Message Boards

Messages By: canucklehead

User Mood
Good

Message Emote
happy
September 22, 2006, 9:00 am CDT

Are You Afraid to Age?

I am not scared of aging in the sense that I am afraid to look old but the problems that age brings, such as health.  I look at my mother and my grandmother and see what age has done to them because they have taken such poor care of themselves.  My grandmother had a stroke and was partially paralyzed when she was 59.  A year ago my mom nearly died from pneumonia and she has problems walking up a small hill without getting completely winded.

 

I see myself travelling down the same road.  I am 30 years old and severely overweight and have recently been diagnosed with diabetes and high cholesterol.  I know as you get older, these conditions become more severe and harder to fix.  I am trying to fix the problems but it is a long hard road but I am doing it both for myself and to set a good example for my daughter.

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
September 22, 2006, 9:08 am CDT

Take Some Responsibility

I could not believe how righteous Tasha acted.  She seemed to feel that these women's trashing of a fellow human being were both valid and appropriate.  I cannot believe that she does not feel she should be personally liable for what is happening.  What did she think was going to happen?  She made her money off of the suffering others and now she doesn't want to admit that she was in the wrong because it will hurt her bank account.

 

Also, any woman that would stoop to such a low needs to realize that, yes she was hurt and she has a right to feel upset.  However, she also needs move on, get over it, and grow up.

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
September 22, 2006, 9:32 am CDT

Breaking Unhealthy Habits

Like Sundayschild, I do not like vegetables.  I never have.  Some even make me sick to my stomach if I even smell them since I had my daughter.  I was recently diagnosed with diabetes (which was brought on from being over weight) and our local health unit put on a diabetes education program.  One of the speakers was a dietician.  She told us when making meals people always go for the vegetables but what about fruit?  There is nothing wrong with slicing up an apple or another favorite fruit and putting it on the plate where the vegetables would be.

 

Another thing she taught us is portion control.  I come from a family that had the idea that you are to eat everything on your plate.  I have been doing that my whole life and I have paid the price.  I have learned, however, about proper portions.  A serving of chicken, for example, is not the whole breast but more likely half of it.  A serving of any meat is usually no larger than a deck of cards.  Another good way to keep the proper portion is to look at your plate.  1/2 of the plate should be fruits or vegetables, 1/4 should be starches like bread, rice, pasta etc, and the other 1/4 should be meat or protein.

 

Getting used to smaller portion sizes does take some getting used to.  For the first few days I didn't feel full, like I was getting enough to eat but after a while my stomach shrank (mentally of course) and now I can't even imagine eating as much as I used to.  As a result, just by eating proper portion sizes and having a small snack in between meals I lost 25 lbs.  Just by doing that alone, I lost all that weight. 

 

I have also been taking my daughter as an example.  When she eats, she only eats until she isn't hungry anymore.  When she is full, she walks away.  She doesn't stuff herself until all of the food is gone and she has that uncomfortable full feeling, she east until she is sattisfied.

 

I have alwasy been an emotional eater.  When I get upset, I would grab a bag of potatoe chips and just eat the whole thing.  Now, when I get that urge, I do something else...anything else, to take my mind off it.  I go do housework, mow the lawn ANYTHING that gets me away from the kitchen and potentially stuffing myself full of junk.

 

I still have a very long way to go, about another 100 pounds, but I am determined to lose it, even if it takes me years, I will do it.  I am tired of being fat and miserable, unable to keep up with my daughter, always tired, and not being able to wear the kinds of clothes that I want to wear.  But instead of getting down about it I decided to take resposibility for what I have done to myself and fix it!

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
confused
October 5, 2006, 11:37 am CDT

Potty Frustrations

When my daughter was 2, she would ask me every 15 minutes to sit on the potty.  I thought "hey, this is grea!  I can potty train her and get her out of diapers."  I didn't pressure her into it, just when ever she asked, we would go.  She never did anything on the potty but she learned about flushing and toilet paper etc. 

 

Then one day she just stopped asking.  When I realized this, I asked her if she wanted to sit on the potty.  She said "no."  Okay so I have been asking her ever since and she has no desire.  Once or twice whe has asked me to sit on the potty but those occassions are few and far in between.

 

She is nearly 3 1/2 years old now and she still refuses to even think about sitting on the potty.  My mother in law makes me feel like a real heel because she isn't trained yet.  She says that pretty soon I am going to have to "force her" to sit on the potty.  I have tried that and she screams and cries saying "No, mommy.  I don't want it!  Please get me down!"  She cries until she nearly makes herself sick.

 

Other people have told me to try and bribe her.  One said to tell her  that if she didn't have to wear diapers, we would have more money for toys or books.  That didn't seem to phase her one bit.  I know she wants to wear underwear and I promised to get her Dora the Explorer ones (her favorite) if she would use the potty.  All I get is an emphatic "NO!"

 

I have tired reading to her.  She loves to read.  But even telling her that doesn'tdo any good.  She absoultely refuses.

 

I have even left her alone about it for a while then come back to it and it doesn't seem to change anything.  I have even tried putting the potty in her play room where she watched tv.  Nothing.  It ends up being more of a toy box than a potty.

 

Another friend said to tell her next time she wants to play outside, tell her she can't go outside because she isn't a big girl because she won't use the potty and don't let her out until she goes on the potty.

 

I feel like I am a failure because I can't get her to even sit on the potty let alone go on it.  My mother in lw makes me feel like an incompetant twit because she still won't use the potty.  Do I forcer her to use it time and again even if she is screaming and crying?  Do I continue to try and bribe her until I find something that works?  Or what?  I am seriously at my wits end here.

 

Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
hopeful
October 5, 2006, 3:06 pm CDT

Thanks, Missy

Quote From: missy77

First ,you don't "TRAIN" youre child, you teach!

Second, whats the rush?

 

Going potty is the one thing she can controle in her life, let her have it! When she marries I'm shure that she will talk, walk, know all her colors and go potty! The more you push the more she will rebel!

 

My oldest was "potty trained" at 21/2 day and night, my youngest was 31/2 for day and now is 41/2 and still needs a pull-up for the night. He feels bad enough as it is, he doesn't need me commenting that he's a big boy and has to stop wetting the bed!

 

It will happen, if you let it! Have fun with it, play games, have rewards, but don't push.

 

As for grand-ma, well I can't very well use the word I wanted but it starts with a f and ends with her! (I'm so sorry) Not all children are the same. I should know I run a daycare and I have yet had children be the same!

 

Just stand up to her, tell her that she will go potty when SHE is ready!

 

One trick I gave to one parent was, to put undies on and if he pees to let him pick up the pee and stay in his wet clothes, but he was almost 6!!!

Your post made me feel a whole lot better. I personally want to let her take her time and feel that when she is ready she is ready.  I guess it the pressure from the sociatal norms that gets me.  People always have that perception that if a child isn't using the potty by a certain age, then there must be either something wrong with the child, or with the parents.

 

My husband and I butt heads a lot on the subject too.  I want to let her take her time but he wants her on the potty...mainly because he is tired of changing diapers.  I will continue to ask her if she wants to use the potty when it is obvious that she needs to go but I am not going to push the issue.

 

As for my mother in law...well that is a whole other story.  One of those control freakish kind of people but that is best left for another thread. :)

 

Thanks again for laying to rest some of my concerns.

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
October 5, 2006, 3:14 pm CDT

Alberta Canada

Hi, everyone.  I am from Hinton, Alberta.  I don't often come across anyone who lives here let alone has heard of it but I figured I would come in and say hello and see what happens.
 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
October 13, 2006, 7:39 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: mstrong66

I thought my 14 year old was kidding the other day when she said about me taking our 3 ferrets to the bath room with me when I shower.  They play on the floor and then I put them in to play in the tub when I am done.  They like water.  I have 2 girls and one boy.  Anyway, she said that is weird you take the boy in with you.  Is this a normal thing?  I think its very strange, she was not kidding, due to she has said this over and over again, and it seems to bother her.  I don't mention it anymore, I just do it due to they are not here in the mornings now they are in school.  Any comments?
You're right.  That is kinda funny.  If it bothers her, I would just keep on doing like you are and keep it for when she isn't home.
 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
October 15, 2006, 2:17 pm CDT

10/19 Teacher Caught in the Act

When I was in high school, we had a gym teacher who taught the guys in our school from about grade 10 and up.  It was always rumored that she slept with her students.  Kids would always crack jokes about it behind her back.  Then, one year shortly after I graduated, she was caught sleeping with one of her male students in a tent on the school's annual bike tour.

 

She lost her job...but only for a short while.  I don't know the circumstances under which she got her job back but I believe it has something to do with the age of consent in Alberta, which is 14.  It didn't make any headlines even though it had been going on for years because, technically, she didn't do anything illegal like rape etc.

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2006, 10:23 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: allysmomma87

I am 18 years old, 19 in November and 7 months pregnant. Granted I could be in a very bad position in my life, Its not as bad as it sounds and I just hope no one is judging me. The father of my little girl is 22 and the greatest thing that's happened to me in a long time. He's been with me through everything and been extremely supportive (even through 3 months of throwing up and spoon feeding me). He has a wonderful job and makes more than enough money for someone his age and is moving up very fast in his career. He got a big beautiful apartment for all of us so we had room for a baby and bought me a minivan so we had something to put a car seat in for the baby. He's selling his brand new truck to get something more practical for a family and is doing everything he can to make sure I'm happy. When i first found out we were pregnant, it shocked me. I had waited to have sex until I was sure I was in a healthy relationship with someone I cared about and we did use protection, every time. so it surprised me very much. I told him I didnt plan on him sticking around and i had plenty of family to help me through it, and basically gave him an out to leave whenever without feeling guilty. No matter how hard I tried to push him away, he pushed back and didnt give up on me. He gave me space and time to make the decisions i needed to and let me know he was always going to be here for me. I thought i had ruined his life by making him a father at this time of his life (not that i wanted to be a mother now either) but we are still together and stronger than ever. Hes the sweetest, most loving, caring, beautiful person I know and i love him with all of my heart, more than i thought i could ever love another human being. He talks to my belly everyday and gives her kisses good morning and good night and tears when he thinks about holding our little girl in his arms. So with him being so darn wonderful i thought this would be a lot easier on me being a mother at such a young age but its not. I am graduated from high school already with high honors, a 28 ACT score and plans on going to college are still something i am going to do. Its just been put on hold for now. I couldnt handle having an abortion because ive always been against that. But im just scared to death of doing it all wrong. Of being such a horrible mother that I screw my child up so bad beyond repair. I love her so much already and i'd do anything for her i just dont know if I have the 'mommy gene' in me to be a good parent. I do have a lot of support but when it comes down to it, im her mother and i want to do the best i can. Im afraid i havent had enough life experience to raise a child in this world good enough and i fear that i'll do everything wrong. Put the diapers on wrong, take her temperature wrong, feed her wrong, put her to bed wrong. i couldnt live with myself if something horrible happened to her. I didnt plan on being a mother at this age but I have no choice now and im scared to death. The responsibility of it is starting to bear down on me. My mother went through cancer, a house fire, house flood, and fibromyalgia so bad to the point that i helped raise my younger sister most of the time on my own. But this is different and Im not sure what to do. Any suggestions/advice?

I never wanted children.  I was dead set against having any.  Not because I dislike children, but, as you said, I didn't feel as though I had the "mommy gene".  I didn't feel like I had anything to offer a child.  I thought that I would screw her up; that she would be an uncontrollable brat.  I still have worries that I am not doing everything I could. 

 

But you know what I discovered?  Every parent, mothers especially, think that at some point.  There is no such thing as a mommy gene.  Heck, I wish there were...like some hormone that is released into your brain when you get pregnant that automatically tells you how to take care of your child.  But there isn't and you just have to do the best you can.  Do what you feel is right.  Ask for advice when something arises that you are unsure about but don't feel like you have to take said advice.  What is right for their children, might not work for yours.

 

It takes a lot of practice to get being a mommy down...and I don't think we ever stop learning how.  But don't forget, you have a wonderful man who wants to be a father as well.  You are not alone and have the support you need to help you along the way.

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2006, 10:48 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: tobold

I would like to get an opinion from you or your council if possible.

This is about kids and using the grandchildren against the grandparents.

Our daughter has had a bad go of it with her new husband. They lived together for over two years and have now been married for about a year. They have a son that is now 17 months old.

Her husband has always been very domineering and controlling. He has a son that is 5 years old from a previous woman. They are both in there mid twentys. He has moved from job-to-job several times in the past two years and is now trying to make it as a car salesman but it is a job that requires him to be gone for three to four weeks at a time. They both say they are making money but have lost both cars and have been evicted from the apartment. They moved in with his aunt but she is in the process of selling her house so this will not last long. They have to rely on friends and his mother to get our daughter to work and back each day. We would love to help but they refuse to move close to us and she will not move in because her job is too far to drive, and she dont have a car anyway.

The last time he was back in town they ask us to keep the grandson, of course we were more than happy to do that. We try to get him as often as possible. He is a little, or should I say big, redhead boy with blue eyes and is a doll, anyway. We said we would and they brought him over that Friday evening. They came in dropped him and his baby bag off and like the wind was gone. They forgot to leave us the car seat they were in such a hurry. Come Sunday our daughter called and said they had a big fight and that they both decided that it was time to separate because they just could not get along any more. My wife told her that this was always her home and that she was welcome back home, her and the grandson of course.

We wondered why the sudden change and knew that they had a limited time to move out of his aunts house but we said nothing to them. We suspected that we were being used as a go-between because of some of the things said, but I will not get into that. When they came over he would not get out and my wife and daughter brought several items into her room. After a few minutes she came into the living room. I ask if they was serious about breaking up and she said yes they had had enough. I explained to her that it takes a long time to learn each other and takes a lot of effort to make a marriage work. I also explained to her that if this is what they have decided that she would have to file for a separation and ask her is she sure this is what they agreed to, she said "Yes it was". We talked for a while and then my wife ask her to go get him and tell him he is welcome to come in. She finally went out and ask him to come in but stayed out with him for about fifteen minutes. He did come in and sat on the sofa with our daughter. My wife ask what they had decided and got no answers. We sat there not saying much and after a while my wife ask again " What are your plans, is she going to stay for a while then you are going to get back together are is this what you both have made up your minds to do?" Our daughter then stated that they thought they would just try again to make it work.

I started talking to both of them about making things work out and how it takes love, dedication and working to make ends meet to support the family. He got offensive and stated that he was supporting his family.

I explained that it would take both of them and that I do not see that happening. He then got up and walked out saying, "I do not have to set here and listen to anyone saying I do not support my family". I told him that maybe that was an issue because he did not want to listen to anyone trying to help. Maybe I should have said nothing but that did not go over good to get up and walk out when someone is trying to explain what it would take in life to make ends meet. Anyway, he walked out of the house.

At that time our daughter started saying I was wrong that I should have not said anything to him. I tried to explain to her that they have lost both cars and did not have a place of their own to live and that I do not see the family support. She was very angry, pointing her finger at me and saying I was wrong and that he was supporting his family. She said they had $5000 in the bank and that he were getting an apartment when he got back from this next job. I explained to her that he was working this job for over one year and that the money they have would not support the current requirements that they have now. She would not hear any of what I was saying, packed her stuff back into his mothers truck and left with him, Mad. They left the baby bag, food and diapers that we had picked up for him because they were in such a hurry to leave.

Now our daughter is saying that if I do not apologize to her husband that he said we could not see the grandson. They have moved into an apartment but still use his mothers truck and other people for travel.

We are surprised that our daughter would allow this to happen. After all, She was coming home because it was over, what happened?

 

Do I apologize for what I feel is the truth and what I believe? Do I walk on egg-shells the rest of my life around them? Can parents not talk to our kids now?

Everyone we talk to says "Do not apologize" but I would like to hear from someone that may have been through this before, what was the outcome?

Please Help the grandparents make the right decision.

Concerned and Hurt Grandparents

You say that her husband is domineering.  Could it be that he is putting her up to this?

 

To be honest, I have never been in this type of situation but if I were, I don't believe that I would apologise.  From what I have read, you were simply showing concern for the well being of your daughter and her family.  What will happen when you apologise?  They will think that they can use their son as leverage everytime you say something that they don't want to hear or to get what they want.

 

Don't give in.  I know it's hard and that it isn't fair to your grandson, but you don't want to be a doormat either.

 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next | Last
Return to Message Board