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Messages By: draven

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November 30, 2006, 10:47 am PST

Kudos to you for saying this!

Quote From: cate45

Dr. Phil,

 

How can you put so much time and effort into Sarah, her drug addiction and the mental and physical problems that go along with it with Tecoa in the house with her???? Tecoa admittedly took heroin while she was pregnant so she has no real concern for her baby and you have her in a house with Sarah, when Sarah is 'trying' to get straght? It seems to me tnat you have an explosive group over there in that house! I have no experience with herion, but know a few people that do and one of the people told me is to never believe an addict when they are trying to get 'cool'. NEVER! Good luck, Dr. Phil, with this one ... I wouldn't trade places with you for love nor money! And if it is worth it, good luck to Sarah and Tecoa with the monkey on their back! I think this one needs a check in a year to see whats up! ALSO, I would like to know about the biological father. That might shed some light on the whole situation.

 

God bless and good luck!

 

Cathy from Ohio

I couldn't have said it better myself.  Someone who would endanger their own child by taking drugs while pregnant obviously has SERIOUS issues of her own, and she has shown she will harm her own flesh and blood without a second thought.  They need to get her AWAY from Sarah, if Sarah is to have any chance of overcoming this horrible addiction.
 
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November 30, 2006, 11:16 am PST

I agree entirely!

Quote From: dancemom2

   I cannot explain to you how heartwrenching it was to watch these girls.  However, I was furious with the self-centeredness of Tacoa. We have been fostering drug babies for 8 years.  Three years ago we adopted a baby boy whose mother chose to do cocaine, heroine and drink throughout her pregnancy seeking absolutely no prenatal care.  Our baby was born at 27 weeks and spent 4 months in the hospital.  We took him home from the hospital and spent the first 2 years of his life dealing with breathing issues, feeding issues, physical therapy etc.  He's since been diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome.  I can't explain the daily battles we face because his mom chose her drinking and drugs over her baby.  While I hope these girls get their act together I can't help but feel anyone who abuses her child , even before birth, should face legal ramifications!

Tecoa's self-centeredness infuriated me as well...actually that's an understatement!  Anyone who would endanger the life of their unborn child like that has just really fried their soul away, in my opinion.  It's just horrible.  I too adopted a child whose mother did hard drugs while he was in her womb....he was born prematurely and had to be detoxed at birth.  Luckily for us, so far the only lasting signs of damage he displays are that he is small for his age and is a bit hyperactive. 

 

I agree with you, of course, that people like Tecoa should have to face legal ramifications for child abuse.  She can blame her choices on her childhood, her parents, the drugs, whatever--but ultimately the choice to endanger the life of her unborn child was no one's but HERS--and  ultimately she comes across to me as being a totally selfish girl who cares for no one but herself.

 
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November 30, 2006, 11:45 am PST

calling it like i see it

Quote From: opionatedlady

why do you think these 2 girls are on the show? For help that is why. If they came in all Polly pure bread would there be an issue at hand? No. They came for help. These 2 girls came on this show willing and that  alone means they have made the first step toward their recovery. So yes they have issues and so does everyone in  one way shape or form. I COMMEND TECOA TODAY, for getting help and not staying out there. She could have chosen to continue to use daily. I say Tecoa made her mistakes and she will live with them  but her  choice today is reaching out so Commend her FOR THE WORK OF TODAY.  Insults never work. Encouragement is the way. I would love to see DR Phil get her into acupuncture  or smoking sensation TO QUIT SMOKING. Focus on today not what they did yesterday. They will beat them selves up enough believe me.
i wasn't insulting Tecoa, but merely pointing out the truth of the matter--which is that she has made some SERIOUS mistakes, which, in spite of her efforts to get clean (which i do commend her for), may have permanently damaged the health of her unborn child.   For that, I believe she should be held accountable.  It IS good that she is seeking help now, but that does NOT negate the damage she may already done to that unborn infant and i'm not going to pat someone like her on the back and say congrats just yet.  I think she needs to get her own life together before being put in a position where she is expected to get her sister clean, when she herself is hardly clean and still has issues enough to do heroin while six months pregnant!  someone who is that mixed up at this point in time should not be around Sarah.  i hope her efforts to get herself clean pay off, but that may never be enough for the baby she is carrying.  and that is what is horrible.
 
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November 30, 2006, 12:26 pm PST

fresh start

i believe both of these girls deserve a fresh start...anyone has the capability of turning his/her life around.  however, i also believe that a BIG part of making a truly fresh start entails accepting responsibility for one's past actions, especially the actions which have endangered the lives of others.  (There are, I believe, THOUSANDS of people in jail for committing crimes who have, since going behind bars, become "born again" and what-have-you--and I admire those who are able to do that--however--we don't let those same folks out of jail right away after they claim to have changed!  they STILL have to continue making penance for what they did in the past in order for society to gain their trust back.)  Some remorse for the girls' past actions has to be shown outwardly in order for the outside world to take their recovery efforts with any seriousness.  As of yet, I've not heard Tecoa show any remorse for what she has done to her unborn child.  Perhaps once some time has passed she will be able to do so. 

 

I DO have hope for the future of these girls, but that hope does not automatically erase all the damage they have done through their past actions.  A soon-to-be born infant may suffer permanent mental and physical damages due to Tecoa's actions in particular and I would like to see her show some sincere remorse for that is all.

 
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December 1, 2006, 7:03 am PST

i agree!

Quote From: viewerinsc

These are such beautiful young girls.  It breaks my heart to see them in this shape.  I truly hope they are able to break this addiction and Dr. Phil and his staff can get them some real help.  The photos of them when they were young were so gorgeous and to see what the drugs have done to them physically and mentally is hard to watch.

 

This mother is too passive.  She has not been a good role model for these girls.  The part about the father not being in their life as a major reason for their demise isn't a good enough reason to me for this.  I know we all deal with pain differently.........but I will not let another person's actions destroy my life that I value.  Maybe that is the problem, noone ever taught them they were worth something.  I grew up fatherless and it has done the opposite for me.  It has made me strong and determined. 

 

I hold to that saying: When life gives you lemons.....

 

I realized that God has a plan for us all.  I hope they realize they are in God's plan.  Sometimes he puts us on a path for a reason that we cannot see at the time.  God is my Father, he will never desert me...or these twins. 

 

I will keep praying for these girls and their mother.  I hope their family finds the strength it needs.  When you find yourself down and desperate...the best place is your knees.

 

 

just wanted to say i agree with you entirely!
 
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December 1, 2006, 7:11 am PST

11/27 The Dr. Phil House: Heroin Twins, The Intervention, Part 2

Quote From: christarocks

this is so extremely sad! That baby should be taken from tacoa, if not i feel very sad that child didn't deserve a mother like that and getting clean or gotten clean she still did herion while pregnant and she should be put in jail for child abuse. I have family members that remind me of them and everybody chooses their route in life! no one made them be crack whores. for normal people though theres a line you don't cross which includes being a prostitute anyone as a normal person wouldn't be able to rationalize that so maybe the drugs have really fried there brains. Poor mother what the hell did she miss????

according to the website, Tacoa is going to give up the baby for adoption.  I'm not sure if she is being forced to do this or if it is her own choice, but either way, thank heavens for that baby!  he/she certainly deserves much better.  i also agree that Tacoa should have to face some legal ramifications for child abuse.  i recently heard that North Carolina is trying to pass a law that pregnant mothers who are arrested for drug abuse more than twice will be forced to be "sterilized" to prevent further child abuse.  i believe this is definitely a step in the right direction! 
 
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December 1, 2006, 8:33 am PST

thanks for sharing about methadone!

Quote From: nikhoma24

I was an oxycontin, heroin addict for 4 yrs and have now been clean for 3. I'm currently in a methadone program and have been tapering for about a yr. The reason that most people have negative opinions about methadone, and refer to it as a 'crutch' is because they're uneducated on methadone. Methadone and the counseling required while in such a program is much more than a crutch. It saved my life as well as my child's life. I was 3 months pregnant and using opiates every day when the first person suggested methadone and I laughed at them and had similar opinions until I was educated. I started the program when I was 5 months along (I would definetely suggest doing it much sooner!!) and thanks to methadone I have a healthy 3 yr old little boy who is perfect in every way and he has a healthy mom and everything he could ever ask for, most of all, my love and attention. I honestly believe that without methadone, I would have miscarried or lost my child to the state. I think that in making statements such as "methadone is just a crutch" you are discouraging people who  could better themselves and their lives. I don't think that you should make such comments without being properly educated on what you're speaking about. Methadone actually assists in repairing damaged brain cells caused by drug abuse. It is a proven fact that addicts nearly double their chances of remaining clean with a methadone program than without. I speak from first hand experience. I went from a junkie who lived in a car, stole anything that wasn't glued down, lied to everyone I knew (including myself) and refused to talk to my family to a loving mother and wife who works with children and families with disabilities and who only gets high on life. Thank you methadone, thank you family for your support, and most of all thank you God for not judging and always  believing in second chances. And to the person who called methadone a crutch, please educate yourself.

 

thank you for sharing this information.  i have a relative who is currently in a methadone program and it has helped her turn her life around entirely.  she too, was living on the streets out of her car when she was at her worst....and now she has been clean for over two years, is a responsible parent who holds down a full time job.  i don't think she could have made that transition without methadone.  she is also gradually tapering off it and learning to live a happy, sober life.  i believe if one is properly educated about methadone and uses it combined with counseling and talk therapy, that it can become a BRIDGE to a better life for a former addict, and NOT a crutch. 
 
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December 1, 2006, 8:38 am PST

heart

Quote From: jollyjazz

I had a dear friend (and I pray she is still alive today!) who was doing a LOT of cocaine during her pregnancy.  She wanted help so she went to a support group.  I think she was about six months pregnant, and instead of these other women supporting her, they judged her.  They did nothing but insult her and yell at her.  I wish I had gone with her because I was so very proud that she had taken that first step.  Unfortunately, the place she thought would be safe and supportive was exactly the opposite, and I would have given each and every one of those women a piece of my mind.  When somebody is out there, desperate for whatever help they can get, they should not be judged.  They should be accepted with open arms, especially when the the place they go to for help is specifically a support group designed for people with the same problem.

 

Needless to say, my friend never went back.  She continued to do drugs throughout her pregnancies.  The last I knew she had had at least 7 abortions and 3 children.  I haven't heard from her for about 11 years.  I can only pray that she and her children are okay and have received the help that they all need.  Please try to keep an open mind.  Addicts find it very difficult to even accept that they are addicts, much less going out on their own to find a support group to help them recover.  So let's all try to give these girls a little credit.  They are at the house; they are attempting to get clean.  If I could, I'd fly out there and sit up all night just to hold Sarah while she trembles and cries, just so that she can know that people care about her and want her to succeed.  Have a heart!!!

my heart goes out to Tecoa's unborn infant.  i hope and pray for his/her health and safety.
 
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December 4, 2006, 7:15 am PST

thank you for sharing this

Quote From: jonsmomkk

My heart goes out to the unborn child that the one twin is carrying.  It saddens and angers me that she should be allowed to harm that baby as she is doing.  This child will no doubt be born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and drug addiction.  Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and Fetal Alcohol Effect (FAE) are the ONLY birth defects that can be totally prevented.  My husband and I have done a lot of research on the subject while we were taking classes to prepare us for High Risk foster care. 

My husband and I adopted the first high risk child that we cared for.  He came to us at 5 months old with FAS and drug addiction.  We were told that he had FAS but really didn't know how involved he actually was.  He is autistic, ADHD, has mild CP, microcephally, brain atrophy, left side hemiperisis, dysphagia, g-tube, apraxia, and global developmental delays with his speech being the most affected. (This is only a partial list)  He is 17yrs old now and functions at approximately 3-4 yrs of age.

Our son has many problems, is on several medications to help him control his behaviors and aggressions.   He will never be able to care for himself and with his aggressions and strength, his dad and I won't be able to keep him with us for long.   We have never had respite care for him and he has been with us except for his hospitalizations.  (we do have 3 older boys who have helped out when they could) I am out of my mind with worry over where he will live or who will care for him when we no longer can.  Anyone could take advantage of him and he wouldn't understand. 

Just thinking of the life that poor baby might live just breaks my heart.  I wish there were some way to make these girls care about what they are doing to their unborn children.  I can only pray.

 

    

i posted earlier about how much it also breaks my heart to see the abuse that Tecoa is putting on her unborn infant....i adopted a son who was born addicted to opiates.  he was premature and had to go through detox at birth.  luckily, the only lasting effects from it that we can observe so far are that he is small for his age and is quite hyperactive.  however, it could have been much worse and so when i hear stories like this one, i get very angry at "mothers" like this who abuse their children before they are even born! 

 

thank you for sharing your story.  maybe Tecoa will read it and it will hit home and help to wake her up.  at least, i pray that it does!

 
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December 4, 2006, 9:45 am PST

maybe, maybe not!

Quote From: lwoelfel

Dr. Phil,

 

Please arrange a 3D ultrasound for Tacoa to give her a sense of reality about the baby.  I had one done when I was pregnant with my child and it made real that fact that I had a baby growing in my womb.  For a woman going through the first pregnancy, it can be a little surreal.  Having a 3D ultrasound allowed me to see the face of my unborn child (and he actually looked exactly like the ultrasound when he was born). 

 

I think this may help Tacoa in her decision making (to drink or not to drink, to do heroin or not to do heroin, maybe even to smoke or not to smoke) if she can put a face with the bulge in her belly. 

 

Thanks for the shows.  I learn so much!

i read on the website though, under Tecoa's profile, that this is NOT Tecoa's first pregnancy.  she has a son from before who the biological father has custody of now, b/c she abandoned him after he was born to go back on the streets and back to a life of drug use.  and now, in her second pregnancy, she is drinking, smoking, and has done heroin at six months along.  i want to have hope for her, too, but i am starting to wonder if she cares at all about this baby, since she is giving it up for adoption, maybe she simply doesn't care how he/she turns out after birth, since she won't be responsible for him.  i hope that isn't the case, but all the evidence seems to indicate this. also, i saw on the webcam for part three, that Cindy (her mother) begged her to stop smoking until the baby was born.  Tecoa flatly refused and said she could not promise that.  and then she LAUGHED when her mother became angry with her.  she LAUGHED, as though her mother's concern for the health of her baby was some sort of joke.  what kind of a person would do that?  i have to wonder about this girl's morals.  i have hope that she learn to live drug free, but still, she comes across as being ENTIRELY self-centered to me.  and that is so sad for that infant she is carrying.
 

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