Without seeing this show, I could offer a million examples if anyone is at a loss for words...I lived this lifestyle from age 9 to 21, married someone just like Dad, and 20 years after that divorce, my daughter is still "expected" by her Father to take the parental High-Road. with her absent Father with his telephone calls twice yearly ( She will NOT)
It is devastating to say the least, how assuming the role of responsibility for an actively addicted parent affects a child. My father was a mess, and my mother gave up. Someone had to keep the house running. I have assumed the role of caretaker since. Waiting and Watching for an addictive parent to "need you" is a horrendous rollercoaster. Living on EggShells, Knowing to expect the worst, "just in case" Trying to prepare for an adult problem at 10? Failure to prevent the parent from messing up again, only leaves the child ( or spouses) with a sense of failure and the understanding that "they should have done something different or assume of course the RESPONSIBILITY for the actions of the parent. ( Of course, that opens an entirely new show possibilit)y. Anticipation for what is needed of you, removed your abiliy to anticipate your OWN needs. Should I go on to school after being up all night? Should I go, or should I wait to see if he wakes up? Should I go away to college and let everything fall apart? College, who had time to think about college; I could balance a check book, pay utilities, contact work places write business letters and telephone contacts and language, but college is impossible for someone so CONSUMED with the needs of others, and in a constant state of recovery from the latest sleepless night or financial embarrassment or well known disaster. It is though you can't stop to address all of the demands of YOUR life, studying, projects, A FUTURE! Who can think of the future when they are trying to SURVIVE today? Terribly unfair.... It took ten years of therapy for me to realize that I had every right to forge my own life. But Children, and Adult Children of Substance Abusers are often "trapped" in the cycle of "needing" to take care of everyone but themselves, it becomes their defining "source of pride". It is very sad, but it made me a very strong woman, a survivor and most capable of limiting the lasting affects of such demands for my own children. It took my own divorce and a lot of counseling to "catch-Up" to my counterparts that were fortunate enough to have parents that had put the needs of their children above their own!
