Messages By: bearcourage

Quote From: momisme2

  I think God and religion are such deep personal things that there isn't any possible way for everyone to view them exactly the same.

I would say the same exact thing could be said for personal sexual prefrences.

Quote From: asuburbwife

Hi. I have to say, I'm shocked that the issue of sexual orientation did not even come up.

In the case of the first couple, the wife alone had been choosing to have sex with other women for 9 years, while the husband was faithful to her. In the second couple's case, the husband was fantasizing about having a threesome with his wife and another man. I think the big elephant in the room in both these cases is that one of the spouses in each of these cases is sexually attracted to their own gender, making them homosexual or at the very least, bisexual. What about that?

Quote From: vlc688

As a child of parents that were swingers - let me tell you about the negative impact that whole scene has on the kids who live in the household.  It's not pretty.  My parents decided to tell us kids what they were doing instead of keeping what should be private as private.  It was very confusing to me and I was in my formitable years when this all came out.  Talk about growing up with double standards!!  I'm grown up now but this whole situation has effected me my entire life.  I had to learn most things about relationships on my own because my parents were too busy swinging to listen and understand what was going on.  Looking back at it all now I believe the reason they chose to let us kids know was just to make it easier for them to conduct their "lifestyle" not to be open and understanding for our benefit.  Dr Phil always talks about the role model parents are - well when you have to decide at a young age that what they are doing is immoral and disgusting - that puts a lot of pressure on a teenage girl to make your own decisions about sex and relationships.  There is a whole lot more here that I care to discuss but let me just say this:  Please keep your sex life private!!!  The kids really don't want to know any of the details and please don't kick your kids out of their bed because you want to use it for your "lifestyle" ( you really have know idea how this effects the kids - many many  tears).   Be considerate of what you say and do for the kids sake - it will come back and haunt you.  After reading the comments from the people who engage in this "lifestyle" - it all sounded so familiar > we are doing this together, it has made our marriage stronger etc. - is all a bunch of crap.  If your marriage was so great you would not need to be swingers. 

Quote From: playfullcouple

This is so true, that is how 90% of the peopel start in the lifestyle.  Being honest with yourself is the hardest part.

Quote From: playfullcouple

Not rare at all.....most are there for that reason, females any way, and about 15% of men as well.  My Wife never looked back either and it was great for us as she surpressed her bi-sexual feelings for so long that she started to surpress all of her sexual feelings.  Being who you are is the most important thing.

Quote From: raymom5

Twenty-three years next month.

Quote From: turkalurk

hmm. interesting.  Okay, I've got another question, I don't know quite how to word this, but is there like a big rule against, well, like what is supposed to happen if a couple of swingers form an extra liking to each other?  Are you allowed to have favorites?  What if these two found that they had the best sex together, and if they weren't married they'd probably hook up.  Would you be cool with your wife still bangin him?  Even when you could tell she enjoyed his company over yours?

Quote From: truelove8300

 Have any of the real swingers posting on here gone and watched Dr. Phil's video blog that he did after taping this episode? He says he's NEVER met anyone that was in a swinger relationship that worked. Seems like a one sided arguement to me, since in his line of work, people only contact him because they have a problem. I can bet that almost everyone he's met that has claimed that swinging ruined their marriage had deeper seeded issues  to begin with. Half of them probably weren't really even swingers, just like the second couple on the show. Also, real swingers are incredibly discreet and don't go around bragging because we'd be bashed, just like we've been bashed on here. Maybe it's just me, but I think someone who claims to be a professional should research both sides of an arguement before expressing his opinion to the masses, rather than drawing conclusions based on the opinions of a few and without educating himself about what it really means to be in the lifestyle.
Furthermore, we are NOT players. The slang term "player" originated from the word "pimp". To consider myself or my husband as a "pimp" is simply laughable. Neither of us control the other and there's certainly no extortion or exchanging of funds of any kind. A player is also someone who seduces a woman, convincing her to have sex with him even though she's never met him before, then "ditching" her after the sex act and moving on to the next conquest immediately. First, there's nothing that I would call seduction involved in swinging. We meet online, we chat, we talk about hobbies, family, what we're into sexually. We meet for dinner or drinks, maybe go to a party if one's going on that weekend. There's certainly foreplay, but not seduction, and we'd never hook up with someone we didn't know quite well. There's not "ditching" either or one night stands. We are friends with these couples and remain friends for years to come. And as far as multiple sexual conquests go, we're lucky if we even get to go out once a month. And that's just going out. Actually hooking up with another couple happens even less.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I think someone in Dr. Phil's position should take the time to educate himself and see both sides of the discussion before expressing his "professional" opinion.