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Messages By: ellestars

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November 17, 2006, 10:16 am CST

She is 18 now, an adult.

Quote From: tmaun1

 Good question. I had to think.  They met last year when she was17, her junior year, after she tore her acl and had to quit sports for awhile.  He was 20, his own apartment, out of school and due to sports injury did not go to college and has no plans to. He works construction or landscape jobs.  He seems like a nice guy. They bonded over the sports injuries.  She retore her acl 6 months later and all sports seemed to end. ( until this December) With that so did alot of her school activities and more time with this boy.  She would lie and say she was at practice o rwith someone else when she was really with him.  We couldn't  find her for a whole day once and that was when we said it had to end. He has no interest in highschool activities and she had 2 years left and was spending time with his friends and her friends were covering for her or never knew where she was.  We wanted her to have her highschool years and set some goals for the future that do include college.  His statement "you've got your momma's goodlooks and your daddy's money" synched the deal.  She was payingfor a lot of things. She found out  tha the  was seeing other girls on the side.  So that started the breakup.  After the breakup she seemed to get back on track.  Working towards goals and more involved with school and her school friends.  She even had a school"boyfriend" for the past  months and  seemed happy to go to football games, hang out with schoolfriends, her grades improved and she spent  more time with family. She recenly broke off her relationship with the "boyfriend" right after seeing this boy again. Lately she is out late again, not where she says she is,college interest is a battle, home work is not getting done or forgot about andshe has lost interest in after school activities. She does not know that I know.  I found out through slip ups and messages.  She is a bright, popular girl,colleges are interested, coaches want her back and during the schoolday she is very active.  I am beginning not to trust whether she is really studying or with him.  I want her to be part of her high school years and safe.  And even though she is now18 (completely dependent on us), I'm not sure dating a now 21 year old is in her best interest especially when they both know we do no tapprove and she sneaks around to see him.  I also understand that this is her first love and it is hard, but let her have her high school years.  He had his. (For her birthday I just found out he gave her a ring.)
In my opinion (being young), she is eighteen now and an adult. She has the right to date this guy. You should express your concern to her, and if she doesn't agree, she doesn't agree. Don't sit there and push her off the edge of a cliff. If she does agree, than you need to help her move on through it. Don't get her way but staying involved in her life is important.
 
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November 17, 2006, 10:27 am CST

Homeschooled most of my life.

I've been homeschooled since Kindergarten. I was raised in a Christian home, and always did the Christian homeschool work. I didn't care for public school until my 6th and 7th grade year. My parents put me in a part-time public school doing extra curricular work. I took an art class, keyboarding class, and later an english class. While I was there I made only 3 friends out of nearly 100 people. It wasn't because I wasn't social it was because all the kids had already made their social groups and weren't taught to accept other people. The next year I was put in full time and only lasted a semester. Why? I was not only harrassed but lied to, betrayed, and lonely. Being sexually harrassed was difficult. I never thought of myself as pretty, nor did I expose myself to the encouragement from guys. However, everyday I was touched in some way by two different guys. One day I was pushed down onto the sidewalk by a different guy, and thankfully someone ran to my rescue. They pushed the guy away and I was able to get away from him. I never knew why the guys did what they did, but I have a feeling it was because I was socially not prepared to handle the atmosphere. I wasn't used to hear about girls having sex with guys, drinking or taking drugs (in which I watched my 13yr old cousin take everyday at school). I was taken out after only a trimester of school, and now I'm an 11th grader doing wonderfully as a homeschooler. I have numerous amounts of friends (inside and outside of homeschooling) and have my entire future career planned out. However, if it hadn't been for the small amount of public school I wouldn't be as opinionated and strong as I am now. That is all I have to thank for that awful year in school. My point, if you are going to go from homeschooling to public school do it as a 5th grader. 5th grade year is when all the groups are developed, and if you miss that, you miss out.
 
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November 17, 2006, 10:33 am CST

Be aware of...

Most girls do not sit there and look for someone to come abduct them. If a girl is talking to a 'suspicious' person online she is missing something in life. Most girls who talk to unknowns are single, affectionate, and need personal attention from someone (and apparently aren't getting it). If it were my child, I would be monitoring their online use and not allowing them to have their own 'private' accounts until they come of age or when I think they are responsible enough to do so. Children need supervision. However, exposing them to what sex predators can do is important. Talk to them about the dangers and keep them aware of what else they can do.
 
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November 17, 2006, 10:41 am CST

I'm in agreement.

Quote From: funky_diva09

     I am a teen that loves to press the rules. I am one of those "don't test me or I swear I'll do it anyway" types. I have been like that ever since I can remember. It wasn't until I recently was discharged from a treatment facility that I knew why I had pressed all of those issues... it was because that's what I had been taught throughout my entire life that's what I was told to do. I had no boundaries. And then as soon as boundaries were beginning to be set I just wasn't going to have and I began to behave as bad as a two year old in the middle of the store throwing a tantrum. I didn't care what other's thought I either got my way or it was hell for those around me. Part of it was that people always gave in and gave me what I wanted. It was when they started to ignore me when I behaved like that that I saw the monstrous pre teen I was. I mean sure we are all meant to push buttons sometimes, but there are some of us that press way to much and the only way that we are going to learn is if we aren't given into just so that we'll shut up. If we are going to get our way then it should be earned I don't care who we are or how old... things need to be earned in order for it to be worth something.

I've done a lot of stuff because I've been pressured not to. "Don't have sex" "Don't drink" "Don't smoke" Parents put these rules in, but they pressure the child so much to the point we become curious as to why its so horrible. I'm an extremely curious girl and I like to find out things for myself. I don't have sex now. I don't smoke now. Even with the risks, I'll take back drinks. To me, it doesn't matter. I'm old enough to make decisions like that and I'm mature enough to know not to drink TOO much. Sure, its illegal, but what is it honestly going to hurt. That's the way we think, in case anyone needed some insight.
 
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November 17, 2006, 10:46 am CST

Invading privacy?

I've noticed after many people posting that they consistently check their teen's myspace, livejournals, and messengers. I'm sorry but if you seriously don't trust your kids THAT much something is wrong. Stay out of their private stuff.
 

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