Messages By: timberwolf6896

My family has been a victim of the Men's rights movement.  For almost 2 years I have been left to see my children for 1 1/2-3 hours a week.  I have had to fight to get time with my children.  PAS has enabled my ex to unilaterally change my parenting time as he sees fit.  This is my story. My family is not alone.

 

I am writing to you to ask for help in my desperate situation.  I feel I have exhausted all outlets and have received inadequate services and answers for my family and myself.  Please find my brief outline and history with the Boulder County Department of Social Services, Boulder County District Attorney Office and the Boulder County Judicial System.  I am of the understanding that U.S. Congresswoman Diana DeGette was an integral backer of the “Give Us Back Our Children” protest on the steps of the U.S. Capital in Washington, D.C. on Mother’s Day, May 11, 1997.  Support of women whom have wrongfully had their children taken away because of parental alienation[1] accusations/domestic violence was of great importance then and voices still needs to be heard as it is still happening today in Boulder County Colorado.

 

On October 12, 2006 all four of my children were taken away by BCDSS.  My 3 older children have the same father and my youngest (4 months old at the time) is a child of date rape, which went unreported.  My oldest son and my baby were placed in separate foster care homes and my 2 middle girls were placed with their father.  At the current time, I now have custody of my baby and my ex-husband has custody of the 3 older children.  My oldest son was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome  in 11/05 (form of autism), ADHD, & Sensory Integration Dysfunction, whereas, my third childs diagnoses are Congenital Right Hemiparesis secondary to an intrauterine stroke, Factor V Gene Leiden Mutation and Cerebral Palsy.  Our marriage and subsequent divorce was a tumultuous path that included physical and verbal abuse and continuous threats and harassment.  There is considerable conflict due to the disparity of our individual parental approach to the children’s medical issues and subsequent treatment plans as was concurred in the D & N case and our divorce case.[2]

 

I involved the BCDSS in August of 2005 under the advisement of legal counsel.  Their concern centered on my ex-husband’s past criminal behavior [3] that included being on the sex offender list and probation, his erratic display of anger in the courtroom[4], as well as his inattention to the children and their medical well-being.  My son suffered a “melt-down” that led to being hospitalized for 3 days (psych hold) due to inconsistent prozac administration.[5]  My ex-husband admitted to not giving our son his medicine one time; however, was witnessed by several people, several times when the medicine returned home in the container that it was sent and was obviously not administered.  I then made subsequent complaints when my daughter with CP returned home with a 2-inch bruise next to her vaginal area after a visit with him; BCDSS has termed all reports as “unfounded”.  BCDSS has also informed me that I am a bitter and vindictive ex-wife that will have my children taken away if any more reports are made.  Claims centering on parental alienation by my ex-husband have been used since February of 2004 and have been hyped up since the involvement with BCDSS.  All accusations have centered on opinions or hearsay by ex-husband and his significant other.  I have yet to have the opportunity to explain or address any accusations made, let alone make any corrections to the court pertaining to mistaken statements reported by BCDSS and my ex-husband.  This has been further implemented through the judicial system that has allowed evaluators that have known views and supporting litigation history advocating parental alienation[6] as well as those that have history of being admonished by the state licensing board. The Judicial system has failed my family, as it does not recognize the probability, given my ex-husband’s past history, that my actions were justified.  I was truthful and fully believe what was reported to BCDSS actually happened.  The court system needs to once again view evidence of violence, abuse and neglect as just that and not mere conflict and dismiss it.

 

I have made mistakes through this process with BCDSS and have paid dearly.  I hid the pregnancy and delivery from my ex-husband out of tremendous fear and my right to privacy.  My relationship with BCDSS has been strained and therefore I continued the hiding of my baby from BCDSS[7].  I have been severely and brutally abused throughout my relationship with my ex-husband.  My fears have been compounded by the fact that after my children were removed, my ex-husband’s father harassed me by parking, following, and even lingering in my neighborhood (a private subdivision) numerous times while on a visit from Texas.  His reasoning to BCDSS and the Longmont Police Dept. was “nostalgia” and reported that I was harassing him. An officer followed through with a phone-call to inform him this behavior was unacceptable and any more sightings would result in a restraining order.  He has since returned to Texas but the harassing phone calls still exist with ties to Texas.  BCDSS failed to respond to my concerns and used this as one of my unreasonable fears.

 

I have succumbed to a psychological evaluation (October 23, 2006) that led to the return of my baby (November 6, 2006) upon the evaluators’ recommendations.  The remaining recommendations have yet to be followed by BCDSS even though they are a part of my court ordered treatment plan.  The evaluator reviewed her findings and informed me that unsupervised visitations should begin as well as accessible phone call visits with reunification in site.  That has yet to happen even with the evaluation being released to BCDSS, Boulder County District Attorney and the Court appointed Guardian ad-litem at the beginning of November, which was not released to my council or therapists.  This delinquency of releasing crucial information has become habit throughout my involvement with BCDSS.  When supervised visitation began the middle of October 2006, a request was made for the release of the tapes of my supervised visits with my children.  BCDSS has made excuses, set parameters and even declined releasing such tapes to my council, therapists or myself.  BCDSS is concerned that I will view these in the presence of my therapists and they will be used in an educational and therapeutic manner.  Explain when and why DSS has been given the power to withhold all forms of treatment that would enable a family to be reunified, especially when the mother has been actively engaged in all therapies and treatment plans.  As of January 3, 2007, the court has ruled allowing my ex-husband to change schools for my children beginning as such.  They have been stripped away of everything familiar to them.[8]

 

My concerns are not just based on my needs but my children’s needs.  I feel the punishment to myself has denied my children of their rights by not putting their needs above all else; their needs are subordinated to the penalties against myself.  The court has denied my children stability and has placed tremendous upheaval in their lives since the commencement of this case.  The children’s educational needs based on their disabilities have been neglected through the allowance of my ex-husband to unilaterally change schools.  The Court (June 2005) was convinced by a preponderance of evidence that the public school system was unable to meet my son’s particular educational needs, now the change has allowed my son to be enrolled in a public school in Adams County with a “good” special education program and school population of 750 students.  This would be a major set back for any child with asperger’s where less distractions and minimizing exterior input is beneficial and best.  My son has difficulty staying focused, is subject to widely varying mood swings, has had problems with peer socialization and communication skills, and needs structure and strict scheduling to avoid increased agitation.  He is now removed from a school with a class of 10 where he demonstrated marked improvement in both his academics and socialization.  Let it be known that “the real experts on this disorder are the dedicated families that have learned how to cope with a child who becomes explosive, disruptive, who could have a meltdown at any moment.  They become highly skilled at knowing what helps.”[9]  This is as long as a parent is not in denial and refuses to believe or exert any energy to explain the difficulties a child experiences, other than the excuse of parental alienation.

 

Throughout this case there has been witnessed examples of ex-parte communication by the Boulder County District Attorney’s Office, Boulder County Appointed Guardian Ad-litem Tim Kerns, and Boulder County Department of Social Services.  This is not only unethical, but it has deprived me of a fair hearing and is against what should be the family courts standard operating procedures.  I have been told by my caseworker she will not work with my attorney and has responded as thus.  At the same time witnessed accounts of the BCDSS assigned caseworker, seen offering legal advisement to my ex-husband concerning the stopping of child support payments.  Please offer an explanation of the disparity of treatment between parents.

 

Complaints made to BCDSS  my son’s OT therapists, whom witnessed and heard inappropriate open discussions of my family and this case between BCDSS Intensive Family Therapist [10] and my ex-husband in the waiting area of the Elementary public school that provides my son his IEP[11] services, have been unanswered.  The unethical use of names and information in an open forum should have been addressed, as this is an incomprehensible breach of my families’ confidentiality.  I have yet to receive neither acknowledgement nor an apology concerning this incident by BCDSS or anyone involved, nor has the Court been apprised of this indiscretion.  Also overheard by witnesses before a court hearing in October was a BCDSS caseworker training a soon-to-be caseworker how to “pad mileage and pad hours—which is common practice” for various BCDSS cases.  Unscrupulous acts such as those mentioned lend way for taxpayer’s to question the measures that BCDSS employees have taken.

 

Little to no effort as been exerted by BCDSS concerning make-up visits when the children are ill or have missed due to vacations.[12]  Even court-ordered parenting times were missed during the Christmas holidays due to the caseworkers lack of planning and scheduling.  No explanation was given to the children to reassure them that there mother did and does want contact with them, once again punishing the children.  Currently court-ordered restricted visits that are scheduled for twice a week are consistently being cancelled by BCDSS due to lack of scheduling, lack of transportation, or illness by caseworker.  BCDSS is responsible for transportation and policy should require a back-up plan be in place so the visits are able to take place.  Not following through with the court order has allowed the children to be confused, anxious, and angry among other emotions.  The disruption of scheduled visits has given way to alienating behavior against the mother at the hands of BCDSS, the Boulder County District Attorney, the Boulder County court-ordered Guardian ad-litem, and the Boulder County Judicial System.  This reprehensible behavior needs to cease immediately and all parties need to be reprimanded as such.

 

Concerning my treatment plan, I am of the understanding that the BCDSS has no intentions of returning my children to me.  Their parameters around what I need to do and say to fulfill my treatment plan edge on coercion.  Having to admit that “unfounded” and “inconclusive” means never happening in order to be able to have unsupervised visits is wrong.  I am in a difficult situation in being able to fulfill my obligation as a mother to protect my children.  Through my evaluation, I was seen as being truthful and honestly believing the abuse happened, not as being vindictive or making up the accusations as BCDSS implies. I have been vilified by having restraining orders against me from visiting, speaking with or going to my children’s school. My family has been denied contact with the children and BCDSS has even “requested” and “highly suggested” that a family friend be excused from performing her job of extended school care due to contact with the children.  This denies this woman the ability to work and earn an income due to the wishes of BCDSS.  Information concerning my children has been hidden, as was the situation with the school transition.  The children were informed to not tell they were going to another school.  Their father, BCDSS and the Guardian ad-litem, promoted this behavior. 

 

I am only asking for fairness and equal treatment through this situation.  Being continually punished for expressing my concerns at the secrets and hidden agendas, even at the delinquency of child support payments prior to my children being taken is an intrusion that places myself in a no-win situation—where I cannot protect myself or my children. I may have been overly zealous and hyper vigilant in my protection; however, I am not a danger to my children nor am I a criminal without voice and rights. Please try to put yourself in my same situation and imagine what you would do as a parent.  I am begging for help in the return of my children to the stable and protective home that they had grown accustom to for all of their lives.

 

I would greatly appreciate meeting with you to discuss my situation.  How many other mothers are losing their children and how many children’s voices will be dismissed and not heard.  Thank you for your time and understanding.

[1] Parental Alienation is syndrome coined by psychiatrist Richard Gardner whom based his theory on his clinical experience and subsequently published his own works.  PAS is a theory that has not been subjected to empirical study, research, or testing.  Nor has any of R.A. Gardner’s findings been published in peer reviewed medical or scientific journals.  PAS is not a diagnosis for a mental disorder, nor is it agreed upon in the mental health professional community at large, many debates are occurring over PAS’s existence.  The American Psychological Association (APA) or the American Medical Association (AMA) does not recognize PAS as a legitimate diagnosis or syndrome as such. 

[2] Final divorce decree proclaimed primary custody and sole decision making responsibilities be given to mother.

[3] Sexual assault charge (June 2000), pled down to indecent exposure with intent to harm (December 2000)—Jefferson County Colorado (probation and sex offender listing—petitioned to be removed May 2003)

Obstructing Justice (January 2003)—Minneapolis, MN.

[4] June 2005—Honorable Paul Markson, Senior Judge of the District Court; April 2006—Magistrate Sierra, Boulder County

[5] Currently  takes 10 mg. Prozac and 150 mg. Seroquel (mood-stabilizer with added sedative).  T. is followed by Dr.  for medication management and follow-up.  Dr. V increased T’s Seroquel by 50 % on October 10, 2006 (2 days prior to the children being taken away) due to increased exhibited mood instability, anxiety, increased frustration, irritability and some aggressiveness.

[6] Court appointed child advocate Dr. Lon Kopit during divorce proceedings was promoted by said “Men’s rights” attorney Sharon Liko.  Ms. Liko turned down all Boulder County advocates.  Ex-husband paid for evaluation. 

Court appointed family evaluator Dr. Lee Baker was recommended by BCDSS without prior working relationship with the Boulder County Court System.  Dr. Baker has widely known views, published works and a history of testifying in regards to her beliefs of parental alienation .  Dr. Baker’s report weighed heavily upon Dr. Kopit’s without regard for investigation.  Dr. Baker also suggested that T (son) does not have Asperger’s syndrome but is learned behavior at the hands of his mother.  Please note that a diagnosis of any Autism Spectrum disorder is based on a team approach and is a lengthy test that incorporates input from teachers, parents, therapists, doctors, medical history etc. and cannot and should not be dismissed during a 2 hour visit with a child.  Dr. Baker has been admonished by the Colorado governing and licensing board (2005).

Court appointed psychologists Dr.  was recommended by BCDSS but was given many notes and all accusations before the evaluation was administered.  Evaluation was administered at BCDSS, rather than a neutral site.  Dr. W also recommended that my daughter M, whom is just 7 months currently, is safe to be in my care and custody. 

[7] M (baby) was consistently viewed by the staff of my children’s schools, church’s, extra-curricular activities, and neighbors and was even baptized during a Sunday service.

[8] Through the change, the children now have different pediatricians, specialists (medical), therapists, dentists, schools, etc.  They are no longer able to participate in the extra-curricular activities such scouts, dance and 4-H, nor are they able to still continue the friendships that they had established through their schooling and activities.

[9] What Happens When They Grow Up”, Newsweek, November 27, 2006; quotation from Dr. Thomas Insel, director of National Institute of Mental Health

[10] N L is the IFT for my ex-husband.  She initially labeled parental alienation charges against me after meeting me once for an hour and subsequent input from my ex-husband and his significant other including heresay.

[11] IEP—individualized educational plan.  T has had an IEP through the St. Vrain school district since Sepctember of 2001 (kindergarten).  E has had her IEP since January of 2004, previously having Part B services through Boulder County

[12] An emergency court hearing was scheduled for December 14, 2006 due to BCDSS, Guardian ad-litem and ex-husband’s failure to inform my council or myself of eminent out of town vacation for the holidays.  Said vacation was from December 15, 2006 through December 24, 2006.  No accommodations for missed visits were planned until court issued at my request and then were not scheduled within the adequate timeframe given by the court.

Unsure which mother you are referring to.  If by chance, you might be concerned about my posting (at approx. 8:30 MST).   Currently, I have sole custody of my daughter whom is 2, my older 3 children with my ex-husband are with him, per a court order established in Juvenile court through a D/N case.  It has only been recently that I have been able to have unsupervised visits with my older children (1 1/2 hours each Sat. morning and a rotating schedule on Thursday for individual visits).  BCDSS as well as the police informed me that even though my ex was convicted of sexual assault on an adult and placed on the Sex offender list, that he passed a lie detector test and he only has a history with adult sex offenses.  I have to live every single day knowing that my children are with someone whom is capable of such crimes and that trying to protect my children by using a voice of concern will get the insane system completely removing my rights.  I have sent letters to everyone that I could think of that would be able to have the case examined from beginning to end, however, at this point no one has stepped forward.  In order to regain unsupervised visits, my children and I have had to endure one more professional performing an interactional to state that I am a safe parent around the children.  The court system also does not like moving children from one home to another, so the reality of having them come back is very grim.  It kills me forcing my daughter who is the typical one (not special needs) after a visit, she states that is isn't fair and questions why nobody believes her.  It is a very profitable syndrome for the court system and all the professionals tied into it.  There are many therapists, whom very rarely take insurance, so in order to comply with orders in which to regain your children it bankrupts many families.  For instance, family evaluators, family and individual therapists, parent/child interactional professionals, parent child coordinators, attorneys just to name a few in which to just regain unsupervised visits (roughly $3,000/month) just to get the system to look at you and possibly decide that you should be in your childrens lives.  Be grateful for your families and hug them everyday....I wish I still could....if not for vindictiveness.

We need to remember that the needs of the children should be placed first.  How much do think hearing the references of negativity toward one parent or the other by the "parents" or "step-parents".  This woman is the children's mother and should not be referenced as "bio-mom", she is there mother until her rights are terminated and should be addressed as such.  The anger that is placed in so many of these postings has me questioning, how much spills over into the children's world and how does this effect the relationship.  What one may determine as alienation may also be part and parcel to one's direct reaction to the other parent. 

 

The gentleman who was on the show that was claiming PAS, if he could go on a widely seen television show and address her as "evil", would he also state this either under his breath or within earshot of his children?  How possible is it with his publicized opinion would in fact hurt his relationship with his children?  Dr. Phil in fact questioned the man's opinion of his ex-wife. 

 

As I have stated in (2) prior postings, I have been wrapped up in the PAS maze and accusations for over 4 years, with my children being removed from our home and placed with my ex husband whom has a history of sexual abuse and had been placed on the sex offender list in Colorado.  The system can and will be manipulated, I have seen this first hand how it becomes an avalanche that definitely does not benefit the children at all.  My son's autistic behaviors were used as a cause to remove my children,  as one poster stated whom also worked as a guardian ad-litem, many professional opinions can, have and will continue to be bought in order to produce a case.

 

In the past almost (2) years, with 1 3/4 year being supervised, I have faithfully visited with my children never missing a visit or phone call.  My children will one day when they are grown that I have never given up for the truth and justice for our family.  Their baby sister who is 2 1/2 whom is not a child by my ex-husband, does not even realize that T, A and E are her siblings.  T, A and E have missed seeing their sister grow up, missed her birthdays, sad story for siblings.  And yet, these children have no idea why they are not able to see me anymore, no one within the system has provided an answer or explaination to them.  Explain the benefit and "best interest" of the children.  Mine is just one of thousands out there, however, according to our newly court appointed PC, he has never seen a parent in Colorado as severly punished as myself, without proof only theory.

Your argument that mother's come into court with the best lawyers for custody, child support, domestic violence and that females get free attorneys for this is absolutely insane.  Maybe you would like to explain to my attorney that represented me why he is charging me over $150,000 for my conflicted divorce.  My divorce would have not been as costly had it not been for a men's rights attorney whom represented my ex continuing the divorce (2) times (mind you the only times that the case was continued) for which it took almost 2 years to finally get divorced.

 

Since, I am one of the mother's who has lost custody of my children for PAS accusations.  I beg to differ with you concerning the serious mental disorders ( I have had to take multiple mental health exams for my employment/security clearance with the U.S. government which totally go against the mental health exams paid for by CPS).  The Federal Health and Human Services actually has a stated mission of making sure Father's are an important part in their children's lives, through which funding has been provided.  The pendulum has swung incredibly in the wrong direction, where CPS is in fact using PAS to destroy families, not fully investigating and determining that children's reactions are due to the custodial parent rather than looking at all the possible reasons such as a child whom is on the Autism spectrum such as our child. 

 

Explain as well why CPS would place children with a parent with a history of convicted sex offender whom was placed on the sex offender list up for our state.  This same person was diagnosed as Narcissistic, has been caught stalking me/my house after the children were removed.   Please let me know that you as a parent do not have any concerns of sending your child to a neighbor whom is on a sex offender list or that you don't mind having your children taught by someone whom is on the sex offender list.  You have absolutely no right in stating that you know why my children were removed....you do not know our families story nor do you know any of the facts.  Having advocates whom have such narrow views and place judgement prior to knowing the facts is truly a very scary situation.

You are so right!  All situations need to be looked at objectively with open eyes and minds.  We have not only seen what jumping on the band wagon can do with ADHD, but also remember Austism was originally blamed on "bad mothers" in the early 1970's.  Many mothers lost custody of their children due to many upstanding professionals whom used their opinions surrounding their views, talk about a disservice to the children as well.  Let's not let this become an avalanche, how horrible that one seems to think that permanent removal of children from whom they believe is the alientating parent is the right choice.  With that kind of view, it is awfully scary thinking that if these people happen to be placed in another difficult situation, that they would use such "eye for an eye" type of retaliation. 

 

 

 

 

It really saddens me that you commend a court system without fully knowing all of the details.  Judging without fully knowing the facts and details, truly do hope that what goes around comes around.

 

FYI, for an accusation to be proven takes an extreme amount of physical evidence (i.e.  extreme tears, multiple events, etc.) and when accusations are considered unfounded it means that there was not enough evidence to prosecute, not that the incident did not truly happen.  Otherwise, you could be assured that the "false accuser" that you state would be charged and prosecuted as well. 

 

Watching from the outside, not knowing what happens behind closed doors is so easy to judge without being truly objective.  I truly hope that you keep your strong opinions of the child's other family to yourself as well.

 

 

 

 

I am a little confused by Kathleen whom fears just about everything, there were quite a few contradictory scenarios that don't make sense.  This woman fears blood clots, strokes, medical conditions yet had no problem getting a tattoo on the top of her foot.  She fears going out, driving, public, etc. yet her hands were well manicured, hair trimmed very nicely.  And the look she gave Dr. Phil when questioned about the difference in cleanliness throughout her house, she was clearly angry....why?  How on earth did she meet, date and form a relationship that turned into marriage?  I just would like to have a little explaination as it doesn't all add up.

 

Now before people jump on the bandwagon stating I don't have compassion, don't understand mental illness, etc.   Let me explain, my son has Asperger's syndrome (form of autism), ADHD, Sensory integration, issues from being preemie and yes ANXIETY of which he takes meds.  I do understand the anxiety issue as I need to always monitor his behavior in order to anticipate his anxiety and melt downs.  My son has allergies and has worried that dust would kill him, from seeing so many doctors he has fear and anxiety near hospitals and doctors, yet his reactions which are quite severe (even with meds.) are not turned on and off.

 

It almost seemed like the question might be, "Narcissism?", or "What do you do to control your family". or "What do you do to gather attention and sympathy" rather than "What do you fear".  If you have are able to watch it again, watch her reactions to questions she wasn't quite prepared to answer.

I want to start by stating that I do not agree with the mother walking away from her son.  I now being separated from your children is the hardest thing for a parent to have to go through.  What I want to address is the fact that the father is creating some of the emotional hardships for this child by spewing his opinion and adult issues to this child.  Dr. Phil states that the father is willing to help build this relationship, however, a father who tells his 10 or 11 year old child that his mother made her self abort a child shows the father's role.  The father has fully included this child in adult issues which have lent to the child's opinion and trust of his mother.  Yes, he may be interested in protecting his child but what underlying motives does he have?  The father has shown some of his anger through the adult conversations that he writes off as "explaining the history".  There is more to this story and the woman's excuses that the father was limiting her ability to interact with her child.  The father is very smooth and quick to offer explainations to gain sympathy.