Messages By: hotnychick

Ok OK Ok!!!   I do not like porn myself- And if a marriage needs to be 'rekindled" -then there are other issues before the sex part-  How is the EMOTIONAL and MENTAl part of the relationship for both partners?   Is there a physical problem-like health- back or other?   Is some one worried about something?    How are the finances?   Is there alot of unessecary stress?  How is each individual doing?   OK-Then when those issues are addressed-then the sex will be a bit better-Using sex to make things better when the marriage could be in trouble- not a good idea-  Good sex will not help a marriage that is having problems-   And by the way-Why not watch EDUCATIONAL sex tapes-?   They have real therapy (and I think this is more rrespectful than using porno as therapy help)

Most women do not like porn and do not like the man watching porn-Some women do like watching it-But I think also some are afraid to admit they do NOT like it-

I would be very offended if my man were to watch porno-If there is a problem -then we need to talk about it-heart to heart ( and I can tell when some one is lying to my face or trying to pull a fast one on me)  -  I would not like it if he watched porn-  Just remember-  The guy wouldn't like it if THEIR woman was doing something like this-Looking at other naked men and doing whatever!

I do not think it is a control issue-I think it is about respecting and valueing on another and the healthy relationship that BOTH partners are( hopefully) striving for-  

I am sure you are trying to set a good healthy example for your daughter-  I think you are trying to help and teach her to respect herself- (?) -   You have a right to feel what you want- And I agree than porno doesn't really help to rekindle a relationship if it is in trouble-  And I learned something the hard way-  It doesn't do any good to 'argue' another poster-   It gets no one no where and it is a waste of YOUR precious energy and besides-you are not alone-I do not think porn helps-That stuff is not real and it is all crap any way- the words my mother uses- and I have heard others say-

Please do not be upset and angry any more-   I hope I can be of help to you-

Do you and your husband have strong communication?   Have you tried to talk to him?   If he does not care about how you feel or respects your feelings-then if I were you-I would not put up with it- 

This lack of respect on his part is not good for your daughter to see-  

I hope this helps- 

N

Why doesn't she want sex with you ( I am guessing you are a man?)  (By the way-you read alot of classics-I saw your email) Anyhoo-  Did something happen?   Did you do something to make her not want to have sex with her hubby-you?    Do you TRULY respect her?  Do you abuse her in any way?    Do you have good healthy hygiene?   Nothing is more sick or unattractive than being 'forced' to have sex with a hubsand ( or wife-I guess) who does not bathe daily brushes his teeth and generally cares about his overall appearance-   Know what I am saying?  

The ego-  Well....

I do not think it is a good idea for a man to tell or ask his wife to have sex with him to boost his insecure inflated ego-  ( I do not mean you )  But alot of men think women are only on this planet for sex and for him to 'relieve'himself-  

Have you asked your wife these questions?  Are there health problems?    Please do not be mad or yell at me-I was just asking and kinda sharing somethings with all who read this-

You may have to get really really real and  hope therapy helps y'all-  

OK OK I just read this post-  Has anything changed since you first posted?

Both y'all need to get real-  You need to set a good example for you kids-  OMG-You can't be serious about having another baby!   I know what you said-but it is not fair to bring a baby into this unahppy mix-

I really hope that one of you will get real and get therap or this relationship needs to end-  You are all suffering and it is not good for the child-  

Then if you tried everything and nothing is helping-why are you still together?   And sex therapy will NOT help when there are already so many issues in your marriage-  As the saying goes- no matter how great the sex is-it will NOT help save a failing marriage- 

You child deserves better than this-  No more kids for you two!

Besides- I think you know in your heart that this marraige needs to end-I mean you did say you two tried EVERYTHING?  

Hi Pleasance

I thank you for reading my post-   I appreciate your response-  Also-  In your opinion-  am I doing something wrong by posting on the other boards-  Maybe I misunderstood you-   

I really like alot of the things you say on the other boards as well-  

Sounds like you have been thru alot yourself-

Those offices should be ashamed of themselves-And I believe in what goes around comes around-all those people  I tried ask for help from will have to deal with the consequences of their actions-  My 'family'as well-

It it tough seeking out good-  And there are MANY ignorant people out there-  I know-you said there are some good and to not the the ignorant people stop me seeking out good-I am just tired that is all-honestly-

Excuse me-  I have a question for you-  are you suggesting to  not post anything on the other boards?    I come to this one quite often-More than the others-   I wished I had posted here a long time ago-  (I can't get into details) 

Again-thank you for your response to my post-I also hope other women see it-maybe it will help them as well- 

See you soon-

Take care

I am TRYING to stay strong-

Oh- and when I watch Dr Phil and read his books-  I pay very close attention as well-

Very little gets by me these days-  I paid a dear price for that lesson in life-

I have also 'paid my dues'  I am done with all of this suffering I endured-  I left alot out of the post you read-But you are a smart person-you get the jist  of it-

Is it ok to go and read other boards on here as well (  I am reading the 'abuse' board more than  before-)

Bye

My suggestion-...I have a question-  WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH HIS BEHAVIOR???He is playing  games with you and will continue to do so because you tolerate it!    Yes- you feel resentment-But what about the pain in your heart and soul?

Please, ma'am - I am not trying to be mean-I mean-I allowed guys (and other people) to treat me like this because I felt like I was not good enough or deserving enough of respect-

So I am learning and I speak from experience- Lots of them-

I am just a few years younger than you- I am single- and would rather be single than with some one who treats me badly- 

Why are you settling for this and going back for more?  He will continue to do this-He has already done it so many times-

No more and heal your heart and move on and demand the respect you deserve-

Oh-and has he been doing this the whole five years?  This is NOT a relationship where you can talk and resolve issues-not with this guy- Stop allowing this and move on-

Dee

I can relate- My family  abuses me and treat me badly-  I am the only caring one as well-  I have had to learn just because family is blood- that really doesn't mean anything when you are being treated horribly-There is a whole new definition of 'family'  these days that they have done and are doing alot of studies on-  

Your sister who treats you so badly-Stop trying because she  has alot of problems and taking it out on you because you care so much-   Don't let her get to you-It has nothing to do with you- 

I am putting my words into action myself with my 'family'  -

Just take care of yourself and do not let  them get to you-OK?

I do not know about 'lying' but lying is not a good thing-Like some one suggested-But...You don't need this drama- and usually people who are so unhappy and miserable-they want to bring others way down to their level to feel good about themselves-  It is not easy-but you must not let them take away your power-

Take care-  I know exactly what you are going thru- Hope this helps a bit-

Yes-The camera thing was a violation-You did not know about it and he should have asked you first-  I think he violated your rights-No -you are not picky-  Or being sensitive-  If he was caring then he would not have done that-

The other thing- It is obvious that he is not over his wife yet-   Three years?   Tha tis not fair to you that he keeps talking about her and crying like that-  (  Something tells me that he is 'pretending'that you are his'wife)-I mean- something is off here-  Please-I am not trying to be mean here- 

Personally-I think you can do better-And maybe wait a while before having sex with a man till you know him really well and that he is emotionally and mentally healthy-  You should not be afraid to tell how you feel-If he reacts badly-well then that is HIS problem not YOURS-  I am sorry-But this is NOT a healthy relatiosnhip -  I think you deserve better-  You are in your 50's-  Yes!  You deserve better than this-Did you see Dr Phil's show- all about Robin the other day?  

You deserve better-

Get rid of this guy and 'find' some one who will treat you like a queen!