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scaredicat

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anxious

November 15, 2005, 5:43 pm PST

omg can't fix pic (lol)

i am almost scared to post...

if the pic shows up i tried to delete i will just die(lol)

I am learning how to get through the photo edit and whammo

i find the pic i like and then it gives me a different one...

well here goes nothing... "charmed"

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scaredicat

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embarrassed

November 15, 2005, 5:45 pm PST

just what i thought

Quote From: scaredicat

i am almost scared to post...

if the pic shows up i tried to delete i will just die(lol)

I am learning how to get through the photo edit and whammo

i find the pic i like and then it gives me a different one...

well here goes nothing... "charmed"

ewwwwwwww what a ugly pic....well hope you all get a laugh out of it

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scaredicat

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November 16, 2005, 8:40 am PST

well i guess that's good

got on the board in my old acct works for me

it did allow me to change the pic so i wanted to post just to see

if i did it right lol

so i guess that's good Hope everyone finds themselves

with the courage of the day Take care and god bless

"charmed"

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scaredicat

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angry

March 15, 2006, 5:18 pm PST

SHE REALLY WASN'T MY FRIEND

LOOK OUT FOR USERS......... THEY COME IN FEMALE FORM TOO :'(

I think i told you guys (those of you who know me) that my best friend

supposedly had something with my ( now hasbeen ) and i just

recently confirmed it ...Good thing we are divorced !!!!!!!

It would appear that i am the only one not in denial about it ...

THIS IS ANOTHER FORM OF ABUSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to come to realize that nothing i told her was safe anymore or secret.

Well i also figured out that i was so right about my Hasbeen being a selfish

Person.

I had to sell my car and i ended up selling to HIM cause i had no other re-

course and wouldn't you know it...Not only did he suddenly have the money

for the insurance and that darn muffler he couldn't FIND when I needed it

But he has it up and running already ....................

Oh well i knew that it was gonna happen like that and now i am just wondering if

confronting him with all this info would only serve to make me feel better and i guess

the answer is YES....

I am very careful not to ask him for anything that doesn't come to the benefit of our lil guy

but i am just angry today ........................... Otherwise i am doing okay .

I moved me and the lil guy into a two bedroom apartment ( from a 3 bedroom house

that was not easy i tell ya , my room is still a bit of a mess ) around the corner from where i work

( i did mention once or twiced i work at our local superwal-mart deli right?) well it isn't easy cause the work is killing my hands and arms but i wouldn't give it up cause i love the ppl i work with ( even the difficult ones LOL )and the only time i go anywhere is to my karaoke on the weekends and on sundays i play texas holdem ( for points only and some pool ) my lil guy is making some improvements here and there and the fourth grandbaby ( a girl) is already going on 6 mos old :)I am coming up on 2 yrs at my job and on 4/3 is my last workday b4 vacation :) my second week of vacation i will be taking in august cause i been invited to go to sturgis ( i will be like a skibunny in the bikerworld...WATCHING AND PARTYING LOL)

Geez, telling ya'll all about this has made me feel better i still wish we had a chatroom i would love it , would certainly make it quicker to get messages around i think LOL

Anyway my lil guy is sick today so we go to the doc tomorrow and i will try to come back and see what's been going on .

You all be safe and remember this....................GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE

PEOPLE I CANNOT CHANGE THE COURAGE TO
CHANGE THE ONE I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO

KNOW IT IS ME >>>>>>>> :)

LADYBUG

( scaredicat only for log in )

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scaredicat

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anxious

March 15, 2006, 6:24 pm PST

Looking for a new pic

well i'll be.....

I can get to the edit photo page but can't do nothing else with it

need step by step for getting new pic plz help ..... my e-mail is

Turtlecutie2001@yahoo.com..... in subject line plz put "Doc Phil member"

so i don't delete it ...................................... THX A BUNCH

LADYBUG

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scaredicat

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quiet

March 15, 2006, 8:00 pm PST

CONTROL

Quote From: verdine

I have been married for 6 years to my wonderful and beutiful wife we have 10 mos old daughter and i seem to be a controlling husband and I dont want to be but all growing up this is what i saw in my life with my own father and mother needs some help what i should be doing. I going to see a counselor in my area as well for some help. Buy any suggestions would be great

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE PEOPLE I CANNOT CHANGE

THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE ONE I CAN AND

THE WISDOM TO KNOW IT IS ME!

ladybug

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scaredicat

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March 15, 2006, 8:03 pm PST

WOW

Quote From: iggifat

For days I've been on here reading nothing but dispair and confusion and I have felt like a damn motivational speaker with all my replies. I am thrilled to hear you have removed yourself from such an abusive situation. This is the right thing for your lil guy and I sense a type-of-relief coming from your words so u stick it out.

It's been 8 yrs since I left my criminally abusive ex and the scars remain but I have found peace. Sure, my present hubby isn't Mr. Dream Man but he stays home and he doesn't beat me. However it took too many years of ppl scolding me and trying to knock some sense into me before I left my unfaithful violent bi-polar who wouldn't take his meds alcoholic addict sociopath, and i am not exaggerating. I must have been feeling mighty worthless and low to think I couldn't do any better than that. But ppl didn't give up on me and I now feel the need to pay it forward. I don't care how reduntant I sound or repeat myself, if u are in an unacceptably abusive situation looking for strength and comfort I am gonna tell u how it is. We can't give up on one another as a support - this is too important.

God Bless

WELL I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL HOWEVER SINCE I BEEN DIVORCED AND ALSO AWAY FROM THE BOARDS ( A PRETTY LONG TIME) I HAVE LEARNED ALOT MORE THAN JUST WHAT I ALREADY KNEW.

i AM GLAD YOU FOUND SOMETHING IN MY MESSAGE THAT SPOKE TO YOU AND ROCK ON BABY YOU STAY STRONG OKAY :)

ladybug

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scaredicat

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ecstatic

March 16, 2006, 9:07 am PST

WHOOHOO I DID IT

I finally figured it out .........How to get a new pic that is

Hope you all like it ........Yes it is really me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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scaredicat

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sad

March 16, 2006, 9:19 am PST

HOW OLD SHE IS DOES NOT MATTER

Quote From: qqqhhh

When I was younger, my Dad used to pick at me all the time. By pick, I mean, grab my knee and give me a "horse bite", squeeze my fingers, tickle and just generally pester the heck out of me. I would ALWAYS laugh. tell him to "quit it" and sometimes I'd get mad too. I knew it was his way of showing affection. And admittedly, I do this to my kids. But my Dad never goosed me and the closer I got to "growing up" even hugging became less and less.

That is probably all that was happening with your daughter's Dad -- his way of showing affection and I'm sure he meant NOTHING sexual by it.

BUT... As a young girl approaches puberty, that kind of behavior from Dad becomes unacceptable.

And you and your daughter are the best judges of what is acceptable. So if that were MY daughter, I'd be having a frank discussion with him about stopping what MIGHT be perceived the wrong way. In addition it may be VERY embarassing to your daughter and if so, Dad REALLY needs to respect his daughter's boundary.

If he can't or doesn't listen, bring it up at y'all's GROUP counseling session.

Q

I am surprised that you would even ask such a question oh wise one!

if that is the only way someone can show affection they need to learn a new way ASAP

i wouldn't like it and neither should you it is her body and if she don't like it then DAD is living in "hard cheese land" HANDS OFF DAD!

LADYBUG

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scaredicat

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March 16, 2006, 9:40 am PST

you are MY HERO

Quote From: dyansny

I found this so powerful that I think everyone would benefit from reading it. I hope the person who wrote doesn't mind me sharing this on this message board....

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hopeful October 7, 2005, 3:33 pm PDT Dear Kathy and Elaine

Dear Kathy and Elaine,

I watched yesterday’s show twice. Watching made me remember and I felt once more the fear bubbling up inside of me. The taste of bile settled in my throat. Tears spilled over my cheeks and I wept for what you are going through. I wept for what I endured. The scars are still red and raw and I have had my freedom for over 5 years.

I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life the day I married him. I tried my very best to be a good wife and I did love him (although I never was IN LOVE with him). We lived on a farm and he preferred that I not work. I loved living on the farm and did not mind doing my part to help out. I mixed concrete with my bare hands; I picked potatoes and learned to drive all of the farm equipment. I canned and froze most of our food. I made most of my clothes, curtains, etc. I got up at 5:00 in the morning, made breakfast, did the laundry and hung it out to dry, vacuumed the house, and planned the noon and evening meals. Then I would go to the field. I would return around 7:00 in the evening. I did it all and I tried to do it perfectly.

In return for doing all I could to be the best wife I endured 26 years of mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I lived under a microscope 24/7. He was so good at manipulation that within a year’s time he had cut me off from my entire family. I spent almost 24 hours a day with this man. I was scared to death of him and I was ashamed that I had allowed myself to get into this type of relationship. He could be very loving when he chose to be but he always found a way to abuse me in order to negate the nice thing he had done. (one more way of controlling). He kept me off balance emotionally. When the abuse began I learned to do something the psychologist termed "splitting". I went to a secret place in my head that was beautiful and safe.

He told me I was fat and ugly and that no one else would want me. He told me I was ignorant and that nothing I said held any significance. He told me he would make me very sorry if I didn’t comply with all of his wishes. He held me down and with words that oozed venom he told me “that I was his, that he owned me, and that I would never leave him”. He brainwashed me until I finally bought into the things he said and they became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

During the marriage I discovered the man I had married was a sex addict. Sex is what drove him and made him feel complete and whole. He once told me I was “his Tylenol in life and that when he was having sex it was the only time he felt good about himself”. In the beginning he had to have sex 6-7 times a week. I discovered he was wearing my panties, bras, and pantyhose. Next he delved into pornography, constant self gratification/stimulation and his demands for sex multiplied by three. Finally, he began having an affair with a mutual “friend” (I use that term loosely) and for 15 years he was having sex with her during the day and then coming home to have sex with me at night. How the man managed to work is beyond me.

I sometimes wished he had physically abused me. I think the scars would have healed more thoroughly. At times I wanted to die. I could see nothing beyond what I lived in.

We had two children; I realized later that these children were also one more way of controlling me. He sensed that I was ready to leave and children would tie me to him. I NEVER regretted having children. They are the light of my life even today at ages 25 and 30. I do regret that he manipulated, used, and abused them also. I thought if I kept myself as a victim he would abuse me and leave them alone. WRONG! Today as adults they are dealing with his abuse; finally giving voice to “family secrets” and no longer allowing him to control any area of their lives.

Do not fool yourself into thinking that what is done to you will not affect your children. As adults my children are now forced to face their childhood and the unhealthy behavior exhibited by their father. It is not an easy road to travel but we are doing it – the three of us – together with the help of a wonderful psychologist.

For me it took being diagnosed with cancer to find the courage to plan. I decided if I survived cancer I could survive divorce. I saved loose change, I got a job which provided me with excellent health insurance even though the pay was not great, and I opened my own checking account. I subtly moved money from his account to my own (a few dollars at a time). If he gave me $100.00 for groceries I spent only $80 and deposited the other $20.00 into my account. If he left his wallet on the dresser when he went to shower I would ease out $5.00 and deposit it into my account. I took a second job on weekends. All of my money from my jobs went into my account. Did he object when he discovered what I was doing? YES! However, I did direct deposit and there was not one thing he could do about it. I would tell him that one day he might be glad that I had saved all that money. He was so into himself that he actually believed that he would one day be able to get his hands on the money in my checking account. In a year’s time I was able to save over $3,000! I found a therapist who helped me build my self esteem and helped me to see just how intelligent and valuable I really am. There are GOOD, caring therapists out there who care. The one I found let me pay what I could afford; sometimes he waved the fee all-together. I signed up for free classes offered to displaced homemakers.

The day I packed my abuser’s bags and threw them onto the porch was the most empowering day of my life. I had the locks replaced with heavy-duty digital pad locks. I promised him that I would tell all of his dirty secrets if he did not let me alone. (Did I mention he was a church officer and well respected in the community?) I found my backbone and I decided there was nothing he could do to me that would be worse than what I had already endured. I had stayed for 26 years for reasons which had NOTHING to do with love; I left him for one reason – a love of myself!

I have never regretted divorcing him. At times it has been hard financially to keep my head above water. Sometimes I have to decide if I am going to buy toothpaste or toilet tissue; if I have enough money to pay both the electric bill and the gas bill; and I do not indulge in activities such as going to the movies, taking vacations, or eating in fancy restaurants.

I do own my home and it is truly a home – a place where I feel safe and free to be myself. All who enter comment on how I have tucked love into every nook and cranny. I bought a car and this year will have it paid off. I pinch pennies every where I can and absolutely delight in the small things in life such as gardening, spending time with friends, good books, and time with my two children. I have a wonderful man in my life; he loves me and takes great delight in telling me how special I am. He loves me for who I am. Most importantly, I have myself. My children and I will heal from all of the abuse. I firmly believe what God brings you to, He will bring you through.

PLEASE do not feel the only option you have is to stay in the abuse. There are many avenues to take to get out. Make a plan. Do what you can to bring that plan into action. Do what you have to do quietly and efficiently. The sense of empowerment you will receive as you engage in your plan will renew your energy and your resolve to find a better life.

DO NOT confront your abuser. Confrontation is wasted energy. They won’t “get it”. You will only hear more of the same mindless banter you have heard in the past and perhaps even invoke anger and physical abuse.

I know you do not believe you are capable of making it on your own. That is because you have been conditioned to believe that fallacy. I am here to tell you that YOU CAN MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN. I am not going to lie and tell you it is always easy. Is the life you are leading now easy?

My ex told me I would not make it 3 months without him. It has been almost 6 years and I am making it. I may not be monetarily rich but I am rich in all the ways that count. I am truly blessed and I will spend the remaining days of my life trying to be the best me I can be. Never again will I allow anyone to steal my life from me.

I am wishing you both courage, tenacity, and a discovery of “self”; qualities which will drive you to reach for all you deserve from life. Most of all I wish for you both to know the feeling of security and love. There is nothing else in this world that can take the place of finally “coming home”.

Sincerely and prayerfully yours,

“One who flew with a broken wing”

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I just read your story ( today 3/16/06) hope you keep on a-rocking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LADYBUG

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Messages By: scaredicat

omg can't fix pic (lol)

just what i thought

well i guess that's good

SHE REALLY WASN'T MY FRIEND

Looking for a new pic

CONTROL

WOW

WHOOHOO I DID IT

HOW OLD SHE IS DOES NOT MATTER

you are MY HERO