Messages By: taaheatea

Quote From: trenangel

I am having a tough time with my own shortcomings as far as being the kind of mother I wish to be, but felt so compelled to write about this show.  As I struggle with day to day life with identical 4 year old twin boys and a 6 year old daughter battling cancer, I am the last person to cast judgment upon anyone else.  BUT...as much as I regret having to still give time-outs to my daughter and her little brothers, who are trying to understand why her Dad & I are gone so much with her - I am appalled at the attitude of Robin.

 

Kudos to her husband Joe, for he seems to have the heart of a lion protecting his family.  I also thought Mikayla was nothing short of an angel where her sister is concerned.  It's tough enough to be a teenager, plus accepting a new person into the family - but for her to love & try to connect with her, and love her, well - someone did something very right in raising such a lovely young lady.  As much as I hate to say, I feel it had to have been her father.  I could write about a 10 page letter as far as this issue is concerned as far as the "mother" goes, but will do my best to keep it short, to the point, and as non-judgmental as I can, though it will be tough since I was angered enough to write this letter.

 

I don't even know where to begin so that this letter makes sense , but will try my best.  When this couple went to adopt Alyssa, the way I understood is that they KNEW she had problems already.  They must have felt in their hearts that they had the love & patience to not only become parents to this poor girl, but to try dealing & helping her with these issues.  For that, I applaud them as it must have been a very tough decision in which their hearts were in it for the long haul.  As it is turning out, only Joe seems to be in it for the actual "long haul".

 

When Robin said she resents Alyssa for not being a "positive" part of the family then blames her for the financial difficulties in almost losing the home due to her not being able to "focus" on the financial aspects it takes to maintain bills, etc... Well, give me a break.  As a mother, and I'm purely speaking for myself as I'm not vain enough to try and put all mothers into a bubble, I could blame almost everything except the war on my children when they are being not-so-lovable-at-the-moment too.  But I also know they didn't ask to be born into this world.  It isn't their fault  if they have problems whether they begin at birth or from some other unfortunate situation that may arise, but they still ARE my children!  To blame a child for an adult's shortcomings?  In my opinion - it's simply a pathetic cop-out and an even more pathetic cry for help.  I know, others will attack me on these words - but as I stated, they are only MY feelings that I just had to get out on here to see if by chance others think the same way.

 

Now I'm not claiming that this mother hasn't tried or isn't trying now, but one thing for is certain - if she talks the way she did on the show around her daughter (which I hate to say, but am quite certain she most likely has or does in some sense), how on Earth would she expect this girl to "connect" with her or become close, or even WANT to?  Do I think I could do better?  Maybe yes, maybe no - but I DO know I would NEVER give up!  Whether a child is born to you or blessed to you - THEY ARE YOUR CHILD! 

 

The last thing that really pushed me over the edge was the smug look on the face of this "mother", sorry as I have to use the term lightly due to my overwhelming frustration & anger, was the comment she made to Dr. Phil towards the end when asked if she would just send the child away or back to the country she came to.  (Please know I'm not saying verbatim the exact question posed...but in general, that's what I thought).  Robyn responded - again with a condescending voice & smug look..."She will always have a place to live as long as she is in our home."  Again, not sure if it's verbatim - but that's what I got out of it.  What an awful thing to say, and even a more pitiful thing to feel!  I can't help but empathize with Joe.  What a man, a REAL man - which is a rare animal in cases like this.  His mother should be dang proud of the job she did in raising such a good-hearted and compassionate man.  Again, I can't help but feel so proud and impressed with Mikayla as well for loving her sister like a sister - no matter how much the family has been through.

 

I would have LOVED to have heard more about & from Alyssa herself.  How she could possibly even begin to form a bond with this woman is beyond me.  I know she said she has "tried time & again" to connect with her daughter, Robin came off as a snooty kind of - oh I don't know...Well - gotta just say what's in my heart right now......She came off like some over-the-top, too good for society to know she has a problem child & feels ashamed if anyone thought she was to blame.  There - I said it.  Let the stone throwing begin!

 

Seeing as it was mentioned that Alyssa was improving on following some rules shows me that she comprehends & feels more than Robin maybe wants to admit.  That might ruin her "I've tried over & over" defense she stressed often.  I don't know, maybe I was doing a mom thing at the time as I tend to have to do with 3 children of my own who sometimes make their own rules when mom's not looking, but I never heard what kind of connection or relationship Alyssa has with Joe.  I can only hope she has more of a feeling of being wanted, encouraged & loved by her father than her so-called "mother".  Again, sorry for the anger - it's just tough to hide it.

 

In short - you agree to adopt a problem child that you already KNOW  has issues, get her home & after the novelty wears off of having a new adopted child you rescued from a poor situation in another country, reality sets in.  You actually SEE these issues, try what you consider are the conventional & most reasonable ways to "fix" her and they fail.  Now what?  Give up and just chalk it up to "ME-NOTHING, FATE-ONE"?  Well, sorry honey - life don't work that way.  Or at least it shouldn't.  This child, like my own, didn't ask to be here with us.  We chose THEM!  Being adopted myself, I can't imagine what my life would be like if my adopted parents (or one of them) wanted to just give up on me when life isn't going the way THEY would like it to go.  I simply cannot fathom the fact she wants to "send her back".  How exactly would one go about that?  As the biological mother of my children, that's virtually impossible - though jokingly I've said it a time or two.

 

Before you all judge me, which I'm sure will happen and probably not in a nice way - I'm not saying I'm the do all, end all of all good mothers of the world.  Not by a LONG shot!  I make mistakes daily, I know.  The only thing that separates me from this woman?  I would NEVER give up on my child.  I don't care if they hate me and never WANT to form any bond or connection for whatever reason, be it a mental disorder or problem, or their choice - I would NEVER EVER give up!!  Is it tough for Robin?  No doubt in my mind.  I do think it has to be tougher on Joe.  Not only is he struggling to help his daughter in these sad & trying times, but is also trying to hold it together for the sake of his family & his wife.  He is having to - in a way - take care of TWO people with "issues", one being his partner in life who also agreed to adopt, love & help this child.

 

In a strange way I do sympathize with her.  Yet in another way, which is the judgmental & "what right do I have to judge" way - I just cannot help feeling frustrated & angered.  I don't think this woman is a monster by any means.  But I can't shake the feeling there is still a vain-likeness to her.  Call me what you will, it's what I feel and what I feel I saw in her.  Put my life under a microscope...I'm sure millions would gasp at some of my mistakes & parenting shortcomings.  But no matter what...my child is my child is my child.  Period.

 

I wish them all luck, and thank goodness they have someone like YOU, Dr. Phil, to turn to for help.  That is both brave and admirable.  There should be MORE Dr. Phil's in the world!

 

Thank you for letting me vent.  Hopefully I didn't offend TOO may of you.

 

Signed,

A very caring mom & compassionate woman for ALL parents & children

Trena

Quote From: jewelsf

It's pretty bad when men have to lower themselves to pay to take a class on how to score with women! Talk about no confidence, horny lowlife's, little boys. You certainly can't call them men! There is nothing wrong with a man learning how to develop confidence within himself but that is a whole different animal then what this is. I prefer a man who doesn't play games, I have never been a game player myself. I'm so happy that I am married and not in the dating world, YUCK! Also, I happen to know from watching other women and past friends of mine many years ago that if they wouldn't allow themselves to be picked up in bars so easily for a one night stand than men wouldn't expect it to happen. I'm not trying to bash women but I have in fact seen it with my own eyes and heard the gory details after. What does a woman expect when she goes home with a man a couple of hours after they met?. Nowadays with the date rape drugs so rampant women really need to stick together and watch out for each other, I feel that these are the exact type of guys that would slip one into your drink when your not looking and his lines aren't getting him anywhere with you. My best advice for women who go to clubs (which I used to do and think there is nothing wrong with girls out having fun) is to not be taken in by a guys lines, watch your drink carefully, and have more respect for yourself than to sleep with a guy that you don't even know. If he is really interested in you he will take you on dates first, get to know you and then let nature take its course. If he's trying to get into your pants the same night that he meets you how much respect does he have for you and how can you build a relationship from there?. Good luck ladies, I know it's hard to find a prince among all of those frogs.

Quote From: fernwood915

Why would a mother leave her child with a man like her father?My father started molesting me at a very early age.My mother knew he was doing this.I asked her when I was 15 "Why do you let him do this to me?"She said that it was my fault and if I tried to tell anyone else I would regret it.Two weeks later I ran away.I got a job in a factory.I was gone for several month before I was caught.Back in the late 60's and early 70's this was just not talked about.When he (father) died i felt a great relief.My mother died 6 months later.She never ,ever told me that she loved me.I never knew why I wasn't good enough for them.PLEASE if you were molested don't put your kids at danger.

Quote From: nixi333

Parker is a child he has to be protected as does the child he touched/molested. So you can't bring him on the show or go into that much on air, I am pretty sure that off air Dr. Phil did address Parker and how to help him with the parents, Plus they need time to absorbe what they have learned and let the rage subside so they can hear how to help this poor kid.

 

Secondly How dare you, She has every right to cry and scream, heck I asy she and her husband had the right to knock that pig off the stage. Sexual abuse affects your entire lifetime so it doesnt matter if it has been 90 years she behaved exactly as someone who has been violated would. Especialy since she just got varification that it wasn't all in her head or that she isn't crazy! Like I'm sure this pig tried to convince her of.

Quote From: stevesteve

Is there no one out there who will for just a moment consider this man might be telling the truth? The accuracy of polygraph testing is said to be 93%. Will no one accept this man might fall within the 7%? God bless Pastor James and everyone at Dream Center for all of their efforts. Now with that being said, Pastor James should be ashamed of himself for sitting in judgement as he did on the show. "Grandpa", if he is indeed guitly of the things he has been accused of, will indeed have to answer for his actions to God one day. In the meantime, precautions are certainly called for regarding his contact with children, but to assume his guilt based on what is known at this point to be factual is sinful. If he is indeed guilty, I would in no way defend his actions, but who of us can say with complete certainty that he is?