Quote From: lac1962I am a 45 year old Caucasion American woman whom married an Asian man from Hong Kong. Even though my husband came here to the USA when he was 16 years of age, he still hasn't got with the program yet! I have been with him 20 years now and 17 of them married. He was totally different before we eloped, but as soon as those papers were signed, "HE WAS ALL, ME, ME AND ME"..... I always come #8. What I mean by that is, first comes himself, then his job (works in restaurant for family), then come his parents, then come his brother and sisters, then come his nieces and nephews, then comes anyone of Asian descent, then comes his own children (if they were full-blooded Asian they may have come 2nd), then comes me.
He has never physically hit me, but the silence and the verbal and emotional abuse has taken it's toll. I have done everything in my power to try and save our marriage (even went to a marriage councelor for a year "bye myself", he wouldn't even do a single phone-conversation with councelor). I have 3 boys and 1 girl and now my daughter is feeling the effects from it, this is why I must seriously get out!!!
I need your help Doctor Phil. There is absolutely no talking to this man, when I say "we need to sit-down and talk" he just about laughs in my face, there is now way he is going to take advice from a woman never mind listen to one, especially an American Woman.
Our daughter is absolutely georgous (modeling material) and I, myself, need one of Doctor Phils "Extreme Makeovers". I have no slef-esteem left, whatsoever. I hate myself for allowing things to deteriate this far, and especially hate myself due to the fact that my daughter asks me on a daily basis, "mom, please lets just get out of here and leave these men to fend for themselves".
My heart breaks for her, but I try to explain to her that with no money we are unable to go anywhere. A few months ago, he took the check-book and all the credit-cards away from me, another one of his control tactics.
I was working 5 days a week, down to 3 days a week, down to 1 day a week, so I just left (It's because almost all the work has been completed here since "Hurricane Charlie" hit and it seems as though there is a depression here, in Charlotte County, Florida. Foreclosures went up 90% and taxes tripled since then and there are over 7,500 houses for sale here, not including the foreclosures which alone is 9,500 homes), and since I am not working, my husband hasn't spoken to me and has made his room on the sofa since. I think that the sofa part is the best thing that has happened in our relationship (will not tell him that) but, the "SILENCE" is another one of his control issues and it has broken the last straw on the camels back, so to speak.
I have taught myself how to tile and have made counter-tops for our kitchen, tiled Master-Bath and am 1/2 way done with guest bathroom/kids bathroom. I tell my husband that I have checked newspapers, online, etc. for a job, there is nothing out there, and that I am saving him a bunch of money doing all the tiling (due to Hurricane Charlie), and his responce is "your tiling doesn't pay my ******* bills!" I just want to puke when he speaks.
The race issue I can deal and live with but, the cultural issue I cannot live with any longer, and feel completely trapped.
I have written to the Tyra Banks Show trying to get my daughter into modeling, "this is my daughters goal and her dream", and I just know that she would be so good at it, but I would be embarassed for my daughter because of how I have let myself worth, and feel that I couldn't represent her in an up-lifting manner because of my appearance.
Please, Oh please Dr. Phil, help us. THANK YOU!!!!
Truly,
L & E Chan
Why in the world are you still there? As Dr. Phil says, you teach people how to treat you...and you've done just that. Get out! You've got skills to get a job and there are many places that can help you through the transition. Stop worrying about your daughter's modeling career and start talking to a lawyer. You are a human being who deserves much more than a husband who has no respect for you controls you as if you were his slave. Leave his a**. Yes, it will be scary, but so, so, worth it, and you can do it. It's time to be a self-sufficient adult dependent on no one and a mother who takes charge of the upbringing of her children, so they don't take after their father and feel it's acceptable to treat others as he does or be treated this way. Get a backbone and do it... and most importantly, contact a lawyer... more than likely, you are owed 50% of earnings acquired during your marriage - perhaps more if you retain custody of the kids. I apologize if I came across as harsh...I only meant to be firm. Best of luck...you are in my prayers.
Please respond because I'm worried for you and your children.
