Message Boards

Messages By: kristina0616

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
September 26, 2006, 9:09 pm CDT

Moving on

I have been in a relationship for 14 years.  I have known him for 16 years.  I have actually been telling my boyfriend/fiance that I wanted to move on.  He tells me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and doesn't ever see himself with anyone else, even if I left him.  I explained that after all of this time together, if he doesn't want to marry me, he never will.  We both have the same morals and values and have never cheated on each other. 


After watching the show, I do believe that I deserve to be married and that he is crazy if he doesn't want to marry me.  It has been my dream since I was a little girl to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and have a wonderful wedding to celebrate our commitment with our family and friends.  I wanted my father to walk me down the aisle to the man of my dreams.  My father died three years ago and I will never have that moment now.

 

I told him that I am leaving.  He does know how I feel and just pretends that everything is fine.  I don't think he wants to accept that I will spend the rest of my life with someone I am not going to marry.

 

Thanks for the show, Dr. Phil, it was a big help to know that I wasn't the only one going through this.

 

From: Not waisting anymore of my years!!

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
September 26, 2006, 9:14 pm CDT

not selfish

Quote From: julie1418

What a real commitment, real love, relationship values are depends on the person. When it comes to intimate relationships, shouldn't we try to find the person whose definition of real commitment and relationship values most closely match our own?

 

Why are you so insistent that a woman (or even a man) remain in a relationship which does not meet their needs and they are expressly unhappy with? Because it doesn't agree with your needs? Isn't that somewhat selfish?? I suspect this topic may be hitting too close to home!

I don't believe it is selfish to have needs and if your needs are not being met it is time to move on if there cannot be a compromise.  It is never selfish to express your needs and want to fulfull those needs.  If you had back surgery and you NEEDED someone to help you, I don't think THAT would be considered selfish.  I actually think it is selfish to hold out and not compromise on the needs of the person you are in a relationship with.


Thanks for listening and I do agree with the rest of your comments.

 

Me

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
frustrated
September 26, 2006, 9:24 pm CDT

Don't waste precious time/you only live once

Quote From: mariefranc

 They are either there or they are not.
I was proposed to 26 times by the same man... I have an engagement ring!
But here I am 11 years later and not married. Does that tell you something?
I don't want to marry him now. I am glad I didn't get married to him. I could not trust him. He always went back on his word. I realized that living with out him was like a big weight was lifted off me. I always thought it would be hard to get over him. Truth is I didn't get over him. I just saved myself.
Sorry to say that I think that you both need a little break with coming out of long relationships.  He hasn't even been divorced from his wife that long.  I have been a 14 year relationship and have decided to leave.  He says that he want to marry me someday and spend the rest of his life with me but cannot give me a straight answer to why we are not married yet.  I now feel a lot of resentment towards him as I wanted my father to walk me down the aisle and that will never happen now.  My father died three years ago and I do not think I can ever forgive him for us not getting married sooner.  I guess it is really my fault for allowing it to go this long.  As the show stated, if he doesn't know he wants to marry you now, there is not a guarantee that he will know in 2, 4 or 10 years.  Do not waste 14 years like I did.  If he feels that you will allow this to go on, he will try to keep stretching out the years until you feel like me.  I wanted more kids too but I now have medical issues that prevent me from that and should have had more years ago before all of this happened but because of him i had to put my personal needs on hold because "he wasn't ready".  Well I am and I am sure that I will find someone that thinks that I am marriage-worthy.  I hope this helps a little. 
 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
frustrated
September 26, 2006, 9:26 pm CDT

been through the same thing/ no more

Quote From: viable

It seems like the obvious solution for Tony and Mary would be a pre-nuptial agreement. That way Tony gets what he wants (financial security) and Mary gets what she wants (marriage).
His fears were not jus with money!!!  If after 12 years of being together and Mary doing everything for him, i would think that Tony would think she deserved something if there were to divorce.
 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
September 26, 2006, 9:32 pm CDT

09/26 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: kristina0616

I have been in a relationship for 14 years.  I have known him for 16 years.  I have actually been telling my boyfriend/fiance that I wanted to move on.  He tells me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and doesn't ever see himself with anyone else, even if I left him.  I explained that after all of this time together, if he doesn't want to marry me, he never will.  We both have the same morals and values and have never cheated on each other. 


After watching the show, I do believe that I deserve to be married and that he is crazy if he doesn't want to marry me.  It has been my dream since I was a little girl to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and have a wonderful wedding to celebrate our commitment with our family and friends.  I wanted my father to walk me down the aisle to the man of my dreams.  My father died three years ago and I will never have that moment now.

 

I told him that I am leaving.  He does know how I feel and just pretends that everything is fine.  I don't think he wants to accept that I will spend the rest of my life with someone I am not going to marry.

 

Thanks for the show, Dr. Phil, it was a big help to know that I wasn't the only one going through this.

 

From: Not waisting anymore of my years!!

FROM ORIGINAL WRITER - I realized a made a typo in the story.  I meant to say that I will NOT spend the rest of my life with someone I am not going to marry.

 

Sorry about that.


Kris

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
angry
January 20, 2007, 9:15 pm CST

What the heck!!

I am extremely angry that this woman, Kim, would allow herself to have another child.  There is a large span between the eldest and middle child but not between the middle child and the baby.  It especially annoys me that she comes right out and tells everyone that the middle child is her favorite.  I am an extreme believer in treating your children equally and if you think you have a favorite, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!.  Do not allow the children to know that you favor one over the other as it causes extreme low self-esteem in the child that is not favored.  I just went through this with my mother-in-law last year at Christmas.  She had bought extravagent gifts for all the grandchildren except one, my daughter who is not her blood grandchild but has been in the family for all of her life.  She even favored my sister-in-law's step-son who has only been in the family for 4 year.  We had a big blow out and my husband did not see a problem with this.  I had it out with my mother-in-law after she came over and I explained to her that my daughter cried Christmas day because she felt that her 'grandmother' did not like her.  My daughter is very responsible, straight-A's, works and pays her own car insurance, gas and cell phone.  She uses all the money she gets for the Holidays for her bills and appreciates every little bit.  The other kids that were spoiled, never appreciate what they get and expect it. 

 

This is not fair for any child to be favored over anyone or anything!!!  Grow up mom!!!

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
angry
January 20, 2007, 11:51 pm CST

it happened in my family

I am extremely angry that this woman, Kim, would allow herself to have another child.  There is a large span between the eldest and middle child but not between the middle child and the baby.  It especially annoys me that she comes right out and tells everyone that the middle child is her favorite.  I am an extreme believer in treating your children equally and if you think you have a favorite, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!.  Do not allow the children to know that you favor one over the other as it causes extreme low self-esteem in the child that is not favored.  I just went through this with my mother-in-law last year at Christmas.  She had bought extravagent gifts for all the grandchildren except one, my daughter who is not her blood grandchild but has been in the family for all of her life.  She even favored my sister-in-law's step-son who has only been in the family for 4 year.  We had a big blow out and my husband did not see a problem with this.  I had it out with my mother-in-law after she came over and I explained to her that my daughter cried Christmas day because she felt that her 'grandmother' did not like her.  My daughter is very responsible, straight-A's, works and pays her own car insurance, gas and cell phone.  She uses all the money she gets for the Holidays for her bills and appreciates every little bit.  The other kids that were spoiled, never appreciate what they get and expect it. 

 

This is not fair for any child to be favored over anyone or anything!!!  Grow up mom!!!

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
angry
January 21, 2007, 4:25 am CST

R U KIDDING ME?

There is a huge difference between being a person with high self-esteen and being a jacka____!  There is absolutely no reason to be rude, hateful and talk down on people if you have high self-esteem.  This means that the people that think they have high self-esteem that are crapping all over everyone else obviously has low self-esteem and needs to make everyone else around them seem crappier than them.  It's kinda of like taking an unattractive person and puitting them in a room full of models.  They obviously will feel like they have low self-esteem but if you put that same person in a room with people that are even more unattractive than that person you will have a higher self-esteem. 

 

It is my belief that people that think they have high self-esteem or big egos feed off of everyday normal people by telling everyone that they are better than them. The only people that would argue with them about it would be the same type of people like them. 

 

Grow up you rude, unemotional people and I hope your kids grow up with enough self-respect to not dump on everyone around them to make themselves feel better.  Good luck!

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
January 21, 2007, 9:48 am CST

01/23 Snobs and Egomaniacs

Quote From: kiwiguy

 

yes , i realise this discussion is about egos, snobs and whatever, and i have my own opinion on those people. Personally i think its a way of covering up their own personal insecurites and or esteem issues. Its interesting as ive met many many ego driven snobs in my life, and mostly they seem to me to be so concerned with image, they actually miss the joy of what money can actually do for one. It only gives one, choices. Ive been a milionarire in my life, owned yatchs and fast cars, and could still buy them but i can honestly say they give little real pleasure if the only reason one accumalates such things is to impress others. Which i did,nt, so  really did have a lot of fun. Anyway, thats my angle on egos and snobs for what its worth , and i believe it dos,nt have a gender boundary , there are as many female snobs as there are male, thats certainly what i found when i owned the visably outward trappings of wealth. People can be damn shallow was my experience, so when i decieded to live a simpler life, my long term good looking lady opted to fly the coup too, and good ridance.

 

Anyway the purpose of my post really was,nt just about egos and snobs, but rather to ask, if your husband is as you say, and had those tendencies even before you were married? What does it say about you that you married him , and still continue to stay with someone who apears to be such a self centered jerk? It dos,nt sound like a whole lot of fun, and lifes pretty short is,nt it?

I agree kiwiguy and sorry to hear that you woman left.  Was she a snob?  I look at most of the people that win the lottery and they spend, spend, spend and what happens in the end?  They end up divorced, miserable and broke, and then realize that money isn't everything.  How sad.  I am completely happy as long as I can pay my bills and have enough left over to buy a couple of little things (decorations for the house, candles, etc.).  I don't think money buys happiness but having enough to pays bills and take care of your family in an adequate way then it seems to stress people out  a little less.  I absolutely cannot stand people that think they have to constantly try to show everyone around them that they are better then them, have more money, a nicer car, better kids, skinnier than others, prettier than others and that ever guy wants her (I worked with a woman like this...lol).  It was completely disgusting as she would lie to everyone and because I worked close to her, i knew that her husband was in jail for a second felony charge, her sons got in bar fights and her daughter was turning into a tramp.  No one else in our office knew of any of this as she lied to everyone to make herself look perfect and that everyone should be jealous of her.  I actually felt sorry for her, it was quite sad that she felt the need to do this.  I was her friend in the beginning until i got to know her better.  When I asked to be transfered out of that office with her, i wrote her a letter and told her that she didn't need to be that way, that people would like her and want to be her friend if she would just be herself.  As with anyone with an ego, she did not acknowledge the letter at all.  It eventually turned out that her husband left her and her own daughter couldn't stand the way she was and moved in with her father.

 

For all of you who think we give a crap that you think you have a better car, perfect kids, great husband/wife, etc.  people that live life to be happy do not give a flying crap about how much s_____t you have!!!!!  Thanks for letting me vent a little and KIWIGUY... good luck and I hope you find a good woman who will appreciate the fact that you have learned that money isn't everything.

 

Thanks,

 

Kristina

 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next Page | Last Page
Return to Message Board