Messages By: sweetiecakes

Ok I am 23 years old I am pregnant with my first child and I believe I have a seriuos problem on my hands. I am with a man named Brad he is ten years older than me has been married and divorced and has been in a commited relationship with myself for two years this month. I had my reservations about being with him when we first met because I am very old fashioned when it comes to marriage and I didnt see myself being with someone who had entered that bond before. (So to say I wanted a marriage Virgin) but I was able to move past the issues I had with that and we started a relationship. I got serious fairly quickly I had only know him a year and been dating him for four months when we moved in together. Things were good for the most part he was a little more involved with his job than I liked but it was something I learned to deal with. When we got an apt together my best friend moved into the spare bedroom and we did the roomate thing for a while. In the next couple of months our relationship got very hard he would go into raging fits that usually scared anybody that was around and on two occasions actually kicked me out of our apt. It got so bad that my friend moved out and refused to return because she was pregnant and stated it was not fair for her to have to deal with our fights and his rage and I fully agree. What he was doing to us was not fair to our mental and emotional health esp mine. for some reason though even after kicking me out I would go back and try to work things out. And it was after the first time I went back that I realized we had another rather big problem. He had been downloading many different pornagraphic videos. off of a download engine like limewire so most of the videos were homemade. I tried to explain to him that not only did it make me feel less like a woman the videos he was looking at were somebodys daughter or sister who made a bad mistake and wound up on the harsh internet some of which the girls didnt know they were being taped.  He argued like most men do that there was nothing wrong with what he was doing and that most men do it. But I feel that it doesnt matter if everyone did it. that is something that should be decided between a couple and if it was hurting the relationship it should stop. After weeks of debating I believed I finally got my point across and we agreed that because it hurt me so deeply that he would no longer look at porn on the internet. I left the issue alone feeling like I could trust him. I was wrong. Not a month later I had a meeting at work that was mandatory and I happen to live extremely close to my job so getting there takes no time. That morning I woke up extra early thinking that I would suprise my man and let him get frisky with me cause hes always saying how he loves messing around in the mornings. That particular morning I was shot down and told that he was too tired and pretty much to leave him alone. I agreed got up dressed and headed to my meeting. Just to learn it had been cancelled. I headed back to the apt we shared. when I got home he was awake and I had only been gone for 20 min max. Not only was he awake he was acting weird. As I passed the computer room I realized it was on and knew that I had turned it off the night before. I turned the screen on and there sat 8 or 9 downloads of different porn... How could he I was so angry and betrayed and then I saw the clencher. among the downloads was one that particulary caught my eye it said 14 year old plays with herself in the bathroom. I was appalled and shocked and downright sick. He claimed that there is no illegal porn on limewire and that even though it said that it was a 14 year old girl. I didnt care the fact that there are a million options to click on and he clicked that one said it all. I began packing my things and he somehow convinced me to not go and try to work things out I told him if I ever caught him downloading porn again I was leaving. in the process of the next three months not only did I catch him downloading 3 times I found out he was talking to a woman he said was just a friend yet she was kept secret form me by deleting phone numbers then while training for a new job he went with this woman to a casino while I waited at home..  Needless to say I do not trust him now he has shown me he can lie and is willing to deceive me. We broke up in November and he took a new job that required him to move out of town. I found out I was pregnant and moved in with my mother to save money and so I wouldnt be alone. we parted on the terms that we were together but we were working on the issues we both had. Well he moved back this last month and I recently found out that even though he was swearing he was done with porn and that I was more impotrant he was lying. He told me had I been doing my job he wouldnt have to look at it. Now I am at a loss. I do love this man for whatever reasons. but here I am pregnant by him and confused as too if I should leave. He says he wont ever do it agian but now this makes the 7th or 8th time I have heard those words and they havent been true before. He talks about marriage but I cant marry a man I dont trust.. I just need some advice that doesnt come from the people close to the situation. please other readers any advice will be taken with thought and consideration. I just dont know what to do anymore. Thank you