Messages By: tad1963

Dear Happiness, you know nothing about spousal abuse.  Jennifer married Jeffery when she was 19 years old and he was 30.  It is a slow process, and you are very ignorant to think she's at fault.  The subtle emotional abuse starts until she is trapped emotionally, financially, spiritually.  He has systematically broken her down throughout the years.  Plus, no matter what Jennifer did, it has nothing to do with his behavior.  He is obsessed and has major control issues.  My mother was abused for 12 years in her marriage to my father.  It isn't that simple, every time my mother tried to leave, he hunted us down.  My father attempted to kill my mother more times than I can count.  That was in the 60's into the 70's when there were no safe houses and it was ok to smack your wife around.  There are people today who still think it's ok.  You seem to think she likes it, and wants it and eggs it on, YOU ARE DEAD WRONG!.  You are lucky you found a good man, but please do not speak out on something you know nothing about!

Jennifer, my prayers are with you!  I hope you and your children keep safe and I hope you end up with a happy life, my mother did!  She's now married 21 years to a good, kind man.

Terri

To all of you who are siding with Jeffrey:

You are as sick and twisted as he is!  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE read up on everything before you post.  Her behavior has nothing to do with his behavior.  She was 19 when they married, He was 30.  He was looking for someone to control.  If she had an affair or not, has nothing to do with his insanity.  My mother married my father when she was 18 and he was 20, back in 1963.  He beat her, abused her, removed her from her family, wouldn't let her have a job, he kept her isolated.  He tried to kill her many, many, many times.  It started out subtle, and then it becomes what it is.  We ran, we hid, but he found us!  My mom tried to stand up to him many times and was beaten and strangled to near death.  In 1975 she finally left him.  My father accused my mother of having affairs many times, and they weren't true.  One guy gave his number to my mother on a match book (she smoked back then).  My father found it and threw a glass at her head, cutting her head so bad that she needed stitches.  She didn't go to the hospital because he told her when she left he would take us and she'd never see her children again.  I saw the entire episode, I was 8 years old then, and I remember it all, I saw my mother's face covered in blood and she begged me to go back to bed.  SO FOR ALL OF YOU WHO THINK JENNIFER DIDN'T CRY ENOUGH, SHE LAUGHED INAPPROPRIATELY, OR THAT SHE EGGED HIM ON - SHE DID NOT!  SHE WENT OUT WITH FRIENDS TO BLOW OFF A LITTLE STEAM, GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK.  IT IS SO EASY TO JUDGE UNTIL YOU'VE WALKED IN HER SHOES!  I AM 43 YEARS OLD NOW, AND AM DIVORCED BECAUSE I SPENT SO MUCH TIME MAKING SURE I DIDN'T MARRY A PHYSICAL ABUSER, I ENDED UP WITH AN EMOTIONAL ABUSER.  I am now remarried to the sweetest kindest man in the world - and by the way so did my mom (she's married 21 years now to a kind gentle man).

SO JENNIFER, MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN, I WAS A CHILD ON THE RUN WITH MY MOM AND I KNOW THE FEAR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN LIVE WITH!

So, think before you post! 

PS:  To all you women out there in an abusive situation, there is help, reach out in your area, there are safe houses and shelters that will help you.  There are people who care, just not some who think they know it all!

Terri

FOR ALL OF YOU WHO KEEP BLAMING JENNIFER, YOU MAKE ME SICK.  YOU TALK ABOUT SOMETHING WHICH YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.  I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THERE IS A "WAY TO BEHAVE WHEN ABUSED"  LET ME KNOW, AND I WILL PASS THAT INFORMATION ON TO MY MOTHER.  I DON'T THINK SHE ACTED LIKE AN ABUSED WOMAN, NOR DID MY SISTER AND I ACT LIKE ABUSED CHILDREN, BUT WE WERE.  PLEASE LET ME KNOW THE RULES AND GUIDELINES FOR ABUSED BEHAVIOR SO THAT ALL ABUSED WOMEN AND CHILDREN MAY BEHAVE THAT WAY, SO THAT WE CAN RECEIVE UNDERSTANDING AND CARING.

TERRI

Dear Scaredy,

That is very true.  I am only angry at the people on this message board who keep blaming Jennifer, and saying that she didn't cry enough, that she didn't look scared enough, "she didn't this or that".  You must know her fear and trauma as I do through watching my mother being beaten and abused.  Your post is wonderful, you are to the point and it explains why abused women are the way they are and the way they act.  We walked on egg shells, we did a bizarre dance to stay alive.    I hope you are no longer in that situation.  My mom left after 12 years and she eventually got remarried and has been married to a great man for the last 22 years.  Being a child of an abusive home, I am very sensitive to peoples ignorance of this horrible situation.  I am a grown woman with children of my own, I am independent and strong, married to an amazingly kind and caring man.  But there are moments, like watching the obsessive love story, when I can be propelled back to being 8 years old again and terrified.  So I end up becoming protective of women of abuse and try to get people to realize that women don't want to be treated that way, they don't like it, and if it were so easy to get out all of them would.

I wish you well Scaredy. :)

Terri

Dear MJ,

I do know what I am talking about.  I am glad you got our of your situation and I do feel for you.  I came from an abused household.  My father beat the crap out of my mother for 12 years, he isolated us from her family, he wouldn't let her work, and mentally abused her.  She married my father back in 1963 when there were no shelters or support systems for abused women.  (My mother, so sorry in your opinion, had two children with this nut - birth control didn't exist then)  We ran away, he would find us.  He had a gun also, and shot at my mother, thank God he missed.  He strangled her with phone cords, tried to suffocate her by sitting on her chest or shoving couch cushion stuffing down her throat.  He threw a glass at her head, because she was hanging out with a female friend.  She couldn't go get stitches because he told her when she went to the hospital that he would leave with us.  I was beaten with 2 x 4's when my dad was mad.  I was thrown across the room when I stopped him from punching her in the face.  SO I DO KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.  In 1974 my mother got a job, made friends and she looked at my father and said "I either divorcing you or you will kill me, but either way I'm leaving."  My sister and I grew up with this horror, but the three of us, me, my mom and my sister are strong and caring women, who are all married with children.  Oh and just so you know, when I was 18, my father almost beat the crap out of me in front of my friends and my sister.  I am glad you got out and I pray that you find joy, but I will say that I take offense to your last two statements.  You make it sound like my mother was stupid for having children and that I have no clue, you are wrong on both points.

Terri

Dear MJ,

I am glad that you and your family have worked on the past.  I did also.  I do hope that you will be able to look forward to much happiness, if you haven't already found it.  I spent time with two counselors and worked with my priest.  I can tell you that there is a blessed world of happiness and joy awaiting you.  I am a Mom to the best daughter (she's 14)  I have made sure that her childhood is free from stress and fear.  I am married to the kindest and caring man.  My mother found happiness again and has been married for 22 years to the greatest stepdad in the world.  My sister is also married to a kind man and they have two sons who are sooooo freaking gorgeous.  My mom taught us how to be strong, independent and caring.  The three of us banded together in love and strength when she got away from my dad.  We rejoiced in our eventual safety.  My heart and prayers will be with you always, that you will succeed in your amazing future, as I am sure you will.

Fondly,

Terri

My ex-husband cheated on me through out our marriage.  I would never think to sue the "other woman."  I can't believe how many woman want to sue.  It was my ex's responsibility not hers.  He was married.  I can't blame the other person, because it is totally up to the spouse to be faithful.  I have since divorced him and moved on and got re-married to an amazing man.  If he ever cheated on me, I wouldn't fight for him, I'd cut him loose, because if he doesn't want to be with me, then who needs him - lol. 

I have found that anger is pretty useless, unless it comes to defending my family.  Short term anger is fine, but not carrying it around for months or years only makes you a bitter person.

I never fought with my ex in front of my daughter during the divorce.  I would have someone take her for ice cream or something and then blast him.  But I guess I'm strange, as we both wanted the divorce and we never stepped into court.

Trying to destroy the other person because you are hurting isn't going to make you feel better in the long run.  So I personally think that law is retarded and dumb.  But that is just my opinion. 

I'm generally a happy person and try to see the positive.  I feel my ex and I were to be married to create the most beautiful daughter that we have.  She is 15 and beautiful inside and out.  I am lucky and blessed to have found the sweetest man in the world who loves us both with all his heart.

My ex has re-married also, and I get along with his wife as we all agree that being there for Melissa is the most important thing there is.  So my daughter ended up with four parents who love her dearly.

I wish all who are hurting and angry, that you find peace and contentment in your lives.

Take care,

Terri

I don't think you really have a clue about the muslim culture.  Please do some research before you post.  CNN, the BBC, the Learning channel, et al, have had many specials about the abuse women (mothers, wives, daughters) suffer at the hands of husbands, fathers, brothers, uncles, etc.  Muslim women have no rights in their countries.  Honor killings are common.  Men do not get prosecuted for raping a woman, she gets stoned for enticing him.  So this is not about stereotyping, this is about the truth of the situation. 

If you don't believe me, go online with Amazon and look up all the books written by women from the middle east, who have gotten out.  There are tons of them.  Many of these women still have to hide to this day for getting away.  Yes there are mean men everywhere, but in that culture they are taught that women are worthless and secondary.  I will take my american husband any day.  He is wonderful, he is my best friend, and he has never treated me the way that Abdullah is treating Katherine.

Terri

My husband and I have watched all three episodes and we both think there is something wrong with both of them.  If I found out my husband raped and killed someone, I would have bolted.  I find the whole thing strange.  She said the FBI told her what to say, but the FBI weren't involved until after he confessed, and according to Wade, Michelle said take me out there and let's get rid of the body (before the FBI was involved).  Too much is not adding up here.  My husband and I both think that they are attention whores (lol).  Just our opinions.

Terri & Walt

Megan's parents had their daughter on medication and they monitored her computer time.  As for what went down with the Josh Evan's myspace, Megan's mom did not know "he" attacked her.  BUT IT WASN'T A BOY, IT WAS AN ADULT POSING AS A CHILD!!!!!!!!!  Laurie Drew pretended to be a kid.  You don't see anything wrong with this picture.  A 40 something going after a 14 year old that is SCREWED UP.  Laurie Drew's daughter and Megan were friends at one time, Laurie knew that Megan had depression issues and knew she was taking medication, so that makes it all the more HORRENDOUS.  I am a mother of a teenage daughter, and I would never in a million years think to mess with a child's mind, just to get to know what was going on.  That is is problem here, not the my space, not that the kids were fighting, but that an adult posed as a teenage boy and tormented a young unstable girl!

Terri