Messages By: afnavymom

My son, who got out of the navy a year ago, and totally shut himself off from his family for that whole time, called six weeks ago in  a desperate situation. He had not worked since he got out, had spent all his savings, and was about to be evicted from his apartment. My husband and I sent him a bus ticket, put his stuff in storage, and brought him home. When he got here, he tried lying around for a while doing absolutely nothing except eating us out of house and home. The usual excuses about how much he owed and how he had no experience followed. Then the pity party.

 

I found him a job.

Since my marriage was such a train wreck, I spent my life dedicated to my kids. School activities, little league,bowling, class mom, team mom, etc. In many ways, it was rewarding and in others a huge mistake. What you want is for your children to become independent individuals, but when they do, you are left behind. All three of mine were out of the house within 11 months. The oldest got married and moved four states away. The other two joined the military. My world was shattered. I was left to deal with all the things I had been avoiding by baking cookies and such.

 

That was five years ago. Since then, I have enrolled in Tai chi, taken classes in several topics of interest, volunteered in a homeless project, written a book, got a divorce, and became a grandmother. The point is, there is life after children. You just need to take care of you for a change.

 

 

Ever heard of Merry Maids for the love of Mike? Day Care centers? Shared responsibility? Working with your strengths? Golly, people need to take a breath now and again. Arthritis? I have arthritis, degenerative disc disease, and a host of related problems. I do what I can and don't worry about the rest. No way on earth is this couple's problem about housework or checkbooks, or any of the other outward excuses, These people lack respect for themselves and their children.

Today's parents are just too dang tolerant and always worried about hurting the little darlings 'feelings'. I see it everywhere from the grocery store to Little League. The quickest way for one of my kids to get nothing at the store was to throw a fit. I've left a full cart and left the store. The rule held everywhere, especially home. I would ignore them at home to the point of stepping over a screaming kid to make a point. It did not make me an unattentive parent. The result was delightful children that drew praises from teachers, clergy, and neighbors. They grew into extraordinary adults. A kid that throws a tantrum at daycare needs to be shown a better way.

I have been watching Brandon's progress on the show and pray he continues to improve. It is a long and difficult road coming out of addiction. His parents should keep a very close eye on him. Addicts are liars and become very adept at telling you what you want to hear. Parents want to believe the bad part is all over now and everything will be fine. Living with an addict is a hard and often futile life. Trust me, I know! This is not to say that Brandon's recovery is not genuine. It well could be. I'm just saying, BE CAREFUL.

On the October 11 show, the second couple made me so angry I saw red. As a person who works with people who are homeless because of unforseen circumstances, these types of people are the ones who take services away from those who truly need them and cause difficulty in getting people to donate time or money to our ministry. That man did not quit his job to take care of his wife. He quit his job because he didn't want to work. He was looking for a way to get other people (in this case Dr. Phil) to take care of his responsibilities with no effort on his part. The wife had an 'anxiety disorder'? Puleeze! The people who come to us for help have that and worse, plus often a mountain of medical bills that caused their situation in the first place. 

 

Those children should be yanked away from these immature freeloaders and placed in foster care until the parents learn some responsibility.