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Messages By: wunderschoen20

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August 18, 2006, 2:31 pm CDT

Re Empty Nest Blues

I was worried I would have the empty nest blues when the time came.  At the time I had been married for 21 years to an alcoholic who had Hepatitis C.  I couldn't stand the thought of the kids leaving because then I would have been alone with him.  They were the only thing that kept me sort of sane.  My husband died before they moved out.  They were 19 and 20 at the time.  It was I who moved away.  Quite frankly, it has been a blessing having them out of the house.  On the other hand I worry about them more.  My daughter does just fine.  Works and does the things she should.  Very responsible.  My son... absolutely another story entirely.  He is on his own but living in his car.  That's a story in an of itself.  I worry about him so much.  In some ways I wish he was back with me but, most of the time I know he needs to go through this himself and learn to stand on his own feet.  I just don't understand how I could raise one child that is self sufficient and one who can't/won't keep a job.  Any ideas?  But as to the empty nest?  I was ready when it happened.

 
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September 8, 2006, 12:06 pm CDT

Is it nature or nurture

Quote From: housewife376

 I really understand your points. I have 3 sons. My oldest is very successful in his field. My sons are all different;- you could never tell that thay are related at all. My 24 yr old works full-time and has his own business after work. He does just great.--My other 2 sons are totally the opposite. I have a 19 yr old that bounces from job to job, and finally realizes that he must further his education to get anywhere in today's world-- And the 17 yr old is the youngest, and the total opposite.

In our town the first week of school just passed. He missed 2 days of school already, I had no idea until my older sons friends told us. I am really worried about the 17 yr old, he is so bright and he is throwing his whole life away. I started noticing chnages last year, when he quit basketball after playing since elementary school. He is a very gifted player. My 3 sons are extremely different all the way around. My 24 yr old, is a outstanding role model for the other 2 younger ones. I don't understand what went wrong with the other  sons.

Isn't it amazing how they can be soooo different.  I know there would be differences because of the different gender of my two kids, and because we are all the same, but whoa Nelly, how did this happen?  I do a lot of praying:))  That is the only thing that helps me hang on and not worry 24/7.  It does help that we now live 2 1/2 hours from each other.  I saw him this weekend and as I was looking at him, I had the biggest sense of disconnection from him.  I'm not sure I even know him anymore.  I wonder if and when he will see the light.  My prayer is that God will put someone or something in his path that will finally let him see the light.  Nothing I have said or done has helped.

 

 
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September 8, 2006, 12:07 pm CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: wunderschoen20

Isn't it amazing how they can be soooo different.  I know there would be differences because of the different gender of my two kids, and because we are all the same, but whoa Nelly, how did this happen?  I do a lot of praying:))  That is the only thing that helps me hang on and not worry 24/7.  It does help that we now live 2 1/2 hours from each other.  I saw him this weekend and as I was looking at him, I had the biggest sense of disconnection from him.  I'm not sure I even know him anymore.  I wonder if and when he will see the light.  My prayer is that God will put someone or something in his path that will finally let him see the light.  Nothing I have said or done has helped.

 

I should have said we are NOT the same:))
 
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October 10, 2006, 11:39 am CDT

10/10 Drunken Mistakes

Quote From: taxigirl5

My husband is an alcoholic and drives drunk.  Just last night he came home after having too many beers and drove himself.  I pray that he gets caught before he kills someone else. He  had heart surgery last March and April and still drinks. I believe he has a death wish for both himself and I.  He repeats himself constantly, doesn't remember things, looses his stuff, thinking I put it somewhere (lost his company cell phone hunting just a week ago).  I read Robin's book and I need to read it again.  I'm scared to death I will loose everything if my husband kills someone due to his drinking and driving. The thing I don't get is he has never gotten a DUI in the 13 years we've been together.  Alanon called that  "a functioning drunk"...... I have the upmost respect for folks that can "kick the addicition".  I will continue to pray that my husband will before it's too late.  I will be watching this episode for sure!!!!!

My husband died 4 years ago.  He was an alcoholic and I was married to him for 21 years before he died.  He drove drunk as well.  Nothing I did or said changed things.  In his opinion I was the one with the problem.  No one, according to him had a problem w/his drinking except me. 

He had the same problems your husband does.  He had blackouts, couldn't  remember things, lost stuff and when he wasn't sitting off by himself, generally unpleasant to be around.  But, while he was in the military he was a functional drunk.  He got up in the morning and went to work.  He stopped being a functional drunk about 3 1/2 years before he died.

I will have to tell you that so many times I wish I had left when the kids were little, so they wouldn't have had  to watch their father kill himself.  He had Hepatitis C.  He knew that drinking would make it much worse much faster.  I think he wanted to die and we didn't enter into it.  It's all water under the bridge now for me.  I don't know you, I can only tell you what staying in my marriage  did to me.  At the end of the marriage I felt destroyed.  Totally dead.  By the Grace of God my husband didn't kill someone, or one of us. 

 

You have more the lose than your material possessions.  What is this doing to you, emotionally, physically, spiritually?  Do you have kids?  What is it doing to them.  Things to think about.

 

 

 

 

 
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November 3, 2006, 11:56 am CST

10/10 Drunken Mistakes

Quote From: onondaga7

My husband is also a severe drunk! It runs in the family and he is a Native American, guess that's 2 strikes against him already. We have watched 2 of his brothers' die due to drinking, yet he still drinks. His parents were also drunks and he talks about how much their drinking hurt him as a child, yet he still drinks (and we have 3 children). He also tells me that I am a control freak and I am the one with a problem. Sometimes I ask myself if he is right... Then I see what his drinking is doing to my children and I know that he DOES have a problem, otherwise he would quit drinking and stop hurting the children and myself. I am trying to get us out of here, but I am having trouble finding a place. Please pray for us, that we will find a place to move. Like you said "my children are watching their father drink himself to death". Not to mention that I am losing it!!!!!! Mother of 3, full-time college student, part-time employee (nights) and all the time I am consumed by his diesease................. CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!!!

I'm glad to hear that you are looking to move.  I will have to say that looking back I think I should have left.  But, having said that, If I had left, I would not be where I am today.  I have remarried a wonderful man and am probably truely happy for the first time in my life.  I will pray for you!

 

 

 

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