Messages By: markev824

i have been with someone for over 2 years now, living in a big metro city, both of us w/good jobs, and the topic of getting married is the most prominent these days in my mind - its time to either S--- or get off the pot (so to speak).

the problem is this:  she is everything in a girl I've ever wanted - huge heart, sweet as pie, fun to be with, cute, ambitious future... but I am not overly physically attracted to her.  We make love, though not with the lust and passion I feel I would want in a relationship to commit 100% to for the rest of my life.  We've had droubts in the past, though we were both under abnormal stress at the time... thoughI find myself always looking at beautiful women, pining, and wanting to be with them (though this is obviously more just a physical attraction).  I have never cheated on her, and neither has she on me.

I know my girl will be a great mother, wife, partner, and co-provider for a committed future and family, and I ask this out of honest desire for advice - is the physical attraction, or lack thereof, reason to not get married?

i've heard that after marriage, most likely, women take care of the money her husband gets from work. she keeps it and spend it for the house etc. but here's the thing, how should you talk this to a man? should i wait for me to get married before talking to him that i want to be in charge of the money? how should i start this conversation? i wonder if it is the same in the US cuz i'm asian and most asian girls are the one managing the money her husband make?

Ok, I have a classic situation that I at least feel like venting out. Comments are welcome. 

I've been living with my girl friend for about 4 months now, but we've dated for almost 2 years. We, with the exception of one or two issues, are very happy together and I recently told her that I'm planning on proposing to her by the end of the year. I'm working on my PhD and she has a decently paying job so things seem to be rolling along. 

Then there's the inlaws! My parents have met my girlfriend and seem to like her, but my girlfriend's mother is another matter. She has more than a passing dislike for me and when we are in the same room together the tension rises as we make certain to have total civility towards one another and not make eye contact.  

Why doesn't she like me? Well it wasn't always this way, when we first started dating she seemed to love me. My girlfriend was shocked because she never liked any of her boyfriends and used to ask, "What did you do to her?". This all changed after we seemed to break up, but patched things up relatively quickly. At this point she was totally opposed to us dating and it was some time before my girlfriend told her we were together again. Her reasons were this, I'm not Catholic, I'm younger than her, and I don't make alot of money. At one point she told my girlfriend she didn't think she could come to the wedding if we got marriend because it would not be a Catholic wedding. My girlfriend doesn't care about any of these issues and has even converted, but not told her mother.  

What is so bad about all of this? You're thinking, "Lots of inlaws don't like their kid's choices". She has  expressed this by pitching absolute hissy fits and starting the worst fights with my girlfriend that have brough her to absolute tears. According to my girlfriend, she has a bad temper and tends to use fear to manipulate her family members and to "rule" the family.  

I have alot of issues with this. I'm not one that will let myself be ruled by a coward using fear to manipulate others. Knowing her dislike for me, I have very real concerns about her spending time with my potential children and it makes me downright upset that she behaves in this way towards my girlfriend. The last time we met she did not say hello or goodbye to me and followed my girlfriend and I around throughout the house as if to chaparone us. The rest of her family has no problem with me. Her brother, sisters, and father like me fine and don't have any real issues so long as my girlfriend is happy and I treat her right.  

During our last visit one of my girlfriend's sisters brough a boy home and he was clearly going out of his way to suck up. I don't work that way I guess. I was nice, cordial and friendly to all of her family, but her mother simply was not receptive to it. I guess I won't jump out of my seat to go and try to please her.  

She's ended up saying that she would come to the wedding, but I am very worried at the prospect of enterning in this relationship with her. Its not enough to make me not want to marry my girlfriend, but I guess I'm just looking for a good way to manage it. I have my problems with her, and dislike her, but I'm willing to put forth a good faith effort to try and have a good relationship with her. She's doesn't seem to be receptive to that, so what to do. Just "manage" it from meeting to meeting or what? Those of you that have gone through this, please throw me a bone!