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Messages By: coopjake
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March 9, 2006, 9:42 am PST
 I can't help but feel that Bridgette enjoys being the problem rather than being part of the solution. If her family is in such financial straights why doesn't she seek gainful employment? Even if she has been out of the job market for some time she appears to be educated and physically able to get some sort of job. Although she may feel that a minimum wage job is beneath her, it would add something to the coffers. Debt does not just go away, especially when she continues to shop. And just maybe if she had something productive to do she wouldn't be so self-destructive and unhappy with her lot in life.
And if they are about to loose the house, how is buying a $2400 dog going to help. Not so sure the people in the homeless shelter will be so impressed with the dog's pedigree. If she truly wanted the companionship couldn't she have chosen a dog from the shelter that not only needs the home but deserves one. Pet food, vet bills and city dog licenses cost money, something that seems to be in short supply for a person $80,000. in debt. Then to add insult to injury buying dog outfits.....give me a break. And just what is the "good doctor" thinking enabling this behavior.
It's no wonder her children are on public assistance. She is the perfect role model for their behavior and lack of motivation. Her refusal to accept responsibility for her own actions has lead these children down this path. And now Lauren is cutting herself. Bridgette need look no farther than her own mirror for the reason why. The apple seldom falls very far from the tree. Bridgette's demeaning and foul-mouthed attitude towards her children is reprehensible. Respect and adoration, as always, are earned. These children return in kind what they've been taught.
And although their dad isn't the best role model either at least he attempts to support the family. His avoidance of the problem by working so much will never solve the emotional issues these children have. But then if he stopped working so much they will never get out of debt and again the children would assume that you can shirk your financial responsibilities.
I appreciate the effort Dr. Phil is putting forth with this family but I can't help but be apathetic to their plight. As I get up and go to work each day at not one but two jobs to put my children through college and support my own shoe habit I ask no one to feel sorry for me. I have chosen my direction in life and make the most of every single day, knowing that I am setting a decent example for my children as well as being a true partner to my spouse of 25 years. Nope I'm not perfect but I'm also not whining/wondering why my children have turned out the way they have. |
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June 21, 2006, 10:34 am PDT
After reading your two lengthly posts it dawned on me that you are blaming your circumstances on your husband when you really need look no further than your mirror. If, in your words, your husband was neglectful and selfish before you had the children why would it take you four kids to figure out that he wasn't going to change? OK, I can kinda understand how you could end up with one or even two children without the luxury of birth control but not four. Only you can prevent your own reproduction Ms Smokey Bear. After the first two "Just Say No".....period. All the thrift shopping in the world will not change a mean and spiteful spirit. Nope, that's just passive/aggressive behavior on your part not hoarding.
And I'm not trying to be mean here I'm just trying to understand your rationalization of your situation. Your post is well written, correctly spelled, punctuation in all the proper spots, so clearly you are an intelligent, educated woman. Why, oh why didn't you change your situation long ago.......pre motherhood? And even now you mention that your children are teens and a 10-year-old. Why haven't you gotten back into the game and earned your own way, if your financial position bothers you so much? Staying in this abusive (your words) situation and saving "stuff" for the divorce makes absolutely no sense to me. As well, that's a fine example you are setting for your teen girls. Children learn what they live, especially from their same-sex parent....so says Dr. Phil.
You truly do teach people how to treat you. Stand up and be the woman I know you can be. Take control of your own destiny. Show your daughters what a bright, resourceful person you are by getting back in the game (so to speak) not by being the thrift queen of year. You were once employable and I'm betting you still are. The ball is in your court not your husband's. Hell go work at the Thrift shop that you so enjoy, or better yet round up all that "stuff" your hoarding and start your own. You can start small with a booth at a flea market and grow a client base from there. The possibilities are endless. Those socks you're buying at less than cost could be re-sold for a profit as well as the other clothing. Your potential is only limited by your own self-pity. |
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June 22, 2006, 7:12 am PDT
Quote From: wildwood First of all I am now 52 years old, old enough to have difficulty finding a decent /livable wage/paying job at my age and if so lucky keeping up with it physically, I certainally cannot hope to get to the point of making enough money to "start over from scratch" and even hope to support myself and the two youngest, second I have over the years been self employed , and believe me it is NOT enough to live on exclusively. (I was making quite a bit of "egg" money through selling many hand made/second hand items and occassionally a full time job). Third, I planned for my future financially by services rendered through the years as part of the "man the fort, stay at home with the kids" partnership of marriage that ENTITLES me and our children to benefit from the proceeds of my supporting HIS earning OUR money. I really do NOT understand the attitude of many that "just leaving" fixes much of anything. I will still have contact because of the children and it is my desire that it be on "good terms" if at all possible. It is often "out of the pan" and into the fire, and pride going before a fall that gets "single moms" in deep do do. I cannot afford to think only of myself, at this late date. I have a responsibility to see that these children (he HAS a responsibility for their being here too! With or without the purchase and use of birthcontrol) are not "caught in the middle" and punished further by their fathers "he is the boss of the money" and I am second class with no contribution of any value attitudes. They feel the "guilt" through his beratement of me. I have been unable to get him to understand this effect at all. So be it. I will admit that what he sees as being "irresponsible" with money, is his man stuff and his total lack of understanding just what it costs to feed a family formerly of six people or that girls by nature of the sex have costly needs, especially monthly ones and others far beyond what a male child might "get by on". I guess this is what is know as irreconcilable differences? Clearly, he has difficulty, to say the least in not "calling me on the carpet" in front of the kids. I am very concerned how this "attitude" affects the youngest. Lets just say I have "learned through my mistakes" with the others that I really DON"T want to subject her to anymore of this no matter who is right and who is wrong here. I strongly resent and disagree with his need to "BLAME" someone other than himself for his responsibilities to his family financially and emotionally. I am preparing for what I see, NOW, as the inevitable as his attitudes have gotten much worse in the last ten years AFTER our last child was born. No one can prepare for a husbands "mid life" crisis exaggeration of what previously might be deemed a somewhat managable if totally unwelcome problem. I just don't WANT to deal with "attitudes" anymore. That is MY choice. Birth control HAS to be paid for and tolerated and USED to be effective. I have been fixed for the last six yrs.so that is not a problem, a total LACK of a sex life is. (So was his "get you fat ass up, so I can get back to work " attitudes during the recovery period".) He would rather focus on what a "good" caretaker he was, NOT. He more and more often says many things when stressed (giving what others need) that are very hurtful and inexcusable. If you make too much money...........you cannot get it for FREE. Yes you can abstain, and had that and the USE of birth control not be done from time to time I would have had many more children. Please do not insult me with your education in that respect. I do know where they come from and why. It is my husband that has a problem with that one and in begrudging the COST of birth-control in the past. I do not resent or regret my children,(but I do resent my so called "resent your own kids" attitudes he has invented as being the problem when what I resent is HIS attitudes and misplaced priorities, and that being painted as "the problem" by my husbands misguided reasoning) but I have ALWAYS resented my husbands "me first" attitudes that have grown intolerable over the years. He has been a good provider, he just won't let go of it without resentment and fuss and blame to ME for the needs of US. He has also gotten VERY inconsistant in how much, what and in what way I can spend "his money", it changes daily. It was the asking for cash (self protection) rather than checks or credit cards (a set up to hang me with all the bills?) and the inconsistancy and total lack of "stick to it" that has pushed this to something I just DON't want to live with anymore. He has a problem accepting MENTAL responsibility, and like a lot of men harbors deep resentment when he CANNOT put himself FIRST. In these latter years, the mid life years, this has gotten much worse and due to "my standing up" for my right as his wife to have some money and some "say" without the blame game.......there is constant FIGHTING. Lastly I can "spend" I just have to be willing to "give the pound of flesh" before and after. It is the "guilt trips" and perhaps his total "money issues" of control, and resentment, that have become unbearable. He and men like him are very common, and many women deal with this "attitude". I just don't WANT to anymore. As he approached mid life, and his retirement he has gotten MUCH worse. He "creates" problems, acts like a teenager and then blames someone else for them. I get to be the "scape goat" for his internal issues and the cleanup crew for the ensuing messes. I don't want to anymore, and frankly I don't HAVE to as my kids are no longer babies and I have EARNED my half of his retirement checks. I do resent, while seeing your point the "moocher" aspects you apparently chose to see. This is NOT about mooching..........I know the work I have done for this family, on the home front. I know the state says it has/had VALUE, it is my husband that doesn't see it that way. He will be the one needing to be "looking for a job" after this "value of a partnership" lesson is "taught "by the state that indeed I do qualify for half and then some. I may need to work to have insurance coverage. One way I will need less, is the hoarding of "everyday items" and clothing, as they are often the real costs to single moms. I do not worry about making rent or buying groceries............everything else has been saved or stashed. Getting a job, unless it proves I need it, will just do me out of what I have already EARNED through the marriage. I will not need to "do without" or live like a pauper. That was my "financial plan" when it was clear he was getting worse NOT better in his attitudes. Second, it was the standing up for myself (and my children) and NOT backing down for ANY reason that preceeded the total WAR that resulted in my current bad situation. Sometimes you must view a situation for some time before the "obvious" to others aspects really hit home. Some things are "circumstantial" and some things are a permanant part of someone's personality. Some people manipulate so well that it really is hard to spot which is which. That was said in my post. I also know I am by far not the only woman to find herself between the devil and the deep blue sea when it comes to being pridefull enough to "just walk out" vs staying till the time was "right" . Always much easier said than done, especially if the children THE TWO OF YOU HAD, are able to be "used against you". I have gone the "flea market" route in the past and believe me you cannot support a family on earnings from flea markets, unless you devote FULL time to it 24/7 and frankly the bottom is out of that type market and I am no longer able to lift, tote lug and otherwise physically make that possible. My husband is retired from TWO gov/city jobs and it would actually be to my disadvantage to seek employment if I plan to divorice, except for health insurance. He is going to be the one on the short end of that stick, needing another job, however you cannot count on "sympathy" with the mother anymore as to just what the courts will do. I am not going to go with the "parasitic" view of myself that so many suscribe to women who have devoted their lives (not to mention financial security to the concept of living off their husbands salary while supporting his earning of it). I do not see myself as a parasite to him for his/our income be it before of after his retirement. To do so only adds to the belief that so many have, that a wife has no value or claim to her husbands money because she did not earn it. I feel I did earn it it ways any servant, laundry service, nurse, grounds keeper, prostitue, housekeeper, babysitter, cook, yardman, household repair service or other paid employee does. Your statements that I "have some pride and earn my own money" kinda adds to that misconception of "no value" without a paycheck that I only adds fuel to this fire of misconception of a some peoples idea of partnership in marriage. The whole idea behinds women's lib (I know I was there when it started full force in the sixties) was CHOICE in how one "makes a living or earns their way". Not enforced concepts of no value without a paycheck. It was the misguided concepts that a woman staying home is of no value (and has no vote) that started the whole woman's lib thing in the late 1800's. Equal rights, equal choices. Not more devaluing of a woman worth due to maritial status or sex. I take great pride in MY work and contributions just like anyone working for a "check" does. My girls have learned that valuable lesson from me. To hear their father tell it, he is the only hero in the family. I say there should be two heros in OUR family. Again irreconcilable differences? When I married this man............I knew little about him, other than his words and place of employment. You cannot really KNOW someone unless you live with them, and for the most part he was gone so much living with him daily for long periods wasn't an issue. Retirement changed all that, and I miss "niceness", real partnership, sex and companionship. The sex part I obviously had, the companionship rarely. That, not REALLY knowing him or being given the chance to, I now know wasn't the best thing to do. He clearly disagreed or like a lot of men, saw me as "bought and paid for" and forgot I was here and doing my end of the work for the family by CHOICE. I also have "guilt" for sometimes I did take advantage of his "nice guy" periods, so I could deal with the "stingly guy" part that followed. I suppose many would call it passive aggression in me, but he taught me well how to manipulate with that. I am NOT proud of this but one does what one must at times. I just no longer want to live "in guilt" but in pride of who, and what I know I am. It has become very clear to me it is a waste of the years I have left to hope he will know it or show it. However, as many women will tell you other than his "control/greed" he can alternate that with "doing all the right things" and extreme generosity (that he totally begrudges later) just enough to make one question ones own perceptions. It happens in many marriages all the time. He grew up during the depression, and I think we all make "allowances" for our mates baggage. I had some really hard times when young and that has been held over me. That is until it gets the better of them and they are "out of control" with their behavior. I can honestly say, the situation what it is we are both out of control with it. We are fighting more than anything else we do. I do not want myself or my girls in this enviorment anymore. The only problem I have with my daughters respecting me, comes from his "blame game" and need to put it all on me as a "spendthrift", not a thrifty spender providing for her family. He is doing this to justify, the bad attitudes and habits he developed and cultivated that really have little to do with me, and more to do with were he is coming from. I have given them a great example of how to stand up for oneself and that making the money, isn't the only contribution of value to a marriage, or life and by standing firm in the face of adversity for ones RIGHTS by not letting them be taken away without a fight (it is the fighting part that really annoys me however) , through the years and by NOT being controlled by his "attitudes" and by seeing to them getting what they need. I am exhausted with the "counterbalance" act however. In financial times like these, they have learned many valuable lessons regarding thrift and I am very proud to see the daughter that has left home, shops secondhand, is both thrifty and creative and makes do and makes better. She is totally self employed, has a beautify magazine view home, many items which I gave her from my barn of "hoarded" second hand furniture, or with items she acquired second hand and she is making 50.00 a half hour. So apparently I did something right in SPITE of my husbands "bad attitudes" and my so called mooching dependance by some. I appreciate your post, am not angry, but perhaps a tad defensive and will consider your points as somewhat valid if not totally appreciative of the situation. I certainly wasn't calling you a mooch or a parasite and raising a family is an honorable thing to do. However if staying at home is making you so miserable (my take on your posts), and guilt ridden then maybe it's not working. And girlfriend, 52 isn't that old considering that the average woman lives to see 86. Again your posts are articulate, demonstrate sincere thoughtfulness, and make me believe you could be a valuable asset to your community. And I'm sorry that you feel it would hurt you financially if you gained employment with regards to a divorce settlement. Sometimes you have to put your emotional welfare above the financial. It may do you and your daughters far more good to gain some independence from your oppressor than to remain idle out of fear of judicial prejudice. And if you have physical limitations so be it. There are jobs that you can do that don't require extreme physical activity. Again you appear bright and resourceful and would be a valuable contributor to any company. Perhaps a daycare center would be a good fit. You certainly have the knowledge and experience.
Please don't take offense. I only want the best for you and your family and feel like you are being stifled in your current lot. I personally would rather sell myself on the corner than have to beg my spouse for money, even if I felt it was half mine. But then I've always had this "I Can Do it Myself" attitude even when I was a teenager. Got my first job at 14 and never asked my parents for anything even though there was no shortage of funds. We've just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in Vegas getting remarried and we have two children, one graduated from college and one with only one year to go. I have always worked outside the home and am not going to debate our respective choices of child rearing. I think they can both work. But you my friend seem extremely unhappy with the outcome of your choice.....and I'm not talking about your children here. I'm sure they are as bright as you.
I've enjoyed our debate Wildwood and wish you a much happier tomorrow whatever your choices may be. |
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September 15, 2006, 8:18 am PDT
Snooping on her husband without cause is one thing but snooping on her friends would be a deal breaker for me. If we were friends I would expect a little trust and consideration from her not deceit and internet spying. I would, from this day forward, avoid her company and never trust her word again. She has proven herself to be intrusive and a complete liar. She indeed has far too much time on her hands. And the fact that she smiled and laughed her way through her confession made me also consider her insincere and immature.
Living in her little glass house Jessica should be very careful searching for stones to throw at her husband and friends. They just might turn the table and throw the stones they find on her now that they know how she operates. And her excuse for listing herself as "single" on My Space just shows that's she's the one that can't be trusted. She obviously went to the GW Bush University of ethics, and most likely is the ACLU's poster child of how not to behave. She has crossed the boundaries in her marriage and friendships. I think she is the one that needs to be watched and scrutinized.
As for the grocery store Nazi, get a grip. There are no marked lanes and speed limits for carts like on the interstate. She should get together with the other Dr. Phil guest that freaked out when the customer in front of her failed to put the little separator bar on the checkout lane. Again, two ladies that just don't have enough going on in their lives. Just how is she going to feel when the person she trips falls to the ground and knocks their teeth out?
Working part-time in a large department store (Macy's) I encounter her type frequently. It would behoove her to treat her fellow shoppers and the clerks with a little more empathy and a lot less hostility. Karma is a funny thing. One day she may not be so nibble with the cart herself and find herself on the receiving end of bored homemaker rage. |
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September 28, 2006, 1:04 pm PDT
Quote From: nicolehenry Hello all,
My husband was emailing some girl from Nigeria. He was sending her lots of money. She in turn was sending him nude pictures. They exchanged poetry. She mostly liked to IM him. They met in a chat room. Once I exposed both of them, he stop emailing her. Now she is emailing me. She is asking me for all kinds of money. Everyday it's for something different. My husband believes every word that she says. However, I am furious. My husband is very intellegent. How could these people invade us like this. How do we stop them??? Turn off the computer.......period. Or better yet get rid of the computer. At the very minimum change internet providers. If there is no e-mail account this person can not e-mail or instant message you. If this person has your home phone number then for heaven's sake change it and deem it "private" or "unlisted". And at this point I personally feel like you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of by not only this "girl" but by your not so "intelligent " husband.
What are you thinking. He starts an "affair" on line and then to make matters worse he pays her for nude photos. And then you start to correspond with this individual??? I don't get it. Why on earth would you lower yourself to correspond with her? Why would you even respond to any of her e-mail or instant messages? Get the heck off the computer if you can't use some common sense. It sounds like you and your husband could use some marriage counseling as well as some financial counseling. The saying "A fool and his money shall soon part" seems to hold true here.
Not trying to be mean here just trying to make you look at this from the outside. You owe this person nothing, not even your time. And at this point I'm not so sure your husband deserves your time and concern. He certainly didn't bother to take you into consideration when he was paying for god knows who's nude photos. Playboy could do that for him for a lot less trouble and they only ask for money once a year. |
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October 23, 2006, 10:39 am PDT
Quote From: big2199 It is clear as day light why people have issues with people whom are different from them, whether it is race, same sex relationships, or body size. For example, why do some people who are over weight hate people who are in proportion for their size? Is it possible, society believes that thin is beautiful. You can just open up any magazine and count on one hand how many over weight people are in any advisements. How about commercials, next time your watching t.v within the next half an hour count how many people you see that are in commercials that are over weight. If, you do see them in a commericial it is a possibility it's for losing weight. Now all of these statements are just my opinion because I'm not an expert, or have any statistics. I'm just giving you something to think about , or make you go mmmmmmmmmmm............... People hating each other because of a different race can be from a number of things. One, its possible it can be from how the person was raised. It is possible that their parents hated an opposite race, and now have poison their child's mind with hatred. Now it becomes a cycle. Two, one race may feel inferior towards another race resulting into hatred. Three, one race may feel society may not treat them equally and favoring the other race, resulting into hatred. Four, the gay community may hate the straight community because they are looked down upon. This is a most hated community among all prejudices across the board and throughout the world. The Gay community recognizes this, and it is a possible some within this Gay community may hate straight people because of this. The bottom line is we live in a world of diversity and the question is, Is The American Society At Fault? Now I'm going to make you go mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. Look at the school system, the government, religion, parental skills, the media, and the people who live within our society. If all the above would address these serious issue, and would change the system of things-America's Society making it an equal one today, right now, the generation of tomorrow can have a chance for change. Meaning from infancy the teaching of impartiality can be taught. Meaning that these very infants develop unbiased traits becoming adults, who then will make up a better American Society. If America's Society ethics do not become un-done, or un-glued from their citizens minds, and souls we as people will have fail the generation of tomorrow leaving them to clean up this cataclysmic mess, unfortunately, if society is not repair, it will always have people like the people who reside in the House Of Hatred. This is not strictly and American phenomenon and has existed for centuries. And if you think there wasn't prejudice in Ancient Egypt you would be mistaken. I do believe the bible (and I'm no bible thumper) attributes Jesus' Crucifixion to religious persecution, a form of prejudice.
So see this is one that can't be blamed entirely on us simple members of today's American society. Hatred knows no boundaries and ignorance is universal and clearly not bliss. There really is no one race, religion, sexuality nor size that is the most special and should be believed to be the "be all end all" of society. We are all the same........period. People who believe otherwise are simply cheating themselves and their children out of the endless possibilities that diversity can allow. I personally want all 64 of the crayons to remain in my crayola box of life.
And on a side note.........what's up with all the foul language? Do these people really talk to others like this in their normal everyday life? My family and I seem to communicate with each other without using the "F" word as an adjective in every sentence. I'm certainly not perfect and do use an occasional F-bomb when out with friends enjoying a cocktail or two, but even then not within earshot of children or others who wouldn't appreciate it. It just makes these people look uneducated and disrespectful to Dr. Phil and his audience. Try a little self-control maybe. Do they kiss their moms with those mouths? |
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November 2, 2006, 6:55 am PST
This was my response to this very same argument I was having with a guy friend who said I have my current position because "I'm pretty and I know it." You may get your foot in the door because of the way you present yourself, but you have to perform with confidence to keep it and advance.
I also agree with some of the posters that say it's not about the outward beauty. It's about being a beautiful person with confidence and style. Positive attitude is the best beauty product available. If you don't love yourself, it's a good bet that no one else will either. And loving yourself involves taking the time to put your best foot forward be it for public consumption or your spouse's. Everyone, male and female should take the time to care about their hygene and appearance. No one wants to be around a slug that appears to have just crawled out of bed.
So it's not really about physical, hollywoodesque beauty, it's more about presenting the image that you care about your appearance and have a positive outlook on life. If self-loathing is your M.O. then maybe, like Dr. Phil says, you need to ask yourself "How is this working for you?" If it's not, there is no time like the present to make a change.......and I'm not talking about plastic surgery. I'm talking about setting some personal goals and taking the steps to achieve them. You are worth it!! |
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November 17, 2006, 11:02 am PST
I don't get to watch the show, so all I have is the slides from the web site. What did the lie detector test reveal? Is the father telling the truth about not molesting his daughter or is the Mother-in-law wise for calling Child Protective Services?
I wish the slides wouldn't leave out such important information. Trust me, "slide show gate keepers", if I could watch everyday I certainly would.
Can someone please give me a brief recap? |
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January 18, 2007, 8:41 am PST
Quote From: lvacffeshp My Opinion: Kelly is MANIPULATIVE and EVIL and should NOT have custody of those kids. There are many confused situations for whatever reason. If these children were with foster parents who had no emotional involvement with this family..... THEY WOULD ENCOURAGE HEALTHY VISITATION BETWEEN A MOTHER AND CHILD. It's like Kelly USES THIS TO TORMENT AND CONTROL HEATHER. I don't agree with some of Earl's behavior and there are alot of accidents, unusual ACCIDENTS that happen with kids. But it's not like Earl said: "Well kid, here's some lighter fluid go play with it and here's the matches." Accidents happen. And alot of times non medical people DON'T KNOW when to take the kids to the Dr. Although I may not agree with everything about Earl and Heather.... I feel sorry for Heather and having to have such an evil Mother..... Any mother who will not nuture a relationship between a Mother and children is EVIL. Kelly is evil and I have no other word. THIS IS ONE THING I HATE ABOUT OUR LEGAL SYSTEM. ACCIDENTS get the same penalties as CRIMINALS WHO SIT AND PREMEDITATE THESE SORTS OF THINGS. Maybe you need another mother Heather. You need to be adopted. OK, so let's assume that the lighter fluid incident was an accident......
So how about a man living without an income, no electricity, charges for cruelty to a family cat, which I'm sure the children had a bond, not seeking medical attention for a 4-year-old, and filthy living conditions.
Nope, doesn't sound like it all happened by accident. Simply sounds like a case of not taking responsibility for one's actions without regard for the innocent.
Although we only know what was presented on the show it was enough for me to question both parents' ability to protect their children.
I think Kelly and her husband are doing the only thing they know how to do to protect their grandchildren. I give Kelly credit for stepping up to the plate to avoid having her grandchildren in the foster care system, which we all know is not perfect. Although there are many wonderful, loving foster families (have one living next door), there are an equal number of foster homes that are sub par and downright dangerous. I would question any grandparent's character for not doing the same, with senior health problems excluded of course. I'm sure Kelly didn't plan on spending her golden years starting over raising children but thank heaven that she is. And to say they are doing it for $246.00/month in disability and child support (Which is based on the parent(s) ability to pay.), is ridiculous and an insult to the rest of us parents that know what it costs to raise healthy, well-fed, educated and socially stimulated children.
Maybe one day Earl and Heather can petition the court for visitation, but the courts obviously have enough evidence at this point in time to sever the relationship. |
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January 18, 2007, 11:55 am PST
Quote From: lvacffeshp I think I realize the "fire" is only the straw that broke the camel's back. It's the thing they focus on. It's probably more "not seeking medical attention" than the actual fire. Also, whenever these cases come up... something that is always left out is that CHILDREN ARE NAUGHTY. And they are. They will do what you tell them not to do.... And they will do what you tell them not to do after reminding them 100 times.... I mean how many times have you heard someone say to you: DON'T PLAY WITH MATCHES! (1,000?)
"So how about a man living without an income, no electricity, charges for cruelty to a family cat, which I'm sure the children had a bond, not seeking medical attention for a 4-year-old, and filthy living conditions?"
True, not the best environment, but STILL falling into the category of NEGLECT and NOT NECESSARILY INTENTIONAL HARM TO A CHILD. WHO KNOWS WHY PEOPLE LIVE THE WAY THEY DO? but they do. Those messy home shows have been on here......
I just think Kelly needs to think about Heather's feelings. And she's not. She's mad at her and therefore, helping her kids, BUT "getting back at her" by not letting her see them. I know people who are perpetually messy and I know people who are perpetually clean.... sometimes the messy one's are more relaxed where the clean one's are more tense and make you feel uncomfortable... Perhaps Heather needs to learn the different between Messy and Unsafe messy????? I still think it's wrong for Kelly do this to her.
Four-year-old children that can get their hands on lighter fluid and matches/a lighter are not naughty they are neglected......period. A four-year-old's mind does not function like an adult's and you can tell them "not to touch" a million times to no avail. It's up to the adults in the home to child-proof the environment. And then when, God forbid, something tragic like this happens they seek medical attention for the best interest of the child. The courts are making a "big deal" out of the lack of medical attention because it is a BIG DEAL.
And the issue with the home environment was not that it was just "messy". It was said and Heather agreed, that it was "filthy", had no electricity and no gas. If there is no electricity then how do they refrigerate the children's food and milk. Could this explain the curdled milk in the bottle. And I'm just postulating here......don't have all the facts, and Heather denied that there was curdled milk in the bottle. But it does throw up some red flags and seem to lend more credence to Kelly's version rather than Heather's.
And I think that Kelly feels like Heather has chosen Earl over her children. Why else would a mother even consider letting her children live in a house with a man with a criminal history like Earl's that even includes two cruelty to animals charges. And it was said on the show that Earl pleaded guilty to one charge and the other is still pending (according to Dr. Phil) or has been dismissed (according to Earl). It's well known that humans that do harm to animals are prone to anti-social and abusive behavior. Again, I think Kelly is doing what she feels is in the children's best interest, because someone here has to have the children's best interest come first. From what was shown this is not the case with Heather.
Heather appears to be reasonably intelligent and well-spoken. If she would open her eyes and see that Earl is not the appropriate provider, nurturer nor role model for her children she would then appreicate her mother for raising her children and keeping them out of the system. If she truly wanted to have visitation or custody of her children she would take the necessary steps to remove herself from this relationship not blame her mother for trying to do what's right for the children.
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