Messages By: kschmittz

First off, Purple, you are one to talk about exaggeration.  You received one negative comment (which is true) and you go off on a total stranger!  You made more than one comment over the course of these boards and I really don't get the feeling that you see things differently.  I can forgive but not when the person doesn't really hold a different opinion.  All in all, you don't feel working Moms are equal to at home Moms and that most kids don't need to be in daycare- it's just a matter of sacrifcing.  What did I miss?  I could challenge and pick apart your theory but I'm sure it wouldn't change your mind or your life just as your comments do not change mine. 

Next, about living simply...this (in my opinion) doesn't include Internet services.  Just as your computer is important to you working (for some) is important to them.  The difference is that a job provides much more for the FAMILY not just one person.  Yes, there are a lucky few who really choose to work for self fulfillment but most do it for other reasons.  My job provides benefits- health, dental and medical- for the entire family so I feel my 40+ hours is worthy.  Beign that your daughter is only 2 I see no need for Internet in your home other than for you.  Also, you are paying for a service that takes time away from your daughter.  If you are home just for her, to mold her personality and witness every breath,  then I don't see how Interenet/message boards enhance that.  I also challenge your 90% theory.  I could very easily point out that you spend less time than that with her but what's the point?  All in all, you (and the others) will always believe a women who is home is always the better, more dedicated parent.  That is very  sad for you and your kids.  I love the fact that my children see so many different ways to live and do things throughout our town.  Yes, there is a lot of money here but also a lot of hard working, dual income families.  We all do what we can for the other to benefit the community- not just our own.  It's really nice.  Hope you can see my points someday....take care!

Hello there...thanks for the heads up on the Provigil.  I will ask my son's doctor when we go next.  Narcolepsy?  WOW!  That seems (on the surface) to be a far cry from ADHD but unfortunately ADHD is very often mis-diagnosed.  I also think ADHD goes untreated a lot of the time.  I see so many kids with the same symptoms as mine and the parents do nothing about it- it's almost as if they don't even see it.  Right now my son takes Adderrall (10 mg) and so far so good.  We also have started supplementing with Fish Oil twice a day- once in morning with Adderrall and one in afternoon after lunch at school.  HUGE difference.  Anyhow, thanks again for the heads up.  Good luck with yours also.

Well, you are certainly very upset and with good reason.  However, if you feel your son is at risk then you should move him somewhere else.  Next,  did you not research the current facility and know they had such an "open" policy on these type of things?  My son's preschool has the same type of open policies, however, it is part of a public school district and there are rules.  You had mentioned that this was a ministry type organization and from what I understand they can do what they feel is OK.  They have no school district board to answer to.  Also, I was a little shocked with your comments about what the other boy's parents/school should and shouldn't be doing.  This boy, rowdy or not, has an inalienable right to be at their school.  If they allow it, then YOU need to make a choice for another school.  It sounds like they are pretty set in their ways and their ways do not work for you.   Also, maybe this boy and your child just don't get along.  True, the school should help facilitate some more peaceful soltuions, but again, it is their call.  The fact that the director has stated your son "need to hold his own" pretty much sums up their position.  No, I do not agree and condone what is going on but I know I have other choices for my son.  I would suggest (although the wait lists may be long) looking into elementary schools where part of the campus is strictly for preschool.  This way they are forced to adhere to set policies as put forth by the district.  And, the good thing is they will tailor your child to his future in that district where he will attend.   So, once he starts Kindergarten they will already know him, his personality and his abilities as well.  Our program in our state (California) is awesome!  With a part-time and full-time program and 10% fees for additional children in the program.  Good luck! 

"I think kids should be aloud to explore and discover what they want and like." 

How do they (or you) even know they do/don't like sports until they try something? Do any of her friends play?  Have you shown her anything she might look at to see whether or not they may be fun?  Again, it is your job to show her these things even exist. 

My oldest was about 6 when he started soccer and yes, he asked a couple of times but mostly becuse his friends were doing it.  Now, they are both going for baseball this spring.  They have both decided they will play soccer in the fall, baseball in spring and swim in summer.  Just as I think a lot of parents push their kids at sports I also think on the opposite side some keep their kids from sports, too.  It's very hard to see your children out there being aggressive but on the same hand it's good, too.  I cannot explain it to those who aren't there yet.  I just think children deserve to see what all is out there and just like you said explore and discover what they like.  You never know until you try it. 

Jetta,

I do not understand where your defensiveness comes from.  I never said or implied they were missing anything.  I was trying to say you don't really know what they like until they try something.  For example,  your daughter's interest in art/music came from somewhere.  Without that exposure (wherever it came from) she may not have the interest she does now.  Seems to me you have issues and for that I'm sorry.  Yes, it does seem from these boards you are very overprotective but you've made it clear you like it that way.  That's OK but don't expect everyone to agree.  You have mentioned that is doesn't bother you but it's obvious that it does or you wouldn't lash out like you do.  I know we have different opinions on a lot of things but you don't seem to even want to listen to anyone but yourself talk about children.  Despite what you think and your schooling, you are not always right.  My children are a few years older and they are boys so my parenting experience is very different from yours.  Sports are a great tool for a lot of reasons.  Maybe you don't want your girls playing because you're scared they might get hurt.  Been there, done that.  My older son plays goalie and let me tell you I can't hardly watch sometimes!  But, HE loves it and wants to do it.  How dare you think all kids who play sports are pushed-again shows your naivete in this area!  I think for all of us are children are a high priority in the home so you statement is really obnoxious "my kids are a very high prioroy in my home and their daddy and I have the desire for them to be happy and fullfilled.."

"There is nothing missing my girls life and for that I am thankful."

Why do you get like this?  I specifically came to this board figuring I would never see you on here and guess what?  Here you are...talking about something that you are not going through.  You do this a lot and I wonder why.  Generally, when people ask advice (you have to be careful they are asking not just venting) they typically want strategies from others who have been through something similar.  They don't want to hear your life story over and over.  Most parents  who are truly confident in their styles and beliefs do not need to go into this type of forum and repeatedly talk about it to everyone.  I think it's safe to say that most of us are pretty "alert and open" to our kids wants/needs.   My kids are not missing anything either playing sports.  In fact, I think they are gaining skills they can use later in life. A lot of parents who participate in sports feel this way.  That's what THIS board is about...sports and kids.  If you are not experiencing this yet for whatever reason, that is OK, too.  You don't have to be involved and give advice on every child-related topic out there to prove you are a good parent. 

My husband and I are very "concerned" with our children's education, therefore, we moved to a higher end area with good public schools.  My oldest son is 8 and in 3rd grade.   He is almost a year younger than most of the other kids as their Moms kept them back a year.  He is doing above average work and not having any issues.  I think there is A LOT of mis-understanding about public schools.  First, in my son's class there are LESS kids than the average area's private schools.  Next, there are boudaries set by the district on w hat they can teach your child that do not exist in private school.  In private school (I found this out after we checked out private schools and from a teacher) they can teach whatever they see fit.  Also, it is up to the parent to be involved in their child's education.  If you see your child is struggling in any way, then go to the teacher and work something out.  Public school has a multitude of programs to assist you and with the "NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND" there's really no excuse (learning disability or whatever) to not have your child succeed.  We have what is called a 504 plan for my son.  Basically, it is a legal document that will follow him through High School.  I can dicatate (if need be) every move/action the teacher makes in regards to my son.  It is NOT that way now but the option exists.  This is available to all parents at any public school.  Last, I can claim all you do about my son's public school.  That is why we are "dishing out the money" to live in a nice area.  Therefore, the crime and bullying you speak of really isn't an issue where we live.   If it does happen, then my son will take care of it with help from his Dad and I.  I think a lot of people are very mis-guided about not only private school but homeschooling and unschooling as well.  Part of education is not just academics.  There is so much more.  In today's world, there is very little chance for self-sufficiency without a decent education.  Also, you need to have skills beyond that.  If you can't deal with people or situations that may come up in life (like bullying) you are not likely to have a lot of job offers.  In a public school setting, although not perfect, there is much more to learn on a social level.  You learn to wait your turn, respect others and that there are consequences for your actions that can affect your whole class.  Anyone who thinks the majority of private schools kids are perfect, think again.  When I was young, these were among the most wild of us all.  They just had the $$ to get out of most any trouble. 

All in all, a good education can come from a good public school.  I agree, not all are good.  There are some even in my district I would not send my kids to.  That is why my hubby and I are very careful if we decided to buy another house in this area.  We want to make sure we stay within school lines that we like.  Also, if a parent expects the school to teach everything to their child then they are in error.  I am in my son's class every week helping out.  No, I am not  Room Mom every year but I am there.  I have been on Field Trips and helped out with parties and such.  I consider myself lucky to be able to do this even though I work full time.  There is academic education which I believe needs to be done by people who are qualified- someone with teaching credentials. For what it's worth, I also believe anyone who homeschools/unschools should have these same credentials. Then there  is the other edcuation which is about life.  This is up to parents. 

Last, don't assume every kid in public school has parents who don't care.  Just as you assume this there are people who assume things about you and your choices.  You are not the only parent who is involved in your child's life the way you are.  I have many many friends who are teachers in public schools and I can tell you they are far more trained than anyone realizes.  They are concerned and they do teach every child no matter how big their class is.  Also, in public school in 1st and 2nd grade the class size has to be UNDER 20 kids...again lower than most private schools.  My friends also say their biggest battle is not teaching the kids but dealing with parents.  Food for thought. 

"What do you think it means to be "educated?"

  In my opinion, this means having working knowledge in an array of basic subjects- math, science, literature, language, reading, social studies, etc.  Yes, having knowledge in different things means -in my opinion -being well rounded or having a well rounded education.  However, unless you live in China, learning Chinese at age 5 is no more useful than some of the things homeschoolers claim ridiculous in a PS environment.  Why then if they learn certain knowledge in a HS environment -like Chinese- is it considered enriching but in a PS environment it is cruel, useless,  and unnecesary?  I have no doubts that a homeschool/unschool environment can be fun and enriching.  I just don't think this continually fun and carefree place is what the real world will be like.  I think a lot- not all- homeschoolers/unschoolers have their own agenda.  The majority that go on TV and state their case almost always have had some type of unpleasant experience within the PS system.  Unfortunately, the world will not tailor or create an environment that works for every person.  Maybe teaching our young to adapt in an imperfect world might be more practical.  Teaching them to overcome weakness and work through struggles to gain a true sense of accomplishment might be beneficial in adult years.  Yes, I believe that education is important in today's world.  Education, however, doesn't guarantee that children will be well-liked and respected.  To "make it" in life means  more than having a lot of knowledge.  There are things involved like character, integrity,  and honesty to name a few.   I do not feel the PS system is responsible to teach these things- that is my job as a parent.  I do feel parents expect these things from PS and that is a shame.  It is a conjunction with home life that makes a child successful in ANY environment.  For example, I regularly use what my son has learned in school to apply in real life.  I am in the classroom each week.  I volunteer time and money to fund the school's PTA and other organizations.  I show my son his school is important. 

That said, as much as I try to appreciate homeschoolers/unschoolers I don't think public schoolers received the same back.  That , to me, is teaching intolerance and discrimination.   There is an extreme sense of arrogance and superiority in the choice to unschool/homeschool.  This was seen on the show with the statement of "..my unschooler will hire your honor student."  To me, this just shows that an unschooler has ideas but no discipline to implement them to run a functional, profitable business.  Again, learning Chinese is only useful in China- the same concept applies here.  Many kids can be taught a multitude of things but without discipline, structure and actual implementation in everyday life the knowledge is nothing more than a feather in their hat.  I hope you see what I am trying to point out.  There are many things homeschoolers/unschoolers cannot seem to piece together for a cohesive theory.  They don't want to be questioned or challenged in their decision.  I have always thought that if you don't want to be questioned then maybe you shouldn't question others...just a thought. 

Why is visiting several homeschools necessary and only one public school makes or breaks most decisions to homeschool?  I know homeschoolers who  have only visited one PS and didn't like the swings or the classroom color and made their decision based on that.  What you speak of, in my opinion, is very true of homeschoolers not those who choose a public school.  Yes, my area has fantastic public schools and also a lot of homeschool options and everything in between.  So, when I say something negative it is based on what I see in my own backyard.  As I have said before, most homeschoolers DO NOT have the continual training demanded by the state of public school teachers.  I find this interesting.  I will continue to hold the opinion that although a homeschool environment can be fun and enriching I do not think the carefree environment is beneficial for all kids.  My son absolutely without a doubt thrives on the structure and discipline he receives in his public school.  Some children may not.  My son is very social and loves the interaction a public school provides- some kids are shy and can only identify with others like themselves.  To each his own.  Please don't make assumptions before you have done your homework. 

Being a  homeschooler you are more committed to your children's educational needs?  That is great that you feel such a sense of  superiority to those who choose public school. My husband and I live in a higher end area with terrific public schools which is the main reason we moved here- among others.  Maybe this is our committment to our kids- to live in a low crime neighborhood with sense of community that doesn't exist many places anymore.  My opinion is that although homeschool can be fun, enriching and academic the world and most people are not successful and happy on academics alone.  Things like character, integrity and tolerance are valuable too.   Maybe during your journey of teaching you have forgotten the human side of education.  I will pray that you will re-read this post and see how nasty and discriminatory it has come off.  Not all parents have the luxury to homeschool, myself included.  I work FT  and although I feel I could "get it done" I do not feel the amount of time or the level of structure  is what would benefit my son.  Before you question and assume about other's committments I would enocurage you to have your ducks in a row.  For the record, I also think homeschoolers should have the equivalent education level that teachers have in the PS system that is unfit to teach our young.  Just a thought.