Messages By: karolyndowns

My fiance is white and I'm black and they HATE us together! We first got together in Decemeber of 2003 and the moment they found out that I was black, they disowned him. And oh god, they hadn't even met me yet. Then when they finally did, they said I was nice and I ended up moving in with him and his family for a while and for about 9 months, things went great. But then we decided to move about 500 miles away next to my family, and now they hate me with a passion. Now, they call me a golddigger, a n***er, a whore, they tell him that I used to cheat while I lived there and I really didn't. And now, I'm pregnant with his child and they told him it's not even his. Now he wants a blood test when the baby is born, and he's always accusing me for stuff I never even did.

Because of course, to make this story worse, he's kind of a Momma's boy, and I use the words 'kind of' for lack of better words. He listens to everything she says and then he's always stressed out when she gets mad at him for doing stuff for me that he didn't do for her. She's like a little manipulator and he just won't grow up and get it through his head that he's going to be a father soon and he can't keep picking her over us. It's soooo annoying.

*takes a deep breath*

Please, someone. Give me some advice on what I should do.

I wanted to take this to the show, but he said he didn't know if his mom and sisters would agree to it.

Please brace yourselves because this may take a loooong time.

My life has taken a serious plunge in the last few months and I don't know if its my pregnant emotions or if I'm just seriously going through a serious depression.

One of my issues is my relationship problems, (see Interracial Couples Forum), but that's just one of many. I'm currently 19, 6 months pregnant, engaged to be married, living with my brother whom I can't hardly stand at the moment.

First off, let me start with him.

Recently, my boyfriend turned fiance moved to live with us so we could get on our feet in a more affordable location. But living with my brother is hell for my boyfriend, but he doesn't want to leave. My brothers are more of the rough type. They like fighting, like seeing who's scared to fight, like making those who do fight, fight against their will and my honey's not like that at all. He's more laid back. The non-fighter type and he just wont stay away from my brother even though he picks on him all the time. And my brother is even more of a jerk when he gets drunk and yet, they've been getting drunk together non-stop for this past week. Actually as I speak right now, he's out with my drunken brother, getting in to God knows what. All because he's afraid to tell my brother he doesn't want to hang out with him!! I have talked to them both, but it only ends up in fighting and all that. I hate BEER!!!

And then there's the life factor. Nothing seems to be going right for me. This is very stressful for me because I want things to go the right way. We never have any kind of money. It seems like as fast as it comes, it goes. And our last twenty bucks just went out the door in my boyfriend's pocket to be spent on beer for the fourth night in a row.

And I'm pregnant and things don't seem to be moving fast enough. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel like this, but I'm due in January and we've got nothing done. My grandparents raised me, but for some reason, they forgot to put the part in about growing up, then when I hit the real world, it was a total shock to me and now I'm completely lost. All I know is what I've always known, and it sure isn't the civil life. We don't have a car yet, we don't have a place to live yet, I can't seem to find a job, NOTHING is going good for me.

Then there's my mother. She promised to be around for me when my child was born, (this is my first child ever) but then she does something stupid like she always does and gets hauled off to jail for the one hundredth time! How can she when she promised to be here?? Now no one knows when she's getting out.

My brother and my boyfriend are getting drunk every day of the world and I live with them, we have no really good income. Not enough to support three people anyway, I'm starting to think is this the kind of life I want to bring our child into? No one's going to help us. If you read my post in Interracial couples, his family's not going to help us and mines aren't really finacially able. I know what it's like to struggle and to be hungry, and I don't want our kid to go through that. I know it's a little late to think about this, but things weren't that bad at the time when I got pregnant. I thought I could handle this, but I'm just now getting doubts. I can barely support myself.

I just find myself saying how much I hate my life lately. I find myself asking myself these reccurrent questions; why did I chose such an irresponsible partner? how come no one wants to help us? how come my life has been so miserable? how come my brothers are so freakin irritating? how come it seems like everybody else gets it easier? why don't I have anyone to talk to? where do you turn when you have no one else to turn to?

I've been trying to take care of myself for so long, since I was about 16, and I think it's finally starting to get to me that no one wants to help me. Especially right now, when I need it the most. And everyone knows that if the tables were turned, I'd help them. How come my life is like this??

Then I remember that there's homless people and starving children and I shut the hell up and try life again.