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Messages By: sassie1

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February 18, 2007, 4:59 am CST

02/21 The Dr. Phil House: Heroin Twins Follow-up

Quote From: cheriecg

I'm strongly guessing it is Tecoa who relapsed.  (1) She has been in jail and had not necessarily hit rock-bottom to the point that her sister did and (2), the biggest reason I think it is Tecoa is because giving up your baby is so traumatic, even when you know it is the best thing for your child and the ultimate act of love, it is so traumatic that Tecoa had to find some sort of strong strong coping mechanism somewhere, and even the healthiest woman, both mentally and physically would be messed up from having to give up their child for a long long time, possibly the rest of their life, or at least until much later, when/IF they can reunite with that child as an adult, and see that he/she has had a good life and be able to say all the unsaid things and make their peace with their child, and hopefully be able to establish a continuing relationship with them.  My sister, Mel chose to give up her baby boy for adoption even though she was not on drugs, and was quite healthy.  She was only 18, had no support from the father of the baby, no family support except me, older sister whose husband had just left me and I was struggling massively to raise 2 children of my own with no child support and family support.  She looked at my situation and did not want that for her own child.  She wanted a father and a mother who were "grown-ups", who were healthy, strong, loving and would be great parents.  Though I tried to talk her out of giving her baby up, I have/had great admiration for her.  However, she is now 37 and the trauma and the huge "hole" in her soul from giving up her baby has caused her lifelong problems and often has kept her from living the life she wanted and is capable of.  Her son is now 18 and I would give anything for them to be able to find eachother.  If my sister could only see that he was okay, and have the opportuity to slowly get to know him , I believe she would be able to begin to heal.

 

I feel terrible for Tecoa that she had to give up her baby.  I wish there had been or was some sort of system or help out there that could somehow keep recovering mothers and their babies together, that kept the babies safe while helping the mothers recover and rebuild their lives.

I also think it is Tecoa that has relapsed and  I also agree about her not hitting rock bottom before treatment as her sister did and because she had to give up her baby, making things harder on her after treatment. I think it has to be the hardest thing to do, to give your baby away and would be easier to want to escape those emotions that come after haven given your baby away, therefore easier to relapse. I think it takes much courage to put your baby up for adoption but in this case was the best thing for the baby to go on and have a stable, happier upbringing.

 I had a baby at a very young age and kept my baby after struggling with the decision on whether he would be better off with an older more stable couple and I went through terrible problems with him in his teen years and early twenties and often wonder if he would have had a better life  if I had been more courageous and had put him up for adoption, but what is done is done and I thank God for keeping him through it all and for helping him to get his life back on the right track!

 I am sorry for Tecoas  loss and sorry to hear that one of these precious people had relapsed after taking the major steps they took just to get to rehab and I pray that whichever one relapsed has been able to get back up on her feet and know that she can make it through this.

 I am glad that this show was aired so more people could come to understand the drug problem in America, it is everywhere and most people hooked on drugs end up in the jail system or mental institutions. These two sisters need to realize the great opportunity that was given them by Dr. Phil.

 I have a cousin that has been in the state mental hospital for the past several years and we do not know if she will ever come out of it. Her brain has been fried from the drug abuse she did as a teen and in her twenties, she lost all of her children, three of them, a bad situation but it happens a lot more than people realize.

Thank You Dr. Phil for opening our eyes to this terrible disease that is killing our young people at an alarming rate. I pray for better solutions in resolving this problem that has taken hold of so many people, both the young and older people caught up in drug abuse.

 
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March 3, 2007, 3:09 am CST

Is Howard a man or little boy looking for attention and money?

Quote From: mercyspark

   I think Anna was just looking for the love and respect that she felt she deserved. She said no one ever loved her like her late husband and no one ever would. And I think that Howard is a disgrace. If you love someone like he says he does Anna. Then you dont stand around and let them do things that will harm themselves. Larry broke up with her because he did not want to see her destroy everything. They were suppose to have gone to the Bahama'a to escape the Media. Well Howard caused more attention then he really wanted I think. He is a poor excuse for a man. He has ruined more lives then he knows. I hope he gets what is coming to him.
I agree concerning Howard, what kind of man who claims to love Anna the way he claims lets her harm herself. Every recent interview I've seen of the two before Anna passed on she appeared to be drugged and there was Howard sitting next to her and that precious baby  doing nothing. I think Anna lived the past couple of years drugged to the point of where she didn't know much of what was going on, especially since the passing of her beloved son, Daniel. I also think they should get on with the results of the paternal dna tests, bet they prove that Larry is the Father of that baby, she resembles him and I think the baby deserves to be with her real Father and hopefully he will care for her as she deserves to be cared for and loved. I pray for the sake of that baby this is worked out for her best interest, is sad that she has to start life this way!
 
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March 29, 2007, 3:48 am CDT

03/05 Anna and Britney: Behind the Headlines

Quote From: sassie1

I agree concerning Howard, what kind of man who claims to love Anna the way he claims lets her harm herself. Every recent interview I've seen of the two before Anna passed on she appeared to be drugged and there was Howard sitting next to her and that precious baby  doing nothing. I think Anna lived the past couple of years drugged to the point of where she didn't know much of what was going on, especially since the passing of her beloved son, Daniel. I also think they should get on with the results of the paternal dna tests, bet they prove that Larry is the Father of that baby, she resembles him and I think the baby deserves to be with her real Father and hopefully he will care for her as she deserves to be cared for and loved. I pray for the sake of that baby this is worked out for her best interest, is sad that she has to start life this way!

I have to agree as I have seen Anna's life unfold these past months, how all these people who claim to have loved Anna didn't do one thing to help her stop taking all these drugs that killed her is beyond me.   The interview with Howard's sister made me sick, she claims that Howard loved Anna and waited on Anna hand and foot but Howard did nothing to help Anna, looks like he just sat back and watched her die, very sad!   I also feel that Anna's doctor should have stuck to the ethnics and oath of a doctor to do no harm instead of worrying about what Anna wanted, she needs to lose her license in my opinion. She didn't have to prescribe such drugs to someone who clearly was abusing drugs.

Their excuse is, Anna is a very controlling and strong woman who gets what she wants is a book of "Bologna". No doctor who has any ethnics at all  would have given Anna those drugs!    There were a lot of people that were around Anna who are guilty of this death, guilty of sitting back and letting this baby's mother slip away, true love stands up and speaks up. Howard doesn't love anyone but himself, I don't buy anything that comes out of his mouth.   I am glad that the court has finally ordered the DNA test, that baby needs to be with her father and from what I've seen that baby appears to resemble Larry not Howard and I hope that he is the father so that baby doesn't end up like Anna.   It seems to me that Anna didn't know what was going on especially after the death of her beloved son Daniel, she appeared heavily medicated with all the slurring of her words and strange behavior.   I pray that Dannilynn gets the wholesome upbringing she deserves and that this cycle of drug abuse is broken and that is not going to happen as long as that baby is with Howard.   The whole thing is odd, Howard is odd, on the day of Anna's death, this man who supposedly according to some of the people around Anna  had said that Howard waited on Anna hand and foot, saw her that morning once and didn't check on her again because according to Howard she was sleeping with the flu..What?? This man didn't check on her again although she had the flu?? He knew how fragile Anna was with all the drug abuse but didn't think she needed checked on again that day and where were all these people at that were being paid to tend to her?? Didn't sound like anyone was waiting on Anna hand and foot to me! Just sounds like they all gave up on her and left her to her own demise, sad!   And Anna's doctor in a recent interview I watched said she saw Anna that day and Anna didn't want the doctor to leave and that Anna even had asked her to stay with her but the doctor left anyway, what kind of doctor is this?? This is sad and sick!! In my opinion, Howard and the doctor are guilty of aiding her death for obvious reasons. Accidental death was ruled, hmmm,??  If this had been my friend or spouse, I would have called an ambulance and had her put in the hospital for her own safety, I would not have cared about the media or what they thought. People are not stupid and anyone that watched Anna's behavior recently could clearly see that she needed intervention so worrying about what people thought is not logical. That Doctor could have ordered her into the hospital with out Anna's consent, all that doctor needed was a court order that Anna had become mentally unstable which was the truth and Anna would be alive today and that baby might not have to grow up with out her Mother. Dannilynn is the one that is going to suffer the most and that is just sad and could have been prevented. My heart breaks for that little baby.

 
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March 30, 2007, 4:21 am CDT

03/29 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Quote From: witchlizzard

I married a man 14 years younger than me. That was 12 years ago. Still together.  And shame on Dr.Phil when he made a comment about her having a teenage daughter and if he thought she was cute.  I had a teenage daughter at the time I met him. I was 38 and he was 24 when we met.  My daughter was 15 at the time.  And why can't he be a role model for her kids? My husband is an excellent role model.  When my kids need help, they call him, not their dad.  And now, my daughter's kids call him grandpa. I am 50 now and he is 36. Still very much in love.

I've known people with a considerable age difference but they met as mature adults, fell in love and married. I feel it is wrong when a mature man meets a teenager and wants to mold her into womanhood as Sanjay said, makes my head spin. What are you thinking, Sanjay??

Speaks volumes to me of Sanjays need to have someone under his control, rather than having an equal relationship with another. Also, the very fact that Sanjay stated to Dr.Phil's staff that he didn't want this said or that said again shows Sanjays need to control.                    I feel for this girls parents  who only want the best for their daughter. And what is up with Sanjay just sitting there while his friend bashed this young girl?? It was obvious that she didn't know how to react. I wouldn't want this for my daughter, a man sitting there while my daughter is bashed and hurt in this way.  In my opinion, Sanjay didn't show any true concern for her feelings. Doesn't appear that Sanjay truly loves her at all, for true love sticks by you no matter what. True love says, "I've got your back"  and   "I will be your soft place to land."

 
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April 7, 2007, 4:47 am CDT

to answer your question

Quote From: redhead124

Since I have just now posted a message, I went to my profile and I see that all my personal information is there.  Can any user on this board see where I live or see my profile? Thank you in advance for any help you can give me. Bonnie
Yes, can see your profile and it only has the state and city where you live on it, hope that helps!
 
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April 7, 2007, 5:03 am CDT

Quote from sassie1

Quote From: burkluc

I have been dealing with a daughter who in many ways acts exactly like the young girl on the show this evening, My daughter is 25 and extremely explosive. I can not ask her one question without her erupting into a montage of swear words. If I ask how her day was and a typical response might be "What the f----do you care" If I ask how work went, I am being nosy. She tells me that because I gave birth to her that she is entitled to have all her needs be taken care of by both my husband and myself. She often tells me that if I didn't want her I should have never had sex with my husband. Watching this program this evening made me feel very sad and as frustruated as I have been for many years. In my heart I know she doesn't want to be dependent on us for the rest of her life but doesn't seem to have the understanding of how to get out of this mess she has created. She has not held a stead job or stayed in any school long enough to see that she can succeed in life. She was sent to an anger management class when she was 18 but continually tells me that it is everyone elses fault that she is the way she is. My husband and I have both gone to counseling to see if there were some strategies we could implement to try and get her to see how destructive this behavior is. One counselor suggested we use tough love and have her taken away to a camp in the Idaho mountains. Both my husband and I felt that if we did this she would feel as if we had abandoned her and we both feared the consequences of what that might mean for her emotionally. At the time neither of us could resort to this strategy. Some times she seems to want to get it but then the next minute turns around and is just as verbally abusive as always. I fear for her safety all the time.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this because I know as parents we want to have good relationships with our children. I don't know if you are a prayerful person or not but prayer has always gotten me through the tough times with my children. Having said that, it sounds like your daughter has the expectation that everyone is here for her service, she sounds spoiled and manipulative. she knows how to push the right buttons and sounds as if she really pours on the guilt. But she is 25 now and considered an adult (even tho she doesn't act like one) and you can't legally make her do anything so my suggestion is to pray hard for her,  I have seen God change myself and others that I've prayed for from the inside out.  I pray that God gives her the wisdom to get into some counseling first of all  to deal with her issues and pray she will be willing. If I were you, I would not allow her to manipulate any longer by using guilt. Put a stop to that right now and maybe all three of you could go into some family counseling to work these past issues out that she seems to have with a mediator present..My heart goes out to you both and I pray it gets resolved, so you can have peace in your family.
 
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April 7, 2007, 5:24 am CDT

Quote from sassie1

Quote From: uksheila3

 

Mike was right when he called the girl "a spoiled brat," and Sanjay is clearly the one who made her that way.  Loved the comment that she wasn't willing to have the deceased wife's photos or belongings around, but she was perfectly happy to take her car.   My immediate reaction to this segment was that if I was contemplating plastic surgery and had considered Dr. Sanjay . . . I would run a mile in the opposite direction.  It's one thing to feel you're putting your doctor or dentist's children through college by paying their exhorbitant fees, but to know that your hard earned money is pampering and indulging a whiny 18-year old is totally sickening.  

In my opinion, any man 40 yrs old that hooks up with an 18yr old is getting what he deserves if she makes demands on him. That's how 18yr olds act, they are not mature enough in comparison to a 40 yr old man who has more life experience. He wants to mold her into a woman of his choosing, that is sickening. Sanjay needs to act his age, get some help for his inadequacies of not being able to handle a woman of his own age and equal. I have no problem with people that are mature adults that meet and fall in love even if there is a age difference but this is not the case in this situation, this girl hasn't had the life experience to deal with a man that many years her senior when she is barely out of high school herself. Sanjay seems to have a sick need to father her and manipulate her with expensive gifts.

 
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April 17, 2007, 6:55 am CDT

quote from sassie1

Quote From: penny_lady

I was molested as a girl and the man who molested me was allowed back in my life years later.  That choice by my parents has caused me a lot of damage that I am barely now learning to deal with. It caused me to second guess my worth as a human being, caused me to lose trust in my parents...

This man did this, was found guilty, served time and is a registered sex offender. He shouldn't be around ANY children, let alone a victim of his.

Any other parent with this dilemma I'll tell you right now, you will cause your child pain, and yourSELF pain down the line if you let them be with their abuser again.  I don't care if it's family DNA means NOTHING.

I also was sexually abused as a child more than once from several abusers and it just led right up into my teens. No one listened when I told them the first time so I kept quiet about it from there on out. This is abusive for the grandmother not to believe her grandchild that the grandfather abused her which is exactly what happened to me the first time. I was told to "stay away from my grandfather." ha! What is a five year old suppose to do to stay away from a adult? 

My grand daughter came to us and told us that a teenage boy of 16 was hurting her, it took her many months to open up to tell us for she was threatened by the abuser and the abusers Aunt as we found out later on. Our grand daughter was only 3 at the time . We took steps immediately to insure her safety!  Which grace's grandmother did nothing!  Shame on her!

I would not allow my child around this man again if I were grace's parents whether he was related or not, it is not safe!  I thank God that this little girl had the courage to tell her mother and father what happened to her even after her grandmother didn't believe her, way to go grace!  Way to go grace's parents for keeping her safe from this pervert! For not allowing DNA to get in the way of this very difficult situation.

 

 
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April 18, 2007, 4:01 am CDT

quote from sassie1

Hi, I can relate somewhat to having an adult child at home. My son is 22 soon to be 23 and I feel responsible in a lot of ways for his still being at home. His father and I lost our home a year ago and we all as a family have gone through a lot financially. We were having financial problems even before he got his high school diploma due mainly to my disabilities coming on me and my having to stop working and our losing our second income. He has had a rough time of it, not making excuses but just stating it as I see it, he has no clothes to get a job and he still hasn't got his drivers license. I am worried about him and I certainly do not want a moocher on my  hands at the age of forty as some of the stories I've read about. I want the best for him. I just don't know how to help him at this time get all that he needs financially to give him a start in life that he deserves as we are living paycheck to paycheck right now. He is not a bad young man and he is very good with computers. I am presently looking into grants for him to start schooling but not sure I know what I am doing and then I don't know how he will get to school once I get through all the paperwork to get him started.  I would appreciate any advice you all would have to give me concerning helping him get started on his way to a productive life, I also think he has become depressed although he will not admit it or get help.

I thank anyone for positive feedback as to how I can help him best from the point at where he is at now..God Bless..sassie

 
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April 24, 2007, 3:14 pm CDT

Quote from sassie1

    I think it's great, these girls having this kind of relationship where they can look up to and admire their fathers and also for having the courage to pledge purity. I know things would have gone a lot better in my life had I experienced the love of a father and had the up-bringing these girls are getting. My hats off to the fathers for sticking by their daughters and taking such tender care of them as God intended them too. I believe this society we now live in and the one in which I grew up in, is very sexually motivated and is disturbing to me now since I've grown up and have grandchildren of my own  and I'm only 44 so that speaks volumes. I had my first child at the age of 16 and I know some have had theirs age 12,13. I was still a baby and didn't know the first thing about raising a child at that young of an age  and my head shakes at the thought of even younger girls getting pregnant and I know it happens! I am certain things would have been different for me, If my dad had been the kind of father God intended and my now grown son is showing all the problems that wouldn't have been in him had I not been so very young when I had him, at least I am pretty certain. Anyway, may God Bless these fathers and their daughters.  

 

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