Messages By: baeiouy

hey......well we have one at college. SHe was the easy one to send.....the next one shouldn't be too bad either (except for the cost). But I so worry about sending the boy to colege some day. Maybe it is just him being a boy.....boys seem to make stupid decisions....you know all that testerone and crap. 

But he is young yet....only 13. I just know all the things my duaghter tells me.....scares me. SHe says the boys at school sometimes are less mature then junior high boys.  That's pretty bad. I guess that is why she is single (meaning not dating).  

But hey vowel lady...good to see you! 

oh wow.  nobody said anything about that.  what i was primarily talking about was men who used ONLY porn and who were still very interested in being sexual with there wives. theres lots of men like that out there, ya know!  these men are good men, good husbands, good fathers, good sons and an asset to society.  but there only fault according to some of these wives is there husbands private sextracurricular activities. what your husband did definitely crossed the line! and the fact that he was more interested in porn than in you is a great indicator of a compulsion or addiction.  but from what i read from the archives, some of the womens husbands on this board were good husbands in every other way except this one thing.  and they were all willing to throw 8 10 17 20 years of marriage down the drain because of something so insignificant as porn!  thats the part that amazes me.  that someone can think that there own feelings are so much more important than there spouses feelings or more important than there marriage as a whole.  

in your case, what he did was really out of line.  looking at pictures and videos of naked people having sex is a huge difference from talking to an actual person about sex and getting off on it!  getting off on real people is not right to do, even though some people do this anyways.  i think they do it because they either want to be in control of there own sexuality or doing it makes them feel good sexual feelings that there spouses dont make them feel.  not saying its the other spouses fault for not making them feel that good sexual way either.  just saying that sometimes, even though the person in our life is alot of things that we want in a person...they can't be everything that we want!  i think that whatever characteristic or personality trait that a persons spouse DOESN'T have, especially if its sexually related, then they may go and seek that from another person or source sometime during the marriage.  it doesnt mean that they dont love there spouses if they do this.  its just natural curiosity!  to see or experience what they arent and will probably never experience or feel. being married to ONE person forever and ever isnt an easy thing to do, no matter how much you love that person!  there has to be compromises and realistic expectations instead of controlling another persons actions just to make yourself feel better about them or the marriage. and about your last sentence.  if women have kids just to control there husbands, then they are pitiful excuses for the female species.  children are precious and should be had to be wanted, not to use as a pawn.  hopefully you were only kidding about that.         

but i just gave him some goldfish and some juice while i make dinner and answer some of these posts.  no, i'm in no way ok with my husband cheating on me.  but, your definition of cheating seems to be different from mine.  you consider porn to be cheating, and i dont.  only turning to another PERSON while your married is cheating, not turning to another SOURCE (porn).  and also in my post i said that, they MAY go and seek that from another person or source... MAY.  human sexual curiosity is as natural as breathing.  and to deny your husband or bf that just because YOU feel that its cheating is unfair to HIM.  sure, you get YOUR way by him not looking at it, but what does HE get in return? your undying love and sexual attention?  you can't be everything to him, sorry. but you just can't.  and if hes married or with you for the rest of his life, he has EVERY right to dabble in some sexual curiosity either by porn or magazines or anything else that is media and that doesnt involve a real person in front of him.   

like i said, i dont know exactly what YOU consider to be cheating, but to me, if all my husband is doing is just looking at porn every now and then and still being the wonderful guy that i met and fell in love with, then hes more than able to do that without any grief from me. because sometimes, i'm curious too.  and if sometimes i want to look at an r rated movie with sex scenes in it or soft porn, i would hope that my husband wouldn't try to control what i like doing sometimes just because of how HE felt about it!  but if thats how your relationship is and that makes both of you happy, then good for you.   

to expect your man to never look at another woman naked in his whole lifetime and only look at your body, whatever shape its in, is very unrealistic and almost seemingly possessive.  if men like your husband voluntarily decide to not use porn, then that makes life more enjoyable for you.  but most husbands do NOT voluntarily decide to not use porn....theyre forced into it or convinced into doing it.  THATS what bothers me.   

but at the same time your saying that i'm lashing out at people about what i believe IS permissable, your also lashing out too about what YOU think is NOT permissable!  about what you said >IF i can continue to control the levels in which my man uses or not... < thats my WHOLE point! i DONT control what he does!! my boundaries are deal breakers for me, yes.  and he knows that if he crosses those boundaries, i'm out of there. he knows the difference between porn on a monitor and cybering online or having phone sex.  the problem with you is, you dont give men enough credit!  you act like theyre these big retards with hard ons that just walk around masterbating all day to porn, while cybering or on the phone!   

for those men who DONT know the difference and DO cross those lines, they are obviously in way over there heads.  You classify ALL men as eventually crossing that line just because they use porn. and thats simply not true.  there are husbands out there who are good decent human beings that use porn and dont EVER cross those boundaries. but in spite of that, many women still dont want them using it because theyre scared that there husbands MAY eventually cross that line.  control? yes, its about the control some of these wives have over there husbands sexual curiosity or fantasies. and thats just plain wrong. to ME.  no spouse should dominate the other and have the right to tell them what to look at, what to think, what to feel, what to get sexually turned on to, what to believe, etc.  especially if its a private activity that doesnt cause harm to anyone or disturbing anyone!  

what i think about guys and porn is MY opinion, luvmiman. you dont have to agree with it or anything.  your lifestyle works for you and thats great.  my lifestyle works for me and thats great too. so, instead of lumping everybodys husband in one basket, you should at least consider the possibility that there ARE loving decent guys out there who look at porn and do nothing more than that.   

you wrote "so, to say that a couple watching a porn video in there own bedroom with no one else around is 'hurting' other people or is having fun 'at other peoples expense' isnt true at all.  we all cant save the world and we cant control what happens within society either." 

you know ....saying this is like the person who says "My vote doesn't make a difference."  I hate it when someone says "well what difference does it make ...I am only one person." 

What a cop out!