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Messages By: luanne1961

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September 21, 2006, 6:35 am PDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: rayoflight

Didn't you know this would most likely happen by sleeping with multiple people? I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, but am also baffled at the fact that you let your health go just for pleasure. Are you getting treatment for it now? STDS are not fun. I don't know from personal experience, but my cousin has a multitude of them and I have seen what she is going through. I wish you the best of luck. Keep getting treatment to help lessen the symptoms.

"Didn't you know this would most likely happen by sleeping with multiple people?"

 

This phrase is simply untrue and such a common opinion of people who "supposedly" don't have herpes 1 or 2.  Chances are, they do have it and just don't even know it.  My issue with this phrase is that it only takes ONE time to get herpes, meaning that you DO NOT have to have multiple partners to get herpes.  Mind you, your chances are increased, but that's with everything in life.

 
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September 21, 2006, 7:16 am PDT

Herpes is JUST a Virus to Me!!

[quote] from ronzgirlj  This virus is epidemic, with 80 % of the population having it in this country, and most don't even know it. Please tell a friend and also keep up with annual pap smears. [/quote]

 

I totally agree.  I believe that ALL STD's need to be talked about and discussed with our friends family and physicians.  And last but certainly not least any prospective sexual partners, as they are the ones who deserve to know.  There is NOTHING to be ashamed of when having an STD.  It takes a long time to "get used to the idea", but in time, you soon come to realize that the STD is simply a Virus.  Herpes is "JUST" a Virus to me:   http://herpes-virus.blogspot.com/       

 

On my Herpes blog (noted above),  you will also find a copy of a letter I had written to Dr. Phil which I feel this issue does need to be addressed.  As another herpes friend of mine has said, we need  "herpes heroes"  (did you realize that just by changing the P to an O in the word herpes, you get heroes). 

 

Someone else had inquired about dating sights, support groups etc.  If you simply do a web search for your city (ie: Herpes Support San Diego) or any city for that matter, chances are you will find either a support group, social group or both.  The majority of the best chat/message boards dealing with herpes are normally found on the yahoo groups.  There are all sorts of groups.  Most are "city specific" where they discuss upcoming gatherings, friendship, support and some have met their "Mr or Mrs Right".   There are yahoo groups which are geared towards certain age groups; (ie: Hover50 - over 50 and living with herpes -support and social), Herpes Support (Picking Up The Pieces, with over 3000 members) treating your herpes through holistic means and so many more.  Just do a search for the type of group you might be searching for.

 

I have personally found (as I talk about on my blog also called "Supportive Strangers") that just by going to a social gathering, you will soon realize how common of an issue living with genital herpes truly is.  You will experience a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders when you actually can say the word out loud "HERPES, HERPES, HERPES" and no longer feel ashamed.  You will soon realize that you are NOT ALONE and that seems to be the biggest problem with people who are literally struggling with herpes is the emotional aspect of it.  Sure, some people suffer much more than others, in regard to outbreaks etc, some of us, suffer very little, but it's the emotional aspect, the fact that the only way we can live with ourselves is to tell and take the chance/risk of being rejected by a prospective mate.  I have found that being honest has been the very best medicine for me while living with genital herpes.  I'm no longer ashamed as I once was, it's just a virus for Pete's sake!!  :-)

 

For those of you who are having difficulties having "the talk".  My recommendation is to "get right with yourself" first.  You don't want to tell someone with tears streaming down your face.  Join a support group and get inspiration from others who are going through the exact same thing.  Living with genital herpes is NOT the end of the world, you can still have children and you can still be loved.

 
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September 21, 2006, 7:45 am PDT

Coping with STDs

"quoting myself"  I believe that ALL STD's need to be talked about and discussed with our friends family and physicians.  And last but certainly not least any prospective sexual partners, as they are the ones who deserve to know.  There is NOTHING to be ashamed of when having an STD.  It takes a long time to "get used to the idea", but in time, you soon come to realize that the STD is simply a Virus. 

 

I feel the need to clarify my statement above.  The reason that I feel, for me personally, that I have told friends and family is for educational purposes.  I realize that not all families are as compassionate and understanding as mine, so maybe telling every single family member is not the very best idea because  I do know how society treats people with the assumption that they "sleep around and deserved it" or whatever foolish label they place on you.  Each time I tell, it makes it a little bit easier to tell the next person and that includes prospective intimate partners.   I realize that this topic is about STD's in general and that not all STD's are "just a virus", but I personally happen to be dealing with herpes.
 
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September 23, 2006, 10:33 pm PDT

I'm from a small town too

Quote From: chantel2

I like your enthusiasm.  I understand that herpes is a virus -- but some how when you tell a partner about it -- it seems so dirty.  Maybe age has something to do with my attitude -- I'm 53 yrs old and to discuss this openly is something I can't do.  It is embarrassing. Telling a potential partner that they have probably already been exposed and did not know it -- they don't get it.  At least with me, they know that it can be prevented.  I don't know......as for joining a support group in my town -- I don't think so.  People talk way too much and this is a small town.
So I totally understand what you're saying and it truly is not an age thing as I'm not that far behind you in regard to the numbers.  What I have found out is that you need to be OK with having herpes yourself before anyone else will possibly understand, unless they have herpes too.  We can't "define" ourselves soley based on the fact that we have herpes.  All of us are so much more than herpes.  The way I see it, things could have been a whole lot worse and getting herpes was my "wake up call".   This is something I recommend to people all the time and it might sound a bit odd, but I think the most difficult thing that I needed to get past was actually saying the word herpes.  Do it, say the word out loud to yourself several times.  I'm not sure what it is about it, but hearing it for yourself, you become more comfortable with the term.  I cringe when I hear people say "I have H" or How long have you had H? or Do you take meds for your H?  Just SAY the word.  It's not gonna bite you or anyone else and if it does "bite them", meaning they reject you, then it wasn't meant to be anyway and that's OK too  :-)    
 
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September 25, 2006, 1:40 pm PDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: chantel2

Dr. Phil.  I have been watching your show all summer.  It has been very educational for me -- on a lot of subjects.  I first posed a question on your message board because I was hoping to get some really good advise.  Believe it or not, I have learned more about people and herpes since  Luanne saw the new topic.  I did check out herpes-virus.blogspot.com and Hover50 -- I have learned a lot.  I believe you doing a show on this topic would help out millions of people who are in the dark.  You should check out these websites or have someone on your staff check it out -- or maybe someone on your staff is a member and they could give you some feedback.  Information is what we all need -- no matter what the age.  It is hard to find reliable information -- even from your own doctor.  Again, you could help a lot of people -- think about.  Remember you can fix something until you acknowledge it!  :)  Chantel2

Right on Chantel  :-)    I know that Dr. Phil certainly can't disagree with that quote huh  ;-)    Love it!!  In fact, I'm going to post my letter to Dr. Phil which I had sent a long time ago, after he did a show and encouraged people to write in and "USE YOUR LIFE" to help others.   It's also on my blog, but feel it's important to post here as well.  So here is my letter which I had written to Dr. Phil some time ago.......

 

Dear Dr. Phil

My letter to Dr. Phil McGraw

I watched the show with Stephanie and the fact that she had been harboring a secret in regard to being assaulted when she was younger from her friends and family. At the end of the show, Dr. Phil mentioned "If you would like to share a story and to USE YOUR LIFE to help others, please go to www.drphil.com. I was unsuccessful when I typed in keywords "use your life" and found nothing. I searched for a separate message board on this subject as well. There are many topics which people out there are needing to "talk" about, get off their chests and not feel stigmas which have been attached by society. Things which people SHOULD NOT be shameful about. Society needs to be educated and realize what herpes is exactly. Too many people go through life, only learning about something if they have been impacted by it. I was guilty of that as well until the internet came along. I was under the impression that I wouldn't pass the virus along unless I was having an active outbreak. Well, I've learned differently. Did you know that 90% of people out there that have genital herpes don't even know that they have it because they don't get any signs or symptoms? Did you know that herpes is not included in the routine std testing process? Many people don't realize this and I feel we need to do whatever we can to bring more light to the subject.

My "use my life" topic is in regard to the fact that I have genital herpes and for me, it's a "skin condition" but the emotional issues and stigma's attached to it can be overwhelming, in fact I've even heard of folks committing suicide because they felt as though they would never be loved or be able to be intimate or sexual with another person. Over what?? A cold sore located "down yonder", but sadly society has said . . . it's not a good thing, but I along with a whole lot of other people have come to understand that having herpes is NOT the end of the world.

I encourage one of your staff members to join a yahoo group (which I personally help to moderate) for additional information and education on this topic, to understand what those of us who go through having herpes, dating issues, etc. The group is called Picking Up the Pieces.

We also have several members who are on Picking Up the Pieces, who have HPV (human papillomavirus). The site admin of Picking Up the Pieces also created a website which has tons of valuable information as well as true stories written by people who live with genital herpes and oral herpes (reminder: the common cold sore is herpes) each day. You will gain alot of insight by reading many of the true inspirational stories.

Many in the herpes community are ready to step up to the plate, be a member of the audience or one which Dr. Phil might possibly interview on stage, in order to help squash the negative stigma associated with herpes. I personally would love to fill each and every audience seat with people who have herpes, just to show the world, that herpes does not discriminate. It's time for a change and we would like to help others out there to realize they are NOT ALONE. We do have several members though, who have not yet gotten to the point in their herpes journey where they feel comfortable "outing" themselves on national television and that's OK. I know that the Dr. Phil show producers will respect their privacy. Everyone deals with and accepts having herpes at their own pace. I am proud to say, that by having this "Pick Up" board available to those who have herpes has been a godsend for them. If you'll read through the past posts, you'll see many people indicate how grateful they are to all of the information we provide.

We continually refer people to the "Updated Herpes Handbook" which Terri Warren is affiliated with and also answers medical questions about herpes over on WebMD. In my opinion, she would be an excellent candidate as a guest speaker for the show. Other people who I know I can speak for from our community and who would be willing to speak on the show, would be the other two moderators from Picking Up the Pieces, Gayla (who speaks to Doctors at conferences) along with Angela who is also known as yoshi2me and is a Patient Advocate.

In regard to celebrity figures who "supposedly" have genital herpes, I would love to see them step up to the plate and help to spread awareness. I believe it would be beneficial for all of us. The more we can spread herpes awareness, the better it is for everyone and anyone. I did a google search on the keywords "celebrities with herpes". I realize that gossip is gossip, but some of you on staff at Dr. Phil, might have already had interactions with some of these people in the past and might be able to approach them, to verify if this information is true and to see if they'd be willing to help the rest of our community. Coming from The Dr. Phil Show, they might be more willing to help the rest of us out, than we as an anonymous group. (Ann Heche is one name who comes to mind, along with Robin Williams). Mind you, I honestly don't know or even care if they do or don't but that's what the rumor mill has put out there, so I'm sure it's not news to them and if they can help others to "cope" with it, I think they'd be willing to speak and help spread the awareness. Who better than someone who has walked a mile in those shoes.

Also, I'd like to add, that Dr. Ruth, recently wrote a book I'm sure she wouldn't mind having some exposure on called: "Dr. Ruth's Guide to Talking about Herpes".

Recently Michael Vick, (you can read his situation here) due to his ongoing law suit which has been made quite public, I'm not sure how much light he would be able to shed on this or if he'd even be interested, but if he knew the herpes community was behind him, that would be a plus for him. I bet it would be good for him too, to be reminded that he was not alone. My big question to the gal who is trying to sue him is "Did she have her full STD testing done, prior to engaging in sexual activities with him?" Probably not, but in the end, all of us are responsible for our own sexual health and need to be aware and responsible.

People who are diagnosed with herpes, needs someplace to turn for support and yoshi2me has created a web page, linking to Herpes H Pals. Here is my personal contribution to the H Pal Program.

So there you have it. I've given you lots of ideas as to how to formulate an awesome show on the topic of genital herpes and to help spread herpes awareness which is needed very badly. This virus NEEDS to be talked about. In the end, having herpes is not the end of the world for me. I've had it for 17 + years and I have basically quit counting because I've finally accepted having it within myself. I am so much more than herpes and so is anyone and everybody else who might have it. Our internet community is vast. It extends across the waters as well in regard to support and friendship. There are support groups nationwide in almost all major cities where people can go for friendship and support.

Feel free to contact any of those people who I have mentioned above. All of these people have already put themselves out there on the internet and would welcome a new opportunity to continue spreading awareness. They will all be eager to help and all feel that not only Herpes Awareness but STD Awareness is vital to the health and well being of not only adults, but teens as well.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my letter and your consideration on doing a show on this topic. I'm sure you will touch alot of people who are living in fear and silence about this by bringing it to the forefront. This is my opportunity to "Use My Life" to help other people.

Sincerely,

Luanne
43 years old from Northwestern Pennsylvania

 
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September 26, 2006, 5:05 am PDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: jorcel

This post was so funny and I appreciate it.  I've lived (in silence) with herpes for ten years alone, too ashamed and angry to let anyone else including relatives know.  I got it after being celibate for two years from someone who claimed to love me.  That betrayal was the last straw so I've avoided dating and sex since then.  Now that I'm entering my late thirties, I've [briefly considered checking out some of the websites mentioned here but I've chickened out each time.  I hear all the scary stories about dating websites in general so I certainly don't want to end up bait for some sicko on a website that's deals with such a personal issue.  How would someone in my boat broach the subject when I've lost so much faith in the opposite sex?  I just know I'd be devastated if I opened up and then got completely rejected. 

Don't be afraid.  There are some sights which are simply geared towards support and I think that sounds like the very best place for you to start anyway as far as meeting others.  I have found that meeting people in person who also have herpes has been the very best medicine for me.  It was with a group of people and I wasn't there trying to "hook up" so it was safe with both male and females in attendance.  Before anyone else can love you, you need to get right with having herpes first  :-)     Chin up.

 

Check out my "supportive strangers" link on my blog.  It talks about these types of get togethers and how good they are and were for me and others.  http://herpes-virus.blogspot.com/

 

Luanne

 
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September 26, 2006, 5:13 am PDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: btaylor

 I have been with my husband for 5 1/2 yrs,  and only married about 2 of the 5 yrs.  I was tested for STD's before we started dating.  On my honeymoon, we argued and he got mad and left until the next day, then 3 months after being married, my husbands former co-worker told my 25 yr old daughter that my husband was cheating on me with someone else.  Then a tenant of mine told me then same thing.  I've tried to not believe that he's been cheating, but a few weeks ago I broke out in the genital area and I told my husband, and asked him to get tested with me for STD's, he refused.  I went to the DR anyway and everything was negative except, Herpes 1 & 2, I am still in such shock.  after the DR discussed the disease with me I went home again and husband refuses to get tested.  I feel so betrayed.  I am so hurt and depressed.  I am in shock and this has ruined our already terrible marriage.  I'm hiring a private investigator to document his infidelity.  Is there any other way to contract this disease other than sex.  I'm sort of still in denial. but deep down I know it's true, I found lip stick on his underwear once and he said it did it when I was drinking one night.  I love his mother and sister, but I hate him.  We are business partners to make things more complicated.  I am in the process of starting a separate company without him.  Sorry for rambling!  Can someone give me some words of hope.
Because it sounds like he never got tested for STD's (you do know that they don't always test for herpes, you must request that test to be run) it's hard to say how long he's had it or if he even does.  His refusal to get tested sounds like he could be in denial.  He could have had HSV with no symptoms and never knew it.  It's called asymptomatic shedding.  Sounds like there are possibly more issues in your relationship but of course, infidelity being a big one.  Have you tried a marriage counselor?  Good luck to you  :-)
 
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September 26, 2006, 5:15 am PDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: btaylor

Husband is denying my results are positive and says if I have it I contracted it, he still refuses to get tested and is blaming the Dr.  he wants to "beat" the Dr. up.   Looks like divorce  will be coming sooner than later.
He is in "big time" denial!!   So many people are.  Heck, I know I was too for about 10 years.  Thank goodness for the internet in regards to allowing me to connect with others to realize I wasn't alone.  That is so important.  Definitely search for a support group in your area.
 

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