Messages By: tlc2225

Yes, our school has a zero tolerance policy so I am familiar with this.  But just as with adults in real life, just because laws exist that doesn't mean people will follow them.  My son has been told this as far as bullies and what not:

1) Tell the teacher.  They can't fix anything if they don't know about it. 

2) If the teacher does nothing (which is rare) then you first walk away.  If they come at you physically (which is also rare) then you have free reign to defend yourself in any way necessary. 

3) I will support my son if and only if he follows the steps- tell the teacher,and walk away.  If that doesn't work, then he has a right to defend himself.  If he's suspended, I will support him.  If he's reprimanded, I will support him.  I have never heard of no field trips....that is isolated. 

I have a few questions for you now.  Why is it that this boy seems to do things to your son repeatedly and the teacher doesn't notice?  Most teachers are pretty "hip" to the bullies and try hard to keep an eye on them. 

Next, why did you tell him to call you instead of working within school rules?  I don't know the age of your son but cell phones are not usually allowed on school grounds. 

Last, what happed when he ignored them?  Did he walk away?  I'm curious because my son will verbally confront the bully- not in a disrepectful way but assertive.  Why can't your son do this?

Yes, I could work harder to pay for private school but I have no issue with public school.  Private school is not out of our realm however I don't believe in private school just as I don't choose homeschooling.  Also, since I only use public school does that mean that MY tax dollars only should go to public school services?  I think so.  I don't use welfare but they sure use my and my husband's tax dollars.  I pay into taxes for things like charter schools that I don't use.  I would LOVE it if my tax dollars only went to the services that I use.  That would be great.  I can't afford to stay home and homeschool so I choose the best public schools I can.  How is that taking advantage of the government? From what I see, most HS families are one income therefore I would be willing to say most women on this board don't pay into the system since they are not working.  I believe , with all due respect, people shoudl really only talk about what they actually know about.  Yes, all children have a right to a good education regardless but schools everywhere are not equal.   I am grateful for the area I am in and the schools we have.  The notion that my family has endless money is way off.  I just get tired of hearing about one income families who struggle and sacrifice when in reality a lot of other families struggle as well- even those with two incomes.  I am in no way naive about the real world- I just don't believe in hand outs for those who don't want to work.  I work, I pay into the system therefore I use the services that I pay for.  What I was referring to about people abusing the system are those who ARE NOT PAYING INTO IT!!!!!  I pay for services that I use and then some.  Do you? 

Good morning All!  Hope everyone had a great Christmas...I know we did. 

As for wealthy people, who determines that?  I think there are a lot of misconceptions about what is wealthy in our country. The point I was trying to make is that people who need welfare in addtion to their income is one thing.  People who don't work and will never work and take from the system for years and years I have an issue with.  Those are also the same families who look down at my husband and I for working and using daycare for the kids.  Again , in my area there are very few of those- one of the many reasons I love living here.  My husband and I are very blessed to live where we do but we also work for it as well.  All in all, no, I think wealthy people don't mind paying for education if they didn't have to pay for everything else- health care, housing etc.  Wouldn't it be great if we could all work hard and provide for the families we've chosen to have?

Yes, as with any public system there are flaws in the public school arena.  However, they are minor compared to the flaws I see with homeschooling and unschooling.  Since I am not as involved with "the system" as most I do no see a lot that goes on.  The biggest problem (according to my teacher friends) with the system is the parents, not the kids.  My son, in particular, tests about 2 grade levels above where he is at.  There is really no extra  work the teacher can give him other than what she is already giving him.  It would be nice if the school system could accommodate every little whim and mood he has but you know what?  I don't think that helps him in any way.  I think one of the major problems we have with kids today is they feel entitled and cannot seem to grow up and be independent.  So many lack people skills well into adulthood and most do not have the first clue how to function without Mommy and Daddy to bail them out.  I see this in a lot of adults I know now.  In public school, they learn to be part of a group, wait their turn, deal with conflict, and be an individual in the face of a crowd.  In my opinion, these are positive things which (I feel) do not exist within the realm of homeschooling.  We have no safety issues with our school and no other big complaints.  Again, we live in a nicer area so these things are not uncommon.  In fact, I wonder about a family who doesn't choose public school for safety issues and still lives in that area.  Just a thought. 

Yes the law allows for self defense without penalty, however, you have to prove there was no other option to resolve the problem.  This is not usually the case with bullies.  My son's incidents were remote and have not happened since.  Not sure why the bullies in your area continue but who knows.  Many times the label of "bully" is given and that is also a problem.  Some kids will push bullies knowing they will get the blame due to the label. 

My son has effectively dealt with his situations without needing to call me.  If you are so concerned about this, why aren't you at the school?  I believe from your post there are many things that you could do to try and stop this problem.  Yes, this is not a good thing but I think there are other factors here that you are not sharing with me.  Also, a "step" is confronting the bully with assertiveness.  This is not easy but many times will help the situation.  Good luck!

I do not not just ignore posts...I am very busy with the Holiday season, two kids, a full time job and family that is visiting.  Since you most likely do not celebrate this Holiday maybe you don't understand that my time is better spent elsewhere than on the computer.

I never implied that those who poor are not hard workers.  So, where you get that I don't know.  Every single person (men and women) who get some type of welfare in some form are usually not working or not working full time.  They really don't stick with one job too long because the system will always be there so there is no incentive to move forward to get off assistance.  Life is tough and providing entirely for your family can be tough, too.  This is why I have always worked and dealt with the comments and judgement of being a working Mom who uses daycare.  I could stay home and collect state medical insurance and say it's because my hubby pays into so therefore I'm just taking my share.  I want more than that for my family.  There are many things my hubby and I can't afford even with two incomes.  We'd like a bigger house, with a yard.  We'd like a newer car that needs less repair.  We'd like to have more in savings and more put away for retirement.   However, we realize what we have and are grateful so we continue working towards a better life for our family.  WORKING is the key. 

"but the kids who are on welfare didn't choose it and they do deserve to eat and have shelter "

I agree witih this 100%...and shouldn't the people who bring them into the world do this?  There is no end (inlcuding prostitution) that I wouldn't go to in providing for my kids.  Welfare is the bottom of the list.  I think many people have kids and know the system is there so they don't take the responsibility too serious.  Yes, things happen and we make poor choices.  However, is that something the state/county/governement should have to deal with and pay for in the years to come?  I also believe in helping those less fortunate...I don't believe in hand outs for those who feel entitled. 

"YOU benefit from an educated society. "

I also agree with this.  We ALL benefit from an educated society.  However, just because someone is "smart" doesn't mean they can/will be independent and self sufficient in adulthood.  There are many factors beyond education (and in spite of it as well) that determine whether or not a person is successful. 

First off, I would pretty much bet that my household having two incomes pays more taxes than a single income house.  That's just basic math.  If you yourself don't earn a check or any type of income that is taxed the taxes paid by your house are simply propetry taxes and  whatever else you buy assuming your state has sales tax.  However, with two incomes to tax there is more going into the system.  At this point, if I stopped working, there are many things my family would not be eligible for even though we have paid in for many many years.  If my husband got hurt and needed surgery (which he does the end of Jan.) we have to save the $$ before he can go under the knife. 

Investing, as you pointed out, is not a guarantee of more money to be returned.  I prefer to "spend" my money in a more secure manner.  Whether it be gambling or poor investing, to me, I don't have money at this point to lose. 

Last, to address yoru point about me being proud.  Yes, pride is a sin and that is something I am working on with God.  I can bet since you are not in His kingdom just yet you have a few sins going on in your own life.  I asked my hubby just now about being proud and I guess my word choice wasn't 100% accurate.  (BTW, since you are very concerned with perfection I will do my best) My feeling about our situation is this:  I am truly gratefeul to God for all He has provided.  I know it can be much worse as my hubby and I have both struggled in the past.  We have two great kids - one of who attends a public school and is excelling.   I get irritated when people bash the public school system as I have many dear friends who have dedicated their lives to teaching and are doing a great job.  Not all families should homeschool and unschooling (to me) is not anything I understand or see as effective.  I work hard to provide for my kids- never have taken a dime of welfare although I have paid in (without choice) for all my working life.  People do not appreciate what I do for my kids but in part the ones who don't see it don't really matter.  Meaning, they are not part of my life and since they are not here they cannot fathom what I do for my family.  I'm not sure where you stand on th is subject but I can see we disagree and that is fine.  You don't live my life and I certainly don't live yours.  However, when ANY family is dependent on public assistance for the survival of their family, they should be grateful to those who make that $$ available for them  and not look down on those who in essence are providing things they cannot- for whatever reason.  I know if things were different for my family, I would be grateful for ANY help that came our way regardless of the package. 

First, let me just say my puter is acting up so my posts are not doing what they should. 

The "looking down" on me is real.  I will give you a personal example.  My hubby has a friend he works with whose wife does this.  The first time I met her was July 4th and she asked me a strange question.  I had just had my second child in April and both of my kids were already in FT daycare as I was back at work.  She asked me how I liked having two  instead of one and how I was adjusting.  I explained the trials of getting two ready in the AM instead of one and things like that. She dropped what she was doing and asked "Are you back at work?  Well....you're only working part time, right?" and so on.  Realizing I'm in her house I politely explained I work FT and use daycare.  She tells me "How do you just leave them with some stranger?  I could never.  I have abused the system for years ..." From then on, she has given me tips on how I can do the same to stay home.  Conversely, we have a common friend who she treats the same way.  Also, many who take from the system to stay home feel they are taking what's owed to them and they are doing better by their kids than myself using daycare.  I don't share that opinion.  Yes, the judgment is real and very prevalent.  For years, I have dealt with comments about daycare- mostly from at home Moms and those receiving welfare.  So, in my personal experience, I do not have a very positive opinon of either group.  I do know many Moms who stay home and do a great job-  my area the norm is to stay home.  However, to put down someone else for their choice is wrong- no matter if it's schooling or otherwsie.  I do not choose private, homeschool or unschool for many reasons.  I'm sorry if those reasons offend people.  I don't agree with all the reasons people choose to homeschool or unschool or use private.  Again, if my disagreement if offensive, so be it.  Many people have posted the negatives they feel exist in our public school system over and over.  However, I don't see many doing much to change the flaws but merely running from them.  This is also not an attitude I have with anything in life. 

I never said that my dual income house generates more income dollar for dollar.  I simply was making a general point about taxes.  Most dual income families are taxed more heavily regardless of the amount of income.  This is a fact.  It is fortunate that you have a "charmed life" by your own admission yet not all single income families are so lucky.  The amount of lamenting that goes one about sacrifice by a single income family just irks me.  My main point was we pay into our school sysytem in the way of taxes for two incomes and property taxes entitles me (so to speak) to use the public school system.  Another poster accused me of abusing the system and I was simply defending myself.  Abuse of the system (to me) would be one who doesn't pay in by way of income and uses welfare to support their family.  Sorry you missed my point. 

The "benefits" for stay at home Moms I have posted before.  First, quite a few stores and restaurants in my area give discounts during the week- $10 haircuts Tuesdays from 9-10, extra 10% on Wednesdays...stuff like that.  A working parent cannot utilize any of that.  Also, the community colleges who host child activities (and sometimes the Y) give discounts to Moms for their involvement based on days they attend.  Most are weekday mornings.  Utility companies (mainly for low income) give up to 20% on the bill if you qualify.  Of course, some are based on income which for you is not an issue.  Also, if you worked at a paying job outiside the home there are extra exspenses- gas, pantyhose, etc.  And your check or your husbands check would be taxed more heavily.  There are of course the other benefits that at home Moms claim every day- perfect children and 100% bonding and commitment to family.  I have no problem with a single income family getting an equivalent tax break to daycare one but again proof is needed.  We produce receipts and tax payer ID's.  If the single income family had to prove these things I wonder how many would feel OK with that.  I have also said that if at home Moms receive $$ from the gov't to stay home then now the gov't should have a check/balance system in place to protect the investment- just as at my job I have annual reviews.  Some may not like the gov't checking on them and so forth.  Just a thought. 

Yes, I agree 100 % that some are doing a great job of homeschooling as well.  I have a good friend who chose this route and doing great.  But to hear about how those kids will hire my kids...it just kills me.  I don't know how any parent when their kids are so young can guarantee that because of schooling they will be successful.  I also believe that you are a good candidate to homeschool- you have credentials/experience- many do not and I have issue with that.  All in all, we make choices that we feel best for our family.  I chose to work and not live in poverty or off the back's of others via welfare or my parents.  I am grateful we have created our almost debt free life.  That for us is important.  We are not dependent on others to pay for our life.  Yes, we have gotten into financial trouble and God forbid my hubby could get hurt at work and things would change.  For now, we are happy and you are right....I don't need a validation for using public school just some respect for making a good choice for my kids.