Messages By: mother2all

My son is 16 yrs. old and he is bi-polar and adhd and i feel like i can't do this anymore, all i want to do is run away but then i think it about and realize he didn't ask to be born. he just got fired from his job,he got kicked out of just about every class yesterday then he came home and took it out on me. he blames me he says i never talk to him. well, surprise surprise the school just called and they suspended for the rest of the week and they mentioned they don't want him back. i  feel like i cant do this anymore i want to run and hide. he just said it was my fault  and i told him he needed to take some responsibiliy for his actions and he told me to shut up and end it.the school is worried they say he is scarey and something has to be done. any suggestions would be greatfully appreciated.

at times ignoring does help but bi-polar is so unpredictable that what might work one day might not work the next. I have done everything you could possibly think of. we have tried grounding, rewarding, taking things away and only leaving his bed, my daughter who my son acts like he wants to be a part of her life has even tried but it's his  way and time. now my daughter hates him not only because he wants to be boss but becuz of the way he treats me and has me in tears. the doctor says pick and chose your fights,  that helps once in awhile but we have been going through this for almost 11 years now. you have to be very strong bcuz it can tear you down. my son has just about broke me, i'm out of ideas or tips or anything maybe it's time to throw in the towel . but how do i do that, bcuz if i;m not here who will help and defend him  or even care?

it took us almost 6 years of going through hell b4 they would diagnose my son bi-polar. he is also adhd but i think there may b even more. we have tried concerta and it helped alittle but after about a year or so we just recently  changed once again. now he is taking adderall extended relief it's better but 4 how long. with his bi-polar and adhd he has taken concerta, adderall, depakote, seraquell, lithium and i'm sure there is more but my mind just can't remember bcuz we have been doing this since my son was in 1'st grade or so and he is now a sophmore in high school and things r going bad again. in my opinion if anyone can find something that works stick with it and be strong and consistant consistant consistant even when things r at the greatest you can NEVER let your gaurd down becuz they r smarter than people give them credit. all i know is you have to really research doctors and there methods bcuz their r 2 many that just want give you whatever pills so they can move on to the next patient. find a counclor who is tough but caring and isn't easily foolled. b picky and find one they will trust and won't walk away from them. that is important bcuz that would cause trust issues, my son has been through 4or 5 doctors and they have either quit moved or just given up. my son is smart, he already knows how to play the game, he knows what and when to say things and then leaves and does the opposite. the last counclor said she threw her hands up and told me she cared very deeply for my son but that there wasn't any more she could do. he knows what they want to hear he says he knows what he is doing and he even has the teachers convinced that he chooses to to be bad but i know that's not true bcuz i see the mood swings from high 2 low and i see the look in his eyes it just makes him feel in control when he says he's choosing 2 behave badly. all i can say is b strong bcuz it isn't easy but our children r worth it! i hope i hav helped, i am always here to help anyone i can. i can't do anything for myself bcuz i've been there done that but maybe i can help someone else, and don't get me wrong i'm not giving up on my son i just know i've been their done that. TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK1

i am a 37 yr. old mother of two and wife. all my life i wanted a boy and a girl, and on my first date with my husband i knew i wanted him in my life 4ever,  my dreams came true and we will be married 18 years on oct.22. all my prayers were answered so i have always given to my family and my wants and needs have always come last. i don't buy myself anything bcuz i feel so guilty bcuz i feel like my kids or my husband need things more. i was always a happy go lucky person but that is fadeing and my self image sucks. i don't have any real cothes i am losing my hair due to stress and almost 4 years ago i had gastric bypass surgery thinking it would help me feel better about myself, boy was i wrong. my body is oddly shaped and my self esteem is in the dumps and i am losing the fight with my son who is adhd and bi-polar so i don't have the energy to do anything with my self, all i do is cry and wonder why my husband stays with me when i know he could do better and am i a embarresment to my kids. i just wonder if i will ever be happy again physicaly or spiritually.

i understand 100% but no matter what you can never give up! don't get me wrong i am not much of a church person but i do believe that god does not give us more than he believes we can take. and you may be so frustraded and angry and just so hurt that you r losing your mind but you would be surprised how much a person can take when their r no other options. and  when things get really bad you hav 2 walk away, even if it is in your room or outside where ever and calm yourself with somedeep breathing [i know i hate when people tell me that too, but it does work]  and remind yourself this- o.k. god has handed me this and i trust that he would not give me more than i can handle, even if i don't think i can do this, i hav 2. remind youself that you decided 2 bring this child into the world they did not chose 2 b here and know that it is your responsibility to raise them . if they are angry disrespectfull get them help, hav them talk to someone they trust bcuz know this, kids don't behave like this 4 no reason and either somthing happened or they may hav a problem bcuz do you honestly think that they enjoy the fighting the argueing, or the stress? NO they don't. i know the feeling when all u want 2 do is run away, give up and say ok u win or give them 2 someone else or kick them out but you can't, if u walk away and don't help them they will not grow up into productive adults and u will b teaching them that when things get hard u run away or give up. u will also b teaching them how 2 handle problems when they have there own families. u need 2 teach and show them that no matter how bad things get  that u will always be there for them and no matter how much they fight you that you  will not b going anywhere bcuz that is what family does, they stand by oneanother through thick and thin. i know how hard and painfull it can b bcuz i am going through the same thing. i am so disrespected in my home too. my husbans works all the time bcuz if he didn't we would b homeless, so i do have 2 deal with just about it all. my daughter is 17 and very independant and has a mind all of her own and isn't affraid 2 say what ever is on her mind wether u like it or want 2 hear it. and that is my fault bcuz i hav always taught my children to b honest and say what and how they feel and if people can't handle it then that's there problem. my mistake was not telling them that there is a time and a place 4 everything. they just say what they want and when they want. i also hav a 16 yr. old son that is adhd and bi-polar and now they' r finding out my son is also odd-cd [i believe cd is just a more severe part of odd].anyways i have been going through hell 4 about 6 yrs. but i refuse 2 give up. trust me when i say i want 2 run away but i know i can't. last year he was probably suspended over 50 times easily bcuz the school didn't want 2 deal with him either. he screams at throws fits and even tries getting in my face. just think i am only about 5 ft 1 in. and he stands5ft 10in. i just let him know that he can say what he wants if it makes him feel better but that i refuse 2 feed into it as much as i want 2 and that when he is done screaming i'm here 2 talk and that no matter how much he wants 2 say hurtfull and hatefull things that i love him and i am always going 2 b here and i will fight him 2 my death bcuz i am mom and god gave him 2 me for a reason and i AM going 2 make sure he grows up 2 b the best he can b. once he realizes i won;t fight or argue he shuts up and goes 2 his room pissed off and blares his radio. once he cools off i then ask him if he wants 2 talk ,sometimes it's ok or times it's no, but no matter what  i'm here when he's ready but that under no circumstances will he raise his voice 2 me if he wants me to listen 2 him. even if you know what he is going to say ,let him speak and say what he needs 2. then it's your turn and be very specific and clear about what your point is but no matter what tell him not to interupt, you heard him out now it's your turn. try to comprimise only if it is about something that won't hurt himself or anyone else. pick and choose your fights but  ALWAYS demand respect and know when to walk away from an arguement. let him know things will work out alot better if you talk calmly. we as parents can only do the best we can with what god gave us but when they turn 18 they have 2 live and learn, doesn't mean we are no longer ther for them it just means they have 2 pay the consequence all we can do is love them and alwaysbe there to listen and hear them out even if we don't like what we hear. we are mothers, mothers can NEVER give up. i hope no one takes affence that is just my oppinion from my own experience.BYE NOW

i am sorry but there is alot you can do! turn her in social service everytime you witness something because obvously they r not responsible and you have to protect the children because if u don't who will? i have seen so many of my daughter friends parents take the easy road and basically let their kids do what they want to avoid being a parent. your main concern has to b your child and no matter how spoiled they r u have 2 breeak them of it and tell there grandma she has 2 stop spoiling them bcuz it is only hurting them and if she can't stop then she can no longer see them until she does. teach them the value of a dolar. i know u probably think i am full of it but trust me i do know a little, u would be surprised about what i have seen and been through. i used to spoil the hell out of my daughter bcuz she was sooooo good and we were like best friends. igave her whatever she asked for even if i couldn't afford it i would find a way or put us in debt. for her 16th birthday i threw a huge sweet16 party i spent well over $1000.00 and i didn't even have a job, it was our tax money and bill money. then one day i woke up bcuz she got out of hand [my fault] she started doing things and hiding things while still trying to act like ms. innocent. i realized it was more important to a parent rather than friend. it broke my heart that we weren't close and that she was taking advantage of me [again, my fault] but i decided to become the most nosiest mom around. i envaded her privacey to find things out and she became very angry and distant but i told her that trust had to be earned and making her own decisions was a priveledge and she also had to earn that. i told her if she was so grown up and wanted to do what she wanted then she had to prove she could make responsible choices. i took her to see people who were alot less fortuneate than us. it wasn't easy and it took a long time but i had to learn to be consistant and strong. i wasn't going to lose my daughter to drugs and alcohol or to someone who would give her false love. she hated me and faught with me and disrespected me and she would make me cry all the time.she knew how much i loved her so she used that. but i had enough to deal with bcuz i also have a16 yr. old son who is adhd and bi-polar and gets suspended just about once a week. my hands were full and i realized if i take some kind of control i would lose both my kids. be strong, consistant, and don't give up. don't allow anyone to undermind what you r trying 2 do. and cut the relatives out of yor life that r hurting your family bcuz only you can save your kids. you don' give up and walk away bcuz you brought them into this world they didn't chooses to be born. sorry if i hurt you or upset you but as a mother i realized we have fight for kids and love them to no end reguardless how much they fight us or say they hate us. always remember that there is alwys someon out their who will take over and lead your child in the wrong direction. and trust me if you call s.s enough they will get sick of you and eventually look into it and if your right about there bad parenting they will step in, but don't let your child be a victom. it won't be easy but you will survive and your child will appreciate it when they grow up. my daughter graduates this year and starts college at the end of june. she once thanked me for being strong enough to fight her because now she has the chance to be the best she can be.

i agree that a parent should never give up, and i am speaking from expearience. I am a wife and mother of two. My daughter is 17 and my son is 16. we as a family have gone through so much and are still going through alot. One thing i want to say is that after reading all of these stories it makes me want to fight harder for my families peace of mind. Too many parents do give up and they shouldn't. I too have wanted to run away so many times because i felt like if i didn't iwould lose my own mind, but i didn't. I had my kids for a reason and they didn't ask to be born so it is my responsibility to never give up on them! Here is a LITTLE of what i have been through. My daughter like i said is 17 and growing up she was so loving and caring and always went to school even though she struggled with it. We were so close and bcuz she was so good and tried so hard i gave her what ever i could and we spent alot of time together and with her friends because i wanted to know who she hung out with. They all called me mom and thought i was cool even though my daughter didn't. I made it a point to let them know i would do what i could for any of them as long as they were honest with me and not let me catch them lieing to me. And i let them know that if they hurt my kids in any way shape or form i was done with them bcuz i needed 2 protect my flesh and blood first. MY daughter grew up very spoiled [my fault, i know] and at the time i think i was more worried about being her friend than her mother so i had 2 learn the hard way, i needed to be her mother first then her friend. She started becoming mouthy and disrespectful and thought the world revolved around her but why not, bcuz until now it did. As she grew up she wanted to do what she wanted or what her friends were doing. I was not going to have that and i made it a point of letting her know that. We went through all kinds of different phases, the drugs the drinking and boys and bad friend choices but ithink bcuz when she was growing up we talked alot about everything,life sex everything in general. when she was at an approriate age in my opinion i told her why i made the choices i did because of everything i had gone through and the choices i made. because we were so honest with one another as she grew up she never quite learned how to lie very well, thank god. When she tried she usually busted herself out then got mad becuz of it. I was very strict and i say i became the nosiest mother around and i told her and her friends i was bcuz i wasn't going to lose her to any bs and i would fight her to my death to keep her healthy and safe. don't get me wrong it was not easy and i didn't disclose all the bad things she tried let's just say she rebelled hard but it was my responsibility as her mom and bcuz i chose to bring her into the world it is my responsibility to stand and fight for her life.i told her she could hate me all she wanted but that she would never win this fight bcuz her life is to precious to me to not win. she now is going to graduate high school this year [school is still hard for her] and she will be going to college at the end of june, but she realized no matter how bad or hard things get she needs her education if she wants more or better than what we could give her. She is still learning lifes lessons but she knows it's all a part of growing up and living and learning. She told me she would have never survived if i hadn't stuck by her and if i wouldn't of been such a bi***. i laughed and said but iam so good at it.HaHa! seriously, life is too short and children r our gifts from god, so be thankfull and strong and NEVER give up or turn your back and walk away. she might not seem as bad as what some parents have gone through but that was just the begining remember i have a 16 yr. old son that is adhd, bi-polar, and now they are saying he is ODD. so i will be back i have 2 go 4 now and i can tell u about my son. bye 4 now.

you said it right there, and your right you can't ever stop trying. I have 2 kids and things r hard more with my son who is 16 and has alot of problems. here is my advice and u don't have to take it or u can. STOP moving! No matter what if your husband feels u have 2  move, let himbcuz from the sounds of it he is never home anyways and who is he 2 judge u if he isn't there 2 help or support your efforts. I too am married but the only difference is he is home but he chooses to shut himself out. he says our kids r assholes and don't appreciate anything and they don't learn so why bother. Why bother? Because they r our kids and our responsibility, so many parents 4get that they didn't ask 2 b born, we brought them into this world and with that reason alone we need 2 stand by them regaurdless how much they fight us. Alot of your shaking probably is stress but it kind of sounds like the start of anxiety attacks and i believe that is caused do 2 stress too. i go through that 2. my kids fight most of the time and my daughter always says she hates her brother and can't wait to move, but i would hate for her 2 go on 2 college feelling that way about him but i understand she is frustrated. He is 16 and adhd,bi-polar and now they say he is odd. we never know what kind of a mood he will b in so it's like walking on eggshells. i am the only one who deals with the doctors, school, home and everything else. i have days when it all bcomes too much but i also know i can't ever give up. reading all these stories i read though help bcuz i know i am not alone and their r so many families worse off and have survived so i tell myself 2 quit whining, be stong and keep fighting bcuz what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. that is not a cliche[however u spell it] because were still here and we r still fighting. u understand with or without your husbands help you need 2 b their for your kids. tell your husband untill he is willing to b an active consistant parent not 2 critisize what u r doing. either get involved or shut up. i told my husband a long time ago that my son has no respect for me bcuz he only treated me the way he saw his father treat mr. over and over i would point out certaun things he said or did untilhe finally saw it and little by little he stopped and explained 2 my son that it was wrong and that didn't give himthe right 2 do the same. life is not easy and either is being a parent but as long as we talk about how we feel and never give up on eachother then we have a chance and we will survive and so will our families. hope i helped i wii always b here 2 listen if needed. take care and remember you R not alone no matter where u live!

i do know, or should i say i have recently found that out that teachers don't know all about kids disabilities. that was one thing brought up in an iep meeting.i made it a point that i wanted all of my sons teachers to know what his disabilities were because i told them they all needed to know because they needed to know how to deal with him.  all teachers should be made aware of childrens disabilities to make sure that they are treated fairly.