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January 1, 2007, 11:34 am PST
Toxic Relationship with Son and his wife and her mother
I use to have a wonderful relationship with my Son. I must be responsible somewhere as to why he continously makes bad choices. He is on his second marriage, the first one ended in a divorce after only a year. He had a daughter by the first wife, and 2 daughters by his second wife. My first granddaugher by him is bi-polar. Her and I bonded from birth. She is now 12 years old and hates her stepmother her Stepmother's Mother. They both make it very clear she is just the stepdaugher. I will try not to go into too many details as their are many. The bottom line is I had to make a choice and so did my son. His wife and her Mother have extremely strong personalities. I have invited her Mother to my home for every holiday since they have been married. The daughter and the Mother do not talk to me, even in my home. My son is not allowed to see me alone, and then the rule was he couldn't see his Dad alone. These two women are horrible people. He married a package. The Mother comes to his home every night and we only go on birthdays now. This will stop too. This is just a touch of what we go through. I finally realized we have a very toxic relationship. I'm always on edge, nervous, hurt, and just about every emotion you can think of when I'm around them. They have forced us both to make a choice and I chose not to be around them as I finally told them what I thought. Now, because I spoke up, which by the way, my son told me to, they are not speaking to me. The weirdest part is I finally feel at peace. They won't let me see the girls and that really hurts. They never allowed me to bond with the last two but I love them just the same. I know in reality I have to accept this although it is hard. I think my heart has been so scarred from my son's bad choices. This isn't because of anything I have done, she would be like this no matter who her Mother n law was. Both the daughter n law and the Mother don't like people. The Mother n law said she doesn't like her family and they don't like her. She also said she didn't want any friends. I have never seen anyone like this. My daughter n law has become her Mother. My daughter n law has never once said hi to me until I say hi to her. The same goes with her Mother. I have heart problems and this was too much stress and I finally realized I don't need this in my life. The bottom line is I finally realized this is all my Sons fault. They would not act this rude way if he didn't allow it. I love him and my grandchildren, but I won't play tug of war or use them as pawns. They don't realize they are hurting the girls. In my opinion, the more that love them the better off they are. I have two other Grandchildren whom I'm very close to. This has saddened the whole family and my other two daughters refuse to go around her as she now treats them like she did me. If anyone else is having this problem, I hope this will help. To be in a toxic relationship, even if it means giving up those you love, is better than worrying and feeling sad. It takes years to come to that conclusion, but I have been forced to make a choice and throw the ball back into their court. I have prayed for years and my answer came. I guess God chooses the right time.
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