Messages By: donotbefat

Yes, who is going to tell Christy that she is obese? 

It's acceptable to blame her husband, or to blame her having had a child, or to blame her feeling unloved.  But in reality, there is only one person who is responsible for her body size, and that is Christy. 

Until she is ready to accept the full responsibility for her own personal obesity, she will not make any changes.  By spending all her time blaming and denying, she doesn't have to own her own problem and will therefore make no changes. 

If she refuses to own her own obesity problem, she will now lose the extra pounds.  Why should she?  After all, none of  

What's so wrong about not being attracted to your mate when they've gained 90 extra pounds?   Is this supposed to be a pretty sight?  

Do you realize how much extra weight 90 pounds is?  It's the equivalent of more than four, 20-pound bags of dog food.  Try strapping that onto your back and see how it affects your physical, mental, and emotional health.  That will change a person, and therefore you will not be living with the same person who was previously slimmer and in better shape. 

If they had been that fat when you initially met them, you probably would not have given them the time of day.  But have you noticed, many people wait until they snag their spouse, and then get "fat & happy."  And have you also noticed that many times after these people break up, they lose their excess baggage until they snag another person.  And the cycle repeats itself. 

Obesity is a choice.  Over-feeding oneself is the option obese and over-weight people make for themselves.  If you turn yourself into a food addict, then don't whine when your mate is repulsed by how the extra weight changes you.  Take the responsibility for your own actions. 

Why has Christy's husband been portrayed as the bad guy?  The one that is responsible for Christy putting on 90 extra pounds since their marriage and her consequently having low self-esteem?  

This poor guy really bought into Dr. Phil's and Christy's combined portrayal of him as causing her emotional and obesity problems.  Come on guy, you DO need counseling to help you realize it is not YOU that is the cause of your wife's obesity and her feeling "repulsive."  She's done it to herself, and it's OK for you to admit this, no matter what Phil says.  

And now you doubly need counseling to undo the trauma you experienced of being ganged up on by Phil and Christy on national television and portrayed as the villain and cause of  her food addiction and her own self-loathing.  

And Dr. Phil tells the poor guy he needs to really examine his "superficial appearance aspects of yourself."  

I beg to differ with you, Phil.  We have eyes and they are for seeing.  And we have hands, and they are for touching and feeling.  Do these senses not count?  What this guy sees and touches and feels is not a turn on to him.  So why is he being scolded for his reality?  Come on Phil, are you so 'unsuperficial' that you'd be willing to trade your wife's shape and size for Christy's?    

So I say to Christy's husband, yes you are in a no-win situation, and before you accidentally make any more kiids with her, get out now, because she will never take responsibility for her own reality and you're always going to be the bad guy in this relationship.  

Good luck to you!  

I've been reading many of the posts pertaining to Christy's obesity.  The majority of the respondents seem sympathetic toward her and scornful of her husband. 

I can only assume the reason for the above, is that probably most of the respondents are overweight or obese themselves. 

Nevertheless, let's talk real here.   

When someone becomes fat or obese, lots of things about their physical as well as emotional self change.  

1.  When someone becomes fat or obese, so does their tongue.   

So when they go to bed and lie down on their back, all the extra fat within the neck area and the increased size of the tongue all falls back into the throat, often causing breathing problems as the throat area becomes blocked by fat.  One of the results of this is snoring, loud snoring.  Another result is sleep apnia, and the fat person consequently needing to sleep with a contraption over their face making them sound and look like Darth Vader.  This noisy device helps them to breathe through the night as they sleep. 

Now I ask you, does this sound like a sexy sight?  Is this what you envisioned for yourself and your mate when you hooked up with them?  

2.  When someone becomes fat or obese, they are in constant pain. 

ALL obese (and most fat) people live in chronic pain.  People who are in pain are not in the mood to be fun or sexy.  And they usually don't even feel like any unnecessary movement at all.  The pain is screaming loud and clear from the extra stress on their joints and bones.  The extra pounds they drag around cause them to be slow and lumbering in their movements. 

Does this sound like someone who would be creative and  inventive during romantic moments?  Does it sound like someone who would even be interested in romantic moments at all?  Orteven a jog around the block?  Probably not! 

3.  For the fat or obese person, there is a strong emotional component to living with chronic pain, causing the fat or obese person to  be depressed, short-tempered, sleep-deprived, irritable, angry, and sorry for themselves. 

Does this sond like someone who will be an upbeat, energetic and interesting person to be around?  Does this sound like the person you would intentionally choose as the parent of your child?    I think not.  

So, for all you people out there who continue to feel sorry for Christy who has packed on an extra 90 pounds, and for those of you who continue to blame her husband for not being supportive enough, try getting fit yourselves.  Fill up your plate, then cut the portion in half and scrape it off for the dog. Eat less and exercise more and reduce your weight until you are proud of the way you look and feel.  Then, if you can actually do this, let's see if you still want to baby Christy for her over-eating choices. 

I am a mother who lost her son to a jealous, controlling, manipulative woman--his wife.  This happened about 20 years ago.  The process didn't happen overnight; it was a slow, consistent, covert process of her isolating him from me. 

I suspect there are many mothers out there who have had this same experience, and I think it's a topic that should be brought out into the open.  Instead of all the media and books being written about how bad the mother-in-law is, how about more information about what part the new daughter-in-law plays in the alienation of mother and son, and other family members.

When my son got married, I was delighted and looked forward to having a relationship with both him and his new wife.  But right from the start, her jealously was apparent.  And not only was she jealous of me, but she also was jealous of all other women, including his sisters. 

Even though my son's wife orchestrated the whole process of disrespect and alienation, I do realize that it was totally my son's responsibility to prevent her manipulations.  The problem is, most guys aren't going to even realize what hit them.  He was focusing on the new romance and had no idea what his new wife was up to. 

In today's show, it was like deja vu.  Jay's new wife is already moving forward on her campaign to do whatever it takes to isolate Jay from his mother.  Jay is totally controlled by Michelle, his new wife, and he doesn't even recognize it.  The new wife tells him he is his "own man," and then this so-called own man sits there on Phil's show and parrots back the demands of the new wife.  So much for being your "own man", sucker!  You're being manipulated by a smug, controlling, immature, master-manipulator, and you are turning into a wimp.  The word used to describe a guy in your situation is, "P_ _ _ _  W_ _ _ _ _ _."

Michelle, I see you for who and what you are, and there will be many other women who see through you too.  Your motives are evil.  Counseling is certainly in order for you.  Good luck on ever growing up.

Power & Control.  That's what this is all about.  The new wife wants Power & Control.

This is a form of subtle domestic violence.  She is brain washing him, and it's working.

Isolation is one of the tactics used by abusive spouses.  And it is plainly clear that Michelle's plan of isolating her husband from his family is in full swing.

The more isolated he becomes from his family and friends, the more power and control she gains over him.

Michelle is very smart and knows exactly what she is doing.

As a mother who also has lost her son to a domineering, controlling, jealous woman, I sympathize with you.  When I would call my son on the phone, I could always tell if his wife was within hearing distance, because if she was, he was cool, cautious and reserved.  And when she wasn't within hearing distance he was his old friendly, jovial self.

I finally just got tired of her controlling games, and my son's lack of b_ _ _ _, and gave up and haven't spoken or seen my son in 15 years.

Jay, my man.  If you know what's good for you, do not spawn with this woman.  If you do, your life will be a living hell.

Michelle and Michelle's mother. 

You two are a pair.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as the saying goes.  Know what I mean?

Jay,

What a sad example you are of a son and of an adult.

Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are loosing your own voice.  Can you really speak for yourself anymore, or is it always "we," and "us"?

Just because you got married, doesn't mean you've turned into one person.

Go into "Google" and look up Brain Washing.  Read all you can on this topic.  Become aware of how your wife is controlling and manipulating you. 

Her controlling and domineering behavior will only escalate over time.  Learn to stand up for your own rights now, or plan on loosing them soon.

You are the prime example of  the saying about a guy only thinking with his D - - -.

Trust me, you can get more where that came from, but you have only one mind.  Get a grip on it now, or plan on growing into more of a sniveling wimp that you are already on your way to becoming.

Hi Jane,

I empathize with you.

If it's any consolation, know that there are legions of mothers who have lost their sons to women just like Michelle.

I know it's painful to have raised a son, and then to see him totally taken over by a jealous, controlling woman.

But, you know what, you don't deserve to be treated the way they are treating you.  Period. 

I respect the fact you are doing the work of therapy and reading.  That will make you a better, stronger person.  But I must warn you, there is no changing Michelle.  You will see.

Maybe one of the topics you can work on with the therapist is about grief and loss.  Because as long as your son stays with Michelle, she will not let up.  It is a total power play on her part and she will win.  I promise.

I suspect that her next mission will be to get pregnant so that she can punish you even more thoroughly by keeping the grand kid away from you.  Yes, I know it may be hard to imagine, but she is out for blood and revenge, and she will have it--all at your expense.

Life is never without pain.  But who would have imagined that the pain would include loosing your son to a  woman such as Michelle.

As long as your son stays with this particular wife, you have no chance of having a relationship with your son.  Michelle will see to that.  And even if he does try to have a relationship with you, Michelle will expertly make his life so miserable, that he eventually will give up trying.  When this happens, try not to take it personally.  It will merely be a survival tactic he will have to use just to get along with this evil woman.  Pity him.

Remember that your life is important too.  Bring your other family and friends closer.  Go on a vacation and take up hobbies.  Hang with those family members and friends that allow you to embrace them and that treat you with respect.  That is what you deserve.

I have a philosoply:  "I expect my family to treat me at least as respectfully as they treat the clerk at Wal Mart.  And if they don't, then so long."

And I don't believe that just because people are related that gives them the right to mistreat each other.   

None of this is without pain, but be careful you don't spend years beating yourself up over all of this.  You may have to just acknowledge you did the best you could, and move on with your life.

Nurture yourself.  Be good to yourself.  Try to take the attitude, "What will be, will be." 

Yes, there will be pain.  And no one prepared you for loosing your son, but some things just happen, and no amount of trying will change reality.  Learn to deal with the terrible reality of this whole situation and realize it is not your fault and not your doing.

And if and when this little manipulative wench comes around wanting something from you, hold on to your dignity and don't be as easily manipulated as your son has been.

Good luck to you, and I hope this helps.

Peace.