Messages By: willmse

I was shocked to see a family that was JUST like mine on the show.  The older sister is bossy, dominating and intimidating so no one really knows if she subtly coerced her aunt into the will change or if the aunt, on her own, decided to change her will.  I'm like Barbara, always asking questions when things are unsettled and uncomfortable. 

 What I was surprised to see, that id didn't come out clearly by Dr. Phil, was that it is not about money or wills.  It's about childhood sibling rivalry that has not grown into adult understanding.  When one child takes over and "tells" everyone else this is what happened in a dominating manner, the other children feel left out and unloved.  I highly recommend that parents, aunts, uncles, sit with ALL of their potential heirs and discuss their wishes in the event of their demise.  This way there is no animosity towards any one sibling who seems to have either taken over or been left out.  The hurt that is done during this time is sometimes overwhelming and the scars are deep.

My mother was the "hovering" type.  Now in my 50's I understand her concerns, however, her hovering led to my early marriage without being prepared to understand men.  Subsequently I divorced with child in tow.  Throughout the years I learned, but not until it was too late for my own child.  Because of my mother's "hovering" I was too lenient.  I love my son, he's a good man and finally in his 30's he is growing up, however, he deserved to be more mature earlier in life. I did not teach him responsibility by giving him chores  or ensuring he monitored his spending wisely.  My recommendation, try to balance the hovering and letting go.  Independence at 9 years old is a little much, however, it's a good age to spend the night supervised of course, with friends to learn social skills.  The same advice goes to the "hovering" mom's.   12-13 are good years to go to school functions in groups.  15-16 dating in couples with parents driving and picking the teens up.  17& up , if you've raised them right you'll know what they should be allowed to do.  Don't lose you're children in their adult life by either being too strict or too lenient.  Either way, they will have no time for you when you are ready to enjoy you're grandchildren.  For the last few years I have been rebuilding a relationship with my son that should have always existed.  Good luck and hopefully all mom's will succeed with learning and improving their skills.