Messages By: penny_lady

Who cares what anyone thinks.  I like the other one better.

Have you seen your mother girl?
Has she gone away?
Gone away and found the pearl
But the price she paid
Gone
When you wake in the morning
Gone
When you find that theres no one sleeping
Gone
Pretty penny was her name
She was loved and we all will miss her

How far will you go I say,
Just to bait a mouse?
Shorter lived and longer gone,
Can you figure out?

Have you seen your sister girl?
Shes all but blown away
Blown away and lost the pearl
And the price she paid

I guess I'm showing my age! LOL!

I agree that a Community College can be the best route for many students. The courses are the same credit level (for the first two years), the classes are smaller, and it is WAY cheaper.

The only drawback is if you plan to very involved in the University's extra-curricular activities, it can be a disadvantage to come in after everyone else has bonded and been established for two years. My husband was very active in his fraternity, and it was one of the best experiences of his life. 20+ years later, he is STILL good friends with many of his frat brothers. About 20 of them go on big golf weekends every year.

Tara,

I didn't see the show today. I have only read the show summary and some of the posts. I do want to say that my husband and I used to have a very tumultuos relationship. We were actually together for 4 1/2 years and split up. We got back together 2 years later. We broke up because I couldn't stand the screaming, fighting, name-calling, cussing, throwing things and all out disrespect and lack of love. We both had terrible tempers, we were both guilty of all of the above. We even got violent with each other on a few occasions.

We are married now. Though I can say the second time around wasn't crazy like the first time because neither of us wanted to go back to that, it still wasn't that great. We still didn't know how to deal with conflict. We just ignored each other and gave the cold shoulder. I often nagged and nagged to try and get my husband to do what I thought he should do. We never really dealt with anything and the resentment would build up. We would have occassional blowups to let off steam but still never resolved anything.

I can say that now we have a pretty good marriage. We aren't perfect but we both make an effort in the marriage and I know my husband loves me. He often calls me from work just to say so, he spends time with me, shows me lots of affection, he's not much for housework and never has been. He does do the yard work. But I'm a stay at home mom so that's not a big deal to me. My kids and I can get the housework done. He doesn't gripe if the house isn't spit spot clean.

I used to nag my husband all the time to change. Give him ultimatums if he didn't change. That made him more resentful and more stubborn. My husband is hispanic. Though he isn't a control freak he doesn't take too well to being told what to do. I don't think many other men of other races and nationalities really like it either to be honest.

I don't know if you're ultimate goal is to make improvements in your relationship or if this is just to prove a point before ending the marriage. There are situations where even if you do everything right the other person will just refuse to accept any responsibilty for anything. That could be the case for you and your husband.

I'm going to assume that you want help or you wouldn't be on the show.

This is what turned things around for us. I had to learn to respect my husband whether he deserved it or not. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. You see R-E-S-P-E-C-T is how men spell love. They could care less about flowers, candy, cards, and all the little things that women like. Maybe you don't like these things much , but most women in general do. I am a Christian and one place in the Bible says that a woman must see to it that she respects her husband. It made me mad when I first saw it. I thought that repect was something a man had to earn. But he shouldn't have to earn it anymore than we should have to earn our husband's love. We place a lot of conditions on things that God said we were to do without exception. We are to honor our parents whether they deserve it or not. Respect our husbands whether they deserve it or not, and husbands are to love their wives whether they deserve it or not. That doesn't mean being a doormat or agreeing with them all the time. It just means recognizing his intrinsic value as a human being and treating him with dignity and respect no matter what he does. I wasn't able to do this without asking God to change my heart. Quite frankly, I couldn't stand to even look at my husband. I certainly didn't want him touching me. Respect, hah.

But I swallowed my pride and started doing it. I didn't have anything to lose. Things couldn't get any worse. I quit contending with him on every decision that needed to be made. I still gave my thoughts on things but I quit demanding he do things my way. I figured he probably wasn't as incompetent as I had led myself to believe. He is a manger at his job. If he did screw up, God would get us through it. We all make bad decisions sometimes. I quit criticizing him to people all the time, I quit criticizing him to his face all the time. I quit bringing up things from the past and learned to forgive. That was hard. I quit replaying a mental list of all of his faults in my head everyday. I started focusing on his good qualities, that wasn't always easy. Sometimes I was so upset with him I could barely come up with one thing. If that didn't work I would just think about how good God is. I learned to stop judging him for his faults and recognized that I often wasn't a peach either. All these little changes in me added up. My husband started to reciprocate after a while.

Since I didn't see the show today, I don't know how much of a jerk your husband can be. I can tell you that mine could be a real jerk. But under all that macho bullheadedness was just a scared little boy looking for a safe place to play. My husband is actually very tender and soft on the inside. But he still is pretty tough at work. At home he's more a teddy bear.

Since things were so bad in our relationship and God turned it around when we started doing things HIS way, I know God can turn any marriage around. As long as I kept sitting around waiting for my husband to get his act together it never got better. All of my efforts to force change made the situation worse. I finally decided to get my act together whether hy husband did or not. It wasn't easy but I am so glad I did and so are our kids.

I will be praying for you and your husband. I hope that neither you or your husband feel judged by anything that I have said because it wasn't my intention at all.

God Bless You.

Candace

1 Peter 3:1-2

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

OH, I almost forgot. Whoever came up with the idea to trash the house in an effort to make things better has some real strange logic. I think that would've ticked most people off. If your trying to mend relationships you can't do that by repaying evil for evil. You overcome evil with good.

She didnt lump all Hispanic men, I lilve in texas and I know they are very possesive and controlling. It is their culture to be that way. Dont pretend its not real. IT IS REAL! Ive dated them.

Of course not all are the same. But its true they have a culture that is different. They "ALLOW" things that my family NEVER ALLOWED. It was a big surprise to me to see it and learn it.

Dont know her because she likes flowers. I totally understand what this lady is talking about. Men do want respect. Ive learned that from my church pastor, and from 2 marriage counselors. Its the MAIN THING they want. We want symbols of love. It might be something different from you, but Im sorry, RESPECT is not the main thing I want from a man. I recommend you read "The 5 Love Languages" Some women want Physical affection, some want words that are sweet, some want gifts, some want your time and some want "acts of service".

Even Dr. Phil talks about how robin loved it when he gave her chocolate eclairs. He jokes "I knew her currency was food, so I could get Robin to do anything for a chocolate eclair."

Please dont know this lady. She is very wise.

We should respect our husbands, ev en when they dont deserve it. Dont you know about wedding vows "Love is always patient, Love is always kind, love doesnt keep a record of wrongs, love never fails,"  Even though my main has been mean to me, I try to remember what the Pastor told us on our wedding day and I tried to remember Corinthians.

Maybe this person is very young and unmarried and doesnt understand. Maybe not. Maybe you are just stronger than some of us. But dont knock this lady. She makes a lot of sense to me, and im 43 and a grandmother and been married 15 years this time and would of been 26 if not for the first divorce.

Thanks for listening.

Dont judge someone unless you've walked a mile in their shoes. Gods Blessings.