Messages By: lilliesmommie

You hit on a very good point. I notice that since my husband uses porn a lot, even when we were having sex, the amount of time we actually did it was not very long. 15 minutes or so. Also he was not into foreplay at all which I found very disturbing since he can watch porn for a hour and do it a few times, look for a while, do it again, but when he was with me, no foreplay, and a quickie sort of. Of course he thought it was amazing that I was able to achieve an orgasm so fast which to him meant I was done.....oh well. Yep. Porn didn't dement his mind, nope, not at all!

Being the understanding person I am, I just thought he was squirmish and not experienced so I accepted his lack of say, interest. But what it truly seems now, looking back in hindsight, he likes porn better then real sex, but wants real sex once in a while just to keep the feeling fresh in his mind, and maybe to make him think he is satisfying me and me and being a good husband.

It is really sad that so many men fall victim to the porn world and dont' understand why their sex lives are dwindling to a mere trickle. And it is equally as sad that women are now not only dealing with pressures from working very hard during the day, obtaining careers and degrees, raising families, and they can't even come home and expect a good romp in the hay! Our mindset is so set to quick release it just doesn't seem anyone really wants to take the time to get to know someone intimately, be intimate with them and enjoy the beauty and wonderfulness of the human relationship.

Hope your rest was peaceful. Kimi

How are you today?  I know it is hard, but kids are smart.  Maybe if you can try to see if you can spend quality time with your daughter.   Remember what my Mom told me:  That is why God gave you that Gift of life.  Your Baby... you too will find a reason to carry on, for those babies.  Even if your not happy, they will give all of us a reason go on!   God Bless you and Keep in touch.  Until tomorrow!  Hugs for you... Mary Ann

Everything that began with how we were raised all the way thru what we experience forms us, changes us, and makes us who we become.   All the way back to how our Dad's and Moms spoke to us...to our first kiss...to our first experiences with sex .  So in knowing that....it's fairly unreasonable to just expect anyone, male or female, to understand us completely as individuals...because their opinions and thoughts also come from how they were molded.  The words we speak also have a great impact on those around us.   Bruises disappear, fade and heal....words don't go away or can even be apologized away.    The damage is perminent in many cases.    Sure there is forgiveness....but the memories are still there.    Women see a lot in others, specifically men and they have little "words" to hear when it comes to a man's feelings.....so his ACTIONS often speak loudly about his personality, his deep feelings and his emotions also shine through.....

So also in knowing that......words can mean a lot or a little....but actions of a man means something.  And perhaps this is where the act of seeking sexual gradification elsewhere becomes to damaging to women....specifically those who love these men.   After all.....in the beginning his sexual desires were for her....and then porn comes along and those needs are not so much for her anymore....but she becomes often secondary to what she sees she is NOT for him anymore.   

Understanding that is yes very difficult.   Seeing the actions of a man the woman loves deeply is often telling enough.   Or at least to her it is.  She is an emotional  creature for good reasons.....GOD made her this way in order to keep peace and keep the men from killing their young by being able to explain the nature of children to the "beast"...lol.   Without that loving emotional nature she has.....men do not become healthy men either.    At the same time GOD also created men in a very specific and special way.....and that is determined by no mistake.   It's a balancing act through out life....but God made no mistakes in either of us.  What happened is that we stopped seeing those GIFTS in our partners as GIFTS.....but instead judging them as faults.   

Luv