Messages By: carynp64

 Oh Honey!  Please be kinder to yourself and your poor little body.  You should not need this man in order to survive physically or emotionally.  You have to seriously consider why your sense of worth depends on this man.  It is not healthy.  What else is important to you?  Did you have low self esteem going into this relationship and think that you had to have your husband in order to validate you?  If there is nothing else about you that merits your existence then work on that first. 

My marriage has survived this very thing.  There are two important differences in my marriage though.  First, my husband really understood what he had done to me.  He got it and he didn't tell me to just get over it after six months.  Your husband needs to understand that sometimes it takes years to earn trust again after infidelity.  It took me years to trust again, but I can honestly say that I do.  My husband's affair was ten years ago though.  And while you are right it will never be the same again, that doesn't mean that it cannot be great.  The other important difference was that I knew I could survive with or without him because there was more to me than just my value as his wife and the mother of our children.

Finally, once you think that he gets it, and you are certain that you can survive without him, then you can make the decision to move on.  Yes you can.  It has only been four months for you and I can promise you that it will not always be this painful.  Remember to breathe deeply.  You can decide to forgive him and do so even when you don't feel forgiving.  You must stop obsessing over his affair and spending all of your time and energy dwelling on all of the dirty little details.  You will never be able to recover if you continue this and this only drags you through this pain over and over again. You cannot dwell on it enough to ever be able to understand what he did.  He was just immature, selfish and lacked impulse control-(see this was not about you and it wasn't about the other woman)  He can overcome these shortcomings given time and patience if he puts forth the effort.  You will survive this too Dear so please give yourself a break and treat yourself more kindly.    I am pulling for you and I believe that you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

The reality is that anyone between the ages of 10-14 can easily lose weight unless they have a medical condition that prevents it.  Taking off a great deal of weight in your 30's, 40's, or 50's is entirely a different matter.  You are however right to say that you must be 100% commited to the process.  You are incorrect to say that all weight gain is self -induced.  People become over weight for a variety of psychological, emotional, and physiological reasons beyond their control.    While your message certainly has some merit, your delivery does not.  Referring to anyone as "you people" is condescending.   Using the word 'damn'  repeatedly in one post shows a lack of imagination and a limited vocabulary.    You should try researching interpersonal skills, vocabulary and tact next.   It is such a shame to wrap ignorance and intolerance in a beautiful package.