Messages By: joyfuljo

Hi everyone, I am Joanne, the sister  of Tom and John. I just  wanted to say thanks to those who offered  the support and well wishes, and I also want to clarify  something about Tom's quesion of "how long" will the treatment at La Hacienda be.

Tom was concerned about how long the treatment would be because he was concerned it wouldn't be ENOUGH TIME.   That conversation was taped but not put on the air.  Tom was a nervous wreck after the show because he was afraid it wouldn't be good enough treatment.   La Hacienda was a fantastic place for Tom to go, and Dr.Phil was amazing enough to send not only Tom for the month, but also his daughter,  myself, John and our father there during "Family Week" where we got to learn about alcoholism / addiction and meet the staff, he paid for our stay and our flight there and back.  Absolutely a giving man DrPhil is.  I am eternally grateful.   Although 30 days didn't feel like enough time for Tom, and he was scared to leave,  he did stay sober for a while and went thru some amazing issues and then slipped again. He is always starting over and will have a lifetime of struggle I believe.

Anyone with myspace can find me on myspace.com /degarimore

God bless.
Joanne

Part one aired  a couple months after the taping, approx. Feb or March of this year.  It was about three brothers, Terry I believe whom stole the identity of one of the others identity.  We taped ours (John and Tom) the same day as the three brothers-  I was nervous that Dr.Phil might send that guy to rehab instead of my brother, if anyone at all, and let me tell you I was so blessed to see Dr.Phil come up and sit in front of my brother and offer rehab to him.   I was thinking those other brothers from part 1 were probably bummed, but I think Dr.Phil sent the right man; my brother was apologetic and willing, and I think the part 1 guy was still in denial and angry and not willing to admit his wrong.    I don't know why it took a year for ours to air, but that's ok.  I thought it hit the cutting room floor until now!  

 Hi,
I know you've already contacted me on Myspace (degarimore) but I'll respond here also for other readers. I'm sorry to hear about your family issues- I have issues with my in-laws as well, their choices have ruined our relationship but we still have to play happy family and it's not easy.   But my brother Tom is a different story than my in-laws. :-)   I think your husband is taking the high road, which is harder to do but much more honorable.   All those neices and nephews and kids will someday (if at all) know that you and your husband were the better people, by not allowing your SIL's bad choices affect your quality of life.   My spouse- and my brother John's wife (now ex) all love Tom and want him to clean up. It's really all in the name of love, Tom has a heart of gold but has a problem with alcohol, which rules over people's lives and can obviously make you do stupid things.  We love Tom but don't love what he does...  love the sinner, hat the sin.    I recently heard something about resentment that is stuck in my mind , it goes like this: "Resentment is like eating rat poison, and hoping the other person dies".     I have let go of my brothers problems and refuse to let it affect my personal happiness, yet I still am a cheerleader for his sobriety.  Your sister in law is a pretty different issue since there's no apparent drug abuse, but I bet there are some underlying issues as to why she involved your name in fraud.   

Our kids do know what has happened,  the problem is a life lesson for them as I don't know if they carry the alcoholic gene.  Everything can be a life lesson for ourselves or our kids if we present it to them in a respectful manner (easier said than done sometimes). 

I hope you can someday forgive your SIL and release yourself from the hatred, I am in the same situation with my SIL (hurtful words and actions) and sometimes we just need to let go and let God deal with it.  If all we can do is hate and be resentful, we are just feeding ourselves that rat poison and hoping the other person will die....     Be the better man... or in your case, woman.  :-)

Hugs,
J.

CONGRATULATIONS on being 5 years sober... I have a HUGE respect for those who are conquering addiction, one day at a time.   HUGE respect.   Kudos to you.

After the show (long after), I realized that he probably had to drink in order to function.   Dr.Phil was cool enough to send me and a few family members to 'Family Week' at La Hacienda, and that's where I learned alot about addiction and about my own co-dependency.  I was able to LET GO that weekend... something I can only thank DrPhil for.   Tom went through withdrawls on the airplane trip to Texas and was hating life.  I hoped it was the last withdrawl he'd have to face, you'd think peole wouldn't want to go thru that again but...   whatever.

I agree, I would like to see some understanding and displayed knowledge of alcoholism but Dr.Phil knows what works for TV and I am not one to tell him what to do.  He has the power to send people to La Hacienda Treatment Center with the snap of a finger and I love him for doing so.  If I had a million bucks, I'd do the same thing.... send people to treatment and give people another chance at a successful life....  I'd try to break the chain in the life of families and children.

Again, kudos for your 5 years, I don't know you but I'm proud of you!

Joanne