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Messages By: bajalg

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Stressed

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frustrated
October 13, 2006, 10:50 pm CDT

Am I the one with a problem?

I am not even sure where to start. I was 21 when I got married to my husband and he was 33. He hadn't been divorced long at that time, about 6 months. We didn't know each other before we met, though his ex-wife likes to tell people I am a homewrecker. We married only 4 months after the initial meeting in a bar of all places. I didn't realize at the time what I was getting myself into. At 21 I was still quite naive, I guess. When we married his children was a 7 year old girl and a 4 year old son, my son was just barely a year old. I never grew up being the little girl that dreamed of being a mommy, not that there is anything wrong with that, I just wasn't one. But I had my son and now was 2 more to deal with. Well their mother had custody and he was a "weekend" father. I was just thrown into stepparenting- making decisions, discipling, the whole nine yards. The ex had a problem with it and he didn't said anything. He is one of those people who avoids confrontation at all times. But they were not going to run around our home like two little banshee's when I am trying to raise a 1 year old and set boundries and teach him. Now fast forward 12 years. The kids are 18, 15, and 12, respectively. The oldest just had a baby in April. She was talked to about birth control, but her mother let her visit her boyfriend on the other end of the state and didn't make sure that she obtained the birth control before she left. J's excuse is she didn't have the money to get it when she got down there. But that is done and it can't really be undone. She is extremely childlike at 18, she expects everyone to cater to her and give her what she needs even though she wanted to play adult she fails to actually be one. The 15 year old is ok and my son is a handful but I am dealing with it.

Here is my problem...

My husband's 18 yr old daughter has this child before she graduated. After the baby was born and she somewhat settled into the mommy role, she did finally finish school. I picked her up 4 days a week and kept the newborn baby for the 2 or 3 hours she was at the school. I wasn't asked to do this, I was basically told by my husband it is expected of me. Now here is the clincher to that particular part, I hadn't had anything to do with this child since she was 16. There was two years in there, we done nothing but fight and argue. I refused to let her in my home if she were going to continually disrespect me. Then not even 2 months ago my husband up and quits his job in order to take her back and forth to work and watch the baby while she is working because I drew the line and said no more. At the time I was working from home, working to build my own business, yet it was still in the very early stages and I was still at the point of rolling over profits to make the business work.

So basically he quits his job to take care of  her when she should be a grown adult and the welfare of our family hangs in the balance. He doesn't understand why I have a problem with this at all. I got angry early today about all this and let him have it both with both barrels and he just looked at me and laughed, trying to make a joke out of it.

Am I wrong? Feedback appreciated and welcome.

 
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Stressed

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hopeful
October 15, 2006, 10:09 am CDT

playing and paying

Quote From: mrsraz

If this young woman is 18 years old and has a newborn child she should be held accountable for herself. I totally understand that he is trying to be a good father. I had my first child when I was 17 years old and my parents did the same things and has greatful as I am I wish they would have made me take more responsibility for my actions. I am now 29 and have 3 children biologicaly, all before 22 years of age. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world but from someone who was in her situation she needs to take responsibility for her child and not take down her father in the mean time. Good Luck and God Bless!!

Exactly. I don't mind helping her out. I know was it is to be a young parent and I was a single one. I was 20 when my son was first born and I know that everyone needs a little help. I wouldn't change that either, because it was a learning experience. I guess at this point I just get upset that he wasn't really around when she was little and growing up when she needed him the most and now he wants to jump in and save the day! He doesn't see the problem with quitting his job in order to be there at her every whim. i think both of them have a lot of growing up to do. She does need help, but he needs to back off or she will never learn to stand on her own. He needs to grow up too and realize he can't jump in and save the day everytime she gets herself in a mess.

Thank you for your words, it helped me see I wasn't completely off my rocker.

All the best!

 
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quiet
October 17, 2006, 6:50 pm CDT

BDSM concerns

Quote From: ktsleep

I have a niece that has a learning disability.  My sister is at her wits end and having trouble communicating with her.  I spoke to both of them and said I would help.  My neice is 22 but her

reasoning ability is not much past 16.  She is in college and has gotten herself into BDSM and the collar me program.  I am trying to communicate with her but am finding it very difficult.  She has

agreed to take the submissive collar with a coupl in Arkansas who are in the Master position.  He is 46 and his wife is 33.  They have 2 children 15 and 12.   I have tried to explain the danger in driving out to see them.  She has gone twice and is planning on going again in 2 weeks.  They pay her gas and she does the house work and is involved in sexual actitvity with them.  On the collarme.com website the couple state that they are looking for a submissive as a gift to each other.  My niece is

putting herself in a very dangerous position but she sees these people as her new family.  In the last nine months they have started taking her calls at all hours to win her trust and to allude being there for her.  In my heart I feel something is going to go very wrong.  I do not know how to work through this one.  Any help would be greatly appreciated!!  It has become Urgent!!

 

I can understand your concern for your neice. She has chosen to become in a lifestyle that most people consider dangerous. Considering the fact that she has some mentally disabilities it makes it even harder. At her age though you can't stop her, but you can sit her down and talk to her and make some preparations to make things safer for her, which appears to be your ultimate concern. There is things called safe calls. Does she have a cell phone? If not make sure that she gets one. The two of you sit down together and figure out a safe word, so that you can call and she can use that word if she is okay. Tell her you need their address and phone number, not because you are checking up on her, but because of safety concerns. Then when you call her, if she doesn't use the the safe word you to come up with call the police.

I can tell that a lot of times, people who become involved in bdsm relationships ecspecially on the submissive side, feel that they were born that way. They have had that intense need to serve for as long as they can remember. But if she is only 9 months into this relationship, she isn't ready for a collar. The collar is much like a wedding ring in traditional terms. It is taken as a very serious commitment between the two parties.

I will keep you both in my thoughts.

 

 
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blank
October 17, 2006, 6:59 pm CDT

Curiousity-porn and masterbating

Quote From: 56cindyz

What would you do if you caught your 14 year old mildly autistic child looking at porn on the internet and masterbating? My husband went bizerk! He made him feel as if no one does that.I think he should be punished but told that boys do do that.But going to porn sights is wrong.Please help me.my husband and i are fighting.

I found my son today on a couple different porn sites (both up at the same time). My son is only 12. I was very careful though in how I handled the situation. I didn't go ballastic though, I explained to my son that his curiousity is normal. I also explained to him that porn sites are not the place to go in order to satisfy the curiousity though. I told him that those women aren't real and that not all women look like that. I explained to him that I understand that he wants to know what a female looks like (right now apparently he is curious about female breasts) so I gave him an art book and took the computer away from him. That way he can fulfill the burning question in his mind and I don't have to worry about him getting sex education from the internet.

 

I feel like it is completely normal for children to be curious and explore. Unforunately with the internet it makes it a little too easy for children to get access to information that the parents need to give them first.

 

 

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