Messages By: loulou_22

  Hi I am new and searching for answers!  My son is 22 yrs old and addicted to meth.  He was clean for about 6 months and got a great job started coming around and doing great.  He got around his old friends and him and his gf both started using agai and lost thier jobs.  I already have custody of his 4 yr old son and his gf's parents have custody of the our other grandson which is two.  My son is such a loving person and it kills me to see him go back to this!  I have not heard from him in weeks and am worried sick!  He came to stay with me when he lost his job but I told him he could not stay at my house.  I have a 15 yr old son at home and I don't want him around him.  That sounds terrible but I feel I have no choice.  Now noone has heard from him.  I am wondering if I should have let him stay for a few days.  Maybe he would've reached out to me for help.  It's impossible to even try to get through to him when he is high or coming down.  I don't have the resources to send him to rehab. My finances are drained due to fighting my grandsons mom and step-dad for custody of my grandson(they are also on drugs).  I don't know what to say to my son to help him.  Does anyone have any answers?  Are there any programs for young dads to get clean that don't cost?  I know that is probably wishful thinking but it doesn't hurt to ask.  I love my son so much and i know his boys need him to be a father.  The oldest one is being abused my his step-dad.  he so desparetely needs his daddy to step up to the plate for him!  How do you even get through to him when he is so addicted to that crap?

Recently my husband and daughter were playing around,  nothing out the norm. My husband was resting on his back on the floor, our daughter sat on his chest, something that she does once in awhile, she began to play around with him. She was pretend playing horsy with him. I notice what she was doing but didn't think anything of it, but I thought to my self the position which she was in was inappropriate, so I told her to get off daddy. When she got up off of him I notice that he was slightly erect, not to noticeable but I knew the difference, it puzzled me. I didn't say anything because I was just confused at the time. I notice after that had happened he began to act different, he turned on his stomach for a couple of minutes, then our daughter began to still jump on him. After a while he got of very slowly, I notice he had his hand pressed against his groin area, he quickly walked away to the kitchen then to the restroom. I started to become concerned about this because his demeanor started to change. I was molested as a child so I started to become paranoid about the whole situation. So I was acting like a bodyguard towards my daughter the rest of the night. I did not speak to my husband at all that night. He never spoke to me or asked me why I was acting funny and keeping our daughter away from him, so that brought up more suspicion. I didn't confront my husband until the next day, I told him that I notice him slightly erected when our daughter got off his chest, I was looking him straight in his face and he look very uncomfortable and the embarrassed . I asked him if he was thinking or feeling things and if he could express them to me. In reaction to what I asked him he became extremely defensive and accused me of calling him a pedophile and if I feel that way about him I should leave and raise our daughter on my own. His reaction was shocking to me, he continued to get more defensive and verbally insulting to me by throwing my molestation that happen to me in my face. He then walked out the house and started to say he is moving out. I never expected him to react in such a way. I don't know what to think of this, is my husband becoming a risk to our child?

Okay here goes, I am a 40 something year old man and my girlfriend once my fiance is 30 something and we have some serious problems in our relationship. We both have been using meth for about 3 years now of course we say we are not like other meth users. I feel we are meth addicts she does not. She smokes weed like a fire place I do maybe once a month. She drinks mostly beer maybe a 12 pack a week I really only drink at family functions or once in a great while we might by some chance leave our home to have some fun tossing darts or playing shuffle board. I need some advice here hopefully some insight as to what I do next because to be totally honest I am so lost so confused and I am hurting because of my actions as well hurting because of hers. We have been together almost ten years and before the meth three years ago we were doing pretty good I had some codependent issues that was hurting us. I know the first thing you are saying "WOW" your right let me toss so more logs here. About a year ago we really tried to kick this meth stuff and it went so horribly wrong I became violent and we fought and i hit her. I am being honest it was not everyday or even week but it happen on several occasions. She became withdrawn from me and started talking to someone else. That pissed me even more not a real good thing to do by either of us but it happen. She did have a one night stand with someone about 4 years ago it took alot to get over that but to be honest I do believe her it happened it should not have but drugs mixed with alcohol did not help it. This new relationship she was in was getting serious and when she finally told me about it she says I am done with us. The fighting the yelling the physical abuse made it worse. It came to a head and I found out who he was and called him. I did not yell I did not say stop or else all I said to his voice mail was look I know about you and I want you to know that I love her and he does not know what he is getting into here that we both have some serious problems and he might want to take a real close look at what he is stepping into. I swear that is all I said. He dropped her in less then three hours without even telling her anything other then I called him. So with him gone back to meth and back to us pretending life is grand. It took me a few more months put I started getting help with the codependent side of me. I feeel that is going great I am alot better not perfect but so much better. Of course she says that it does not matter anymore because of all the hurt. She told me she was leaving that was at least 6 months ago she is still here we go weeks everything is great then all of a sudden I do something stupid codepented stupid she cries and says she is leaving then three days later okay again. We are still using meth,smoking weed and her drinking. I am being totally honest I Love this woman with all of my heart she is what everyman wants in his life but so few truly find. I so hate what I did to her with my hands and words. I know if she leaves I am going to need some serious help. One question I really have here is how do I get her to get help? She needs the help as much as I do but she does not think so. She says she can handle her own problems. I keep asking her to come to a session with me but she refuses to admit that her own issues are causing what is happing as well as mine. How do I get her to really open his eyes and see that if she leaves and does not get help then her next relationship will be no better.  I thank yoiu for your time.  If this letter upsets you and makes  no real sense  I am truly sorry.  I need some help plese

Please forgive my spelling....

Okay Well Im only 15 years old and as I sit here and read alot of what most of you guys our writing I begin to see places where I can Help. Well Heres A little bit About me. My parents are no longer together, They got a Divorce when I was 18 month old. My dad has been addictted to cociane for as long as I can remember. He spent most of his and my own life in prison. He was just recently Arrested again in the last past week. My mother who got remarried when i was five and is still currently married to my Step-Father, Who is about the closest thing I have even had to a real Father. As much as we try to cover everything Our Family isnt what anyone should classify as a Family. As my mom says lately were falling apart. My big Brother Sean is leaving to go to Phillie. , because a close friend of his died in a car accident and he is heartbroken. My Mom's Best Friend Grandmother past away this week. My mom feel bad because she isnt with her friend. As well as My close friend Grandfather who I was close with as well pasted away this past week too. My aunt and uncles house in Arkansa burt to the ground. We are barely passing by. Everyone in my house has a job My brother works at the local Old Navy, My mom is a Secritary and working in Retail as well. My stepdad is in constuction or Dry-Wall. He works Side jobs as well to. I dont work because Im having a problem Finding a job at my age. However Im a voluteer tutor at one of my local elementry school. Today is thanksgiving and eveything is falling part. Im listen to everyone fight its like this every holiday I just want the Family we once were. I want to go to where we spent time together and Everyday wasnt a constant fight. On the rare occision that I can even wake up in the morning in the morning with out a fight. Im a sophemore, I have my own problem especially when it comes to school. I seem to let the dumbest things get in my way. Im driving myself crazy, More now then ever. Im striving to get help. Im always the one who covers it all up and is holding everyone else and telling them its okay things will get better because they always do. Lately things are just getting worse. Right now I just need advice because Im out of advice to give to everyone else.    

My 35-year old nephew has once again relapsed.  He has lost his wife and 2-year old son, his job, and is about to be evicted.  His wife told me last night on the phone that he will probably ask me if he can live with me and my husband until he can get into rehab.  Of course, I doubt that he really wants rehab, because he has no faith in the process, and he is cocky enough to think that he can do it on his own.  In addition, he is terribly ashamed of himself and thinks going into rehab would give away his secret to the friends, family, and future employers.   He has had long periods of sobriety, the last one being about 4 years.  But, about a year ago, he began drinking beer again, saying that he could control his addiction now.  His wife told me that during the past two weeks, he has been home very little, and has been using cocaine.  He has been working in a restaurant which is open until 2am, and he said it's a hangout for young people late at night, and that's when the restaurant makes most of its money on alcohol.  Naturally, this is his preferred shift, and he said it was because tips were good.

I have a very long history of helping him, and he has alienated almost everyone in the family to the point that my husband and I are probably the only family members who would even consider helping him again.  I realize that I'm too soft, but the thought of sending him to the streets is intolerable for me at this time.  My husband will go along with my decision to let him move in, even though I know he worries about it being the wrong thing to do. 

The last time he moved in with us was early in 2001, and he had only been sober for about 6 months.   My husband and I told that if would enroll in junior college and work part-time just for pocket money, he didn't have to pay us anything to live here.  Basically, it was totally free to him, as long as he was in school.  He applied for and received Pell grants, and he made excellent grades.  He saved enough to buy a used car, and his life was normal for the first time in many years.  Then, early in 2003, he met an 18-year girl at the restaurant at which he worked (he was 32).  She, too, attended AA meetings for a prescription drug problem she had in high school, and they began dating, against the rules of AA.  But, they ignored the rule.  Soon, they were asked not to attend the meetings together.  So, what did they do---they stopped going all together. 

Now, here comes the part about my being too soft--it wasn't long before he told me some sad story about her being terribly mistreated by her Dad and Stepmother, with whom she had been sent to live by her mother. She had given her mother so much trouble in high school with the drugs, that her mother made her go and live with her Dad, whom she barely knew, because he, too, had been an addict and hadn't been in her life for several years.  She was very unhappy in her Dad's home.  Well, you can guess what happened next.  My nephew asked me if she could move in here, and I said yes.  I had 3 deal breakers: (1) no pregnancy, (2) no abortion, and (3) they both had to go to college and work part time.   Three months later, they announced to me that she was pregnant.  I was very angry with myself and with both of them, and I asked them to move out in December, at the end of the semester.  That month, he got an Associate's degree with all A's.

Their son was born in April, and since then, he has had several jobs and they have lived in the same apartment complex. 

I believe the current relapse began with drinking beer about a year ago.     Now, he is on the brink of losing everything, and it's just a matter of time until he asks me once again if he can live here until he gets on his feet.   Oddly enough, his former restaurant employer has said that he was a great employee, and can get his job back.  His wife and son are going to live with her mother, and he is being evicted in 3 days.   His wife warned him that she would not tolerate his using again, and she is keeping her word.   

My biggest worry is that he will think he has nothing else to lose and will take his own life.  Or, he will start on cocaine again and die of an overdose.  Also, he has stolen from us before, and I'm sure he would do it again if he uses again.

Even though my husband and I can afford to let him live here, I cannot afford drug rehab. 

Anybody out there want to tell me what I should do?

Lantana

I got some really good news in the form of a call from my brother yesterday. He has been in his disease (Alcoholism) for some 25-30 years. It got really bad in the last two years when his wife of 12 years with whom he shares 4 kids had an affair and left him for another man. Well he told me yesterday that he has been going to meetings and has 90 days sober!!!!!!!!!!!

See miracles do happen - My sobriety is proof and my brother is a new but fragile addition to the club.

Peace and namast

Mischif