouldnt be so bad if she didnt dump it all in our laps.  Its double jeopardy because she sticks the family with her kids yet does not support the authority that we should have.  I have been staying with my family since i returned home both to save money and help out- full knowing the situation.  I am pretty much the head of the household
as my father is ill and my mother is simply under thumb. My manic sister and her angry family show up nearly every nite torturing this family and setting this home on its side. My father allows it and tolerates it as he has always enabled her wicked ways yet it is taking its toll...they have changed this entire family into nothing but a painful existence. How does an uncle put in the awkward place of trying to maintain discipline in a family where it is usurped by a woman and her wild children that have no love or respect for the only people in their lives that love them enough to care?  They are all destroying  this family and the boys are getting worse every day...no respect for themselves or others...no love and no desire for the nurturing my parents willingly offer -every time i try to bring about a little peace or at least rational debate it gets so ugly and stressful on all. They know they have the upper hand as their mother has showed them the way to achieve anything thru screaming and thoughtless behavior. Help i have no experience and i am loosing my family.
 
User Mood
Stressed

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July 11, 2006, 10:22 am CDT

please help im loosing my family

hello i am desperately seeking advice. I am the oldest male of two children - my sister and i have always been at odds and she has dictated the direction of my family ever since she got pregnant in high school.She has always been a screamer and bi-polar - she has carried that thru 3 fatherless children (intentionally and selfishly) for the last 20 years - putting 99.9 percent of the responsibility and duty onto the shoulders of my very giving and tired parents.  Her first two boys dont know their fathers and have taken on her  angry manic  ways in dealing with my parents and any family authority.  I have always been the fun loving "uncle" video game buddy visiting from college and out of state up until the last few years.  Already surviving the first teenage boy rebelling against me as the only male authority and man he could shout"YOUR NOT MY FATHER I DONT HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU" to with angst and resentment when reminded of a wrong doing or rude behavior....there is now the 14 year old who has so much anger and withdrawn behavior to the entire family.  Resentful and combative. Especially to his always giving grandparents. I try to stay out of it but my sister uses this family and my aging parents to the point of exhaustion. She is bi polar and allows the boys to run wild - most of the time passing the teenagers off on any school friends parents that will take them (weeks at a time sleepovers) as she primps and spoils her latest fatherless baby girl. This boy has changed more than just puberty. his anger and withdrawal from the family (enabled by his selfish mother) has turned him into a loveless and hollow shell of a great little boy i just recently knew.  He is out all nite even on school nites and lives in the biggest trash bin of a garbage filled to the ceiling condo when he is home.  The toll it is taking on this family is devastating and to make it worse -  my sister fights all attempts to try and bring about positive change. I assume out of the estrangement of her own illness.   I am asking??? How do i deal with this little monster of a teenage boy who actually has his very unstable mother siding with him and openly fighting against any disciplinary correction while in our home.  It wouldnt be so bad if she didnt dump it all in our laps.  Its double jeopardy because she sticks the family with her kids yet does not support the authority that we should have.  I have been staying with my family since i returned home both to save money and help out- full knowing the situation.  I am pretty much the head of the household
as my father is ill and my mother is simply under thumb. My manic sister and her angry family show up nearly every nite torturing this family and setting this home on its side. My father allows it and tolerates it as he has always enabled her wicked ways yet it is taking its toll...they have changed this entire family into nothing but a painful existence. How does an uncle put in the awkward place of trying to maintain discipline in a family where it is usurped by a woman and her wild children that have no love or respect for the only people in their lives that love them enough to care?  They are all destroying  this family and the boys are getting worse every day...no respect for themselves or others...no love and no desire for the nurturing my parents willingly offer -every time i try to bring about a little peace or at least rational debate it gets so ugly and stressful on all. They know they have the upper hand as their mother has showed them the way to achieve anything thru screaming and thoughtless behavior. Help i have no experience and i am loosing my family.
 

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