Messages By: tammy_anne

Hello all, I have been pondering what was said and suggested by Dr.Phil to the teacher that is laying charges against students that used Myspace in an attempt to anonomously attack the assistent principle of their school.

The teacher spoke about one way she would use the money, that she may recieve, to fund educating young people about the wrongs that these youngsters commited against her person. Uh Dr.Phil just Educated a heck of a lot more young people in one show, than any paltry sum she may recieve from the courts can.

Also, it is my opinion that trying to get a monetary restitution really really detracts from the primary issue, in this particular case. What I am trying to say is from my perspective, it seems to me the money is the issue not the crime. I truely do believe that Doctor Phil was trying to come up with an appropriate solution to the problem.

Truely throwing money at a problem has never been known to fix it. Attempting to gain accountability through monetary means is folly, it sends a message you can hurt people, just have the money to throw at them and they will go away. Seriously this scared the bee jees outa me! There is a better way, and Doctor Phil and some previous posters has mentioned some great ones.

Furthermore, Dr.Phil did touch on the cognative development of youth, and this woman conceded she was aware the stages of cognative development. These youths will realize the full magnatude of what they have done as they get older, and as each year passes their sense of remorse, and regret will change. I don't belive that this event in their lives will be forgotten but will be reflected on many many times as they grow older,and it will not be a event remembered with fondness I am sure.

What they did was dreadfully wrong, but I can not reconcile myself to believe that making them pay for the rest of their lives with a felony charge is fair or just. I say with sincerity if it is money that you wish you should speak to the parents about settling this out of court. Because Two wrongs never ever make a right. As for educating Dr. Phil was so right when he said let the youths speak publicy of the shameful act and consequences in its entirety.

As for living in fear for the rest of your life, all people have fears real and imagined, but more often than not we don't stop living life because of it, rather most face it and realize that the phantoms causing us to flee in terror were of our own making, and the real fears we hopefully face head on and show Fear, that Fear has nothing to Fear But ME! haha

Thank you for all who have shared their thoughs and feelings and allowing me to share mine.

Thank you for showing her skirt, because for the life of me I couldnt remember what she was wearing. (laughing to myself at the moment)

I dont see anything wrong with the way she is dressed. Honestly, if she came out in sequins and spandex, yes I would have to say I would doubt the apporpriatness of her attire, due to the fact of were she was at the moment. But she didn't as we can all see by the poster graciously posting a picture for us.

Perhaps, her fashion sense is similar to mine, no sense, (laugh) however, she appers to me to be a young woman, wearing woman's clothing.

You know that suggestion really does have merit! It would sure be a bitter pill to swallow, but they say that medicine thats tasts bad for you really works. I do belive that there are many viable and workable solutions that can fully and unequivocaly bring these youth to accountability. While at the same time teaching them to empathize is brilliant, empathy is a learned skill so lets get teaching.

I also belive that the parents have to be participants in the process as well not just bystanders. To reiterate what I said before I dont belive putting these youth in the criminal system is a solution, nor is throwing money at the crime viable.

That was a very good story, thank you for sharing. As for figuring out the moral of the story, I am quite sure I would be the one being judged' not doing the judging. Sometimes we just have to put on our bravest face, and grab our strongest supporter at the end of the day, and just know that in the end all that really matters is I am not a  mistake.

However, for this young woman to be judged on her apparel is ridiculous, and as such I made light of it as it really was a ridiculous statement to make in my opinion.What the young woman was wearing mattered to me so much I forgot what she was wearing (laugh).

But, I do acknowledge the heartbreak and deep rooted sadness people feel when they are judged on appearance and in this case a past mistake.

However, this young woman has been given a lesson to learn, so she could then teach it to others in order that they may, if their smart enough to take heed, be spared needless pain and heartbreak.

And if by some chance she reads this I hope she knows too that nothing happens by happenstance, and the strongest souls sometimes have to bear the heaviest burdens.

Yes sometimes the most profound and beautiful gifts come wrapped in the most unlikely packages. (smile) Again thank you for the story.

Although my home life circumstances were drastically different than this young boys, I do know now that the way school work is approached by significant adults in a child's life can make or break academically or otherwise.

As a child I did really bad in school, and basically just "did my time" hehe. It was the most horrible experience for me. For me my mother was not available to us children so homework was not a issue since I just never did it period. I did not excel in school to say the least.

As a child I really began to internalize toxic shame and began to see my self as unworthy, dumb, stupid ect. Unfortunately those beliefs and feelings were further reinforced by those individuals that had the most access to me.

Really, I believe that this young boy wants to do well, because not doing well in school can create a whole lot of problems, emotionally as well as academically. More often than not a child who is failing academically is the brunt of teasing and much finger pointing.

Needless to say I dropped out of school, and it was not until I became an adult that I attempted to even give it another shot and complete my education. I was truly blessed to have the most phenomenal woman as a Teacher. She praised me to no end and shattered the lies I had believed about myself for so many years.

I was not lazy, nor stupid, and had abilities to not only comprehend and excel at what ever work was put in front of me, but complete my high school education in four months, then proceed to go to college and get a diploma in social work.

For some one who came from a back ground like I did that was no small feat! Honestly, looking back I can truly say the one mitigating factor that made it possible was the belief one significant human being had in someone who had so many years  ago had ceased to believe. Truly Helen I thank you, and I think if my mom had showed as much pride and belief in me as you had my adolescent school years would have been vastly more rewarding and fulfilling.

To the mom that has the power to do what this woman did for me, I have to say I wish my mom had the strength and courage to do what you did. I don't believe my mom would have had the courage to ask Dr.Phil for help, hehe.

I really do hope that both of your children find that learning is an adventure not a torturous ordeal. I know for some it can be a living hell, and honestly my heart goes out to those children that are suffering in silence, because they feel they don't measure up. The saying we are at times our own worst critics, enemies has never been so true to a child who is struggling "to make the grade".

Praise, Praise, Praise, it's amazing what it can do. I am still amazed.

A last thought about the amazing woman I had come into my life, when i told her what i was going to become a Social Worker... she cried.. She said I was wasting my talent and should be a writer or a journalist, yes she was a English teacher, hehe.

I smugly told her I would write a book or something, ha ha, so far the only writing I have endeavored to do is write on these boards. I enjoy reading them immensely by the way hehe.

It feels good to be part of something good. =)

I had a thought come to me when I read your post. Yes I do agree she was worried about how she looked to the rest of the world, which says to me that other peoples opinions matter very much to this woman. I guess I would even go so far as to say that peoples opinions may define that way she perceives herself.

Perhaps, and this is just a thought, this woman may see her son as a extension of herself and feels that if he fails she fails. That may be a contributing factor as to why she becomes so angry with her young son. It is a sad predicament to be sure, but I can understand it. But hey it is fixable, and thankfully it can be corrected before things really become devastating.

The only feedback I can give is You are an awesome Mom for seeking positive changes.

Putting myself in your child's shoes, I can imagine he may be feeling just as upset and frustrated as you may be feeling. School is such a huge part of youths lives, it does, whether we like it or not, contribute to shaping who they become as adults.

Repeating a grade is huge to a young person, especially if they stay in the same school. However, and this is my opinion, it is far more cruel to shuffle children through the door to the next grade, when we know they are not ready for the new challenges and opportunities.

The fact that you are considering having him repeat his classes, albeit with reservations says to me you are aware of how this may affect your son on a emotional level. At the same time It says to me that intellectually you are aware that he may not be ready to move on.

This insight is great! I think you can Begin to examine this possibility with your son and someone you both can trust and be open with, and is knowledgeable about helping with this type of process. So that if in the event that becomes the solution it is going to have a drastically different meaning  than " I Failed".

Other, than that keep up the good work and take time for your self too. =)

I had a teacher much like you, and I love her very much as a person and my mentor. I miss her greatly as she has gone back to her homeland and we no longer have contact. However, she is and probably always will be in my thoughts.

she was an amazing human being, and the best teacher I was blessed enough to come into my life.

No not all Teachers were like yourself or the one I had. I probably wasn't the star pupil some teachers wished either though, hehe. My point is Teachers are human beings first no matter how learned they are. There are Teachers that have dedicated themselves to the Nobel cause of teaching the youth what they know. Some do it well, some do it exceptionally well, and some well I think they missed their boat so they just jumped on yours.

Keep being one of  the exceptional  ones, and know that someday somewhere there's going to be a very grateful and appreciative kid, that may have at one time been your worst nightmare. I salute you.

Maggie made the absolute right choice to remove herself and her child from a volatile situation. Individuals who choose to use abuse others have an extremely difficult time changing, mostly because positive change demands that they confront and accept themselves and their behaviors in its totality. It is much easier to point the finger at someone perceived as weaker or less powerful, that to point the finger at self and say what I am doing is so wrong on so many levels.

Getting help for a serious problem in a bid to get back what they lost, would be laughable if it wasn't so dang sad. Mike you really have to do the counseling and whatever other help you can get your hands on for yourself. Yourself, not your family or friends or community, If you don't do it for yourself, then you are doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Family, friends, community, and the law can hold you accountable for your actions, but the bottom line is you still have to choose what your actions are going to be.

Honestly, ask yourself, Honestly, if the situation was reversed, or you became involved in a relationship were you were being victimized and you had the courage and sensibility to remove yourself form the situation, would you in all honesty say this person that hurt me on so many levels deserves a second chance? Come on be brutally honest with yourself.

As a father you should be saying to yourself I am very lucky that my daughter has the mother she does. Be thankful that your daughter will probably grow up to be a daughter with the self esteem, sensibility, and courage to remove herself from an abusive relationship too, thanks to her having a mother that modeled the right actions.

You said that Maggie pushed your buttons, fine, could have taken a walk, called a friend, had a support group and sponsor to talk to, called a crisis line; just a few suggestions.

I believe at heart you are a good person that made some dreadfully wrong choices.

I  believe that both you and Maggie deserve the chance to live a happy, joyous life, separately.

I don't think it fair to her or yourself to harbor an hopes that you may be able to have a intimate relationship with her. I think if you hope to have any kind of friendship or amicable relationship with Maggie and your daughter you have a  long road ahead of you, but I really do encourage you to travel it, because in the end all you will have is yourself, and if you don't like yourself your life is going to be a very sad, lonely and empty one.

Gretchen, I can understand your need to constantly supervise Danny's recovery progress. I have to say though it's really not necessary. If an alcoholic/drug addict is going to use they will no matter how much we fervently pray or wish they won't. I would say instead of investing that time into monitoring Danny, I would use it to get support and help for myself to cope with the future changes and the past pain. Easier said than done, I realize that, and have no illusions that saying it is easier than actually doing it.

Danny, needs to take full responsibility of his own recovery, and that means he needs to monitor himself, and take the appropriate action if he is on thin ice.

Sadly the same holds true of the spouse on the other side of the door of alcoholism/drug addiction. Some say that the family of the alcoholic/drug addict is sometimes sicker than the addict. The reason being is they have no buffer whatsoever, against the behaviors and actions of the addict. When Danny felt remorse, guilt, shame, anger whatever emotion he didn't want to deal with he could get drunk or high. What could you and your children do but internalize the feeling you were feeling,and just let your spirit protect itself by shutting down.

Living with and addict is like living in a POW camp. The addict is the task master and the family is their prisoner's. By constantly living in fear that Danny will use again your are still a prisoner.

7months is wonderful Danny, and I do congratulate you on living clean and sober for those seven months. It is my hopes that you are in a program of recovery or speaking with someone knowledgeable about addictions, because, Addicts can't recover alone. I use the word recover loosely, due to the fact that once an addict always an addict.  Pretty much all we recover is our Dignity, integrity, spirituality, and hopefully some measure of happiness and security. Danny don't know if you have ever tried to con another addict  that is in recovery but if you have tried I am having a chuckle. Like a very dear friend of mine said once, you cant con a con, lol.

Get together with some addicts in recovery, don't miss the opportunity to be yourself in totality, "The good, the bad and the ugly!"

To you and your family I wish you all the best.