Messages By: desertlilly

My heart goes out to you! I will pray for your recovery.

I would like to ask everyone here a question, something for them to ponder, and also tell you about my experience with MRSA.

First...you had a tummy tuck. This is a procedure that I would have LIKED to have had done, but due to the danger of MRSA, I will remain the way I am, tummy and all. I am not laying blame on you. I want to point something out to the general public. How many have had a cosmetic procedure, like breast augmentation? How many of these people are young, perhaps in their teens, and how many are considering having a procedure done? THINK ABOUT THIS LADIES.....ANY time you go in for a procedure, cosmetic or otherwise (breast enlargement) IT IS SURGERY, and you risk getting MRSA. If that isn't enough, you risk GIVING MRSA TO YOUR FAMILY AND OTHERS!!!!!  YOU may be healthy and be able to shrug MRSA off, but what about if you expose, say, your mom who is older and not able to fight MRSA off?

I am diabetic. IDDM to be exact (insulin dependant diabetes mellitus). You may not think of a diabetic as having a compromised immune system, but some of us do. I happen to be one of the un-lucky one's.

In 1980 I gave birth to my second son. Within a few short weeks I fell sick, REALLY sick. I had two things wrong with me. I had gall stones, and I had contracted Hepatitis B. Hep B is not easy to get. It is contracted through sexual contact, or a blood source. I am not sure HOW I contracted it, but it has a long incubation period, and looking back, I am fairly sure that I contracted it at my doctors office when I was having a blood draw, and had to be re-stuck several times due to the in-experience of the person doing the draw (now I always ask for someone skilled in phlebotomy). I was sick, VERY sick for a few months. I had surgery to remove my gall bladder in late 1980 (while I was 6 weeks pregnant with my third son).

Flash forward to 2006. My 2 year old grand daughter had this pimple looking thing on her face. We were in the pool and I wanted to take her home and pop this ugly thing! If I touched it she would cry out in pain. Soon after my daughter got a painful pimple on her leg, In both instances the pimple burst open, and oozed for a few days. The lesion left a scar. In a few weeks, I noticed a pimple on my grand daughters backside. By then my daughter mentioned that her (now ex) boyfriend said he had the same pimple and his two young son's had lesions on their head. What ever this was, was now spreading from person to person. My daughter took herself and her daughter to the doctor. The tests came back positive for MRSA. I had no idea what this was, so I Googled it, and was frightened at what I read. Not only can MRSA spread, but it can turn into Necrotizing Facetious (speliing is incorrect, I'm sure) FLEASH EATTING DISEASE! My daughter begged her Boyfriend to take the kids to the doctor. He refused saying he did not have enough money to take them (a long story). By then my daughter ended the relationship, but we are sure the boyfriends son's picked up MRSA from their mother who is an escort. My daughter and grand daughter had several outbreaks over the next year.

Currently, my daughter and grand daughter have had no more break outs.

Last November, I had emergency surgery, an appendectomy. Much to my distress, I was released from the hospital within 13 hours of having the surgery. As I mentioned, I am diabetic. My glucose reading going in to surgery was 500, normal is under 100. Within two days post-op, I was feeling feverish and had a lump in and around one of the incision sites (I had laparoscopic surgery). It was inflamed and tender, hell it downright HURT. I went to the doctor, he checked my out and told me I was fine, even though I was running a fever and had this lump, which by now was a mound. Two days after that, I had my husband rush me back to the doctors office. I had a massive infection that he had to drain. It must have looked pretty bad as the nurse that was assisting him, backed up and looked faint when the doctor cut into me. From that time in early December, until March, the following year, the doctor had to re-cut my wound every other week, to "allow the wound to heal from the bottom (inside) up (outside). Mind you, I knew about MRSA. I had seen it. Doctor told me that the culture taken on my wound showed E-COLI.

I was given antibiotic....pills and liquid.

I was very sick during this entire time. Every couple of days I would have terrible nausea and vomiting. I could get very little food down me, a few crackers and a bit of soup chased down with a few sips of 7-up or ginger-ale. In a few months time, I lost 50 pounds! I wound up in the emergency room to be hooked up to IVs twice. My blood pressure skyrocketed because I was so dehydrated. I had a CAT scan that showed nothing. I had my blood tested.  My primary asked if I had been out of the country. I had not been to Mexico in many months, but gave a stool sample to test for parasites. I was sent to a wound care specialist. I was till taking antibiotics, that just about killed me because I was nauseated and vomiting.

Finally, my primary said, and I quote..."if I didn't know better, I would think you had something called MRSA" ! Welllll DUHHHHH, I told you ALL I had been exposed to it many months earlier!

Slowly I got better...slowwwly I felt like a human again.

To this day, I do not know who or where I picked MRSA up. Was it from my daughter and grand daughter? We are almost compulsive about keeping things clean. I use a combination of alcohol and water in a spray bottle that I clean sinks, toilets, basins, floors, counter tops, etc. I use bleach IN my tub and toilet to clean them. We use wipes to clean the parts of a shopping basket we come into contact with. We wash hands all the time.

Did I get it at home...........OR, did I get it IN the hospital, OR did I get it at the doctors office? After all, he DID have gloves on, BUT he did not wear a mask on his face! If MRSA or step, staff is in most peoples noses, might it have come from my surgeon?

Just like years ago when I contracted Hep B, and recently MRSA, I have no one to blame, BUT, I will continue to be diligent with cleaning my surroundings. BTW, we wash our hands when we eat out BEFORE we eat, do you? I hope to GOD those who are preparing our food also wash their hands, but I fear...they don't.

So if you see a crazy woman, cleaning off a scooter and basket at your local wal Mart, stop by and say hello, it's probably me!

 OH, I almost forgot. We used a combination of water and Prvidone Iodine in a 10 per cent solution to dry up the lesions. We kept them covered with a band aid, and made sure we washed our hands THOUROLY after we treated the spot.

I also thought it was odd that Dr. Phil came down so hard on Anthony and not as hard on Kevin (I think that was his name). Could it be because Kevin and Shauna have a terminally ill child? Both gambling and alcohol are addictions, but isn't alcohol a physical addiction were gambling does not carry the threat of physical injury if not done right?

BTW can anyone tell me what Shauna's son has?

My brother, Bobby, was born in the early 70's with microcephally (small head), where his skull was basically fused and would not expand to allow his brain to grow, Bobby's brain never advanced past that of an 18 month old. It caused such tension in the house, that I left home a couple of years after Bobby was born. I had just turned 16. Mom and I were distant for several years after that.

Bobby died a few years ago of a massive heart attack. He was living in a group home at the time. He was just 32 years of age. I miss him, and I am sorry I made my Mom's life hell.

This is a societal problem. We have become complacent as parents. We don't respect others. We curse people out at the drop of a hat. We don't have boundaries when it comes to what is and is not within the realm of good taste. We are sue happy. We blame everyone else for our problems, and do not take responsibility for our own actions. So, why are we astounded that our children act this way?

We have become a society removed from our families. We work, come home tired and ignore our children. We and they, sit in front of the TV and play video games, or we are on the computer and not interacting with one another. We text instead of talk face to face.

Too many of us want to be "friends" with our children instead of being the ADULT.

I don't see this ending anytime soon, in fact, I don't think it will ever end, certainly not in my life time.

Sad, isn't it?

As I sat watching this particular program, I felt many emotions, and I have a few questions.

The emotional side of me, well, I have not felt this in quite  a while, but I felt as though I was going to have an anxiety attack. To watch Al, his actions and responses to the questions before him, I wondered what was wrong with him. He had a smirk on his face. He clapped along with the audience at inappropriate times. He called upon Jesus, and God. Is this man crazy? Does he have alzheimer's? Was he nervous? Is he a pathological liar?

The daughter, why did she leave her son with Grandpa at all? Did she think that because Parker is a boy that he would not be molested? The brother, with the two girls. At the end of the show, he mouthed to his sister "I love you". BUT does he not have questions about the safety of his daughters around grandpa?

I was molested by my father from an early age. I have very specific memories. I can't tell you my exact age when things happened, but I do remember events. My mother and father divorced when I was about 6, and he had visitation every other weekend. Up until I got into that target age, that is, the age of child the molester prefers, I THINK I was safe. My father would pick my sister and I up and take us to my grandmothers house, and take off.  When I was a bit older, my father started picking my sister and I up and take us to his house, where he used to isolate me from my sister who was four years younger, and my step sister, who was 6 months younger then myself. That's when most of the abuse occurred. He knew he had a certain amount of time to do his dirty work because the woman he married (and called "wench") was out getting her hair done, as she did every Saturday.

During these times, I was so frightened. My father, when he was married to my Mom, used to beat her in front of me, physiologically and physically abused me, and carried on an affair with "wench" right under my nose, just outside my bedroom door, while my mom worked the second shift. He was a physically strong man, and had a nasty temper. I recall seeing him get into an altercation with another man, on our lawn, when I was about 4, so I was plenty scared of him.

He used that fright to his advantage, and would tell me that he would stop paying his child support if I told anyone, so keep it "our little secret".

When I was about 12, I asked my mother if I had to go wit my father on visitation. I told her that my father was touching me and I did not like it. I did not tell her any specifics. She told me that I did not have to go with him, BUT, my sister went when he called.

Why did my mom do this, allow my sister to go? Because mom was scared of this man. He once tried to break down the door, when he came over and it was not his visitation day.

You see, people, this was the 1960"s, and things were so different then, keep that in mind as I tell you the rest of my story.

My mom remarried, we moved to the suburbs and my father just stopped coming by.

When I was 16 I left home for good. I had become an unruly teenager. Being molested, the person you become is changed by the experience. I was pernicious. I hated school. I hated living.

I found myself homeless and wound up living at my fathers home for a short period of time. I slept on the floor of my step sisters room. Funny thing was, she kept the door to her room locked when we were in it. Curious, no? Molesters do not stop with one child. They are junkies who need a fix. I left my fathers house when he confronted me about sleeping with his buddies son, and I told him NO when he pursued me sexually once again.

I married at 19, to an abusive man. I had four kids with him. He kept me in tow through intimidation, just like my father had. I divorced him 22 years later!

Why did it take me so long? For the same reason the grandmother on the show did not leave her husband even though she had questions about what Al was doing...

Where was she/I going to go? In my case, my abuse by my father was in the 1960's. My marriage was in the 1970's. First, NO ONE talked about this kind of abuse. You did not tell family, if you were lucky enough to have family. It was a hidden epidemic. There was, for me, no place to go. There were no woman's shelters. I called the police on my husband. He threw me out of the house, in the winter, with just my sheer nightgown on, and I was pregnant. I called the police from my neighbors house. They said to me, that when the effects of his drinking wore off he would let me back in the house! No one came to help me. I was so embarrassed, humiliated and I felt defeated. It took me another 12 years to leave him.

Yes, grandma should have taken action, we all agree on that, BUT, I see her as a victim also. You don't know what her life was and is like with Al. He, over the years, may have chipped away at her own self esteem that she no longer knows who or what she is. She needs help along with the entire family.

I am lucky. I am a survivor, but I am left with a few "tic's" that I do not wish to disclose in this forum. Even to this day, I question my self worth, although I am a far cry better today then I was then. I married a wonderful man several years ago. My four kids are adults now. They are happy, healthy contributors to society. No drug problems, no emotional problems. I have seven beautiful grand children, that I adore.

I have an ex husband who is still in his rut. Unmarried, in fact, he has never even dated after I divorced him. We are on speaking terms, mainly because we have kids and grand kids in common.

As for my father. I keep a watchful eye on him. I know where he lives, which is on the "other " coast. I thank the computer for this, as I do "spy" on him. Why did I do this? The last time I saw my father, he showed up at my door about 28 years ago. I was sure that I was far enough away from him (2500 miles), but then he was, on my stoop. Spaying on him gives me peace of mind. Plus, I changed my last name, and moved many, many miles from where he last saw me....and now he is an old, old man.

Someday, when he dies, I will fly out to his location and spit on his grave.

Dr. Phil, thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I hope that this entire family reaches out for the help you offered them.

I thank the Lord everyday, for the small offerings granted to me to become the human that I am today. I don't hink I will ever be 100% okay with my life, as being molested changes who you are, but I believe that I am as close as I can be. I love my husband, my kids and my grandchildren, and with them at my side, I can look forward to the rest of my days.

Money does odd things to people doesn't it?

My grandmother was living with my mother during the last several months of her life. When she died, Mom, who was an only child, said that Grandma did not have as much money as she let on, AND she changed the will from my sister, my step brother and myself, split equally a certain amount of money, with Mom getting the House and it's contents.

Grandma changed her will just before she died, to read that MOM got everything and it was Grandma's wish to share with us kids. My sister went ballistic, and wanted what Grandma had promised. Mom gave my brother and I each some money, but my sister wanted 4 times that amount!

She called me, and told me she had evidence that the will had been changed when Grandma was under heavy medication. I doubted that. Sis wanted me to help her sue my Mom. I said NO. I care more about the relationship I have with Mom then money, even though I could have used some (and sis was well off). As a result, I enjoy a nice, comfortable relationship with my Mom, and we have not seen nor hear from my sister in almost 9 years.....so be it....money over family.

This family, I bet, will stay estranged from one another. Right or wrong, their blood runs green

On of the clips Lisa said, "she's spending my inheritance."

INHERITANCE IS NOT A BIRTHRIGHT!!!!!!

My Mom spent mine, oh well.

I don't own a home of my own. My family has one car. I have not been on a vacation in several years. Money is and always has been tight. It makes me a stronger person.

 " if I entered into an agreement (property or otherwise) with someone, i'd want to know what happens to the agreement in the event of the demise of either of the parties involved."

Yep, this is what happenes when people get into situations before all the T's are crossed and the I's are dotted.

Don't we have enough TV Small Claims Judges that tell us this every day?

Dr. Phil, do you know what happened to Darlene (Not sure if that is her real name). We used to see her just about every day walking in my town, and I would see her just about every time we would shop at our local Wal Mart Super Center. She always had a few things in her cart (popcorn) but we never saw her check out.

It's been a few months since we have seen her, and we were wondering if she was still alive because we know she did not take your help.

I knew just about all my neighbors on my street except one. She was not the kind of person who would get out of her car when she came home from work, turn to us to smile and wave. She was a nurse at a local, well known hospital, in San Bernardino county CA.

She had recently become divorced, and I noticed that she was no longer taking the meticulous care of her lawn like she used to. We all just chided it on. She worked long hours, and on occasion we would catch her coming home, always with some kind of fast food, and a 12 pack of beer, or a gallon of cheap wine.

A few years went by. We were accustomed to seeing a gardener weed whack her mess a couple of times a year. We figured correctly that she was in violation of city code, and was being forced to deal with her weeds.

Around this time, we started to get roof rats in our garage, and my neighbor across the street, who lived next door to this woman was having to deal with cockroaches. It was then that I began to really watch what was going on across the street. This woman never set her trash out, yet, she was always taking stuff INTO her house. I took my kids trick or treating there, and the woman had her foot behind her door, keeping it somewhat closed, but I saw a huge mess behind her. I called the city and told them about our rat problem (and I was freaked out by them.) and the cockroaches that we never had before, and told them about the woman across the street. I was told that the city had looked into the matter, and the woman was fine, a nice lady, so let sleeping dogs lie.

I was a bit perturbed. I did not want rats or bugs in my space. I had 4 small kids and I babysat as well. I did not want any of them to get sick.

Several months later, the lady was led out of her house by the police! Right afterward, a crew came to clean her house. They set a huge dumpster on her driveway, and filled it to the brim. My neighbor had enough insight to take his camera over to the house, and take pictures. My neighbor gave the pictures to me. Her entire home was covered a good four foot high or more, with pizza cartons, McDonald's bags, old newspaper. There was a kitchen in this house at one time, but it disappeared under a stinking mass of trash. She had a waterbed with no water in it, just piled high with old wine bottles. Same for her bathroom. There were two bedrooms. Oddly, one of the bedrooms had nothing in it. No furniture, no bed, nothing, EXCEPT there were cracks in the wall and the plants from outside were growing inside.

I don't know why the police took her away, someone said she was physicotic. She defiantly had a drinking problem, if nothing else. It's sad to think that someone could suffer such a mental breakdown, and in this case, it must have been brought on by her divorce. To think that maybe she did something at work, a slip up with a patient? It's speculation for sure.

My Uncle was not quite as bad, but he never cleaned, even though his personal habits, hygiene, were impeccable. He would never let any of the family in "his" house after my Great Grandmother died, and we were not surprised that he was selling her house (she died intestate, but that is another story) and it was to be sold as a tear down. The house was HORRID. The wonderful people who bought the home (it was built in 1905) decided that this grand old lady of a home was not to be demolished, but brought back to her turn of the century slender. I was blessed that this family let me in the house to show me the work they put into it. It was the highlight of my trip back to my native Chicago a few years ago. BTW, the house had pigeons in the attic, and a family of raccoons in the chimney! Several windows were also broken. It amazes me that my Uncle did not freeze to death in the bitter cold Chicago winters.

Same with the lady that used to live across the street (I moved from that area years ago). Her house was cleaned, fixed up and sold to a nice family with two little girls.

In a way, I feel badly that I did not reach out to this woman, Maybe all she needed was a shoulder to cry on. I had a very full plate in front of me. A bad abusive marriage, four kids under 7, babysat and cleaned houses so I could feed my kids, and a number of illnesses, so reaching out, for me, was not an option.

 Same with my Uncle. In his case, he sent all my letters back to me unopened, and he never answered his telephone, so after a while, the family just quit trying to make contact.