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Messages By: chantel2

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August 6, 2006, 3:04 pm CDT

Dating w/std

Anyone have any experiences with dating someone with an std?  How did they react when they were told?  Did the relationship last long once they found out they were exposed to it?
 
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August 10, 2006, 2:01 am CDT

Life w/std

I have lived with an std for over 20 years.  I was married for 18 of the 20 years.  It was difficult in my marriage because my husband blamed me.  I really believe he had it and gave it to me, but there is no way to prove it.  It was one of the issues that finally dissolved our marriage (the other major issue was weight gain).  Being single now is harder.  Trying to be a responsible adult is not always easy.  With the various websites, some are very scary and when you discuss it with a new partner -- their first reaction is how could you do this to me.  I have lost several relationships due to this.  Maybe in the long run, it was good that they ended so quickly but it makes it very hard to try again.  I'm hoping to find someone who will really care about me as a person.  Marriage, I'm not so sure I want to go there again.  All I can say to singles is be careful -- really use the protection -- it is not worth the lifetime of hell afterward.  What about the dating sites specific for people with std's?  I've looked at them, but am afraid.  I have also thought about match.com, but am afraid too.  Saw the show on it and it made me more comfortable, but I have not taken the next step.  :)
 
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August 12, 2006, 4:33 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: mantoine

You are so blessed you have not had any out breaks.  they are so painful.  You should think God for that.  Do you know of any online support sites for people with STD?

I did a search for websites and came up with these:  gotherpes.com, herpes.md, and mpwh.com.  The dating sites include: loveacess.com, herpes-dating.com, positivesingles.com, stdfriends.com and herpesonline.org.  I have not signed on to any and really am not sure how good they are.  If anyone has had experience with any of these sites, I would be interested in your views.  I'm real nervous about signing up for a site, then having a friend or co-worker find out about me. 

 

Also I too do not have many outbreaks.  They seem to occur when I'm under a lot of stress and starting a new relationship it about as stressful as you can get.  Has anyone ever used the medication to reduce the outbreaks (ie, Valtrex)?  Did you have any real issues -- besides the cost?

 
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August 15, 2006, 3:06 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: mama5x

I have been with my husband for almost 8 years we have 2 children. The last 3 years we have had no sex because he tested positive for herpies. He claims he must of got it from his ex but I have a hard time believing that for the fact that we were having unprotected sex for 5 years and I tested negative now how is that possible?

You can have herpes without ever knowing it.  I too checked with the person I was with before my husband told me.  I found out that he did not have them either.  So you tell me, was I a carrier and did not know it and the previous person was just lucky or did I get them from my husband.  No one will ever no for sure.  I had a 2 yr relationship after my divorce and that person did not get them either -- and it was unprotected sex by his choice.

 

You can still have sex with your husband -- just use the medication and protection.  Don't go the rest of your life without sex -- unless that is what you really want or you think you are punishing him.  If he got this from someone within the last 3 years, you can bet if he isn't getting any sex at home he is out infecting other people.  Where do you want him?

 
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August 15, 2006, 3:07 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: mantoine

I am currently taking Valtrex.  I think it is helping.  My doctor wants me to try it for 3 months. It's expensive, but if you have mail order, it's more affordable.  You will get 3 months supply for the price of one month going to a pharmacy.
Thanks. I have taken it when I have had outbreaks.  My outbreaks are so far and few between that I don't take it daily because of the expense.  Do you know of any other medications that aren't as expensive?
 
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August 28, 2006, 2:42 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: manbot

MEOW

Meow?????

 
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August 29, 2006, 2:40 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: rayoflight

You should talk to your doctor to see which is the best medicine for you. Tell your doctor that you are looking for an affordable medicine that will help you with your outbreaks. There are cheaper medicines out there, but you should discuss all of the options with a medical professional first.

 

I have talked to my medical professional before.  There never seems to be much of a discussion on medication.  It is here....take this and let me know if it works.  I have recently changed doctors, so maybe I will try it again.  I also recommend to my partners that before we continue a relationship that they consult their physician.  Some never call back and others do.  I often wondered what their physicians tell them.  It would be nice to know.
 
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September 13, 2006, 2:54 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: mantoine

In my opinion, if you think the relationship is going somplace, you should be up front as soon as possible.  Put yourself in the other person's place.  When would you like to know.  How important would it be for you to find out.  If this person really cares for you and want a relationship with you, then he/she should be ok using condoms.  This disease is no joke, it takes an emotionally toll on you.  I don't know where your relatiionship is with God, but you have to constantly be in prayer.  You feel so down a lot of time. Everytime you get a outbreak especially, you just want to kick yourself.

 

 

I have told various partners at different times.  I have lost almost all of them once I tell them about the herpes.  It is hard and very painful to find someone you care about and then lose them.  I was in one relationship for 2 yrs.  We did not use protection, he never got herpes.  However, the relationship ended because of other issues.  Since then the longest I have had a relationship has been 2 months.  Both times, they were told when they asked why the condoms.  Both thought about it and then continued the relationship for a short while later -- without the use of condoms.  Then they ended it. I don't have an answer.  I keep hoping someone special will come along.  My ex-husband (who also has herpes) has been a relationship for over 2 years -- so if he found someone and he is an ass, then I'm sure I will too.  It could be too that women are more understanding and willing to take a chance with a partner; where as men see women with herpes damanged goods and won't have anything to do with us.  Who knows??? We have not heard from any men yet.  Guys are you out there?

 

 

 
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September 23, 2006, 1:46 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: luanne1961

[quote from ronzgirlj  This virus is epidemic, with 80 % of the population having it in this country, and most don't even know it. Please tell a friend and also keep up with annual pap smears. [/quote

 

I totally agree.  I believe that ALL STD's need to be talked about and discussed with our friends family and physicians.  And last but certainly not least any prospective sexual partners, as they are the ones who deserve to know.  There is NOTHING to be ashamed of when having an STD.  It takes a long time to "get used to the idea", but in time, you soon come to realize that the STD is simply a Virus.  Herpes is "JUST" a Virus to me:   http://herpes-virus.blogspot.com/       

 

On my Herpes blog (noted above),  you will also find a copy of a letter I had written to Dr. Phil which I feel this issue does need to be addressed.  As another herpes friend of mine has said, we need  "herpes heroes"  (did you realize that just by changing the P to an O in the word herpes, you get heroes). 

 

Someone else had inquired about dating sights, support groups etc.  If you simply do a web search for your city (ie: Herpes Support San Diego) or any city for that matter, chances are you will find either a support group, social group or both.  The majority of the best chat/message boards dealing with herpes are normally found on the yahoo groups.  There are all sorts of groups.  Most are "city specific" where they discuss upcoming gatherings, friendship, support and some have met their "Mr or Mrs Right".   There are yahoo groups which are geared towards certain age groups; (ie: Hover50 - over 50 and living with herpes -support and social), Herpes Support (Picking Up The Pieces, with over 3000 members) treating your herpes through holistic means and so many more.  Just do a search for the type of group you might be searching for.

 

I have personally found (as I talk about on my blog also called "Supportive Strangers") that just by going to a social gathering, you will soon realize how common of an issue living with genital herpes truly is.  You will experience a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders when you actually can say the word out loud "HERPES, HERPES, HERPES" and no longer feel ashamed.  You will soon realize that you are NOT ALONE and that seems to be the biggest problem with people who are literally struggling with herpes is the emotional aspect of it.  Sure, some people suffer much more than others, in regard to outbreaks etc, some of us, suffer very little, but it's the emotional aspect, the fact that the only way we can live with ourselves is to tell and take the chance/risk of being rejected by a prospective mate.  I have found that being honest has been the very best medicine for me while living with genital herpes.  I'm no longer ashamed as I once was, it's just a virus for Pete's sake!!  :-)

 

For those of you who are having difficulties having "the talk".  My recommendation is to "get right with yourself" first.  You don't want to tell someone with tears streaming down your face.  Join a support group and get inspiration from others who are going through the exact same thing.  Living with genital herpes is NOT the end of the world, you can still have children and you can still be loved.

I like your enthusiasm.  I understand that herpes is a virus -- but some how when you tell a partner about it -- it seems so dirty.  Maybe age has something to do with my attitude -- I'm 53 yrs old and to discuss this openly is something I can't do.  It is embarrassing. Telling a potential partner that they have probably already been exposed and did not know it -- they don't get it.  At least with me, they know that it can be prevented.  I don't know......as for joining a support group in my town -- I don't think so.  People talk way too much and this is a small town.
 
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September 24, 2006, 8:40 pm CDT

Please Listen

Dr. Phil.  I have been watching your show all summer.  It has been very educational for me -- on a lot of subjects.  I first posed a question on your message board because I was hoping to get some really good advise.  Believe it or not, I have learned more about people and herpes since  Luanne saw the new topic.  I did check out herpes-virus.blogspot.com and Hover50 -- I have learned a lot.  I believe you doing a show on this topic would help out millions of people who are in the dark.  You should check out these websites or have someone on your staff check it out -- or maybe someone on your staff is a member and they could give you some feedback.  Information is what we all need -- no matter what the age.  It is hard to find reliable information -- even from your own doctor.  Again, you could help a lot of people -- think about.  Remember you can fix something until you acknowledge it!  :)  Chantel2

 

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