Messages By: billfromca

Although I am 35 years old, and have what most people would think is a "cool job", working for a minor league baseball team I must admit, I am not quite happy. I do OK on the job front, I guess (albeit for little money) but socially, I am definitely not where I would like to be, and I trace that to my curretn situation today.

On your show about schooling options that aired on November 24, I heard many people mention that public schools are advanatageous in that they help kids socially, help them make freinds, help them belong, help the find out wat their interests are, etc.

I guess for a good bit of my public education, I was always the one that "never fit in." I am over six feet tall, and it seems I must have been at that height through my high school years. I grew so quickly, that it seemed I hovered over everyone, and my coordination couldn't keep up. I have always har trouble with things like art, writing, dancing, etc. I still always remember feeling like a failure when it came time to work on an art project, or home ech (sewing, cutting, etc.). While other students seemed to find their niche is something, I seemed to have trouble with everything from music, to math. I stopped trying to find activities to participate in as it seemed I failed in just abouth everything I tried.

This certainly was noticeable with my peers, and teachers. I remember in one of my high school health classes the teacher used me as an example of what happens when someone grows so quickly that their coordiantion can't keep up with it. Needless, to say, this was not real good for my self esteem.

I think I learned many of my tratis back than, as it often seems I was scared to intearact with others, for the fear of being picked on, or bullied. Many  times my choice at lunch was to either sit by myself, or sit with others and be picked on. More often than not, when I tried to socialize, the ladder hapened.

I had the toughest time asking a girl out, because when I did, I usually knew what the answer would be. I thought this would change once I went to college, and it got a little better, but still, I could tell girls thought I seemed a little nervous, and maybe unsure of myself.

Although I am a grown man now, and have a job that does interaact with people, I honestly feel how I am today has a good deal to duw with my public school expereince many years ago. I never really had a group of freinds I could hang out with, confide in, talk with, go to high school games with, and all of those things. This makes it extremenly difficult in trying to develop those skills today, in trying to aquire new social relationships. While many other people my age are married and may even have grand kids now (in some cases,  marriedfor the thid time - not that it is a good thing), I have not even been close to having a long term, meaningful relationship with a female.

Maybe home schooling would not have been the answer for me. I guess I will never know. I guess public school did teach me what a cruel, hard, tough world we live in, but I am not sure that was the intention.