Messages By: spiritsconnect

 I can only comment about what i think, i am not judging, but i do think that children , teenagers need consistant guidelines, whats not appropriate and what is, i dont date, i enjoy my kids and have a small grp of like minded adults as friends who i visit and have a few get togethers occasionally , movies, and picnics. My daughter heidi is 13, she is very into hotses, so we made some enquiries to work with them, she works with riding for disabled helping others have fun and enjoy riding with their disability's, my daughter knows that male friends are ok, as friends, no boyfriends till she is working and can take responsibility and can think for herself in adult mode, i did this also with both my sons, eldest is 24, and works in media in another state, and sec son, is 21, who has had a g/f since he was 19, we all make mistakes in our lifetime, the boys have and learnt by them, my daughter is beautiful, and i tell her so, she can accomplish anything she sets out to do, with encouragement and love, i am sure she will grow into the kind of young lady that her mother bought her up to be, she has a great family who loves her, shares her good times and bad,she lost her dad when she was 5, and thats was hard on her, and me , but we are very close, she has some down days,when she cant have her own way, but she gets thru them with a hug and a litte word that mum knows best, she understands that mums are the best and only want whats best for her all the time. We sometimes have to be strong in order to make them see the light, we cant yell and scream and lose our kool, cos there trying to wear us down, otherwise that shows them confusion, mum doesnt care, do what u like attitude.....young people today have a bigger attitude to whatever we had, we wouldnt answer our parents back, but they do, but in order for them to do that, we have to be stronger and one step ahead of them. not come down on them that there scared  of us, but mutual respect on both sides, then we can have great boundary's where we can toss around ideas, with trusting lines, that are reasonable not over the top with too many holes in place , fir them to fall thru. structure is the best measure in all things, so they know that we do love them, but, they know know where to draw the line as we know where to draw our line in the sand, once its pulled over that line, thats when we jump into , making our structure sturdier, we dont do this becos we are horrible parents , we do this becos , how will they learn, when there older, they will make their own mistakes, they will learn by them, if they dont they will make many mistakes before they truely know that repeating these have to have some impact, the impact with your child will be letting go, of this boyfriend situation, and realizing that a 34 yr old, is more a father figure representation, sometimes we have to let them go, in order for them to learn, but becos she is 15, she cannot do this so mum needs to step in, and say well we are in this together, and let support systems also help and guide u thru the blackness, thru to the light, it will be a learning process for both of u, but surely one most worth it, to see , that educating both of u, willl make u see, that families stick together , and make things work, and u will come out the bestus of friends, not only will u have a mother/daughter relationship, u will also know u have a friend in your daughter, and also she will have a friend in u.... God Bless  regards Mandy

 Hi there, i was a great fan of the partridge family, so my age grp would be about 50, I am glad that danny recognises the importance of getting sober, that is a step towards  greatness, as well as many steps, for more challenges that i am sure he will conquer, it is a process , just like anything else, like gaining weight, its takes a while for it to creep up on u, then alot of time to eat properly and excercise to lose it and keep it off, so its all a process, I believe that getting sober is a great start, for Danny, also having grp therpy, with other sober aa members does help, then as things progress, seeing a good counsellor to go back to his childhood and finding the situarions that causes his outrages and lack of self esteem, the upbringing has alot to do with the makeup he now has and wears today as an adult trying to accomamadate everyones needs, his own , his wifes, his childrens, and the role he is portraying, in order to feel he is doing a good job, this will underline , the problems he is facing, and it can take lots of work to peel away the layers of the onion, to open the darkmess , he has been suppressing for many years, we can all assume alot, and make comments on stories here that are printed , but we cannot know exactly what the causes are, re the behaviours he subjects people too, it is frightening for many people to understand unless u have been there or done it, or experienced it, but no less, its a job, he has decided to work towards eliminating these factors that are keeping him from experiencing a better life, i also feel thats its a whole family thing, i feel Gretchen needs to attend Al A Non, in order to undo the resentments, the wondering whats going to happen next, the wanting to trust him again, the 2 steps forward, to the 7 steps backwards, that will often happen at the start of and days become weeks, months and years....its all a process, i feel with support from Aa, family, wife, and evey1 concerned, there is a road back to bliss, lots of love, huggging, and determination that we are going to all get better, it not only effects the alcoholic, it effects the partner, and the kids, as they live sometimes on eggshells, at home, not knowing when the egg will crack and start another round of abuse, so dont hide yourself away, even thou we all feel rotten for what we do wrong, its a learning curve, we tell ourselves we wont do it again, sometimes we do, for lack of control, and other times we bite down as hard as we can, to resist the temptation. its hard life we create for ourselves, and we do create it, we rush in where fools tread, but there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel, so i think if all of the family start by doing the couselling, it will become better for Gretchen  will see where things fall in a heap, and where she can eliminate those things sometimes from happening, and also th kids have some good guidance as well

 

Bless u all, and allways wear a smile!!!!

 I think for young ones these days its all to easy......Marriage is all to easy to get into, and if u dont know the person from inside out, and really know them ...dont take that chance as soon as u get married and the rings on the fingers, people will change, there not about to, it doesnt get better, as it doesnt  having a baby to bring your marriage closer.... i think u both did the wrong thing, we all get caught up in the hype the pretty dress, the organizing a wedding, and its so expensive these days, u get an instant mortgage before u even buy a house.....

 

YOu both still have a lot of growing up to do, we may say its all the mans fault for stringing u along, but u kept hanging on lol,,,, be kind to each other, have the marriage annulled, or get a quick devorce, in another state, in austalia we have to wait 12 mths before we can devorce, u have it easy in the usa.....either devorce and stay friends or get mature , and say nice knowing u and move on, there can be no rules or trials, or use one another in marriage, its all about love, committment, supporting each other thru trials and tribulations and what u can bring to each other in  a unit between 2 people, not what u can take from it, its bookends lol, that work together, flexibility, and above all trust, communication and dignity......keep looking, keep growing and one day that great Love will hit u like a ton of bricks, then u will know what true LOVE really IS

 

 

God Bless

  it can be very soul destroying, this, and the kids are so young, mothers can worry for there kids, but to actually get involved in disputes or make control their whole life, it definitly will detroy, marriages, childrens lives, and one day children just will close down, in order to survive.

 

I think to not have contact is simply the best way for all concerned, even the grandchildren becos they can be manipulated by mothers in laws too, its so sad....

Just make sure if u ever get in financial trouble in the future, dont land on mother in laws front door step, becos she will make your life hell, just know your doing the right thing in your marriage with her son, and keep your chin up, and one day mother in law will end up very lonely, and she has bought it all on herself....

This day and age , its all about me, one never thinks the consequences of the future in this respect, it not only effects the partners involved, but turns the children upside down, for not understanding how mummmy and daddy jst stop loving each other, and the house of cards falls apart.

Possibly when there was problem earlier on, it would have been a good idea for counselling, if both parties wernt aggreeable then surely one of the partnership needed this stability to reach a better decison to either end the relationship, or try new stratedgy's to enahnce the partnership, it does take 2 people to make and break anything, so responsibility falls on both people.No one drives anyone into another mans or womans arms, its a a choice one makes, for veiw of greener pastures, but that myth is really just as it says a myth, these days we bring so much into parneting and doing the right thing for our children, but when do we do the right thing for ourselves, if we show this pattern of our self for an example to our children, i really think they need to forgive each other, move to professionl counselling,find what particular problems need to be worked on, forget the man with the affair, and really get savvy and focus on their marriage, it never should be that easy to leave, throw your hands up in the air, and say its over, and its never about ego.....