Messages By: shannon48617

Quote From: thinkoutloud

Please don't be so quick to judge people for ending up in desperate financial situations.  It happens faster and easier than you can imagine. 

I have always been a very good money manager, putting myself through college, saving from my salary, etc.  My divorce from my ex-husband put me back many, many steps in financial terms.  I am now very happily remarried, but my husband has to pay $400/week in child support (for one child!!) to his ex-wife.  He only earns $65,000 a year!  This is not a bad salary by any means, but by the time we've paid for health insurance for ourselves and our four children (my two, his by his first wife, and our one together), his ex wife gets HALF of his take-home pay!  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for child support (and wish I could get some from my ex), but this is ridiculous. His ex-wife doesn't even need it, but saves every single penny we give her.  That's great for her, but we have a family of five that also needs to survive.  We have taken this to the courts (and spent way more than we can afford on an attorney), but there's nothing we can do to change this because my husband agreed to it in the beginning.  (He did that because he wanted to do the right thing, and he didn't want his ex to have to work and  put the kid in daycare.  But now the kid is in school all day and my husband's ex DOES work because she chooses to.) 

Because of this, we are sinking further and further into debt.  We are both doing everything we can to bring in extra money, but it's never enough.  We are desperate and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it.  If we don't pay the child support, my husband will be thrown in jail.  If we DO pay the child support, we can't afford the basics for the rest of us. 

Put yourself in a situation like this first.  Then see if you're so quick to judge.

Quote From: steiwhleur

Aren't there laws that force the deadbeat dad to pay the child support??  I find it nauseating that men get away with not paying for their own children's upbring.  The men were willing participants when they CHOSE to have sex....so they are well aware of the consequences.  Oh wait...there seem to be no consequences.  At least not any financial ones.  Ridiculous.  When will these men decide to act like responsible human beings??

Quote From: powers009

She wasn't alone in bringing the children in the world and if you remember correctly father number 2 she was married to.

Quote From: powers009

The reason the other parent is required to pay child support when there is a 50/50 agreement is to bring the child's standard of living up to where it would be if both parents were together. The courts relegate it where it is nowhere near as high as if the other parent had full custody.

Quote From: julie1418

I am not in any way arguing that the courts are absolutely fair in dealing with child support issue, but surely you can see how impossible it would be to set up any system that would be fair to everyone in every circumstance.

 

And how is Pete's point in any way more important than his child's needs? Seriously, if he was concerned that the child was not receiving adequate care for the child support, he could have appealed to family court. He didn't. He could have provided food, clothing, health insurance for his child directly rather than giving the mother money, He didn't. How is doing NOTHING to care for your child morally defensible on any level?

Quote From: almaroja

 

I AM A WOMEN, AND I AGREE WITH YOU.

ALMA

Quote From: bombmom

My husband pays child support to a daughter who he doesn't see.  It is her choice not to come around.  However, according to my step-daughter the child support money that is paid is used for her mom's recreational habits.  I think it's pretty sad that bank accounts aren't required to be opened for at least 1/2 of child support money to be put away for the child.  My step-daughters mother does not work at all and depends on the child support money to help her daily activities.  She is however married and her husband does work.  Anyway, I do in a way agree with the guest on today's show.  Parents that pay child support should know that the money they pay does go to their children and is not used to make "new" car payments or buy cigaretts/alcohol, pay for adult activities, etc.... The child/children should have a bank account set up so that money or at least 1/2 of it is set aside specifically for them to use after graduating from high school for a college education, or their wedding, or whatever "they" need it for.  Child support is just that, for the child, not the custodial parent!!!!

Quote From: estherkpg

 Wow, are you sure about your facts. Please tell us where you read about or heard these facts from. I thought that child support was figured by many different circumstances. Earnings of both parents, how the kids lived. How much money they needed to maintain standards of living and I thought they could not take more than 1/3 of what they earn. I can not believe the percentages you stated in your quote.

I find myself trying to raise 3 young kids on my own at age 49. I make $8.36 an hour and pay for daycare $2.40 per hour per child.  This month it will cost me $1140. I earn $1,471.00 gross and net around $1,250.00. My bills add up to more than $3,465 per month Then take off the $108 monthly  in child support, still leaves $3357.00 now take the $250 in food-stamps out leaves me still with $3,107.00. Notice that the $1250.00 net doesn't come close to covering it. So I juggle bills. Take payday loans to avoid $32 each overdraft fees for checks to pay for food or to avoid utility shut off notices to take effect. My budget goes as follows: Childcare $1140, Utilities $200-$300, Car insurance $90, gasoline $160, Internet $30, Household supplies and personal needs $120, Attire and shoes $100, School supplies and fees $40, Laundry Care $100.  OTC medications $40 Rent $715.00 and food about $2-3 per meal time 4 people = $25 per day equals $750. As you can see, the math does not add up. My current child support from one father for two of my kids is $27 per week. I just started getting it a month or so ago. We had been apart from October 1999. In 2000 he joined the Navy and had all the military allotment for our family going to his fiance' at the time ( who posed as his wife) That  $1032.00 was used to pay for her to go to visits with him and take care of dating perks. Meanwhile our kids were going hungry and I had to ride on bike in the freezing rain at 5am to the sitters house with our youngest in tow covered in the only coat I had so my child would not get wet or freeze. I remember being soaking wet as I cashiered and could not feel my fingers for a few hours into my schedule. I had to go to work with 104 fever once and found out later that I had Bronchitis. I still worked. I have had several shots for painful joints and have had to be on anti-inflammatory and pain killers such as codeine in order to keep going. Oh let me add that when the commanding officer found out I was sent part of the monthly allotment in the amount of $825 My husband wanted to send us $200 of it. But Lets just say that his Master Chief said told me that he would "enlighten" my estranged husband on how to get the money to me and the kids. But...after all that my husband went nuts with rage when his fiance dumped him because the money stopped coming to her. He was discharged due to mental reasons. He cried and was so crazed  over the loss and was no use to his company. So the money and benefits stopped. Funny how things turn out sometimes. So after the very on and off again relationship with the manic depressed girl. My ex now continues to want to come back. Not a chance!  Well I have to go to bed for now but I will be back!

Quote From: estherkpg

 Dear Upset,

I was in both sides of this situation before and I feel for what you are saying but I strongly believe that Dr Phil didn't mean to say that you should not be concerned with how the child is neglected, by his statement. I just think he means that if the child is obviously well taken care of considering the means available to them, The ones paying child support should take comfort that the money goes into expenses of the family and makes life better for the child in the long run. My ex-husband protested money going into my account. He hated the "money going to me". But the $400 per month he was ordered to pay (but doesn't) for his two children doesn't begin to cover the $800 in childcare costs not to mention the cost for food and clothing etc. So, I honestly feel that you and your husband should not complain and whine about how long the kids hair is. Maybe she likes it long. I don't cut my child's hair at a salon. I just trim it my self.  The child's hair can be washed at your house. Maybe you could just request that the mother dress her appropriately for the occasion before the visits. Have you asked? Or maybe you can have a set of clothes you buy for the visits with you. Now on the other side of it. I sent my kid to visits with the man who date raped me with old clothes after several times of losing nice clothes to the twilight zone. I got tired of losing the nice clothesand shoes. You know, sometimes mothers will do this intentionally so the fathers will be forced to buy new clothes for the child. I'm not sure what the financial situation is for the mother. Find out more about things before you judge. I know bitterness and anger gets in the way of the best interest of the child so many times. Don't let it happen to your family.  Keep the faith and love the child and cherish the time with her. It will pay off in the long run.  I will be back tomorrow to add more

Quote From: fubars21

I know what Pete is talking about.. I know at least a half dozen men who pay child support and most of the women they pay the support to look forward to that monthly check. They still recieve that monthly child support check and use it on themselves, NOT the children. Some of the women won't re-marry so they can continue recieving child support. Thats wrong! How many women are the cause of the divorce and don't have to pay child support??? Talk about discrimination! It doesn't take nearly half of the mans paycheck to raise a child. I have twin boys and do NOT spend $900(as Pete) to support them! Most men are getting robbed, While the women go shopping for new purses and blowses and NOT using the money for the children.Oh wait, I take that back. They use some of the child support money to buy the child a happy meal.(A $900 happy meal, wow, there must be gold for toys in them meals) 

Is what he needs to do is find a job that pays minimum wage(that way his child support payments will be LOW) and work a job on the side that pays CASH that the government or ex-wife can't see.

The bottom line is the system and government is screwed up.

After all, She (the ex-wife/girlfriend) is being fair, why should he?