Messages By: canucklehead

I am not scared of aging in the sense that I am afraid to look old but the problems that age brings, such as health.  I look at my mother and my grandmother and see what age has done to them because they have taken such poor care of themselves.  My grandmother had a stroke and was partially paralyzed when she was 59.  A year ago my mom nearly died from pneumonia and she has problems walking up a small hill without getting completely winded.

 

I see myself travelling down the same road.  I am 30 years old and severely overweight and have recently been diagnosed with diabetes and high cholesterol.  I know as you get older, these conditions become more severe and harder to fix.  I am trying to fix the problems but it is a long hard road but I am doing it both for myself and to set a good example for my daughter.

I could not believe how righteous Tasha acted.  She seemed to feel that these women's trashing of a fellow human being were both valid and appropriate.  I cannot believe that she does not feel she should be personally liable for what is happening.  What did she think was going to happen?  She made her money off of the suffering others and now she doesn't want to admit that she was in the wrong because it will hurt her bank account.

 

Also, any woman that would stoop to such a low needs to realize that, yes she was hurt and she has a right to feel upset.  However, she also needs move on, get over it, and grow up.

Like Sundayschild, I do not like vegetables.  I never have.  Some even make me sick to my stomach if I even smell them since I had my daughter.  I was recently diagnosed with diabetes (which was brought on from being over weight) and our local health unit put on a diabetes education program.  One of the speakers was a dietician.  She told us when making meals people always go for the vegetables but what about fruit?  There is nothing wrong with slicing up an apple or another favorite fruit and putting it on the plate where the vegetables would be.

 

Another thing she taught us is portion control.  I come from a family that had the idea that you are to eat everything on your plate.  I have been doing that my whole life and I have paid the price.  I have learned, however, about proper portions.  A serving of chicken, for example, is not the whole breast but more likely half of it.  A serving of any meat is usually no larger than a deck of cards.  Another good way to keep the proper portion is to look at your plate.  1/2 of the plate should be fruits or vegetables, 1/4 should be starches like bread, rice, pasta etc, and the other 1/4 should be meat or protein.

 

Getting used to smaller portion sizes does take some getting used to.  For the first few days I didn't feel full, like I was getting enough to eat but after a while my stomach shrank (mentally of course) and now I can't even imagine eating as much as I used to.  As a result, just by eating proper portion sizes and having a small snack in between meals I lost 25 lbs.  Just by doing that alone, I lost all that weight. 

 

I have also been taking my daughter as an example.  When she eats, she only eats until she isn't hungry anymore.  When she is full, she walks away.  She doesn't stuff herself until all of the food is gone and she has that uncomfortable full feeling, she east until she is sattisfied.

 

I have alwasy been an emotional eater.  When I get upset, I would grab a bag of potatoe chips and just eat the whole thing.  Now, when I get that urge, I do something else...anything else, to take my mind off it.  I go do housework, mow the lawn ANYTHING that gets me away from the kitchen and potentially stuffing myself full of junk.

 

I still have a very long way to go, about another 100 pounds, but I am determined to lose it, even if it takes me years, I will do it.  I am tired of being fat and miserable, unable to keep up with my daughter, always tired, and not being able to wear the kinds of clothes that I want to wear.  But instead of getting down about it I decided to take resposibility for what I have done to myself and fix it!

When my daughter was 2, she would ask me every 15 minutes to sit on the potty.  I thought "hey, this is grea!  I can potty train her and get her out of diapers."  I didn't pressure her into it, just when ever she asked, we would go.  She never did anything on the potty but she learned about flushing and toilet paper etc. 

 

Then one day she just stopped asking.  When I realized this, I asked her if she wanted to sit on the potty.  She said "no."  Okay so I have been asking her ever since and she has no desire.  Once or twice whe has asked me to sit on the potty but those occassions are few and far in between.

 

She is nearly 3 1/2 years old now and she still refuses to even think about sitting on the potty.  My mother in law makes me feel like a real heel because she isn't trained yet.  She says that pretty soon I am going to have to "force her" to sit on the potty.  I have tried that and she screams and cries saying "No, mommy.  I don't want it!  Please get me down!"  She cries until she nearly makes herself sick.

 

Other people have told me to try and bribe her.  One said to tell her  that if she didn't have to wear diapers, we would have more money for toys or books.  That didn't seem to phase her one bit.  I know she wants to wear underwear and I promised to get her Dora the Explorer ones (her favorite) if she would use the potty.  All I get is an emphatic "NO!"

 

I have tired reading to her.  She loves to read.  But even telling her that doesn'tdo any good.  She absoultely refuses.

 

I have even left her alone about it for a while then come back to it and it doesn't seem to change anything.  I have even tried putting the potty in her play room where she watched tv.  Nothing.  It ends up being more of a toy box than a potty.

 

Another friend said to tell her next time she wants to play outside, tell her she can't go outside because she isn't a big girl because she won't use the potty and don't let her out until she goes on the potty.

 

I feel like I am a failure because I can't get her to even sit on the potty let alone go on it.  My mother in lw makes me feel like an incompetant twit because she still won't use the potty.  Do I forcer her to use it time and again even if she is screaming and crying?  Do I continue to try and bribe her until I find something that works?  Or what?  I am seriously at my wits end here.

 

Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

Your post made me feel a whole lot better. I personally want to let her take her time and feel that when she is ready she is ready.  I guess it the pressure from the sociatal norms that gets me.  People always have that perception that if a child isn't using the potty by a certain age, then there must be either something wrong with the child, or with the parents.

 

My husband and I butt heads a lot on the subject too.  I want to let her take her time but he wants her on the potty...mainly because he is tired of changing diapers.  I will continue to ask her if she wants to use the potty when it is obvious that she needs to go but I am not going to push the issue.

 

As for my mother in law...well that is a whole other story.  One of those control freakish kind of people but that is best left for another thread. :)

 

Thanks again for laying to rest some of my concerns.

Hi, everyone.  I am from Hinton, Alberta.  I don't often come across anyone who lives here let alone has heard of it but I figured I would come in and say hello and see what happens.

You're right.  That is kinda funny.  If it bothers her, I would just keep on doing like you are and keep it for when she isn't home.

When I was in high school, we had a gym teacher who taught the guys in our school from about grade 10 and up.  It was always rumored that she slept with her students.  Kids would always crack jokes about it behind her back.  Then, one year shortly after I graduated, she was caught sleeping with one of her male students in a tent on the school's annual bike tour.

 

She lost her job...but only for a short while.  I don't know the circumstances under which she got her job back but I believe it has something to do with the age of consent in Alberta, which is 14.  It didn't make any headlines even though it had been going on for years because, technically, she didn't do anything illegal like rape etc.

I never wanted children.  I was dead set against having any.  Not because I dislike children, but, as you said, I didn't feel as though I had the "mommy gene".  I didn't feel like I had anything to offer a child.  I thought that I would screw her up; that she would be an uncontrollable brat.  I still have worries that I am not doing everything I could. 

 

But you know what I discovered?  Every parent, mothers especially, think that at some point.  There is no such thing as a mommy gene.  Heck, I wish there were...like some hormone that is released into your brain when you get pregnant that automatically tells you how to take care of your child.  But there isn't and you just have to do the best you can.  Do what you feel is right.  Ask for advice when something arises that you are unsure about but don't feel like you have to take said advice.  What is right for their children, might not work for yours.

 

It takes a lot of practice to get being a mommy down...and I don't think we ever stop learning how.  But don't forget, you have a wonderful man who wants to be a father as well.  You are not alone and have the support you need to help you along the way.

You say that her husband is domineering.  Could it be that he is putting her up to this?

 

To be honest, I have never been in this type of situation but if I were, I don't believe that I would apologise.  From what I have read, you were simply showing concern for the well being of your daughter and her family.  What will happen when you apologise?  They will think that they can use their son as leverage everytime you say something that they don't want to hear or to get what they want.

 

Don't give in.  I know it's hard and that it isn't fair to your grandson, but you don't want to be a doormat either.