Messages By: preacherswife1

Quote From: goldi111

OH MY GOSH!.  I can't believe that woman is complaining about wedding cake being shoved in her face.  If what they showed in their wedding video is all that he did she needs to get over it.

 

My husband really SHOVED the cake in my face.  Yes I was embarressed. but I laughed about it and now 29 years later it is great story to tell when my kids look at our wedding pictures.

Quote From: beachshellrose

aha. Everyone wants to blame the wife. A good reflection on how our society still doesn't get abuse to women.

 

I congratulate her for her kindness and graciousness and generosity on their wedding day to this abusive oaf.  Had my husband promised not to humiliate me in front of our guests, then callously pushed cake in my face along with his broken promises in order to show off for his obviously equally dumber than dumb family and friends, he would have been honeymooning alone!

Abuse is abuse no matter how much men want to call it "traditional" and women want to pretend that getting a husband is worth accepting anything to get that ring on their finger. And it took him 13 years to "get it!!  Hello?

 

Quote From: aprilsowell

Quote From: rautcr

"I can't wait to see this show!  I have a daughter in law from hell! I contacted the show and told my story and decided because of the grandkids, I had better pull back. I have bent over backwards to try to welcome her into this family. I have showered her with love and she continues to be a smart ass. She is jealous of the relationship I have with my grandkids. My son and I were once very close and she trys to destroy that relationship too. I bite my tongue constantly with her. Her own family ignores her and she has no friends. Think she'd figure it out. She has cost me to miss one of my grandchilds birthday for the last 3 years. She ruins every holiday. Just when I think she is starting to change, she pulls something. I promise, I am a good mother in law and have tried and tried with this girl, but I am not going to take the disrespect any longer. I feel bad because I know my son is in the middle and is torn. Any suggestions?"   -Where is your ownership of the issue? You didn't do anything wrong, your DIL is just psycho IYO I take it? I'd like to hear the other side of that story too, Just reading your post makes me cringe for your DIL because reading into what you wrote I think there are probably reasons for all that stuff that are partly your fault and you're just not fessing up.   Maybe you should ask your DIL nicely what you did to offend her so. I'd bet she'd have an answer for you quick and in a hurry. Besides that your son is a big boy, he makes his own decisions. You need to realize your son has his own nuclear family now that should come WAY before you. Get over it he's not your litle boy anymore, he's a grown man, your relationship with him is probably sour because he's standing up for his wife which is exactly where he should be IMO. I say your son deserves a pat on the back and your poor DIL probably deserves a medal. Far too many times we as DIL's try to be nice because we don't want to be labeled the "Evil DIL" and we get trampled on. If she's being a smartass maybe there's a reason. I'm sure she didn't suddenly develop an attitude without ANY provacation. As for your grandkids, remember being a grandparent is NOT A RIGHT IT'S A PRIVLEDGE. If you can't figure out a way to make things work with this family then I guess you don't love or want to be with them that bad.   To any MIL's or IL's that happen to read this board if you want to have a good relationship with your DIL's and their family (i.e. nuclear family) then you need to remember a couple of things: We are not here just to please you! We have our own lives and stresses and things to do. Call before you drop by, ask if you can visit or if we will visit you DO NOT DEMAND A VISITor just drop by! This is so annoying.   If we want your opinion or advice we'll ask for it otherwise butt out. Don't expect to be in the delivery room, it's uncomfortable and you better than anyone should know that childbirth is an experience that doesn't need extra stress. Don't bug your son for a play by play of what's happening if you are not in the delivery room but are INVITED to the hospital. When he has a chance to take a break without leaving his wife in labor alone, he'll let you know or have a nurse tell you. If you're a smart IL you will let your Son and his wife decide when a visit is appropriate and you will deal with it without being a child about it. Don't be offended if you are not asked to come stay and help out the first couple of weeks and don't insist if you aren't invited. You know the week after you have a baby is not pretty and for some DIL's they may feel uncomfortable having you there. If you are asked and do want to go help, HELP- DO NOT PLAY HOG THE BABY and make a woman who just had a baby cook and clean for you. You should be there to do whatever you can to make her life easier if nothing else than to thank her for bringing your gc into the world. Understandably you are excited about your grandchild but if you can't help DON'T COME! We are not your sounding board if you gossip about other family members we know you are talking about us behind our backs and it will put us on the defensive. Always remember our children are OURS, NOT YOURS. They do not belong to you. You don't own them or us. Whether or not you agree with our choices doesn't matter a bit, they are ours to make, you had yours when you raised your kids.   Understand that your son has his own family and they should come before you. He may always be your baby but he's now somebody's husband. Don't play tug of war trying to compete and try to make yourself a higher priority. Someday your children grow up and become their own people, that lead their own lives and why a mother's love is always welcome there is a point where it becomes too much and it's clear you still haven't come to terms with your child "leaving the nest". Get a hobby enjoy your life, enjoy your children and grandchildren but learn that the more trouble and drama you cause for your child and his family the farther you are going to push yourself away and the more you are going to lose in the end.   I don't mean to make it out like all MIL's are the devil and all DIL's are perfect, but it's hard for us, we are new in your family we haven't had 20-30 years to get used to your behavior and I think that most mothers want to automatically assume the worst of the "outsiders". Watch what you say, if you offend- apologize. Even if you didn't mean to. For all the MIL's out there including mine that are not like some of the MIL's in these stories, thank you. Thank you for not being a nutt job and driving me crazy, for giving my family some space and not expecting anything and letting us give our time and affection as we are able instead of demanding it when we don't have it to give. You're very appreciated.   April

Quote From: henderc

 Dr. Phil
 I live the life of these people, and God knows I feel for them.I have a mother in law who has made my life hell. She comes to my house after my wife and daughter leave so no one else knows she is there and then makes wild allegations about me. Then states if I say anything she won't trust me!!! She has even go so far as to accuse me of sexually abusing my nephew knowing full well its a lie. She loves to hurt me and then says its my fault and I am just over reacting.  My wife is caught in the middle but I am at the point I am ready to tell everyone in the family just what she has done to me. Last time she  came to my house and made threats I tried to call the police and she said my wife would never beieve me, and at times I almost believe her. She sets it all up, comes when no one is around  and then leaves before they come home.
 I am at a loss as to how to deal with this women and just wonder how far she is willing to go to try and ruin my life.

Quote From: dlw1949

I'm glad you made this post.  Dr. Phil has said on many occassions that grandparents don't

have any rights and he has a huge audience of which many I think take his word.

 

Also, it seems to me that when he has a show on in-law woes, it's the mother-in-law who is

way out there,  and it seems that the show's he has on this issue always reflects badly on

the mother-in-law.  Why doesn't he ever show the impossible daughter-in-law?

 

I have three sons, two of which are the age of Dr. Phil's sons.  Dr. Phil and Robin are lucky

in that at least one of their sons is walking in his father's foot steps and working closely

with his dad ... there is a close bond there ...  and it appears that he has chosen someone

who isn't jealous of his relationship with his parents ... his new wife surely knows how

close Jay is to his family going into their marriage ...  and he would need someone who

wasn't jealous or controlling ... but, they are one of the lucky ones aren't they?

 

My oldest son has been married 7 years and has 3 children.  In the beginning alot of these

daughter-in-laws are polite and trying to win everyone over ,,, then they get married and

change as soon as they say I do.  It's one sided in a marriage if one person is saying

my my my my ... it's their choice to make up new holiday traditions, but how is a

paternal parent suppose to feel when their daughter-in-laws decides that every

holiday (the actual day) is going to be spent at her parents and they will work their way

around the paternal family? or when a first grandchild is born, the dtr/lw tells her

husband to tell his mother that she will be the first to be called when the baby arrives

but her mother, dad, sister, cousin etc will be there.  What's a mother-in-law

suppose to think when the daughter-in-laws mother tells the paternal grandparent

that she was upset that the doctor and nurse pushed her away when the baby

was being born and put the father up in position to see his child being born

rather than his wife's mother?  What's a mother-in-law suppose

to think when the daughter-in-law is so caught up with her mother and doesn't have

the time to come for a visit with the baby and when child is old enough to walk

won't let the son bring the child over by himself, because she has to be with him.

 

What's a mother-in-law suppose to think when she does go over to see the grandchild ( although daughter-in-law is at work as son is at home by himself with new born baby and no extra car ,, and then from out of no where the daughter-in-law says that the mother-in-law can have one day a week or she will get a restraining-order, then all heck breaks out because mother-in-law has put up with all that she feels she can bear and barks back.  once a month wasn't the issue, but what does it say about a daughter-in-laws character when she threatens a

restraining order?  Then after time the paternal parent is told by the daughter-in-laws mother that her daughter has just always been controlling, and then you find out

that she had problems with every boyfriend before latching onto your passive son? What's a mother-in-law suppose to do when she sends a baby blanket as a gift for the second born grandchild to get it back cut by a knife or scissors? or gets birthday cards back torn in shreds? or is told by her son that when his wife got mad she knocked over a book shelf and threw things, or tore up pictures, What's a mother-in-law suppose to think when her son tells her that his

wife gives him allowance, has checked his mileage, doesn't want him opening

the mail, tells him that he doesn't need to know what's in their checking account. What's a mother-in-law suppose to think when her daughter-in-law gets her mother to co-sign on a van that has payments of $500 a month that now is a huge burden to them.  Did her mother meddle?  When is it a mother-in-laws

business ...it's not like we mother-in-laws seek out to know their business, many sons bring their woes to us.  I haven't spoken with my daughter-in-law

in 3 years, she said I was dead to her ,... which works for me.  My son lets

me see the children, now 3 of them, when she is at work, she gets mad, and

I use to care, but not anymore. My daughter-in-law told my son that she won't go to counseling

because she doesn't want other people to know their business.  well, it's his hell and there's

nothing I can do about it, but I will see the grandchildren when my son says I can because

I'm danged if I do and danged if I don't.

 

I have two other sons , one has just finished college, the other is about to finish and

says he will be married before end of '07.  he has dated his girlfriend for 3 years and I know

her parents.  I didn't know anything about my oldest sons parents before they got married,

although if I knew what I know now it probably wouldn't have mattered because he would have

married her even if I could have warned him against it.  One of my son's said he would have

already been gone.  Until my son wants to be treated as an adult and human being, she

will continue to treat him as a child, and there's nothing I can do but watch this horror

unfold.  and she may think she has all of the control, but what she has is a husband that

will stay with her only to be part of his children's lives. 

 

 

Quote From: stratisf

There must really be a lot of lonely and miserable people out there trying to fill themselves up with all of this stuff. Where did they learn this behavior? Didn't we all grow up watching Sesame Street and Disney Movies and so forth which teaches us to be kind and to share and all of those good warm and fuzzy American values? I didn't, but don't a lot of people grow up going to religious services and so forth which teach them to be giving to others, to be humble, and to value goodness above all material things? Weren't some of these kids boy scouts or girl scouts and had to rough it in the woods and learn to find their inner strengths rather than show off the latest trends?

 

When did everyone's values shift so dramatically? Why can't people find happiness in simple things anymore? Where did this come from?

 

Quote From: nystatemom

I really get so very tired of the crying and whining of people, when they allow misfortune to be in their life--then act so suprised when life is upsetting.  No, I have not seen the show yet, but it will probably (at least in the case where the girl has moved back in with her mom) be Mom saying, BUT WHAT COULD I DO? SHE WOULD HAVE HAD TO LIVE IN THE STREET!  Oh well !!!!!!!! Obviously the girl has made grown up choices and now should have to live with them.  People----JUST STOP ENABLING EACH OTHER-WE ONLY GROW STRONGER WHEN PAIN AND SUFFERING ENTER OUR LIVES.   More to come after the show airs.  thanks for listening..

Quote From: stratisf

I totally side with the cheapskate husband. Why does anyone need to buy name-brand peanut butter? They all are made of the same stuff! Especially if they are trying to save some money. I think saving for a rainy day (like when their car needed some repairs) is the mature and responsible thing to do and she should really be happy that her husband is looking out for their long-term goals instead of squandering away their money on frivolous things like most Americans do.. and then wind up in debt. If the wife wants more money to buy herself things then she can go get a job and use a portion of her earnings towards buying herself whatever luxuries she feels she needs. I don't know why she was so snobby about buying at Good Will, but I found it really obnoxious that she is "above" Good Will. Good Will has some great stuff. Oh, but he should probably get rid of that motorcycle and instead buy something they can both enjoy together. And in all fairness, as much as I praise him for being responsible, he needs to realize when he is being a scrooge (like not buying presents for the kids or a wedding ring for his wife).

 

Now... where Carlena is concerned... wow, I don't even know what to say. What a SPOILED BRAT! She needs to experience some form of struggle, or just simplicity, to realize what matters in life, she needs to see what is really beautiful and special about herself and about others and realize that it is definitely not the material things. What she is looking for, money cannot buy, and the sooner she realizes that, the sooner she will get herself out of debt... or at least stop going further into debt. Maybe a trip into the woods for a while, or a few weeks at some boot camp would break her down and make her appreciate the good things around her which would fill that void in her life that she tries to fill with all of that stuff!