Messages By: jaimie1974

Quote From: laerenielwen

Ok, this is a long story.

 I have liked this guy we will call "S" for a while now.  We met almost 2 years ago from an online dating site.  The first night we met, we went for drinks, took a walk went back to my place to watch a movie and ended up being intimate.  It was like we had already known each other for years and we clicked so well it was almost like we could just read each other minds.  At the end of the night i was laying in his arms and we were both looking out the window of my bedroom. He put his arms around me and said I wish I could just stay here forever and watch the sun rise.  We saw more of each other over the next few weeks but nothing was official. 

He was finishing his thesis at the time so school took up most of his time.  We stopped talking for a few months but eventually started talking again once his thesis was finished.  The he was looking for jobs and the job he got took him to a conference out of town.  He decided to make a vacation out of it and I asked if he wanted me to see him off at the airport.  He kinda snapped at me and again we stopped talking for a few months.

 When we once again, reconnected (I have come to find that we can not stay away from each other no matter what happens) thing seemed to be working out well.  Where as the times before he had never asked me to spend the night let alone invite me into his room, this time he was much more open.  It got to the point where i was spending almost every other night at his place.  The only problem was that I was not getting a definite commitment from him.  Because of that, the fact that I wanted a relationship and we never could get to the point where we agreed on gf/bf status, I found someone else who did want to date me. 

 I dated that person for a while but i knew in the end that things were not going to work with them.  We were just too different and I still wanted "S".  When i made the decision that I was going to break up with my bf, I talked to "S".  We had still kept in contact on and off through-out the entire time of my relationship but when I spoke with him, he said that he was getting back together with his gf.  We still kept in contact after I broke up with my bf and while he was dating his current gf.  We understood that for the time being we were just friends.  I never gave up hope that we would be together though.

Last weekend he invited me over to his place to watch a movie.  When I was there, he told me that he and his gf had broken up. We ended up being intimate but at the end of the night he thought it best to spend the night in separate beds as he was not in the right mind frame to be sharing a bed just yet.  I was totally ok with that. I understood completely.  Yesterday night he invited me over again and I made him dinner we watched a movie and again had some fun.  This time however he asked if I would spend the night and I did.  Yesterday was the first time in a long time I had actually seen him happy. He had a smile on his face and light in his eyes.

 Here is my problem, I don't want to be the Band-Aid for a wound that needs to heal.  Eventually he will realize that the Band-Aid needs to  be ripped off and it aka me will get thrown out.  I don't want that.  I have been waiting almost 2 years for this opportunity to happen where we are both single and nothing is hindering us.  What do I do?  I eventually want to talk to him and tell him that I want to be in a relationship with him but I'm afraid it's too soon to have that serious of a discussion with him.  He knows I like him and that I always have but when do I have that discussion?  When do I actually sit him down and say it.  I would much rather he tell me he doesn't see me as gf material for him than to be used.

 Please help as I have NO idea what to do.  I care about him more than anyone else and I can honestly say I think that I love him.  I would do anything for him but I couldn't stand being tossed aside.  It would kill me.

 

Quote From: vhines411

On my seventh yr anniversary of marriage I found out that my husband was gay.  I tried for 3 yrs after that day  to keep our marriage together.  I thought it was my fault, that I made him this way. two week before we was to separate he had gotten a blood clot in his brain and just about died.  I still stood by his side and took care of him.  Held down a full time job, went back and forth to the hospital for 3 months and took care of are 8yr old daughter.  after he got out of the hospital and had recovered I caught him again with his "man friend."  I was mad as hell.  because I was trying to keep this marriage together for our daughter. I told him that if we was going to make it work he needed to stay away from his "man friend"  he said that he was not going to choose between me and his friends so on are 10th yr anniversary I moved him out and filed for a divorce.  He was really upset because he had to move back home with his brother (there dad owned a
home, they lived there for free).  He had to tell his family and friends why we was getting divorced.  No one knew. I have been divorce for 4 yrs this year.  My X does not call or visit his daughter.  She is 12 yrs of age now.  she knows why me and her dad got divorced.  Me and her father explained everything as good as we could to her.  She says she understands and says she loves her dad no matter what.  She just wishes her dad would come and see her or call once in a while.  this breaks my heart.  But I am a happier person now.  I have fallen in love with another man and my xhusband is not happy at all.  The man I have fall for was are best man at are wedding. I have known him for 15yrs he is great.    him and myself lost contact for 5 yrs ago.  My X husband called me about 7months ago and told me that are friends (my boyfriend now) was getting divorced I told him to give me his # so I could check on him.  I called him and we started dating.  (we
have been attracted to one another for a long time.  But never did nothing Because we took are marriage vows serious).  My daughter loves him but she don't want no one to take her dads place.  (I never started dating until recently because I didn't want different men in my daughters life.)  He has a 19 yr old daughter who does not like me.  When His wife left him, she left him with two children ages 19 girl and boy 13.  She later came back and took the son but has nothing to do with the daughter.  Her and her dad live together by themselves for almost a year before I came along.  She say she wants her dad and her home back to themselves.  Her dad has decided that he wants me to be in there lives so she decided to move in with her grandmother across the road.  His mom don't like me because she thinks I pushing his daughter out of there home, but that is not true.  all I want is a happy family.  I have put my daughter on the back burner to make his
daughter happy and nothing I do is not good enough. I have stood back and watched my boyfriend try to fix this problem.  I don't want to be put in a place where I feel some one is choosing.  I went thought that once and It really hurt.  My heart hurts for her and I just want to be a happy family.  How do we move on as a family and not make her feel left out because she is trying to push me away.  He tells me that she will get over it.  that she needs to grow up (and that she does need to do) he says that he love me, and he needs to have a life also.  I understand that and I want the same thing.  But is it wrong for use to be happy and want a happy family?  I don't think so!  I'm know I'm a people pleaser.  how do I fix this problem? she liked me before we dated.  please help......

Quote From: d_reid

 I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we share 2 children together. He lies to me all the time and doesnt seem to think he needs to tell me where hes been. He has cheated on me in the past. For example when he goes to school, he has breaks and friends etc just like most people. When he comes home I out of interest in him and his life and also out of lack of trust ask him what he did today. He tells me he sat in the cafeteria. A couple days later I find out he went to a friends house. I confront him and he tells me he didnt think it mattered. So why didnt he just tell me why not just say he went to his friends house?

 

I am a stay at home mom and do everything for the kids and around the house but he is always needing his "leizure time". I am never included in any of this nor does he usually tell me the whole story about where he had been or who he was with as once again "I am not his mom and he didnt think it mattered or we dont need to be attached at the hip" Am I the only one with a boyfriend that seems to think he doesnt need to tell me what goes on in his life or that I am entitled to the truth especially after infedelity??? How do I get him to understand that I have the right to know these things or that I matter too??

Quote From: ajsfallenangel

Ok I am new to this...so I'll get right to the issue. Is flirting and talking dirty to people out of state online considered infidelity? I struggle with this because I recently found that my husband was doing this for over a year before I found out about it. Our relationship of marriage had only been a year old before this started happening. I am so torn by this. I gave him everything I could in our relationship. When I confronted him he said that it was because he was depressed. For a year???!!! I love him but I will always be wondering if he is doing it again and what if he is and  I don't find out for another year or so. I am trying to wipe the slate clean and start fresh but it is so hard when trust has been broken. I think this is also the reason I get so upset when he is online all the time playng war games...even after I go to bed. Any thoughts? Comments? Please, I need to hear it.

Quote From: selena424

Hello,

I'm 38 and have been in a relationship since 8 years and my BF has an 8 year old daughter.  The road has been bumpy and rocky, but it is better between his daughter and me..but getting alot worse with my BF.  I feel as if I don't have an opinion, cause his is the best one...and that everything I say or do.....isn't ok..  That includes EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THIS IS WHY I FEEL UNAPPRECIATED AND THAT I DON'T HAVE MY PLACE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP OR HOME!    I've been thinking about bailing out alot of times, especially these days since my boyfriend has been working nights from 11pm-7am and that we don't do anything anymore; like going out or having some time to ourselves....especially when his daughter is at home(one week).  We argue alot about finances, fitness, babysitting, etc....these are subjects and many more that it's a one way street..only his say!  I'm getting tired and frustrated,....Please help!

 

 

Quote From: alexus847

My sister is 27 years old and she seems to always have a chip on her shoulder about me. I am 24 and a college student who works part time. My sister has not had a very easy life, she has been in trouble and she has had problems figuring out who she is. My life has come a little easier to me, I was in trouble once in high school, learned my lesson and straightened up my act. I am now in college and have a very bright future. I am going into social work and would like to work for the government so of course, I can not have any sort of record. Well, this last summer my sister was pulled over without insurance and expired tabs. She was driving wth the conditions that she could not have any moving violation within a year otherwise she would lose her license. So, she gave my name to the cop and a few months later I got a letter in the mail stating that I am being sent into collections and have a court date for not paying my fines. Prior to this letter my sister did attempt to pay the fines, without telling me about the situation, and her check bounced. She was going to pay the fine and leave on my record a driving without a license, insurance, and expired tabs with two underage children in the car. Since then, I found a lawyer got all of the charges dropped. My sister will be taken to Court for this, without my filing any charges. She seems as though she feels no remorse for all the hastle and jeopradizing of my future that she put me through. For months I felt as though she owed me an apology and she thinks I am a bitch because I would not take the wrap for her and, "her life is so perfect and I am nothing but a mess up" (quote from my sister). She played the victim. I decided to give up on wanting an apology and I just forgave her in my heart. I have tried getting along with her and telling her that I love her, but she now says that I am not her sister and she puts words in my mouth. I do not know what to do. It kills me that she is so prideful and that she is turning this situation around on me as though it is my fault that we are having problems. She is the one that had me sent into collections and almost caused me to lose my license. I still love her though, she is my sister and I would do almost anything for her, but I am not going to jeopradize myself because she can't keep herself out of trouble. Someone please help me out here, I am at a loss. I almost just want to call it a loss but I love her too much to not have her be a part of my life. Plus, my neices mean the world to me and I am very close to them, this could affect them also.

Quote From: miller_guzman

The comment was made that she didn't know or plan to have eight children  and she was told she would probably only have one or maybe two.  My questions is why was she having any?  At the time she was unable to provide for the six children she had. 

 

Another comment was made about her being  very religious.  I question then how much faith she has in God.  Did she ever consider that having children of her own was not in Gods plan for her since she as not able to have them on her own.  I have a real problem with somebody making a statement about being very religious but yet does not seem to be living or listening to God.   Her being a "strong Christian" woman should not be used as an excuse for this situation because the fact is that if she truly was a strong Christian  women she would be putting her children first instead of herself.  My heart truly aches at this situation.    

 

I agree she needs some mental and emotional help.  I hope she gets it. 

However I really hope her kids receive help.  My heart hurts with the thought that they will be the ones who pay the price for this situation. 

 

I think the best thing for all involved is for those children to be taken and at least have a chance at a normal life with other families.  Of course putting these children in the system scares me also but I believe they would at least have a better chance then the situation they were born into. 

 

We need to pray for all her kids everyday! 

Quote From: wren_lee

A year and a half. I just kinda need to write it out.

In all fairness he's not really a bad guy, he's just a guy.. I'm 21 he's 22.
To start, I wasn't fully ready to move in with him. I wasn't sure, I thought, "what if it doesn't work out and then I have no where to go?" But at 19 my parents kicked me out because he was renting on his own and they wanted to give my room to one of my younger brothers.
Things started ok, but they always do or you just don't bother getting in to the relationship in the first place. My friend says it's called the, "Honeymoon Phase."  Where in the first year or two everythings all great and happy and you love eachother it just seems to be the way things were meant to happen.
Eventually, the guys  --in my experiences--  start to get lazy. Remember when they used to try to impress you by keeping the house tidy? Not anymore they don't. They've won you, now it's your job to babysit them.
Feed them, clean up after them, hold their hand while they play video games.  --Not literally of course, I play video games too and that would be very difficult--
I don't want to become my mother because I've never seen, all through my life, that she's truely deep down happy. It's just never been there for her. Things just are the way they are to her and that's that. She cooks, cleans, works and runs all the errands. My dad works, comes home and complains about the house, eats and complains about the food. Finds out a week or two in advance that she's going to have some time to herself or see one of her female friends, and throws a fit.
I.. Am working, coming home and cleaning, taking the garbage to the dump after cleaning, cooking right after work so he can eat before he goes to bed.. And I'm not happy with it.
We've made deals and they've not stuck, first when I had a different job and different hours, I'd cook for us and he was supposed to do the dishes. But I cooked and he came home.. Walked in with his dirty shoes on. Had a shower, ate and played video games until bed.
Then I got a different job, different hours. So we changed the ever-failing deal. He'd cook for us and I'd do the dishes. He cooked for himself and left no food for me, but expected me to clean up after him. So I told him if he was only cooking for himself was going to clean up after himself. Then he started making enough for me to eat left overs. His messes still all over the house.
We've talked over and over and over and it's not fixed a thing. Of course he thinks it has because he gives it a quick fix in which he'll maybe.. Ok example.. He drinks 3-5 cans of pepsi a day, after a month or so i'll notice that the empty cans have piled up between the couch and the wall because he kicks them there so he doesn't have to put them away. So I'll ask him to please pick them up and after a few days of whining about having to do it.. He picks about 2/3rds of them up and leaves everything else he's disgarded throughout the house.
The place is falling apart but it's simply maintenance matters the landlords are required to attend to. However, they don't know that anythings wrong because he wont let them know. Two summers ago I was trying to close the cheap screen swing-door and the top glass panel fell out and almost broke my fingers, it's still sitting on the living room floor. The toilet could fall through the floor any day. The doorknobs inside the house are only 2 years old but extremely cheap and keep locking us in and out of rooms, here's the catch.. They don't have locks on them. The furnace kicks in dust from the 6 chicken barns next door when it turns off. The sattelite doesn't work. The kitchen wall is coming apart. The dryer doesn't dry, and the washing machine doesn't like to wash.
I've asked him on several occasions if we could move, to somewhere a little bigger, that we could choose together. Somewhere that I might fit in with him. I moved in a year and a half ago after he begged me to, and I wasn't sure about it but my parents kicked me out.. And everything I own is still sitting in boxes behind the couch. Once I asked, "Can we move soon please? I'd really like to be able to put at least some of my things somewhere other than in a box behind the couch. I just don't fit here." And he replied, "Of course you fit, the boxes don't have to stay behind the couch. There's plenty of closet space."
About a year ago we were at a pub with two of our friends, one male one female. Drinking and having fun, and he decides to tell me he wants to see me have sex with the girl. She's a lesbian who was competing with him for me before we started going out. So to me the concept was no different than if he tells me he wants to see one of our guys friends with me.
We talked about that.. But the talks never last right? So over and over it happened. Stopped seeing her very often, because now I was uncomfortable around her, because now he was encouraging her to molest me, grope me, and pull my clothes off  when she was around 'cause he wanted to watch.
So.. After all this uncomfortableness, I started to really consider the whole relationship situation. Then his younger sister (17) moved in with us from her relatives in Oklahoma,   --Difficult to explain his family situation-- and that was extremely difficult because 17 year olds are hard to live with. Especially when they seem to be chronic liars. Throwing tantrums constantly.
I'm one who really enjoys her sex, a lot. I'd almost never turn it down from whom I'm in a relationship with. But on occasion I'd not be in the mood, beit because I was stressed or whatever. At first he'd just whine at me really unattractively that he wanted sex and I should give it to him. Then eventually the stress for me became more with his sister living there, and the encouraging my friend to just go ahead and sleep with me and I began to want to have sex with him a little less. And so he turned to guilting me, and then getting somewhat.. I wouldn't say angry that I wouldn't give it too him whenever he wanted it.. But.. Lets say, certainly very displeased.
Eventually with all this uncomfortableness, not going away no matter how often we talked it through, I began to spend more and more time out of the house. After work I'd go to Tim Hortons or visit my brothers or my best friend.. And he definately started getting angry about that. He also was really unhappy when I wouldn't come to bed with him even though he has a morning job and I start work at 4pm every day.
He's always taken "verbal stabs" with anti-woman comments and such, but more and more often as the relationship went on. I'm pretty sure most of those really were just jokes, but some of the more sexist things or just flat-out insulting things he said, he'd say and then gauge my reaction before saying, "Oh my GOD! It was just a JOKE! You can't even take a JOKE! GOD!"
So it was getting close to New Years, 2009 and I was feeling really depressed, and thinking hard about the way the relationship was going, so I sat him down and talked about it. I told him I was thinking of moving out for a while, because things didn't seem to be going well and maybe some time on my own would help.
And he cried, and then he said,  --and I didn't realize just how red-flaggish it was at the time-- "No.. You can't move out. If you do, you'll realize you're happier without me and you wont come back.."
So.. I decided not too, and things continued to feel bad.. Suffocating.. Hurtful..
Until last week.. I thought about it again, relayed it to my best friend, my second best friend, one of my brothers.. They all seemed to agree that it would be better for me because the relationship has reached a seriously unhealthy rut and he has made no accomodations for me to feel like I even belong where I was living with him.
'K now here's the.. Strangest part for me.. I don't know if I'll ever get back together with my boyfriend even though he's going insane right now contacting everyone I know, to talk to them and figure out how to help himself get me back. He says he finally realizes what I meant this weekend when I said I can't ask him to change because he can't change for me. His boss gave him a week off work because he's gone in to such shock about it that his boss is afraid it will affect his work performance. He's going to see a counselor, starting Monday. He sat down with one of my older female friends and her husband of 16 years to make a list of all the things he doesn't like about himself that he wants to make better.. But here's the biggest part ever.. Even if he does.. Do better. I don't know if I can ever take him back, because he wants kids one day. And I don't. And I can't take that chance away from him.
But the strangest part.. because I've never.. Been like this.. My second best friend just happened to break up with his girlfriend for very similar reasons too.. We're both reaching out to eachother for companionship.. Emotional.. And physical.. And neither of us is cheating, but...... I don't understand.. Why I don't feel guilty about it.... ? I should, because here's my ex putting in so much work.. Maybe too late..?.. But, I feel bad about not feeling bad.... But... I don't want a relationship for a while now.... My friend and I are both just reaching out for companionship.... Maybe I was just raised to believe that's wrong.. And that's why I'm worried I should feel horrible about it but don't.... Or maybe I should.... I don't know....

Quote From: errn2005

     I became engaged to a man with an 8 year old daughter. He divorced his wife 5 years ago and gave up parental rights due to his job (railroad) and usually has to barter his time with his daughter. I do not interfere with his time with her, and the few times we have all been together, I am more concerned with his parenting than her behavior.

    He has a habit of getting her something from the store when she is "good", and once I suggested that maybe "daddy so get a prize for teaching you to be good". Her reply was her mother taught her to be good. He did not comment which suprized me. This past Christmas he had to leave her with Grandma for a total of 2 days due to the job. When he returned, his desk his deceased father left him had glitter all over it, toys were all over the bedroom, and downstairs didn't look any better according to him. When I called to make sure he got home okay, he said he would have called me that he arrived safely but he was upset about the  way things looked and that she did not want to clean up. I looked at the phone in disbelief and then told him to stop talking about it with her and get a large trash bag and scoop up all the stuff she didnt want to clean up including new Chrirstmas toys. When she decided she wants to clean she could take one thing from the bag. That seemed to work, although she didn't get all the stuff back and didnt seem to miss it.

       We got engaged the day after Christmas. His daughter went with us, because he said she wanted to help me pick out my ring. I was floored, don't really need help with that, and said that if she went., so did my boys ( aged 17 and 16). He said no problem. Then we went to eat dinner, he wanted to pay for it, usually I do because he is making up back child support and alimony payments. He wanted to go to Red Lobster, she didn't want to. I suggested Olive Garden. The time was spent convincing her to eat and sit still. Not my ideal ring day, or spending it with the man I love, really didnt want my boys there either.

        He frequently tells her, "dont tell Mommy we did or didnt do this or that" which I think is unfair. I also think she tells her mom everything, including me getting my ring. Soon after he got an emal from her congratulating him and how nice that their daughter went to help pick out the ring. He did not tell the ex, and I sure didnt.  I think his daughter has learned quickly how to play these two and this mommy dont play that.

        Any advice I get will be appreciated, including critiqing me. I am not wearing rose colored glasses, but dont want to be unfair either.  Thanks!