Messages By: purplepenny

I had to run to my computer and register to drphil.com due to the discussion on todays show.  I can only say coming from a family with 8 children who have children. It would be nice if my mother paid at least some bit of attention to my children, let alone my siblings children.. its a shame, what will you do and tell your children about their grandmother when she is gone.. Take the good with the bad and come to some kind of understanding. Running to another country to stop this attention from someone at least who cares is giving is running away..

ohhh Im muddled...

You make a great point but, unfortunately, the loose skin is a fact of life with massive weight loss.  There are some people who end up less saggy than others but, there are a lot of factors that determine whether you will be one of the 'lucky' ones or not - heredity, age, ethnic background, skin care, exercise habits, how much you lost, how quickly you lost it, what method you used, etc.

I think Nicole and all the rest of us out there need the reality check.  I'd say the vast majority of us go into this massive undertaking thinking that we will look good or at least normal when we reach our goal weights but, that's just not so for the majority of us. 

You're right, Dr. Phil (or any other talk show host for that matter) certainly cannot foot the bill for all the surgery the hundreds of people who will lose weight may need.  So, we all need to get busy and start lobbying our congressman or state health agencies to make sure this NECESSARY surgery is covered by insurance.  It wasn't too long ago that reconstructive breast surgery after mastectomy wasn't covered by insurance either but, women fought for it and won.  It's time we exercised our political clout along with exercising our bodies.

Grandparents are SOOOO important in the lives of children (or should be). We stayed in Florida with a job instead of taking another job because it would have required our children to grow up seeing both sets of grandparents just twice yearly. Extended family makes the lives of children so much better and so much complete, providing the grandparents are a healthy influence and love the kids. I shall never forget my childhood, living very close to both sets of grandparents, lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. It was a childhood dream come true!!!

With that said, if I had a possessive mother, I  would NOT move away. I would NOT keep my kids from her. I would simply keep MY distance from her. I'd send the kids to visit (providing they are not too young to be w/o me) and Mom could come and take the kids out for day trips. I SURELY would not allow my mother to control me (an adult) or to make my life miserable. But I wouldn't try to be vindictive and vengeful by keeping her grandchildren from her.

It's time for adult children to grow up and take control of their lives. As Dr. Phil says, 'We teach people how to treat us." If we don't like what we're getting, it's up to us to change US. We can't change anyone but us. That's it in a nutshell.

My parents live within a ten mile drive of both my sister and me.  We just finished our fifth family vacation with all three families sharing the same house.

This one ended a day earlier than planned because of family conflict between my husband and my parents.  We've been married for more than 10 years and obviously, there is some deep-seeded resentment toward my husband.  I allow myself to be caught in the middle and life has been tense to say the least since we returned home.

Before vacation, i would call my mom every morning and visit at least three-four times a week.  Both of my parents keep diaries and chart when either my sister or I call, visit, etc.  The expectation lies with me to visit as they rarely come to my house and when they do, they announce upon arrival "we can't stay long".  Since the family feud, I've been hesitant on calling / visiting.  I want to make things right again, but I'm not sure how to.  This has made me realize how much of a child they still see me as and how much harm i am doing to them by letting them love me (and our three children) too much.  They are giving up their lives to be there for us - i think they would like to isolate the entire family (without the son-in-laws of course). 

I identify with this topic, because this is exactly how I feel.  A slave to my spouse.  I work two jobs, my wife does not work at all right now.  I do essentially all of the cooking and cleaning, my wife sleeps all day.  My wife goes to the nail salon regularly and loves her treats (Mrs. Field's cookies....) I take care of the dog.  Sound very unbalanced?  Well it is.  But here is the problem.....  My wife is depressed.  She is on her third medication, but it is marginal if it actually helps....  Meanwhile, I struggle day to day, with no end in sight.  She does not work because she quit her job, because she found it too emotionally draining and then not having a job made her more depressed.   When I try to talk to her about all of this, I get the same result....  she is depressed and I cannot understand what she is going through....  And she is right, I can't.  But it makes it impossible to try to make life better in any way.....  financially, we are surviving, but I don't want to just survive.  If I am going to work this hard, I want to be able to have something to show for other than just my wife's nails.  Whenever I try to talk about finances and how much money she is spending, I get a response along the lines of 'don't upset me'.   Sexually, her medication dulls her arousal ( and there were already issues because she is diabetic).  I try to plan something only to get a 'not tonight dear' from her.  When she is actually horny, I don't hear about it until later when she will say 'why didn't you attack me?'   Housework, it is not just the depression, but also she has arthristis in her knees, shoulder and neck, along with a wrist injury that never healed completely. 

My question is this....  How long can I wait for improvement?  I know that our relationship will never be 50/50, but I need more...  I am at the end of my rope.