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Messages By: faeryedark

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October 11, 2006, 5:29 pm CDT

10/11 One Paycheck Away

Quote From: maritimer9

My dear woman! Fredericton has a good food bank located just off Montgomery Street on Grandame (near the UNB campus). Lots of businesses, churches, and schools support it. There is NO reason for you to go hungry. That's what the Food Bank is for! You've lost your job and need some additional help, esplly if your UI has run out. Make a call and find out how you can get some food. I think they provide food weekly, but I could be mistaken, and I'm sure there are arrangements for people w/out cars to get there.

 

Also, you didn't say whether or not you belong to a church or other community of faith, but often those people look for families to help, particularly with Christmas coming up.

 

I know that rent is way too high in F'ton and I'm sorry you had to lose your house. But don't despair. I'm a mother too and I understand of course you'll put your son and husband first, but YOU shouldn't have to go to bed hungry. Get some food; get some emotional support from the community; and good luck on your job hunt!

  This person could also perhaps offer to volunteer with the food pantries  in her area,kinda like a trade off her skills for some extra supplies, and hey possible connections.

  I know what it's like,'cause I was there myself 6 months ago. Our family spent  5 months in our local homeless shelter after we had to leave our home of 6 yrs. We were priced out of our rental by the new landlord,who raised our rent by $300 amonth. We were blessed to have and be able to keep our jobs but were up against stiff competion for the few rentals big enough that we could afford. I laid in bed many a night wondering if I should put my kids through what we were going through.

  Hang in there , call the churches,and the pantries and get to know your neighbors,perhaps you can "go in "together on meals. Also, check for frugal tips on the internet I've seen lots of them. I"ve read a piece on how to survive off of ten dollars a week. It was quite interesting and inventive.

  God bless you, and good luck

 
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October 11, 2006, 5:46 pm CDT

10/11 One Paycheck Away

Quote From: happyinidaho

 Today's show was the first time I have ever been confused about Dr. Phil's actions. I can't believe he took someone who won't get up for and be on time to work and handed them the things he did. They had the lamest excuses I have ever heard. It made me upsest because there are people who truely have medical problems that prevent them from working. These people just appeared to be lazy and unmotivated. It was too hard to get up on time. It was too hard to drive around to find a job. It was too hard. They need to quit being selfish and think of their kids. Everything this couple said was concerning themselves. They didn't mention their kids' suffering. Only theirs.They weren't willing to do the things that they needed to do to take care of their family. The father had no reason to not be working. His children were in school all day long. He didn't have little ones at home to physically care for. I can't believe Dr. Phil just gave them a place to live. Why didn't Dr. Phil point them in the direction  to be able to find some help? Make them work at something. If they aren't going to really work and have jobs at least make them work to get some assistance. In my eyes, Dr. Phil just made his first big mistake. I almost have a  different opinion of him.I've never seen him be so easy on someone that needed to be tough on them. HUMMMMM

  It irritates me somewhat too,'cause I've been homeless-just  6 months ago as a matter of fact and both my husband and I managed to keep our jobs and be at work on time etc. Even with living in a shelter.  By the way, our room wasn't much bigger than that R.V. and we had rules and curfews. But, we made a committment to our kids and our primary goal (other than finding a new home) was to keep our children's lives as normal as possible.  That meant all the school functions and church functions etc. We also pounded the pavement everyday  looking for houses and apts. to rent. Problem was too few rentals in the size we needed and in  a decent price range.

 By the way, I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks but you do what you have to do.

 
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October 12, 2006, 4:23 am CDT

10/11 One Paycheck Away

Quote From: holistichell

If the posters who state that homeless and the poor are looking for handouts, instead spent a little time doing research on poverty statistics, they would find the numbers of those abusing the systems to less than 4%.

 

I wonder how many judgemental people actually know what the poverty line is, or the minium and\or average wage from state to state, or the cost of living from state to state, even county to county.

 

Since the beginning of time, when dealing with the poor, it has been embedded into society's collective mind that it is their fault - whether mental illness, physical illness, substance abuse, environmental factors contribute or not - people don't want to care. 

 

Among the homeless people I worked with last year, most were developmentally disabled and from poor families.   Classism plays a huge role in who gets what in this nation.  Many of these people were addicted to drugs or alcohol by grammar school, two were full-blown alcoholics in kindergarten, and many had fetal alcohol syndrome.  

 

The current relief systems have caps set so low that many do not qualify, and indeed, if they make a dollar over their low monthly income levels, they lose benefits.  Even if they wanted to work, and most that are not mentally or physically handicapped do, they cannot afford to when their paychecks are less than their benefits.  That is a reality in affluent Bergen County, NJ.  

 

Having been a grassroots homeless advocate, I observed a very uncaring attitude on the part of the social workers and county workers and not only that, watched many times as they helped themselves to perks, donations, services, gift cards, county gas, etc.  Talk about being on the dole.

   I too, have been homeless because of  a situation beyond our control. A new landlord bought the rental we'd lived in for 6 years and, long story short, told us when our old lease was up( in  5 weeks) we'd have to pay $300 more a month. Not only that he handed us a packet with a new lease (25 pages long) that had truly assinine stuff in it,such as, no hanging laundry out- on our line.Also, no washing our car( with water (we paid for) I loved the last clause- the landlord reserves the right to raise the rent within the first 30 days if he feels it necesssary. Yeah right!

  I wasn't signing that. So, then began our journey. We'd bought an old trailer , on rented land. The pipes froze, the furnace broke mid-winter. Our "landlords" were true rednecks, anyway, they decided not to pay their bills and the land went up for a sherrrif's sale.

  Anyway, we ended up in the homeless shelter for five months. We were blessed to both have jobs but, it took us that long to find a home because of the desperate shortage of afffordable housing in my area. We'd call about a house or apt. and go on a list of at least  50 people.  It was incredably frustrating to know you  are doing everything you can and getting passed by.

 We did get a house last Feb. We offered 1st. last, and 3 months in advance to sweeten the deal. I'd volunteered at a local drop -in shelter previously, but you get a whole new perspective when it's you that's homeless, or house hunting, or between houses-both sound a lot better than homeless.

  People shouldn't be so quick to judge. It could be them next. All it takes is an accident, illness or some other unfortunate event and you're left scrambling.

   Oh, in case you're wondering, we'd been led to believe our new "landlord" (who'd bought our old house) wasn't going to change any of the terms. We heard that all through the sale- 'cause we'd been such good tenants etc.

 

 
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October 12, 2006, 5:58 am CDT

10/12 Divorcing the Family

Quote From: tsd2468

Eventually your daughter will show remorse, and come and ask forgiveness.  I am Christian too, and don't believe there can possible be anyone with such a cold heart that will never as for forgiveness for all she has put you through.  Find joy in your other children.  Pray, and keep the faith, Open your home to other church members that may be having similar problems.  There are problems just about everywhere with kids today, where you least expect it.

 

God Bless you and your family.

 I'm, a Christian too, but, honey if my daughter(who's 13 now and I love dearly or my sons for that matter) EVER treated our family that way .... she'd be somewhere wherever I could find to put her for the help she'd need. No, I wouldn't give her/them the satisfaction of a divorce or emancipation they're stuck with me until they're 18. I laid the law down early.

    Please understand, I'm not judging . I'm just stating  the way things are with us. 

 
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October 13, 2006, 11:17 am CDT

Hang in there

Quote From: invisibleink

Don't think it can't happen to you. Becoming homeless is very easy. If it weren't for my mum, I would be on the streets now. I have been trying to find work for over a year. I have a Master's degree and I am willing to DO ANYTHING (legal). But no one will hire me. I have been applying for retail positions, but managers think I will leave if I find a job in my field. Well I haven't found one yet! I wish someone would give me a chance.

 

I pay what I can to my mum every month, but it's nothing close to what I would pay if I were on my own. And I wouldn't be able to do it. I don't live beyond my means, but I did once and I am paying for it now. :( Stupidity and a mental illness. I am trying to pay off debt with the small amount of money I receive each month in Employment Insurance. But that is going to end in a month and I am so scared!!!  I am trying so hard to find work. That's all I do all day. I make cold calls, send out resumes, do information interviews and work with an incompetent job counsellor.

 

I have learned a lesson. I am NEVER going to let myself get this deep in debt again. But what if I never find work? Then what? My depression is getting worse. Soon I won't be able to work even if I land a job. I am a bundle of nerves. But I have to keep pushing ahead. Dr. Phil was right. Money doesn't solve money issues. You have to change the way you live and think. I have changed. I have learned. I hope it's not too late.

 

Dear God, help me help myself. I can't live with this stress any longer. I am fully capable of working. Please give me chance! (Amen)

 

Invisible ink

       Hang in there ! This is just the middle of a curving tunnel but, you will make it thru. I spent  5+ months looking for a house/apt. and I know that rejection. Do you belong to a faith community?  If you do perhaps the pastor or whatever can use their connections  to find you some kind of work. If you don't might I suggest you get involved with one- the emotional support  you'd recieve can be a real blessing(not to mention the possible networking you could do.)

   Also, volunteering might be a way to get back on your feet. Again, you could make connections,get references from your supervisor(of the volunteers) and maybe get referrals to services you never knew existed.

     Good luck, God bless , and I'll think of you when I pray.

 

 

 

 
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October 16, 2006, 4:48 am CDT

put down your foot

Quote From: waihini1

I get NOTHING from my husband- well should say I get grocery money to buy food so I can cook for him each night, but as far as him paying "my bills"?

I dont work, not for the lack of trying to get work- I have applied for OVER 200 jobs in the past yr alone (yes I keep track), but that doesnt matter to the husband, he refuses to financially support me, never has, tells me never will.

I am basically the unpaid housekeeper, cook, laundress, yard worker, secretary, and sex slave to him, he has NO respect for what I do for him at all and doesnt SEE all I do for him either. I wish he would give me that whopping 20$ a day like the other women gets, at least that would help pay my bills (yes I have bills, and kids and grandkids that I have to get things for from time to time)

Look at it this way, you are still in alot better situation than I am. so count what blessings you do have.

I count mine as in having a place to live and food to eat, and that is better than what some people have.

I would like to count having a husband that supports me in all aspects of marriage, not just financially.

I keep praying for a miracle!

     when I first got married 11 years ago I handed over my paycheck to my husband, until i found we were over $1000 behind on rent and were behind by the same amount on the utilities.(he was buying video games and the like)

 Well! I told him flat I'm out the door , I took the kids and went to a friend's. He had the choice,either I dealt with the money here on in  or he could sink or swim on his own.

 i'm here 9 years later.

   We work it this way, I figure out the bills,and pay them, do the grocery shopping(coupons and all) and put what we need in the bank (for savings,etc.)  and split the rest for spending. I always show him what's been paid and if he wants  things  done differently he tells me and we discuss it.  I look at it this way, our family has  what it needs,and we get some of what we want and it's fair. No, he doesn't have all the games and stuff he wants, but he has  aroof over his head, food and electricity to play the games he has. Sometimes you have to put your foot down.

 

 

 
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October 20, 2006, 4:44 am CDT

yard sale cool!

Quote From: margiemms

 All that's left to do is price Carlena's belongings, which are conveniently in the yard, and put up the yard sale signs!  The money made can be used to pay bills, hire a budget consultant, and of course, pay mom rent.  Get real, Carlena.  Most people deserve things they don't have, because we can't afford it.  I've been teaching in the city for 24 years.  If I had all the "things" I deserve, my net worth would incredible!!  I wouldn't trade "all my children"  for a dream car or house, because they are way more valulable.  Get over yourseld, or marry rich, without a prenup.

  Hey, I'll come by for that yard sale!  What's Carlena thinking? My husband  and I both work(he's ft. and I'm pt. while the kids are in school 3 days a week) I buy almost all our stuff at yard sales, consignment shops, thrift stores etc. I live in a nice home with nice stuff ( nearly all of it gently used or bought at a steep discount) My family doesn't go without,and my kids have plenty of brand name stuff  BUT we've never emphasized the importance of labels.

 We do emphasize, that alot of people out there don't have nice shoes,clothes,winter coats,or even a home,so... be grateful for what you have and share your blessings with others.

  I am a penny pincher(I'll pinch pennies 'till they cry) but I'd never make my family go with out their  NEEDS just some of their wants. They know my motto, NEVER PAY FULL PRICE!!!  'cause somebody else probably has and doesn't want it anymore.

  As for the lady who lost the weight, she should tell her husband thrift stores are great and I want some clothes that fit. Hey, maybe Carlena's mom can sell her some of  Carlena's

 

 

 

 

 

 
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October 20, 2006, 3:07 pm CDT

non-material girl

Quote From: stratisf

There must really be a lot of lonely and miserable people out there trying to fill themselves up with all of this stuff. Where did they learn this behavior? Didn't we all grow up watching Sesame Street and Disney Movies and so forth which teaches us to be kind and to share and all of those good warm and fuzzy American values? I didn't, but don't a lot of people grow up going to religious services and so forth which teach them to be giving to others, to be humble, and to value goodness above all material things? Weren't some of these kids boy scouts or girl scouts and had to rough it in the woods and learn to find their inner strengths rather than show off the latest trends?

 

When did everyone's values shift so dramatically? Why can't people find happiness in simple things anymore? Where did this come from?

 

I am soooo,. glad I had the parents I did. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad was semi- retired when i came a long(I was a late in life baby)My dad would be 87 if he were still around. I didn't have many years with him,he died when I was 16 but, the time I had was quality and I learned  SO MUCH. The value of a buck for instance.

 He told me stories of the Depression and how he had to wear his sister's hand me downs, cut and resewn into shirts and pants and how they tied thier soles on when their shoes started coming apart. But, they had enough to eat  'cause they raised their own goats, and chickens and grew a garden.And they always shared what they had.

  I grew up with hand me downs and Good will and buying with coupons , rebates and on sale. I also grew up with family vacations every other year to Fla. (to see the mouse) among other more educational things. Dad always gave me a choice, vacation or a computer. The vacation won hands down everytime. Still would I believe.  I think too many people focus on giving their kids THINGS instead of giving their children themselves and experiences they'll never forget. When I was 16 (before my dad died) I found out I'd been approved to go on a foreign exchange trip to Scotland - for the following year. My dad said they'd pay for most of the fees but I had to come up with some of it and my spending money.  I cleaned alot of houses and did other odd jobs and I'll savor those memories.

  Too many parents think they'll deprive their kids if they can't give them things but you appreciate things alot more when you've actually worked for them.

 
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October 20, 2006, 3:20 pm CDT

me too

Quote From: suzypuz

And can I have him?? My husband is a spendthrift and I'm a saver. He will spend his allowance down to the penny! I agree with him -- if she's losing weight, why spend retail on clothes when the local thrift shop has racks of like-new, quality, name-brand duds for almost nothing! And what's wrong with store-brand peanut butter? Believe me, the kids don't know Jif or Skippy from the store brand, so why feed your ego? It just doesn't make sense to spend money when you don't have to. Go Joe!

 He sounds like me . My motto:   NEVER PAY FULL PRICE! Chances are someone else has and you can buy it from them.   When my husband wants something(usually electronic) I make him search around. The computer I'm using was bought at a discount  and our printer (new in box) was bought at a yard sale for $10 and our scanner was bought at a yard sale for $8.

 I get plenty of attention  in my thrift store clothes.People are always telling me they like my clothes and where did I get  it. I love consignment shops too. My best friend and I have nade friends with the sales people and they know our tastes and call us when they get items in they think we'll like. We're also learning to sew 'cause there's lots of cool patterns out there and sometimes we can get them for $.99 a piece. My other friend makes jewelry and trades them for stuff or discounts. I love it and would not spend a bunch of money even if I had it. There's too many people out there with very little for me to justify spending a lot.

 
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October 21, 2006, 2:30 pm CDT

10/11 One Paycheck Away

Quote From: holistichell

That is terrible.  Good for you for rising above it all.  People don't understand the lack of affordable housing in this company, the discrimination in banking, credit and insurance, the higher cost of food in impoverished areas, the slum lords who run elbows with the local governments and boards of health, the injustice of police who have carte blanche when it comes to raiding a poor person's dwellings but wouldn't dare raid a coke-head physician's office. 

 

How did you ever manage to get to work while living in a homeless shelter?  I know the shelter in Bergen County has two showers, one each for men and women, and 65 people using them.  Where did you keep your clothes.   Did the police ever take your belongings and throw them out just for kicks?

 Actually, there were only two bathrooms for 25 people (not quite as bad) and the shelter staff were sweet. We even go back to visit the staff, and encourage people there now. As for the police, they only came when they were called. I know a few of them (we live in a small town) I went to school with 2 of them and worked with one at another job while he was doing his testing to become a police man. As for my clothes we had a little room w/2 sets of bunk beds and a dresser. We also had a storage shed from when we first moved to the trailer. So, we were truly blessed.

 Also, I work in a warehouse so I didn't have to be perfectly coifed before work and I walked to work.

 

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